by India Lee
“I recognize that I should have.”
Amanda stared, appalled. “But you didn’t?”
Liam turned to her, his shoulders hunched. “I wasn’t the same person six months ago, Amanda. Were you?” he asked. Amanda felt her lips parting to retort with some sort of rebuttal but her tongue came up empty.
“I couldn’t have been more different,” she finally murmured.
Liam nodded, taking a swig from his bottle. “And neither could I.”
Amanda felt the frown between her brows deepen. She blinked her bleary eyes, out of the blue recalling a story she’d read about Liam a year ago. He had been vacationing with his stunning then-girlfriend, Alyssa Bernardes, before dumping her two days into their St. Barts getaway. The night following the abrupt breakup, he was photographed having drinks with the year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover girl, booking a new bungalow for them to go back to after their nightcap. After spending the next two days and nights in that very bungalow with his new fling, Liam had taken a chartered plane home with Alyssa, who later revealed to The Durt that she’d spent the entire flight crying in the bathroom while Liam read a script. “How did you even get to be that way?” Amanda mumbled, mostly to herself. In her past six months with Liam, she hadn’t given much thought to the person he had been before her. There was too much else going on and it was easier to take comfort in the fact that he was obviously a changed man. But suddenly, in the peace and quiet of their Southern vacation, Amanda finally had the time to realize and remember. “You were… horrible to those girls. What was wrong with you?”
Liam’s laugh was clipped, a tad bitter. “A lot. And trust me, I didn’t discriminate — I wasn’t the kindest person to anyone around me but the tabloids were just more inclined to report about my being an asshole if it involved sex.”
“Am I supposed to feel better about the fact that you were an asshole to everyone?”
“Amanda.” Liam turned to her with a look both genuine and annoyed. “I was a different person. The day I first emailed you, I was still that person. I didn’t give a shit about anything let alone anyone. All I thought about was my career and making enough to pay Logan back for fucking his life up.”
Amanda shook her head, confused as she blinked at Liam and his tensing shoulders. Did I miss something? “Fucking Logan’s life up?” she repeated. “How did you fuck up Logan’s life?” Amanda’s lips parted as she watched Liam’s brows slope into a frown that she’d never seen on him before.
“He gave up everything for me so I could pursue a career that I didn’t even want.”
“How so?” Amanda asked quickly, so Liam couldn’t change the subject. She heard him somewhat groan as he stared blankly at the label on his empty bottle.
“We didn’t have money and I thought I had the chance to turn it around for us when some agent scouted me when I was out on the slopes. Got to model for some surf-wear company, got several thousand dollars in one day, then five thousand a week later for some commercial shoot that just fell in my lap. Dropped out of school to chase easy money because I liked being able to give Logan a hundred dollar bill for groceries. Good food that would actually fill our stomachs.”
Amanda frowned when Liam stopped, trying to figure out if she’d missed some part of the story. “You provided for your family at fifteen. How is that fucking up Logan’s life?”
“Because it didn’t last. I was a teenager and a dumbass. Moved out to LA because I got one short job and then needed Logan to give me money to stay there since it always felt like I was a gig away from turning it around for us. And my lazy ass had already dropped out of school for a year-and-a-half at that point and didn’t want to go back.” Liam’s eyes went from Amanda to the cap sitting on her head. She took it off and held it in her lap, watching his gaze follow. “He spent all his hard-earned money on letting me chase the easy kind.”
“How much money was that?” Amanda asked, wondering how much a teenager could really even save. She certainly hadn’t saved so much as twenty dollars between the meager paychecks from her part-time jobs in high school.
“Six thousand. Which was a shitload for us.”
“What was he saving it for?”
“College. A cheap one so he could transfer to University of Delaware after fulfilling his Gen Eds.”
“He got into Delaware?”
“With an athletic scholarship for football. It was closer to ten thousand dollars than five but it still didn’t cut enough tuition cost for him to go.”
“I thought he wanted to be in the Air Force. Because you watched that Terrence Rambis movie with him when you were younger…” Amanda trailed off, trying to remember the name of the film that Liam had told her about in the video he had sent to PrettyKitty29. “Bouncing Betty. You said it was the reason you needed to land A Soldier. Because Terrence was the reason you and Logan wanted to join the Air Force. And why Logan actually went through with it.”
“We were eight and ten when we watched that movie. We both ditched the soldier dreams by the time we were in middle school,” Liam said, laughing in a way that Amanda didn’t quite appreciate. “Logan met Heidi in eighth grade and I don’t know how but he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her by then. So his real dream was going to college with her, marrying her after and having kids that he’d play football with every day after whatever nine-to-five job that he got. Normal stuff. That was his dream till he was eighteen.”
Amanda waited in silence for Liam to continue but he didn’t. “At which point?”
He eyed his cap on her head. “He enlisted in the Air Force.”
“Why? If he didn’t want to anymore?”
“Wasn’t really a time to take out student loans and go to college. Not when you had to support your little brother who had already dropped out of school and sure as hell wasn’t going to college at any point.” Liam laughed bitterly. “At that point, all I knew was trying to make the fast cash thing work again — like how I did that one month when I was fifteen. It’s like I spent three years living on that memory of giving Logan a hundred dollar bill for groceries. Which I guess is how I let myself spend all of his hard-earned money just so I could make the easy kind.”
Amanda chewed her lip as she studied Liam’s taut shoulders and the stress in his body language as he told the story. “At least he did get to marry Heidi though. And have kids. Earlier than he wanted. There was just some thing about more benefits if you were married before deploying so they went to City Hall and got it done really quick, just the two of them. Cut to two years later — because he always needs to be the best no matter what he’s doing — Logan’s done with PJ school and gets deployed and doesn’t see his family for four months out of the year. And now he’s stuck in a life that he chose but never really wanted because of how much it took him away from Heidi. But it’s just all that he knows at this point. And all that she knows is taking the kids to live in Vermont for a third of the year because she still isn’t used to this life of being without him. And all the kids know is leaving their friends for awhile and going months at a time without seeing their dad.”
Amanda raised her eyebrows, absorbing all the information. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to comfort Liam. “It’s… at least nice that he has a good, steady and honorable job. Incredibly honorable job.” When Liam shrugged, she frowned. “You don’t agree?”
“I do. But I know Heidi worries every day that he’s gone. And I know that on some days, he’s risking his life and none of us even know it as it’s happening. And all so he can make as much money a year as I made for shooting one day of A Soldier.” Liam swallowed, staring out at the lawn and giving a determined nod. “Which is why I need to make it as big as I can,” he said under his breath, mostly to himself. “So Logan and Heidi and the kids never want for anything.”
Amanda looked at him with confusion. She wasn’t sure how to eloquently phrase the question, “Aren’t you already a millionaire?” Her puckered lips wiggled as she tried to nicel
y arrange her inquiry. “Aren’t you… comfortable enough? To provide for them as well as yourself? I mean you’re successful. And famous.” It was about as graceful as she could word it in her tipsiness but Amanda still grimaced at herself.
“I have money. Obviously enough to own the things that I own. But famous doesn’t mean set for life. Things can end. I just want to work as hard as I can for as long as I can so that I’m prepared. Because I promised myself awhile ago that I’d give Logan and his family the life they were meant to have. And a thousand times more.”
Amanda blinked, stunned. “How’d you end up breaking into the industry then, anyway?” she asked curiously.
“Connor.” A faint but real smile curved one side of Liam’s lips when he answered. “He was going to USC for film and doing his dream internship at a major film studio that was producing The Yardbird.”
Recognizing the film, Amanda felt her mouth pucker into an ‘O.’ The Yardbird had been Liam’s breakout role in which he had played a prison escapee whose past would return to haunt him in his new and peaceful small town life. The film’s fight scenes had gone on to become his ticket into a steady career of action thrillers and cop or soldier movies. “So, Connor was able to get you an audition?”
“In his way. He looked up the casting director’s home address and dropped off my acting reel. Got me the role, got himself fired, rest is history,” Liam laughed. “I spent the next two years introducing him to everyone I met till he got a writing job from one of them. And now he’s got fifteen credits under his belt and a win at Sundance. He’s good.”
Amanda could feel her eyebrows lifting with total delight. “You made it up to him, then.”
Liam nodded. “Now all I need is to make it up to Logan and Heidi.”
Amanda bit the inside of her lip, trying to find the right thing to say as she watched a dark look cast over Liam’s brown eyes again. “You did just buy them one of the two most beautiful houses in North Carolina,” she said with a light laugh. He smiled. “What more can you do?” she asked with genuine curiosity.
“Make up for ignoring them for the past two years. For keeping them out of my life, ignoring their calls. Only calling back when they got my niece or nephew to leave a voicemail.”
Amanda’s eyes fluttered with surprise. “You did that? Why?”
“Didn’t really want them to see how much I changed. Kind of grew up wanting to be exactly like him and ended up the opposite. He would’ve hated the person I was these past few years.”
“No he wouldn’t, you’re his brother.”
“Yeah. Not the one he grew up with though.” Liam shrugged, stretching the material on his T-shirt. “The good thing about family is they remind you of where you came from. It’s a cliché for a reason but if you stay in the industry long enough, it’ll change you and not usually for the better. But the change is the reason why you survive for so long so it’s a tradeoff.”
“So, the best way to have a lasting career is by turning into a cold, hard robot with no empathy?” Amanda giggled. Liam turned to her, smiling at the amusement on her face.
“Actually, yeah. Pretty much.” He laughed when her mouth snapped shut with a frown. Amanda felt him watching her for a couple moments as she stared out at the grass with her brows knit. “Hey. Come here,” he finally said, pulling her onto his lap when she got up. He ran his hands over her thighs and leaned forward to kiss her bare shoulder. Amanda smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Sorry for picking your brain,” she said quietly. The corner of Liam’s lips picked up in a faint grin.
“It’s okay. I forgive you.”
“For making you admit that you have feelings sometimes? And that you’re not a cold Hollywood robot anymore?” Amanda giggled. “Good.” She kissed the top of his head. “Let’s be people. Together.”
Liam smiled, charmed. “Sounds like a plan.” His voice was a murmur as he pulled her face to his to kiss her lips. “Don’t let anything change you.”
“Psh. I wouldn’t.”
Chapter 3
Eyes fluttering open, Amanda stared ahead without the slightest hint of grogginess. Reaching for her phone, she touched its home button, squinting at the brightness as she read the time — 4:22AM. Her gaze wandered about the room, which for a moment, had felt like her studio in Alphabet City, back in New York. But rather than the exposed brick of her apartment, Amanda saw smooth, sage green walls of the master bedroom, somehow illuminated by the tiny sliver of moonlight coming through the white curtains. She’d hardly had time to admire the marble mantle and intricately carved white moldings before falling asleep. She and Liam had been entirely too satisfied from dinner — decently full and perfectly tipsy. They’d both hit the mattress and fallen asleep, somehow finding their ways under the covers in the middle of the night. With Liam’s arm wrapped around her waist, Amanda felt as if she were in the most wonderful dream. The only thing indicating otherwise was the beginnings of a hangover headache.
Too much cider. She needed water, badly.
Peering over her shoulder, Amanda slipped quietly out of bed, barely making a sound thanks to the smooth silk of her ivory chemise. Even in his sleep, Liam looked so strong, powerful — so much so that Amanda wondered briefly what she was even doing out of bed and out of his arms.
Tearing her eyes away from him, Amanda tip-toed out the room and quietly down the winding spiral staircase. Smiling to herself, she tried to remember the last time she had felt so peaceful or satisfied.
You’re hungover, not dreaming, Amanda reminded herself when she briefly wondered if her evening with Liam had been in her imagination or not. It was simple but somehow so incredibly perfect — the home-cooked meal, the conversation, the master bedroom, the deep slumber in his arms. His insanely gorgeous arms.
Amanda bit her lip as she leaned against the kitchen counter, bringing her glass of water to her parted mouth. She laughed softly to herself — life was definitely too good if she was fantasizing about a man whose arms she had only just left, whose body she would once again sleep against in just a matter of minutes.
Dragging her lip between her teeth, Amanda pressed the cold of the glass against her warm cheeks. It was probably the lasting effects of the alcohol, but she suddenly couldn’t fathom how her body had managed to wait so long to sleep with Liam. She had waited less than a month with Brandt. Oh, Brandt. She had lost her virginity to him and it had been astoundingly unremarkable. From books, shows and movies, Amanda had always understood the virginity loss thing to be some sort of magical moment during which both parties shared a beautiful, electric connection that made the world around them shatter into twinkling stars or something awesomely corny like that.
There had been none of that with Brandt — possibly because Amanda had had almost no physical or sexual attraction to him. But watching movies with him on the couch was certainly fun, so there was that. She could only imagine what the tabloid headlines would’ve been had the media followed them around as a couple. “Entire Package of Chips Ahoy Demolished in One Night, Season 2 of Doctor Who Finished,” “Bramanda Discovers ZINC movies On Demand, Stays in for Sixth Friday in a Row.”
Rolling her neck, Amanda smiled faintly to herself. It was a cruel, almost sick game that she liked to play, but sometimes, she compared Brandt to Liam for fun. Just to remind herself of how drastically different her life had become. Five-foot-eight and a hundred fifty pounds versus six-foot-five and two-twenty. An occasional soul patch that Amanda lamented versus the sexiest facial hair on the sexiest jawline in Hollywood. And of course, all those things she never even knew to notice on a man until Liam. Strong hands. Forearms. That perfect V-shape his shoulders formed down to his hips.
Her neck still tilted to the side, Amanda closed her eyes, running her cheek along her bare shoulder, pressing her naked knees together and suddenly feeling every shift of the silk chemise on her skin. Bathed in moonlight, her body felt suddenly filled to the brim with a toasty, pleasant laziness.
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br /> Or maybe it was the room — she could feel a sudden shift in energy that made her feel warm and just good all over.
Eyes still closed, Amanda let her head fall back, somehow knowing with every part of her that it would fall upon Liam’s shoulder. Her lips curled into a grin upon feeling his hard muscles and bare skin on the back of her neck. His arms wrapping around her waist, Liam let out a groggy rumble.
“I didn’t scare you?”
“No.” Amanda felt him rest his sleepy head forward upon the crook of her neck. She reached to massage the back of his neck, drawing a low, pleasured groan from his throat. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“Mm. You didn’t.”
“Sure?”
“Mm-hm.” His hands slid down to the sides of her hips as his lips brushed slowly, lazily across her skin, kissing the strap of her chemise off her shoulder. “Why are you up? Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Amanda let out a soft, sleepy sigh as Liam pushed up against her, her back warm as it felt the weight of his body — and the stiffness beneath his boxers. It pressed between the dimples of her lower back. “I’m fine, I just woke up out of nowhere,” she murmured, her palm running up the back of his head, his short hair tickling her skin. She didn’t even remember when she’d wound her arm up and around his neck. Nor could she recall the point at which her chemise had come halfway down on one side. Maybe she had done it. After all, her free hand was pushing down the other silky strap, lowering it till the entire top half of the silky nightgown fluttered down to her waist, a rush of air hitting her bare skin. Amanda gripped the edge of the granite counter as Liam let out another deep rumble from his chest, cupping her breasts from behind, his fingers firm around her, the front of his body pressed hard against her back.
His tongue parted her mouth once he turned her around, hoisting her up onto the counter to wrap her legs around his waist and bring her up the stairs back to the bedroom. Dizzy, hazy with pleasure, Amanda returned Liam’s deep kiss, finally ready for him. More than ready.