Ezzy, do you love me?
Yeah, of course. Do you love me?
Yes. More than anything. Do you love our baby?
More than anything.
What should we name her?
I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s a name beautiful enough for her. Do you?
No. Probably not.
Chapter 9
I’m trying to open my eyes. Barely. The brightness of day sends a hot poker of pain through my brain. Everything is blurry and bright.
I might need my glasses, too.
That’s enough.
I close them again.
“Hey, are you awake?” Mayyim is holding my hand in both of hers, and it’s warm and soft.
My mouth hurts. I don’t want to open it to talk. “Mmm,” I manage.
“Jake went somewhere. He said he’d bring food back. I have water for you. You can rest against me if you sit.” She helps me sit and every movement makes me want to throw up.
I open my eyes and watch her put a straw between my lips, but it’s all fuzzy.
Water. I’m so thirsty. I drink like crazy.
I’m going to vomit.
“Puke,” I barely make out.
She understands and helps me crawl to the creek. I feel all the water flow. My lips have cracked open. My ribs are bruised. I can feel it as my stomach spasms. I want to lie down and die.
“Are you done? Here, come and sit against this tree so you can drink some more.” She guides me as I crawl to the tree and sit, leaning against it. “Wash your mouth.” She puts the straw back between my lips and I want to spit the water out but I’m so thirsty I swallow. I can taste the blood from my lips. I hear her whimpering sadly. She’s cleaning my face with something. “You poor thing. You must be hurting terribly,” she whispers, dabbing at my lips. “Drink some more and go back to sleep.”
I drink some more and she helps me lie down again. Sleep is creeping on me.
*****
My brain hurts. All the other pain is nothing compared to my brain.
I’ve been thinking of a lot of crazy shit. I think I should have suited up a lot more these last few years of sexual activity. Everyone I’ve had a sexual relationship with has ended up pregnant. I always did for the randoms, until I stopped doing randoms. But I was too trusting of the actual relationships. Girls say they’re on birth control but how can you know for sure? I’ve been way too trusting.
My head is fuzzy and I only open my eyes when I have to. I’ve been trying not to think about how I got here because it makes my head split worse and it makes my heart ache.
I think I might be out of the woods as far as getting better. I’ve been conscious for a while, lying here, thinking, and I haven’t passed out again. I’m in the process of wiggling my fingers and toes. I can move my head, too.
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
It’s so nice to hear her voice, much better than hearing the other voices. It’s such a relief to be grounded in reality. My lips are going to split again if I talk, so I nod.
“Jake brought some stuff to put on your lips. I’m going to put it on, okay? I’m sorry if it hurts.”
It feels good. And her fingers are soft and gentle.
She’s so pretty. “I love you.”
She giggles, applying balm to all my cuts. “You look like shit. I’m so glad you’re alive, though. Jake didn’t want to take you to the hospital. He was about to call your brother. You’re probably starving. He’s coming back with a milkshake for you.”
I try to sit, but I can’t. So I roll onto my stomach. I press my lips together. I think I’ll be okay. Who knew that guy had it in him? Shit.
I get myself into a crawling position to get to the tree.
“I’ll help you.” She helps me, holding my head and my armpit.
I probably smell horrible. If I look bad, I probably smell worse. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”
“Sorry for what? You helped me. I can help you. Besides, you said you love me.” She giggles again. “You’re so out of it. You probably won’t remember any of this.”
I sit against the tree and catch my breath. I don’t remember telling her I love her. “My glasses are in a case in my backpack. Can you get them for me?” I whisper.
“Yeah. Hang on.”
I try to breathe deeply, moving oxygen to my brain.
“Here you go. I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“I usually wear contacts. Do we have any water?”
“Yeah. Here.”
I’m so thirsty.
I empty the bottle and I’m still thirsty.
She hands me another one. “You’ve been puking every time we give you water, so be careful.”
My stomach doesn’t feel as queasy, so I think I’m okay. I’m thirsty. The glasses helped with the headache. I can see her clearly. “Did I pee myself?”
“No. Jake’s been helping you pee.” She smiles warmly. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ll be okay eventually.”
“The swelling’s gone down.”
“I heal pretty fast.”
“It’s been about four days.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” She sits beside me, looking me over. “But I can see your face. The first couple of days I couldn’t.”
“Shit.” I touch my face. There’s a couple of hard knuckle splits in my eyebrow. My cheek’s swollen and bruised. I think my lips might be the worst. But I have all my teeth intact. I don’t know if I could live life with fucked up teeth. I’ll have scars on my eyebrow but if that’s the worst I’ll be okay. My brain will heal. And I’m free. I’m going to be okay. “Thanks for taking care of me. It’s stupid. I should have never left you.”
“She’s pretty.” She excuses me with a shrug.
“No she’s not. She’s a vampire with lots of makeup. I’m just stupid.”
“Hmm. I think none of us can be smart one hundred percent of the time. Otherwise we’d be perfect, right? She looks like she’d be good in bed.”
I nod. “That she is. We all have to be good at something though, right? Like me, I’m good at getting myself into shitty situations.”
“I don’t know what I’m good at.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
She smiles. “What happened?”
“Too much. I’d rather put it behind me,” I tell her.
“So, it’s over?”
“It never started. It was just something. It’s never been anything.”
“Is there anyone else?”
“No. I have no one else.”
She watches me with care. “You never had her, either. Do you want someone?” Caring but intense, waiting for my answer.
Do I want someone?
I do want someone. “Yeah. I do.” I sigh. “I should be in school right now. I’ve missed a lot more than I wanted to. I have an interview the first Wednesday in October to work as a paralegal in a law firm. My father arranged it for me. I have to make that interview. I hope I haven’t fucked things by getting my face messed up.”
“It’s okay. We can fix anything.” She looks hopeful.
I want to kiss her because she makes me hopeful, too. But under the circumstances, I don’t think I deserve it. “Do we have more water?”
“Yeah.” She gets up and goes.
“How are you doing?” I ask, watching her prance away. She’s moving a lot faster than she was.
“Good. I’ve been doing pretty much nothing for the last four days so I’m feeling okay. So, maybe it was a good thing.” She comes back. “Wanna try some Gatorade?”
I nod. Gatorade sounds amazing. Then sleep.
Chapter 10
“Hey, Easy. You look like fried shit.”
I open my eyes slowly to see Jake. I’m sitting against the tree. At least I don’t have to get back up. “I have to pee.”
Jake takes me to pee. It feels weird to walk. My legs are all rubbery. And I’m dizzy. He sits me back by the tree and gives me my
milkshake.
“You should wear your glasses all the time. It makes you look smart.”
If only they could make me smart.
“So, what’s it all about?”
“Betty’s pregnant.”
“No shit. Does Mike know?”
I shrug. He probably will soon if he doesn’t already. The last time I was with her was when school got out for summer. “They’re going to New York. Apparently he got discovered.” I drink my shake, feeling it coat my stomach with coldness.
“Shit. Sorry I took us there. He was the first available and it seemed like a good deal. I wasn’t thinking.”
I shrug. “My fault, not yours.”
“At least he didn’t break your pretty nose. Or your teeth.”
It’s like we have the same priorities in life.
I put my hands over my face. The aching loneliness I’ve been trying to push away is coming to the surface.
Fuck. I don’t want to cry.
“Talk, hermano.”
“My life is worth nothing.” My brain hurts. My heart aches.
“Why do you think that?”
“I can’t help anyone. I can’t help myself. I try to do good and I end up fucking everything up.” I’m whining. But at this point I want to die, so I don’t care.
“You can’t say that. You’ve helped me. You’ve helped the girl.”
“How? The two safe places we had to stay at I fucked up. And now I’m a mess and you have to take care of me.”
“Please. This is the first time I’ve had to take care of you, and you’ve taken care of me plenty. Are you worried about your interview?”
I nod. It’s important.
“You’ll be fine. And if not, make up a story about how some guys were fighting and you tried to break ‘em up. Happens.” He turns my head to look at him. “Trust me, you help this world more than you know. Especially your friends. I wouldn’t be here if not for you. And I’m sure that lovely girl feels the same. Life is worth living, Ezra, even when there is heartache. There’s good in the world, too.”
I take a deep breath. Maybe.
“Take a chance on living. Live, Easy. Do something you want to do for once.” He rolls a joint. “Hey, Chiquita, wanna hit this?” He holds a joint out toward Mayyim.
She comes over. “Sure. But I’m safe, right?
“Sure. But are we safe?”
Chapter 11
“My daddy finally left town.” Jake wakes me gently. Mayyim is curled next to me like she has been.
It’s dark outside. It’s chilly. My head feels like there’s nothing but fluff in it. “Huh?”
“I checked in with Cece. She said my dad left a couple of hours ago. Get up so we can get going,” he’s explaining and packing up our campsite.
I put my glasses on and shake her gently. “Mayyim. Wake up.”
She gasps awake, tensing and it makes me angry that she ever had a reason to be scared of being awakened in the night. She looks at me, relaxing. She stretches like a cat. “Hmm?”
“We’re packing and heading to Jake’s house.”
She rubs her face. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Come on. You can go back to sleep in the car.”
She stands and starts helping me. We climb in the car and Jake drives home. She falls asleep in the backseat.
I pull down the mirror to look at myself. I’ve been putting it off, afraid of being devastated. It’s not as bad as it feels. My cheek and eyebrow are bruised and the corner of my mouth. The cuts aren’t bad. They’ve been putting stuff on them for me. My lips are healing. The road rash on my chin is gone.
“You called Kate’s name.” Jake tells me quietly.
Shit. “Did I?”
“She asked who Kate was.”
It doesn’t matter. It’s embarrassing but this whole thing has been shameful.
“Friends trust each other.”
I look out the window at nothing in particular. Houses in decline with clotheslines drying baby clothes. “It hurts to talk about it.”
“I know. I know you hurt. But it’s going to keep hurting until you clean it out.”
I guess that could be true. Like an infected cut. It hurts like a motherfucker but if you don’t get all the infection out it’ll get gangrenous, and you’ll have to get something cut off. “Yeah. I get it.”
“I love you, Ezra. I don’t ever want you to leave me, okay?”
I’m not going to kill myself. That’s more of a sin than any of this, and so unappreciative.
I watch the scenery roll by as we make our way to Jake’s house. Bars on windows and chickens in the street. There’s a man with a shopping cart selling food.
Jake’s family has a little piece of land, big enough to have goats, and kids, and a garden and chickens.
I wake Mayyim again. “Hey, Beautiful. Wake up. We’re at Jake’s. Let’s go before they descend like locusts.”
“Do they do that?” she asks sleepily, climbing from the car.
“Yes.” I help her and we walk with Jake. The sun is barely up and it’s a new day. The air smells familiar and comforting, like home. I guess my idea of home smells like autumn and dusty goats. And breakfast.
It’s hot, but big warm rain drops are falling. It’s my favorite weather. My skin is sticky and sweaty from the humidity.
Cecelia comes from the house with a baby on her hip, grinning happily. “Joaquin!” She hugs Jake hard and he’s hugging her back just as hard. It makes me miss Abby.
“How’s everybody?” He’s asking for a report, letting her go.
She gives him the rundown.
Mayyim stands close behind me.
Cece is intimidating. She’s loud, and tall, and skinny. She wears too much makeup and has too many tattoos. She scares me, too.
Mayyim slips her hand into mine. Her eyes go big. Cece has turned her attention to us. “Mi dulcito! What happened to my pretty face!” She touches my cheekbone and it tingles.
“Get your witchy fingers off me,” I tell her.
“What happened?” she asks, undaunted.
I flinch away.
“Got caught, didn’t you?” she cackles.
“Something like that.” I wince as she touches me.
“Wait ‘til mama sees you. She’ll fix you. Who’s this little kitten?” She raises an eyebrow and pulls her to look at her. “You never go for middle ground, do you? Either too old or too young?”
I roll my eyes. “Cece, this is Mayyim. Mayyim, this is Jake’s sister, Cece.”
“Pleasure to meet you. I also think Ezra is sexy.”
“I think you’re a crazy witch.” She is.
“So, why’d you run away from home, Mayyim?”
“Because I’m turning eighteen and I don’t want to be in porn.” She’s as quiet as a mouse but not weak, surprisingly steadfast.
“I respect that.” She looks directly into her eyes. It’s like they’re communicating telepathically. Their brains connect for a moment and there are no words that will ever express what they know. “Of all the people to choose to help you, you made the right choice in these guys. They’re good ones.”
She nods, squinting in the sun.
“Come on. I’ll show you around.”
I watch them walk off together. It’s a kind of lonely feeling.
Jake’s cleaning and unloading the car, so I help. It’s hot and moving makes me sweat and I expect the raindrops to sizzle and turn into steam when they hit me.
Everything about this welcome is filling me with joy. The kids are chattering, talking and yelling and crying; there’s happiness and sorrow at every turn. The laughing and bickering is the best.
“Joaquin!” Little girls squeal, running and jumping into his arms, and kissing him as we walk up to the house. They talk at him a mile a minute in Spanish. They touch his face and his hair. Maria and Rosa. They’re twins, I think. There are two babies under them, Marcos who’s eighteen months, and baby Teddy who is six months. There are ol
der boys. Enrique is seventeen, he lives with an uncle in Texas. Oscar is sixteen, Mateo is fourteen and a pain in the ass, and then there’s Zeke who’s ten and quiet. Jake is a couple of months younger than I am and Cece is Abby’s age.
“Mama’s cookin’ breakfast,” they tell him.
“Sounds delicioso!” he says, tickling them as he puts them down.
“Hola, Esdras!” They giggle and run.
We make our way to the kitchen. The kids are already sitting and eating. Jake’s mom is fussing over Mayyim, speaking to her in Spanish, while Cece tries to translate.
She sees me and comes to look at my face, tsk tsking and raging in Spanish. I can pick out little pieces but my head hurts thinking about it.
“She has some special stuff to put on you. You’ll be all healed in two days. Good as new.” Jake and Cece trade off translating.
She sits me down and gives me my pan dulce and cinnamony coffee. Everyone else is eating eggs with salsa and tortillas and chorizo. There’s joy on everyone’s faces as they eat. They must have made it through unscathed.
After breakfast Cece and her mother fix my face with this nasty green goopy stuff. We spend the day playing with the kids, and feeding chickens and goats. Jake and the older boys go grocery shopping, and I sleep my concussion away, napping and playing with the babies while Mayyim attaches herself to Cece and their mama.
What a great day.
I lie in Zeke’s bed in his and Jake’s room, being lulled to sleep by Jake softly snoring across the dark. My body feels amazing, lying on this bed, listening to nighttime sounds and the occasional bleat of a baby goat.
Something warm and slippery crawls into bed with me. It makes me smile. I hope it’s who I think it is and not a kid.
She comes and lies with me and I scoot over to accommodate her, trying to hide what she’s doing to my body. She pulls the blanket over herself. Her hair is wet and she smells like one of them.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“I missed you.”
“You did?” Have I ever been missed before?
“I did. I was wondering if I had put enough in the bank for a kiss,” she asks me softly, looking into my eyes through the dark. I can see her cheeks are turning pink in the moonlight.
“You’ve put enough in the bank for more than one.” I smile at her.
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