by Glazer, J B
“I have to take this,” I tell him. It’s only my mom, and I could have let it go to voice mail, but frankly I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I already know—his silence spoke volumes.
I’m typing angrily on my computer when Simon knocks on my door.
“Hi. I came by to show you the latest ads,” he says.
I’m glad Jake previewed the work with me so I can half-heartedly listen to his pitch. I give my input then continue to type my e-mail.
He walks over and closes the door. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or will I have to get you a new computer?”
I manage a smile. “Si, I’m done.”
“Why? What happened?”
I recount last night’s events and my conversation with Jake earlier. Simon and I have formed a close bond and he knows about my feelings for Jake.
“But Lexi, you don’t know what he was going to say. And maybe he didn’t get your hint.”
“Oh, he got my hint all right. And I could tell he was going to say, ‘I think I gave you the wrong impression’ or something to that effect. For my own sanity, I need to put some distance between him and me.”
“That’s probably a good idea—make him realize what he’s missing.”
“I’m not doing it to play games; I just think it’s time I face reality. Jake doesn’t date anyone at work, and as much as I’d like to think I’m an exception, I’m not.”
“My dear, everything is a game,” he says.
Well, I think, this is one I no longer intend to play.
After Simon leaves I think about what he said and know I’m right. Even though it was subtle, Jake definitely picked up on my insinuation. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting that reaction. I used to think I was fairly good at reading people, but Jake is a mystery to me. I definitely feel like we have a closer relationship than he has with the other girls at work. He seems more flirtatious with me and throws out hints that he’s interested with his “any guy would be lucky to have you” and “I prefer brunettes” comments. And don’t even get me started on that night at Blu when he almost kissed me. But Liv is right—he’s had plenty of chances to ask me out, and he hasn’t. So even if he is interested, he clearly doesn’t like me enough to bend his rule. Hard as it will be, I know I’m doing the right thing.
Jake is in San Francisco at the beginning of the following week, which gives me the excuse I need. When he returns, I stop dropping by his office. Instead I e-mail him whatever updates I have on the pitch. I also try to avoid going to his side of the floor so I won’t run into him. On Thursday he stops by my office.
“Hey, Lex. Long time no see.”
“Hi. I’m actually about to head to a meeting.”
“I’ll walk with you.”
“I’m going to stop by the ladies’ room first. See ya later.”
The next afternoon I’m in the kitchen getting a Diet Coke when he walks in and approaches me.
“Hi, Lexi. What’s up?”
“Hi,” I say, barely glancing at him. Fortunately Michelle walks in, so I engage her in a conversation.
Jake grabs a soda, pauses, and says, “Are you going to happy hour tonight?”
“No, I won’t be there.”
“Why? Do you have a hot date?” Michelle teases.
“As a matter of fact, I do.” With that I stride out the kitchen without looking back. I don’t mention that my date happens to be with my four-year-old nephew.
Scott, my brother-in-law, picks me up after work. His office is in the city, so he’s driving me to their house. He and my sister have a date night, so I’m baby-sitting for them. I haven’t seen Charlie in a few weeks, and I miss him. When I walk in, he jumps up and down. “Hi, Auntie Lex!” It’s nice having someone who’s always happy to see you.
After Jules and Scott head out, Charlie and I play a bunch of games, and then I heat up a frozen pizza for us. Afterward I give him a bath, and he insists on bathing all his fish toys. When I finally get him to bed at eight, he’s out like a light, which gives me a chance to go through my notes on the cancer benefit my mom and I have been planning. It’s a few weeks away, and everything is taken care of for the most part. I just need to finalize the gift bags and raffle prizes. A lot of Hartman & Taylor’s clients have offered to donate items for the bags. It’s a win-win; we get free merchandise, and they get a sampling opportunity with a desirable audience. I anticipate we’ll have around 175 people in attendance, but I plan for 200 bags. I don’t want to worry about not having enough; plus people likely will take extras.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I know, Jules is gently shaking me.
“How was your night?” I ask her and Scott.
“Great,” Jules says. “It was so nice to be able to have adult conversation. Thanks, Lex.”
“No problem. I love seeing Charlie. He’s such a great kid.”
“How was he? Did he give you any trouble?”
“None at all. He insisted on bathing all his toys, but I had him down by eight.”
“Perfect. He loves when you come here.”
“Probably because she gives him her undivided attention,” Scott jokes. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”
Scott and I make small talk on the ride back. He and I have become close, and I think he’s a really good guy. My sister got very lucky.
“So are you dating anyone?” he asks.
“I went on a date recently.”
“How’d it go?”
“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. He was good-looking and nice, but I can’t tell if there’s a spark, ya know?”
“Give it time. You’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, so have some fun. You deserve it.”
“Thanks. I’ll try.”
Maybe Scott’s right. I always look at every guy as a potential boyfriend. I probably should go with the flow and see where things lead instead of analyzing everything to death like I always do.
We make good time to the city; it’s late enough that there isn’t any traffic.
“Thanks for the ride. See you at the benefit.”
“Take care, Lexi. And thanks for sitting for us.”
I wave as he drives off. Roland is at the door and gives me a wink.
“Was that your date?”
“No.” I laugh. “That was my brother-in-law.”
“Well, you deserve a real gentleman,” he says.
I agree. Now I just need to find him.
The next week I get back to focusing on my own account; I’ve been so busy working on the fragrance pitch that I haven’t been giving it as much attention as I’d like. I spend the next few days at Lumineux, going over the options from our shoot as well as some new opportunities we’d like to pursue. It keeps me focused, and I haven’t had much time to think about Jake.
I’m on an all-agency call to share the status of our projects when my cell phone rings. I see that it’s Rachelle, Molly’s mom, so I put my office phone on speaker and mute it. Michelle is leading the call and already has given our update, so I figure it’s fine to answer my cell phone. “Hi, Rachelle. Is everything OK?” I can tell from her voice that it’s not. She informs me Molly has taken a turn for the worse. I try to reassure her and tell her kids are resilient, but in my heart, I don’t believe it. I ask her if I can visit Molly this weekend.
“I’m sure Molly would love to see you, but now isn’t the best time.”
“I understand. Please let me know if things change.”
“I will. Just so you know, we’re still planning on having a birthday party for her next weekend. She was so disappointed when I had to cancel in May because of her treatments. This is one thing she has to look forward to, and I don’t want to take it away from her.”
“I’ll be there. Text me once you know the details.”
“Thanks, Lexi. I will.”
“Give Molly a hug for me.”
We hang up, and I close my eyes. Not Molly. My eyes fill with tears, and I do my best to
suppress them, but it’s no use. I’m usually not a crier, but I’ve shed more tears these past few months than I have in my life. You’d think I’d be prepared and have a box of tissues in my office, but I don’t. I do my best to wipe my eyes and collect myself. Then I make my way to the restroom, and as luck would have it, Jake is standing outside the door, talking to Ross. Damn it. If I turn around, it’ll look like I’m avoiding him. I walk past them with my head down and mumble a hello. I hate when people see me cry, and few actually have. Jake lightly touches my arm, and I look up into his concerned eyes.
“Hey, are you OK?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Did something happen with Ben?” he asks quietly.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. I volunteer at the children’s hospital, and one of my patients isn’t doing well.”
He seems surprised. “If you need to take some personal time, I can cover the review this afternoon.”
“No, I’ll be fine,” I say again. I walk into the restroom and leave him standing in the hallway. Thankfully it’s empty. I splash cold water on my face and take some deep, steadying breaths. When I emerge a few minutes later, Jake is gone. I head back to my office and attempt to lose myself in my work.
I’m very quiet at the review that afternoon. No one seems to notice, or they’re too polite to say anything. After the meeting, I make a beeline for my office. Even though I have a lot more to do, I decide to call it a day. I’m not being very productive, and mentally I can’t be here anymore. I pack up my things to leave when there’s a knock on my door. I look up to see Simon standing in my doorway.
“I came to see how you were doing,” he says, closing the door.
“How did you know I needed checking on?”
“Jake stopped by. He seemed concerned about you.”
For once I’m glad Jake meddled in my personal business; I could really use a friend right now. As he pulls me into a hug, I feel tears prickling my eyelids again. This time I don’t hold them back. I cry not just for Molly but for all the things wrong in my personal life. When did things become such a mess? Simon rubs my back and tells me everything will be fine. I wish I could believe him.
“What happened?” he asks. “Jake said something about a patient.”
“Molly’s mom called me earlier and said she isn’t doing well. It doesn’t sound good.” I sob again. “I’m just not cut out for this. I get too personally invested.”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it’s one of your best qualities. I also think it’s one of the reasons you’re so successful. You take a personal interest in people, which not only makes them open up to you but also makes you want to deliver the best outcome possible.”
“Yeah, maybe I’m successful in my professional life, but my personal life is a disaster.”
“I know things aren’t in a great place with Jake right now, but from where I’m sitting, it’s pretty one-sided.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the current status of your relationship is your choice. If he had a say, I don’t think you’d be on nonspeaking terms.”
“We’re not on nonspeaking terms. I just don’t go out of my way to talk to him. Besides, he’s had plenty of opportunities to take our relationship further, but he hasn’t acted on any of them. You know all of this.”
“I know, but I still think he cares about you. Why else would he send me to check on you? You should have seen him when he came into my office. He seemed pretty concerned.”
“Simon, I’m not saying he doesn’t like me. But it’s obviously not enough, or we’d be together. I have plenty of other issues going on in my life that I don’t want to deal with it anymore.”
“Look, I know things are tough right now, but they’ll turn around soon.”
“How do you know?”
“Because the only way to go from here is up.”
“I hope you’re right. I can’t imagine things getting much worse.”
“Will you be OK?”
“Yes,” I lie, not wanting to burden him with my overwhelming sense of sadness.
After Simon leaves, I call Marta at the children’s hospital and tell her something has come up with my schedule, and I won’t be able to honor my commitment any longer.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she says. “You’ve been an asset here, and the door is always open if you change your mind.”
I thank her and tell her I’ll definitely let her know if things change, but I highly doubt they will. I’m not in the right frame of mind where I can constantly deal with this kind of heartbreak. I still want to give back, so I decide to focus my energy on something else: the Make-A-Wish-Foundation. There are countless deserving kids waiting to have their wishes granted, and I’d like to play a part in making them a reality. Ever since I was a little girl, I always believed wishes come true. Even if it can’t happen for me, I’m hell-bent on making sure it happens for someone else.
The following week is a busy one. I get the initial retouched images back from John Paul and work with Matt to narrow down our top choices. We share our recommendations with Natalia, and after much negotiation, we align on a direction. On Thursday I stay late to catch up on all my unread e-mails. I’m ready to call it a night and walk past the conference room on my way out. I see the creative team hard at work on the fragrance pitch. Simon catches my eye and motions for me to come in.
“Want to see our progress?” he asks.
“Sure. I’d love to.” The pitch is two weeks away, and the work looks amazing. I offer a few minor comments, but otherwise I tell them it’s perfect.
“I agree.” I turn around to find Jake standing there, having just brought in dinner for everyone. “You’re welcome to stay and eat something,” he says.
I debate what to do because I’m hungry, but I find it best not to be around him. “That’s OK. I’m actually headed to the gym. One last thing,” I say, turning to Simon. “This may be pushing it, but given that the creative is almost done, it might be a good idea to prepare some thought starters for how we’d extend the campaign into other channels such as digital and mobile. They can be in white-paper format, and you don’t even need to share them. Just have them in your back pocket in case they ask.”
“We’re already on it. Jake offered the same suggestion.”
“Great minds think alike,” says Ari.
I manage a small smile. “Have a good night, everyone.”
“Bye, Lexi,” the group choruses.
I’m waiting for the elevator when Jake approaches me. “Did I forget something?” I ask him.
“No. I was just wondering if I did something to upset you.”
I stare at him for a moment. “No, Jake, you didn’t do anything.”
That’s the problem.
The next morning I stop by Simon’s office to congratulate him on the exceptional campaign and see he’s in a meeting with Jake. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll find you later.” I walk away before either of them has a chance to respond.
That afternoon Simon comes by my office and closes the door. “I had a very interesting conversation with Jake,” he informs me.
“Oh? What’d he say?”
“After you walked out of my office, he asked me if you were acting different. And I said, ‘Different how?’ He mumbled something about how you seemed angry with him. Then he started talking about how he doesn’t date anyone at the office, and he thought everyone knew it was an unwritten rule.”
“What did you say?”
“I said, ‘I know, but Lexi’s different.’ And then he said, ‘Believe me, I know.’”
“He said that?”
Simon nods. “Yep.”
Thank God. At least I know I’m not crazy. “It still doesn’t change anything,” I say. “He might be interested, but it’s obviously not enough for him to act on. If he really liked me, he’d do something about it.”
“I just thought you’d like to know.”
Later that day I get a text message from Rachelle, reminding me that Molly’s party is this weekend. I reply that I’ll be there and ask her to send me the details. I’ve visited Molly a few times since our initial meeting and feel like we’ve formed a special bond. I know she’s into superheroes, so I go online in search of the perfect gift. When I was growing up, Wonder Woman was my favorite heroine. I find a retro-looking costume and see that they have it at Toys “R” Us. I call Liv and ask her if I can borrow her car tonight.
“Sure. Where are you off to?”
“I have to pick up a birthday gift at Toys “R” Us.”
“I’ll go with you. There’s a Jewel across the street, and I have to do some grocery shopping.”
“Wanna grab dinner first?” I ask her.
“Sure. Let’s meet in the lobby at six thirty. Will that work for you?”
“I think I can be out of here by then.”
Liv and I grab dinner at a great place around the corner from our building that serves soups, sandwiches, and salads. I’m a bit obsessed with their grilled chicken panini.
“Have you talked to Jason recently?” Liv inquires.
“He called the other day. He wants to go out again.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yes. We’re going out Tuesday night.”
“Good. Where are you going?”
“I’m not sure. He said something about a wine bar.”
“Are you excited?”
“I’m looking forward to it. But honestly I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know the rules anymore. What happens on date number two?”
“Well, considering most people seal the deal on date three, you could kiss him.”
“Whatever happened to taking things slow? I can’t imagine sleeping with someone after only three dates. It’s hardly enough time to know someone, let alone feel comfortable being intimate.”
“I agree,” Liv says. “But you should kiss him. You need to get over the hurdle of kissing someone other than Ben. It may as well be Jason.”