by Taylor Love
It was the emotional part that terrified her.
Being responsible for one little human’s world, their every need. Having the sole responsibility of shaping them into a productive adult, and not an asshole to society. Not to mention even in this day and age, people assumed all women wanted kids. Well, she wasn’t sure if she did. Frankly, babies terrified her! She didn’t really want to be around kids until they were about three. Her cousin Michaelle had a two year old son, who Mika had just started interacting with.
If she had to be a parent she didn’t want to be a single one. For all that she complained about her family she loved them. She was lucky to have grown up with both parents who loved her. Even having extended family who annoyed her was a blessing. The few times she’d thought about kids, it had been having one in a family unit. Unfortunately, all the men she had “dated” would not be husband material, much less fit for fatherhood. They were barely fit to be temporary boyfriends. The thought of being connected to any of them for 18 years-to-life, sent dread to the pit of her stomach.
But Robert and a baby? She couldn’t put the two together in her head, especially with her as the mother. They’d both only talked about their upbringing in little slices of conversation. She knew he loved his family, but would he ever want a wife or children? She’d gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in either. She had no doubt he would and could monetarily provide for his child. That was only one aspect of being a parent. The day-to-day would end up all on her.
Not that she would expect a marriage just because a child came into the picture. That was weird and outdated thinking. No child needed to be raised in a home with two people pretending to care about each other, just so the “optics” would look right to society. She liked Robert and she honestly believed he liked her. In fact she liked him more than she had liked anyone in years. He was an intense man, he moved with purpose, figuratively and literally. She liked that about him. In other men it came off differently, as if it was all surface level. With Robert she had no doubt he’d earned every ounce of confidence he flaunted. How many times had he adamantly said he didn’t want kids? His paranoia of babies rivaled her own. Which is another reason she should have known he wouldn’t lie to her.
But it had been mere weeks since they decided to actually date. She could see them potentially having a real relationship, and that alone was scary. She didn’t need an unplanned pregnancy on top of it all. Besides at the first sign of a potential mistake, she’d lashed out at him. He could be thoughtful, sweet and fun, all without being a pushover or boring. He didn’t try to impress but to please her in ways that actually mattered. Other men failed to realize that since she grew up with money, she wasn’t interested so much in the flash of it all.
She would apologize to him later today when they both had time to settle down. She’d try to explain her whacked-out thought process. She sat down on the bed just when her phone pinged.
Robert: So you just left?
Mika: I’m sorry I just needed some space, time to think
Mika: I’m so sorry. I know you were telling the truth. I saw the condom in the bathroom
Robert: You shouldn’t have needed to see it, to believe me
Robert: You can have all the space you need from now on
Mika: What does that mean?
Robert: It means we don’t need anything else to do with each other
Mika: That’s not the kind of space I wanted, just a couple of hours to put things in perspective
Robert: I don’t want to deal with a woman who has such a low opinion of me
Robert: We can work on transferring your accounts before the week is out
Mika: What the fuck Robert?
But that was it, she didn’t get another text from him. The final straw to making her Sunday a complete failure.
MONDAY DAWNED OVERCAST and gray with snow clouds and it mirrored her mood. Nevertheless, she took a late lunch and made her way over to Robert’s office. She wasn’t going to blow up his phone like some teenager. She figured she’d try to talk to him face to face. A single yellow Chrysanthemum had been delivered to her office today. What the hell did that mean? Well, she was about to find out. Peeking through the glass into his office she saw he was alone and not on the phone, so she did a quick rap on the door before stepping inside.
“Hey, can we talk?”
As Robert turned towards her his mouth tightened. “Shut the door.”
She did. He stayed seated and she stayed standing.
“Now you want to talk? Thought you needed to run away and have your space,” Robert said scathingly.
“Don’t do that. Don’t be a hard-ass about this,” Mika implored, reminding herself to hold onto her own temper.
“You want to talk? Then do it quickly. I have nothing to say, and this is not the place to have this discussion.”
“Okay first I want to make it clear that I did not ask for, nor do I authorize my accounts to be moved. Unless you have suddenly become incompetent at your job, I insist that they remain with you. I trust you.”
Robert twisted his mouth. “With your money you do.”
“Robert please...” she said, already exhausted with his unbending attitude.
“I’ll keep your accounts. They require very little interaction except the yearly planning meeting.”
“I want to have interaction with you. My god I’m sorry for overreacting, for not trusting you in that moment.”
“You acted like I would purposely try to get you pregnant. While I do like your bank account, I’ve never tried to saddle a woman with a baby to get their money.”
“You could have handled it better yourself, instead of reacting like I accused you of stealing the good china.”
“Hell, that’s what it felt like. The disdain you felt at the possibility of having a child with someone lowly like me, was clear by how badly you freaked out.”
“Where in the world is all this coming from? Yes, I was horrified about the possibility of having anyone’s child. This never had anything to do with your worth.”
“It did to me!” Robert yelled pounding his desk with a fist. Only the nosy faces he saw openly looking into his office made him rein in his temper—but barely. Through gritted teeth and a lowered voice, he continued. “I told you I would always protect you—us—in that matter. I told you I had protected us that night and you looked me in the eye and said I was lying. Like I had no honor!”
“I freaked out! There I admit it. I’m a normal woman that sometimes has crazy emotions! Add in my PMS week and there you have it. I know, shocking that I’m more than just your fuck-buddy.”
He stood up so quickly his chair flew behind him. “Get out. I think we're done having this conversation in my office.” Robert was furious.
“I thought you believed in facing things head on?”
“You should leave before I have you shown out,” he said coldly, straightening his suit and tie before putting his hands in his pockets.
Mika felt the back of her eyes sting. She had never attacked a man before but she thought about it now, really thought about it. She wanted to do something extreme and trifling, like the trashy shows she sometimes watched. Instead she channeled her inner Beverly, giving him a look of dismissal that would have done her mother proud. Turning on her heels and without another word, she walked out his office...and out of his life.
Chapter Twenty-One
IT WAS THE LAST WEEKEND in February, and the last two weeks had been some of the roughest Mika could remember. To make matters worse, her cousins had been pestering her for a get together. With the mood she was in she didn’t feel like talking to them. Every time she turned around one of them was calling, emailing, or texting her about picking a date for either lunch or dinner. So far she had put them off. Today was Saturday, and she was going to drown her sorrows, then watch some mindless TV.
She had just started on step one by pouring a big glass of wine. There was no one here to judge her but herself. God kno
ws she had way more fucked-up things she could be judging herself for than being a weekend alcoholic. She had just put the bottle back in the fridge when her doorbell rang. Irrationally, she hoped it was Robert.
Leaving her wine, she shamelessly rushed to the door, but paused with her hand on the knob. Did she even want to talk to him right now? Some days she thought she did, other days she hoped he was somewhere rotting. Would they be able to have a civil conversation? She flung open the door then let out a pent up breath.
“This is exactly what I get for not using the peephole.” Instead of slamming the door she just walked away.
“Well, hello to you too cousin...with your rude ass,” Misha said as she walked in followed by Milissa and Michaelle.
“Whatever,” Mika threw over her shoulder going back to retrieve her wine. With them here she was going to need it. When she came back to the living room, she found them all sitting down as if she had invited them.
“What do you guys want?” She asked still standing.
“The same thing we’ve wanted for the last week or so. To go out and eat,” Lissa complained.
“I told you guys I didn’t have time, I’ve been busy.”
Michaelle slowly looked her up and down. “You don’t look busy to me.”
“Well I was about to be.”
Misha got up nipping the wine glass from her cousin’s hand, before taking a big sip.
“Go ahead and get dressed so we can go. We have a reservation at eleven-thirty. Nowhere fancy, just throw on something decent.”
Mika huffed. Annoyed that her wine had been stolen along with their persistence in bothering her. “Look, I’m sorry you all came here for nothing. But I really can’t go anywhere right now. I’m in a mood.”
Lissa rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”
“Enough already,” Michaelle said standing up. Using the tone she had perfected in their youth to help control three younger girls when they were under her charge. “Go get dressed. You are going to lunch with your family.” Giving Mika a little push she continued. “Hurry up, and we can get this over with.”
“Fine, Y’all get on my nerves.”
“Hurry along.” Misha wiggled her fingers at her cousin’s retreating form. “Let us know if little Mikala needs any help.”
THEY WENT TO ROSES Restaurant & Lounge, which was right in Canton. A nice little Italian place she ordered take-out from. Honestly she was hungry and didn’t mind eating here at all. After they were seated and water and bread was served, Mika turned to her family.
“So what do ya’ll heffa’s want with me so bad you had to track me down? I just saw you all two months ago.”
“Who, you calling a heffa? None of us are fat cows, so I take exception to that,” Lissa said blandly.
“Your m—” Misha started to say before Michaelle cut her off.
“Why do we need a reason to see you? There is no schedule of how many times we can talk per month or quarter,” Michelle scolded.
“Well there should be,” Mika mumbled.
“Tell us what you’ve been up to lately,” Michaelle went on as if she hadn’t heard her, while cutting her eyes at Misha who had a big mouth. If Mika found out they were here per her mother's request she wouldn't tell them anything. “How’s your love life? Did you give Stanley a chance?”
“No, I’ve ignored all of Stanley’s calls.” Actually she had told him she was seriously dating someone else. Which had been true at the time.
“Ahh good! Does that mean you’ve found someone else? I was starting to worry. It’s been a while since you mentioned anyone,” Lissa said smiling.
When Mika remained silent Misha barely resisted the urge to shake her. “Mika, I swear if you don’t stop acting like an ass I’m coming across this table—and not for a hug. You only get this weird over a guy you’re really into, which doesn’t happen that often. Tell us already. Maybe it will make you feel better.”
They were slightly over a year apart in age, and because of this they tended to fuss at each other more often, even though they were the closest.
“I don’t really know how I feel. Maybe it’s for the best,” Mika said on a sigh.
“Just tell us what's going on, and we’ll be the judge,” Michaelle said gently.
Mika proceeded to tell a quick summary of her and Robert’s original fight, ending with the horrible confrontation in his office. By the time she had told it all, their lunch had arrived.
“Well,” Michaelle finally said. “What company does he work for? I’m sure my husband can get him fired. He knows everybody.”
Mika almost choked on her ice water. “Jeez, I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s my financial advisor and damn good at it.”
All three cousins nodded their heads at that statement. After all money was business, some things you just never risked.
“Okay,” Misha narrowed her eyes. “You said he works downtown right? My hubby knows some folks that can uh....teach him a lesson.” When Mika just gaped at her she went on. “Okay fine, what city does he live in? I’m sure we can do it there. Give me his address.”
Letting out a strangled laugh, Mika shook her head. “I admit I almost kicked his ass myself. I really thought about tossing him through that stupid glass wall in his office. But I don’t want him hurt.”
“You sure? It won’t be traced back to us, I promise,” Misha pushed.
“She said no,” Lissa finally spoke up, an evil grin on her face. “She doesn’t want him hurt. Guess she’s a softie like that. I would gut the bastard. Anyway what about hurting his property? I mean there is a lot we could do! Do you know if he has a security system at his house?”
Mika was confused. All three cousins looked at her expectantly, waiting for the answer. They seemed to be dead serious about their suggestions. “I don’t know if I should be creeped out or touched that you guys care so much.”
Michaelle frowned. “Of course we do! It sounds like he really hurt you. We’re not going to let him get away with doing that to our family.”
“You’ve never seemed to care before. None of you take me seriously when I talk about what I’m looking for in a man.”
“Here you go being dramatic. We do listen to you.” Misha voice sounded tired. “All we do is listen as you constantly complain about your mother, or the perfectly acceptable men she tries to hook you up with.”
“Oh please!” Mika was getting a little upset. “You guys never take up for me, always siding with her. I don’t know why you just can’t accept I’m not like the rest of you. I don’t want respectability to be my only concern in life. I want to live life on my own terms, not some predetermined role someone else has for me. If I ever marry, I want to marry for love!”
There were several beats of silence—then Michaelle lit into her.
“You have always been a spoiled and somewhat selfish brat. It’s because your mother couldn’t have more kids and doted on you. Partly our fault as well, for putting up with your attitude over the years. We have always been on your side. We’re your damn cousins. Hell we were practically raised as sisters!”
“And yes we agree with your mother and ours when you argue. Unlike you we learned the art of being subtle. You know...catching more bee’s with honey and all that. We agree, as not to add fuel to the fire. When you leave we plead your case in a calmer manner.”
Michaelle took a deep breath before she went on.
“And stop the bullshit about us accepting you how you are. Maybe you should start taking your own advice. You assume we—” She indicated herself and her sisters. “Are pretending to be something we’re not. Did it occur to you this is just our personalities? That we like who we are and our lives!”
Mika was shrinking in her seat, but her oldest cousin wasn’t done yet.
“And furthermore, you have always been so judgmental of us! How dare you insinuate we didn’t marry for love? What you think, you the only black woman out here looking for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? If you d
idn’t have your nose so stuck in the air you would have noticed our husbands don’t treat us like trophy wives, but the queens that we are.”
Michaelle leaned forward on the table. “Our mother and Aunt Beverly taught us what to expect from a man. Get over yourself! Since we were kids, you’re the one who always pushed us away. We have always accepted you, just not the other way around.”
When it was clear she had run out of steam and her tirade was done, not a word was said for a full ten seconds.
“I’m sorry. I never looked at how I came off from your point of view. I never took the time to look beyond the surface. I haven’t taken the time to look at you all as full complex people. I’m sorry.”
Mika took a long sip of her water fighting off the tightening of her throat. The number of people she was offending seemed to be climbing.
“I forgive you,” Lissa said suddenly. “I looked up to you for a while growing up. You seemed so free and daring. I used to love when you would let me in on your adventures. Besides, we all talked once and decided you needed to paint us a certain way to make yourself feel superior.” She shrugged her shoulders. “We figured we’d let you have it, since you couldn’t seem to keep a man and all.”
“Gee, thanks. And nice dig at the end.”
Lissa grinned. “You’re welcome!”
Mika turned to Misha. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Don’t you have something to say?”
“Yeah, I do. I’m just trying to figure out how you thought we didn’t like you, or didn’t take up for you.” Misha was genuinely confused and a little hurt. “When you were in school and refused to perm or hot comb your hair, who do you think defended you? Even though you stood out like a sore thumb?”