“What are you looking for?” I sit across from him, next to Mayyim.
“Cars. To fix and sell. Do we have any pens in this place?”
I lean my chair back and reach for the pen on the counter to give to him.
“Thanks, bro. There’s a ’60 Coup de Ville. That sounds fun. A ’69 Camaro SS. Would you like a ’69 Camaro SS, Abby? I’ll get it for you.”
She’s looking with him. “Sure.”
“Naw, I think you’re more of a Chevy Nova girl. I’ll find you a ’69 Nova. That’s the best year. What color? It has to be something crazy so whenever anyone sees it they’ll ask who did itand you can tell them it was whoever I am to you.”
Cece murmurs nastily in Spanish under her breath.
“Shut up, Cece,” Jake sing-songs.
She says something to him quickly in Spanish.
He flips her off and says something back, just as quick. The boys are snickering which encourages him, making him smile.
But I don’t trust Cece with hot pans and cooking utensils when she’s angry, so I hope it wasn’t that bad. She looks at Jake. “Is that so?”
“No. Just shut up and let me be happy. I let you be happy. Do you think I like the fact that you let some hippy guy who doesn’t shower and plays guitar get you knocked up? No, but I haven’t given you any more trouble about it, so shut up and mind your own business.” He looks at me. “After breakfast, me, you and the boys, hit up Home Depot and get some paint and paint this mother?”
I nod agreement. “Yeah. Sounds good. Do you need to sketch first?”
“I’ll do it after I get paint.”
“We have to go to Mayyim’s aunt’s office sometime today.”
“That’s cool. I’ll have everything ready by the time you get back. This is gonna be a great day.” He looks around happily and rubs Abby’s little belly affectionately.
She moves his hand and holds it to her.
“Is that the baby?” he asks in wide-eyed awe.
She grins. “Yeah. Can you feel it?”
“Ay, Dios mio. Cuanto bendiciones tenemos,” he whispers and kisses her shoulder.
She smiles and blushes. “What did you say a second ago? Your sister is pregnant? For real? Ugh.”
“That’s what I’m saying. I completely agree.”
“What’s wrong with me having a baby?” Cece turns to glare, spatula in one hand, the other on her skinny hip.
“You’re just so…” she tries to find the words and can’t. She looks at her. “I guess it’s okay. It’s just weird. Two pregnant ladies in one house at the same time.”
“People do it all the time so their babies can be friends their whole lives.” She goes back to cooking. “We have cousins our age.”
“I guess it could be good. How are you doing?”
“Fine. I think I’m having twins. Look at how fat my belly is already.” She lifts her shirt. She didn’t need to, though, because her shirt is pretty tight.
“I’m barely showing at all. How far along are you?”
“Three months, I think.”
“I’m almost six months.”
Jake is pale. “Really? Only three months left?”
“A little more.” She nods.
Oh, shit.
“Oh, shit.”
“Aren’t you supposed to know these things?” Cece asks him. “You haven’t taken her to meet mama. You’ll have to introduce her to the family so she can have a baby shower and everything. How else are you going to get things you need?”
“Oh, shit.”
I agree. This is way too soon. She doesn’t look that pregnant.
They chit chat about girl things and Jake and I are looking at each other. Mayyim finishes with the little girls’ hair and is now watching us have a mental conversation with each other. “Did shit just get real?” she asks.
Yeah. It did.
*****
Mayyim is lying on the table all naked and wrapped in paper. Her doctor gave her an exam. She calls Jora in so she can see the ultrasound, too. She comes and sits beside me looking anxious. The doctor gets Mayyim all situated. “You’re going to feel some pressure. Tell me if it hurts.” She pushes the internal ultrasound thing into her which is interesting. She turns on the monitor and moves it around until there’s a froglike blob with a pulsating circle. “There’s your baby.”
Jora weeps and Mayyim is stoic. I look at it. It’s moving which is cool. “Can you feel that?”
“No.” She shakes her head.
“It’s not heavy enough to pack a punch yet,” the doctor tells me. She clicks and drags and types. “Looks good. Right on target as far as size. A little tall. Like daddy, huh?” She smiles at Mayyim and writes something. “Any questions? I’m gonna write you a scrip for vitamins and I’ll give you a lab slip.”
Mayyim shakes her head.
“There’s the heartbeat.” She points to the flashing circle and turns the sound on and the heartbeat fills the room.
Tears are stinging my eyes. It’s beautiful. I kiss Mayyim’s forehead. “I’m happy,” I tell her.
“Me too.” She pulls my face to kiss me.
“When is the cutoff for flying?” I have a rough plan. But we can drive, too.
“Why? Where are you going?” Jora looks at me suspiciously.
“I need to see a man about some closure.” Hopefully.
Chapter 40
We’ve all been painting like crazy. Darry came home after work and helped. It’s three in the morning and we’re all sitting in front of the fireplace drinking beer and laughing about the former things. Partying and all the places Jake has puked, and all the crazy things I’ve said and how I always lectured while high, usually about sheep and amoebas, which I don’t think is funny, but they do. We eat cold fast food and kiss, and touch, and hold. It’s nice.
They’re making fun of me for doing Mayyim on the beach in front of everyone. “She did it, too. It wasn’t just me.”
She gives me a raised eyebrow look like why am I getting her into it.
“I don’t care. I’d do it again, and again, and again.” I look at her. We saw our baby today and everything is good and healthy. I heard its little heartbeat.
“You guys are so mushy. Have you ever gotten in a fight? I can’t believe you just up and got married and didn’t tell anyone like it’s no big deal. It’s a big deal.” Cece eats a cold French fry.
Is it? It doesn’t seem like it. Have we? Not that I remember, just the misunderstanding at Nancy’s a hundred years ago. “What is there to argue about? There’s no wrong point of view. It’s all relative.” I move closer to her, kissing her.
She looks at my eyes. “I can’t wait to be with you for a lifetime, to see you be a dad, and uncle, and a grandfather.”
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” I kiss her, yummy sweet kissing.
“Are they gonna do it again? Should we leave?”
I pull away and look at her lovely, sincere eyes. “I love you.”
She kisses me again.
“I’ve never seen Ezra so smitten. It’s crazy.”
I am smitten. She’s beautiful and unassuming and I love it. I couldn’t have found a more beautiful person to build a life with.
She pulls me to lay my head in her lap, which is easy because I’ve had about six beers and feeling warm and buzzed. She combs my hair with her fingers which is going to make my head a poofball of zinginess, but I don’t care. My ear and face is pressed against her pregnant belly and I have warm feelings, thinking about lying next to my child.
I take her to bed.
I look at her in the moonlight, sitting on me with love and adventure in her eyes. She’s making love to me, but it doesn’t feel right because I’m not holding her.
I pull her and kiss her softly. “Mayyim…” I can’t say anything else because I’m crying.
“What’s wrong?”
What is wrong? Is it my mom or my father? My baby? I don’t know, but I never do th
is and I didn’t plan on it when I pulled her to me or when I said her name, but now I am.
She pets me softly while I cling to her, crying. She hums a song that sounds so nice and comforting. She kisses my tears. “I remember my mom singing that song to me when I cried,” she whispers. “The worst part is it isn’t all bad memories, isn’t it? You want to hate them for what they did to you, but how can you when you have that song that always plays in your mind when you cry?”
I nod. Or her reassuring hand when I need reassurance.
But I have nothing from him.
“Life isn’t fair, is it?” she whispers, kissing me and taking me in, wrapping herself around me.
I shake my head, breathing in the space her neck makes, my eyes rolling back in my head from what she makes me feel. “No. But it’s never hurt me so bad.”
“I think it’s okay to hurt.”
“Do you think so?”
“I think you should read his letters. You can hear his voice in them. You’ll get to know him.” She pulls my head back to look at my face.
“But he never got to know me.” It fills me with so much sorrow. I am twenty-one years old and I have everything I need in the house he gave me, a son he never knew and wanted desperately, like I want this baby desperately. I would do anything for this child.
If I never got to meet this baby…I would stop at nothing to do what I could for him, regardless. That’s what I would do with my life. I would devote it to him and my heart would hurt, but I would know I was doing everything I had the power to do.
“What is it?” she asks softly, looking at me peacefully.
“She was a horrible person for what she did.”
She agrees.
“He gave me everything he had. He probably thought about me every day of his life. He never gave up. Do you think he was at peace?”
“No. But he did everything he could.”
“I think so, too. I need to meet his grandfather.”
“I know. When are we leaving?”
“As soon as we can.”
“Sounds good to me. We’ll stay as long as we need.”
My wife. Doctor’s appointments. The baby. School. Money. I’ve never had so many things holding me back.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”
*****
I’m awake. It happened a few seconds ago because I think I heard a knocking on the door.
There it is again.
I get up and pull on yesterday’s jeans to go see who the fuck it is this early on a Saturday when everyone I know is here.
It’s two suits and dread is dropping like a brick in my stomach. “Can I help you?” I can’t feel my lips.
“Yes, are you Ezra Jones?” They flash badges and tell me where they’re from.
“Yes, sir.” My mouth is dry. I don’t think I’ve done anything illegal in quite a while. The only thing I’ve done is sell drugs and essays, but never enough to be anything over a misdemeanor. But Jake…oh, shit. Are they here for Jake? What could he have done?
“We were told you would know where Jacob Ortiz-O’Brien is? Is he here?”
Oh, shit. I can feel Jake behind me and he opens the door wider. “I’m Jacob. What’s this about?” he asks, rattled but calm.
“You’re a person of interest in a murder investigation and we’d like to take you in for questioning.”
“What murder? When?” He frowns intensely, confused.
I laugh. “When?” Like he’s trying to see which murder he committed is he caught for.
Oh my God.
He looks at me like I’m crazy and so are the suits.
“Do you know a woman named Israel Dawson?”
“Yes.”
“She was found murdered yesterday morning—”
“What?” he asks, and it sounds like it came from the air escape from a sock to the stomach. “Isri?”
“You were the last person she talked to according to our phone records. We need to take you in for questioning.”
Jake’s looking at me. “That phone call is why Abby and I were fighting the other night. She called me and said –”
“Don’t say another word.” I grab his arm. “Don’t say anything.”
“You have an outstanding warrant and a bench warrant for a missed court date. You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. Turn around, sir.”
He turns around, putting his hands behind his back. His face is ashen and his jaw is clenched as he looks at me for help.
This is why I need to get my law degree.
“You have the right to an attorney, if you can’t afford one, one will be provided to you. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
“No!” Cece shrieks behind me. “Don’t let them take him.”
He stares at me. He’ll do whatever I tell him. He’ll run, or stay, or go. “It’s okay. Don’t say a damn thing to anyone.” I tell him, focusing on his scared kid eyes.
He nods. “Yes, I understand.”
They pat him down.
“Can someone get him a shirt?”
I look at Abby behind me and she goes to get him a shirt. I turn back to Jake. “Do not open your mouth. They’re going to tell you you’re not a suspect so you can speak freely, nothing’s going to happen, but that’s not true. Promise me no matter what, you will not say a goddamn thing until I get you a lawyer. Promise.”
“Promise.” He nods, looking like a scared little kid. “Are you going to save my ass?”
“Yes.”
“Promise? My life is good right now.”
“Promise.” I assure him.
Abby hands them a shirt and they help him into it. He smiles at her tenderly. “It’s okay, baby. This is never happening again. I promise.”
Her chin trembles, but she doesn’t lose it. She’s the strongest person I know. I’m about to cry and he’s not my boyfriend or the father of my child.
He nods and they take him away, holding onto his upper arm. Cece screams and hits me and tells me to do something while I hold her so she doesn’t run. I watch them put him in the car, but I turn away so I don’t cry.
I push her into the house and close the door. She sinks to the floor and cries into her hands.
Mayyim kneels down to comfort Cece and Abby is staring at me, sheet white. All of them are. Her eyes fill with tears. “Call daddy. Please,” she says, barely above a whisper.
Chapter 41
“Did he do it?”
“No, sir. He’s been at work and here. The night it happened he was here in the room right next to mine. He’s innocent.” I can’t open my eyes. Everyone is counting on me for this. And Jake is probably being booked, hoping I have an ace up my sleeve. I can’t represent him myself, I don’t know enough.
“There’s no such thing as innocent when you’re a no-good scumbag. In my experience, if you can be implicated in a murder, you’re probably a murderer.”
Please, God, let him listen to me. “Sir, you know Jake is not a murderer. He’s a lot of things, but a murderer he is not. Please, sir, I’m begging you.” My stomach is in knots. I don’t want Jake to say the wrong thing and get himself in trouble. It has taken hours for me to get Mr. Jones on the phone and I’ve been sweating it the whole time. Jake didn’t do it. I know where he was, but I also know he has a record and it would be easy to say it was him and put him on trial, and nobody would ask any questions.
“Is he worth your one get out of jail free card, Ezra?”
Thank you, God. “Yes, sir. I’m not going to need it but he does.” I stand, and Mayyim holds out a dress shirt to me. I pull it on and start buttoning as she gets my slacks and boots and tie.
“You can brief me on the way to the station. I can’t take credit for all of your attributes, but I know I raised you better than to associate with murderers.”
“Yes, sir. I’m ready.” I hang up and pull out a notepad. “Cece, tell me everyt
hing you know about Jake and his record, and things against him that could implicate him as a potential murderer.” I yell through the house as I run to find a pen and Mayyim is behind me. I grab the pen from her and sit at the table across from Cece and Abby. “Go. Now.”
She sniffles and glares at me. She’s mad at me.
Abby is holding her hand. “Listen, everything my dad knows about him can’t be brought against him. Every secret he knows is like a tool the other guys can’t use. He’s innocent. The key here is to make sure he cooperates and doesn’t accidently say anything that can implicate him as a man capable of murder. My dad has to know the things he shouldn’t admit to before he admits to them. They can’t keep him when there’s no evidence. My dad is going to make them let him go.”
“Why would your dad do anything for him?”
“Because my dad is a defense lawyer. He knows Jake is a good guy.”
*****
I brief Caleb about Jake’s background and family life, all the minor infractions throughout the years. “They got him on an outstanding warrant. One of the worst things on his record, and it’s a Juvie record, is that apparently his younger brother tried to kill their dad while he was passed out drunk. This was Enrique who is seventeen now, the mom called the cops and Jake took the heat and got an assault with a deadly weapon charge and Juvie time. We know it wasn’t Jake who attacked him because Enrique’s the one they sent to live with their uncle in Texas.” I watch out of the windows as the city runs by. It’s colorless. “He’s been a runaway since he was thirteen, like me, and he tried to press charges against his father several times, but his mom never backed him and kept up the lie that Jake was incorrigible. They put him in a group home. He kept running away from the home and foster parents, and getting into fights.
“The girl who died, Israel, is also an incorrigible and was in a home with him a few times, that’s how he knew her. This is her.” I hand him a picture of her and Jake. We were in Palm Springs together a little over a year ago. She has a beautiful smile and his arm is around her shoulders and she’s leaning into him, comfortable, while he’s looking down at her, smitten. I can’t believe she’s dead. “Those are burns from the abuse she received at the hands of her father. She was also the victim of female circumcision and caning. Jake’s never had too much of a sexual relationship with her.
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