by Beth Garrod
She said it all without taking a breath, and when she got to the end, was so shocked by her own outburst she physically crumpled her head down on to the desk. But the band laughed, clearly on her side, and after a quick confab, it was Amil who responded.
“Nice, Aisha. Though I’m not sure anyone who wasn’t paid to be there would want to step foot on our tour bus. Rosie’s trainers are something else.” Rosie punched him lightly on the arm. “Obvs by ‘something else’, I mean beautifully fragrant and a joy to have under my nose. Aaaanyway, Bella? You ready to bring home the final answer of the whole competition?”
Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooooo.
Everything rested on this.
I opened my mouth. Took my word handbrake off.
“Thanks for having me. It’s been an amazing day.”
Rosie pulled the mic her way. “No! Thank you guys for helping us out with all your amazing advice.”
“Don’t speak too soon?!”
The One With No Name laughed.
Phew. But I couldn’t delay it any more.
“I guess my answer was kinda the same as the others’.” Well, that sounded lame. “Except obviously different, and unique.”
Gulp.
I stared out at Tegan and Rach who were nodding and waving and sending every bit of physical encouragement.
“I think it’s not about whether people can be friends, it’s about what other people think about them being friends.”
Because while I’d been watching Tegan trying to keep up with Rachel’s two-person Mexican wave, they’d made me think of someone else. Mikey. My friend Mikey, who had been voting like crazy to get us in the final. Who hadn’t dropped me in it with Tegan. Who’d helped us patch things back up. Who’d worked so hard at the GADAC launch. And when he’d found out about Shay, had offered to cover my shift even though he was meant to be going to Birmingham with Jay.
“One of my most awesome friends is a boy. He’s been an amazing friend to me – helping out with this comp, looking out for me and my mates…” I looked up from my paper. “Shout out to GIVE A DOG A CONE – shout out to Hamster!” The studio looked understandably confused. I looked back at my scrawled writing. “So, my point is that people are just people. And if you find a good one, hang on to them. Who cares if one of you has more face hair? So if someone asks you that question again – maybe just ask them why they think it matters.”
Woah. I had no idea where that had come from.
But did it sound OK? I’d never really thought about any of that stuff before. I didn’t even really think of Mikey as a boy. Just one of us, who had a really different opinion of how funny farting was.
But the band weren’t giving anything away. Unlike Ska, whose furious face suggested she thought I’d done OK. Good. Most importantly, Rach and Tegan looked happy. But would everyone listening in from school would think the same?
Jaz ushered the band out to chat in private and played song after song. They were gone so long I swear I witnessed my own fingernails grow.
“While they figure out the winner, let’s read out some of the thousands of messages we’ve had in…” Jaz flicked through the ones the producer had just handed her. “A Mrs Hitchman’s been in touch.” Oh GREAT. “She says The Helican’s new single is a, and I quote, ‘a complete slay fest’.”
OMG. Surely behaving like this when you ran a school was a sackable offence?!
“Although she did spell it like Santa’s sleigh.”
OK, that was a tiny bit better. “Moving on, we’ve got a lot of love for Aisha – and a lot of people who want to come and hang on the Helicans tour bus! Oh and one more quick one, South Worcester Reds are listening in…”
OH MY WHATTING WHAT? Adam’s new team?! Please let me have just thought “swoon” and not said it out loud.
“They reckon all the answers were bang on. But are rooting for Bella – cos apparently she’s the best TV-chatting, milkshake-making friend a guy could have.”
Jaz smiled at me like she’d done me a favour, and pressed play on the next song.
But had she just said “friend”? Was this seriously happening? Had Adam confirmed to me and the whole world simultaneously, that’s all we were? Just as I thought we were finally becoming more?! This COULDN’T be happening?! How was I always getting it so wrong?!
But there was no time to even try and deal, as Jaz was reading the latest email she’d been passed, and it was clear something was up. After the song finished she let the studio fall silent.
“Before we get the band back in, an important message has come from an eagle-eared listener. He’s got a valid question. Luke…” OH NO, wherever this was going, it wasn’t going to be good, “wants to know if it’s true what Bella said earlier…” Jaz looked straight at me. “That she’d got help from her friend with this competition?” Did I really say that? I looked down where the words were still written on my paper. I had. But I only meant with voting?! “Cos that’s against the rules.”
Jaz paused. “Bella … has this competition been all your own work?”
This time she didn’t need to play any tension sound effects. The silence was loud with it. But what should I say? What could I say?
Mikey hadn’t helped with any of the rounds. But I hadn’t been alone either.
I tried to ignore Ska’s smirk. If only I had proof of what she and Luke had actually done to rig the competition. I looked out at the others – they were pressed up against the glass, tiny breath circles forming around them.
What was the truthful answer? I hadn’t meant to break the rules. But that wasn’t the question. The question was whether I’d done it on my own. And the truth was the rounds had been a team effort, between Tegan, Rach and I. Even Jo at the start. But if I admitted that I’d be out the competition.
And so would my St Mary’s.
And Ska might walk off as the winner.
If this was Hollyoaks the episode would end.
But then I’d also have perfect lip gloss on, and not be sweating in places I didn’t know had sweat glands.
Not sure of what to say, I pulled the mic towards me. And began to speak.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-EIGHT
“The friend I was talking about, he didn’t help with any of the rounds, no.”
Jaz looked relieved.
So did Rach and Tegan. And Aisha, which I thought was kind of lovely.
But I hadn’t finished.
“But it’d be a lie to say I did it all alone … because the stuff I sent in for the other questions was something I wrote, my friends alongside me.” I looked towards the window. Rach’s breath circles had stopped. “I didn’t know that was breaking the rules, but if it was … I’m owning up to it.”
Silence.
And not a dramatic one. Just Jaz not knowing what to say.
Ska slow clapped. “Nice work, Bella. Sooooo brave.”
But I didn’t feel brave. I felt stupid. Why didn’t I just say “no”?! Had I messed up everything? If I had, Rach and Tegan would never forgive me. Nor would anyone at school. Mrs Hitchman might even expel me. And I bet Adam, along with the rest of the world, probably now thought I was a cheat. I bet Luke was LOVING this. What had I done?! But I’d wanted to win so badly – and with Luke and Ska looking for any excuse to bring me down, I really thought honesty was the only way it could be possible.
When the band finally walked back in, none of them made eye contact. Was I disqualified? I felt sick.
Lis cleared her throat. “So we’ve got our decision.” Her bandmates grouped round her.
Amil dropped his voice. “We obviously heard all the answers … and the drama too.” He gave me a sympathy-smile. This was like being told your homework was disappointing by the one teacher you think is OK, except it’s actually the coolest band ever, and it’s all live on the radio and the guy who has just half-dumped you is listening.
Was I out?
“We spoke to the producers, and they said our decision wa
s final. So, we’ve decided … to … allow Bella to stay in the final three, as we could see that everything she said today was deffo her own work.”
Yipppeeee!
This was AMAZING?! I said the biggest thanks, and smiled wider than my actual face. The Helicans laughed, but in a way that felt with me, not at me. They were being so nice. Had Shay got something to do with it?
I looked to see if Ska was giving me evils, but she was reading the notes she’d made for her winner’s speech.
“So, cracking swiftly on, let’s find out who has won. In a very respectable third place, it’s … Letty!”
Ska dropped her notes. Dropped her perfect smile. And dropped a massive swear.
Jaz pressed the emergency beep. I tried not to LOL. After all her tricks, I’d beaten Ska fair and square. And now the Helicans had a 50/50 chance of coming to St Mary’s.
Aisha looked even more shocked than me – like a waxwork version of herself.
“So who’s going to be the overall winner?” Amil took a deep breath. “Will it be Bella for St Mary’s, or Aisha for Royal Orchard?”
Lis chuckled. “I feel like I should have a big gold envelope to open.”
Amil nudged her. “It’s radio, so just pretend like you have?”
“Have it your way!” Lis air-opened an imaginary envelope. “The winner is…”
The oxygen supplies of Worcester dropped as everyone took a massive gulp in.
Please say Bella, please say Bella, please say Bella.
Please let me have pulled this off.
Please let the Helicans be coming to St Mary’s.
“AISHA!”
Oh.
In one word, the dream was over.
Aisha started vibrating, a tear rolling down her face.
I felt like I also might cry, but for opposite reasons.
I was gutted. Totally gutted.
I’d failed.
I tried to smile as best I could and put my arms round Aisha. “You totally deserved it. Well done.” But she was quickly bundled in a way-better Helican hug. All I had was cold reality.
And I was left alone with the cold reality of how scary life was going to be once I stepped out of this studio. Back into real life. Back to school where everyone was going to hate me. Back home with Mum who I’d disappointed. Back with Rach – who was going to put on a brave face that I was going to feel for ever guilty about.
I looked out of the window to see if they were both OK. And panicked. They weren’t there. Had they walked out? But as I frantically searched for any sign of them, the door flung open, and bursting past Lanyard Girl came my two best friends, greeting me with the biggest, squashiest cuddle.
“You don’t hate me then?” Tegan snorted.
“Hate? We are so proud of you!”
And despite not winning, for the first time I knew everything was going to be OK.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-NINE
“Loser.”
“Why didn’t you just say no?!”
“Have you got Lis’s number?”
“It’s that weird radio girl.”
“I hate you.”
Were just some of the things that got shouted at me on Monday. I also got an, “Ouch, that’s my foot,” but that was valid, as I did accidentally stand on a corridor warden.
Rach and Tegan promised me the groups of people crying were not crying because the Helicans weren’t coming to St Mary’s. I would have had an easier time believing them if my locker wasn’t covered in ripped-down posters, one scrawled with, “We’re crying cos of YOU.”
If fake-popular last week had been bad, anti-popular was worse. People couldn’t get away from me quick enough. It was like my failure might be contagious. They only dared come near me to tell me how much I’d let them down.
It had started yesterday, when I’d spent the day stuck working at an empty GADAC, with nothing to do except try (and fail) not to see what everyone was saying about me online. When I wasn’t doing that I was wondering whether to message Adam. But what was there to say?
Even the drive in this morning had been depressing. Mum had given me a lift as she knew I didn’t want to go to school and “face the music”. I’d pointed out not having any music to face was the problem. But she had bigger worries of her own, because as she was driving I’d seen a calendar alert on her phone that she hadn’t meant me to see.
11.15 Alliance & Shire Bank. 253 High Street. Notes: Bring all documents. Decision Day. Good luck me!
Which made sense of the fact that she was wearing a shirt and skirt that almost matched. It also explained why her driving was more terrifying then usual, as she had a pair of Jo’s heels on. It had to be about the business loan she’d mentioned. Maybe that’s why she thought she could afford Jo’s trip after all?
“Anyone sitting here?”
Ava pulled up a stool. So she was still speaking to me. Mikey bounced on to the empty one beside her. That made two.
He put his finger up to his bottom lip.
“The question is – can girls really have lunch with people who are guys?”
I laughed. He was the first person who had made me smile about the whole thing.
“Soz – was I a bit cringe?”
“Nah – I felt kind of chuffed.” He ruffled his hair as if basking in the fame. “Although I guess it did lead to all that drama from Luke, so maybe I should retract my chuffing?”
At the mention of his name, we all unsubtly looked over at Puke. He held up a big L finger. If only there was a hand gesture to say, I might well be a loser, but I still beat your girlfriend, and your terrible attempt to get me disqualified, so who’s the biggest loser now? But seeing as there wasn’t, I just took an extra big bite of my crisp and cucumber sandwich. Jo was still home and had made them for me as a treat. Shay had said it looked like she was trying to kill me with carbs, which had just made Jo add the entire packet in protest.
“Er, Bella?” I looked up. Boxer Boy. Weird. “Heard you got one of those limited-edition hoodies?”
I nodded as he nervously looked across at Luke. “OK, well, just wanted to say, do not wash it. Like ever. Cos my mum annihilated my one.” He rolled his eyes. “Gutted.”
As if giving out garment care tips was not really massively weird, he scurried back to Luke before they spotted he’d crossed enemy lines.
But before I could try and deal with the dealing of this, my phone buzzed.
STOMACH LURCH.
Adam. Our first message since the final.
I beckoned Rach and Tegan to look as I opened it. A message shared is a message third-ed.
Hope today’s OK. Sorry I couldn’t help more.
Eurgh – I didn’t even want a third of that message. What did that even mean? Except for we were no longer putting “x” or talking about another date.
I didn’t know what had changed, but something really had.
No one said anything. There was nothing to say. I had to accept how he felt.
Rach gave me a squeeze. “We’ll get through this.”
Tegan nodded. “We always do.” And she was right. I felt better just being around them. So Tegan went to the water cooler, I went with her.
“Any news about your audition yet?” Her face flinched.
“Nope.”
“Feeling positive about it?”
“Nope.”
“C’mon – I’m the loser round here, not you?!” It was meant to make her laugh, but it didn’t. “Teeg … are you sure you’re OK?” She was still nodding, but it felt like a no. “C’mon – after everything, you KNOW you can talk to me about this. I’m on your side, remember?”
She took a deep breath. “OK. For your ears ONLY… I… I didn’t get a place. I blew the try-out.”
What?! This was awful.
“Teeg – I’m SO sorry. I had no idea.” I wanted to give her a hug, but knew she wouldn’t want to alert the others, so I secretly squeezed her hand. “When did you find out?”
“Promi
se you won’t be cross?”
“Promise.”
“On the day. They told me on the spot.”
Woah. And she had been dealing with it on her own for over a week?!
I felt awful. I really hoped our row hadn’t had anything to do with it.
As usual, Tegan could read my mind.
“Don’t worry – it wasn’t our stupid argument that caused it. It was all me. I messed up my routine.” Well that didn’t exactly make me feel any happier. “You guys were right, it was too much. I burnt out.”
This was one occasion where I really didn’t want to be right.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I felt guilty. “Well, y’know, once I’d stopped being a massive idiot?”
She just shrugged. “You had enough going on with the final, and Luke and Adam and everything.” She fiddled with a thread in her jumper sleeve. “I guess I didn’t want to bring anyone down.”
Eurgh – and we’d even made her that stupid badge, that she’d still stuck on her bag, despite probably making her feel worse?! It was too much. I had to hug her. Even on her worst days she still put us first.
I wasn’t sure how you could make someone a saint, but I was totally going to find the application form.
“Teeg, you could NEVER bring us down. You are the glue that sticks us all up!?” She smiled, half-heartedly. “Plus you’re the most talented person I’ve ever met. Total inspo.”
She shook her head. But I wasn’t stopping.
“No lies, remember? It’s a promise. Did they give any reason?”
She shrugged. “They thought maybe I should try and focus on one discipline.”
“There you go, then! You can’t help being too talented and amazing at ever-reey-thang for them. This time next year they’ll be begging you to accept a place.”
Small traces of a proper smile began on her face. “Next time, whatever happens, whenever it happens, you tell us, OK?”
For someone so sensible, she really had no clue what friends were there for sometimes. “Now, how about you go tell the others? They’ll be raging if they find out any later. And Rach will deffo buy you sympathy pudding.”