I’ve never heard this story before. “Oh, George, I’m so sorry.”
“After this happened, I had nothing left for me in Greece. The rest of my family died in the war. So when I received a job offer from the Lilliput Project several months later, I accepted. They had seen some of my published research on birds, and they took me on. I didn’t know the scope of the project, and I was under contract to keep their experiments a closely guarded secret.
“I never saw any of the Toms. They were born in England and taken to New Zealand after it happened.”
“After what happened?”
“There were seven of you. You were all born at once, and I’ve never seen anything so tiny. You were all kept together so you could get human contact from one another, but you were the only one with asthma and you came down with a bad respiratory infection a couple of months after you were born. Dr. Christiansen had you quarantined and told us no one could touch you. But you would lie there and scream and cry, and all I could think about was my own baby girl, so I would go in and hold you for hours when no one was around.
“You started to get better, but the other girls were declining and no one knew why. They were…listless. They stopped crying or trying to get anyone’s attention. Then they stopped eating, and they were too small to be fed by a tube. They were only six months old, and they’d never even rolled over.
“They died one by one, almost all within a week. Only one, number five, held out another month.”
I wipe the back of my hand across my eyes to chase away the tears. “But why did they die? And why am I the only one who made it?”
He bites his lip and looks down at the table. “Dr. Christiansen said they died due to mental conditions, but I think that was only partly correct. I think they died from a lack of affection. While they were always lying close to one another, no one ever held them. They never received the slightest bit of love. I will never forgive myself for that.”
“So…my asthma saved my life.”
“In a way. I suppose you could say that.”
“But only because of you.”
He sighs and nods, uncomfortable with taking credit for my continued existence.
“Why did the Toms survive then?”
“They very nearly didn’t, but after one of them died, I emailed their director—Dr. Lee—and told him about your survival and how you had been held every single day. So they implemented the practice at Lilliput II and sick Toms got better.”
I stare down into my tea, absorbing everything he’s told me. This isn’t what I’d imagined. I’d pictured horrible experiments, torture, etc. I never guessed the Thumbelinas died because they weren’t loved enough. I didn’t even know that was possible.
Yet, somehow this information isn’t a surprise. It seems to explain and validate this yearning I have that never quite goes away. I’ve almost gotten used to it. It was there even when I was talking to Jack every day, although it wasn’t quite as pronounced then. I crave human touch, and I rarely ever get it.
“Will you forgive me, pixie?”
“For what?”
“I could have done better, and if I had, you wouldn’t have grown up so lonely. None of this would have happened to you. You didn’t deserve this.”
“Well, Dr. Christiansen would still be just as wacko, so I’m not sure about that.”
“Maybe not. She changed after that. She’s never been a warm woman, but she got worse. I think she truly thought she was doing a good thing when she created all of you.” He shrugs. “Most people think they’re doing the right thing.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, are you through with your tea?”
I hand him the thimble.
“You should get some sleep. We have things to discuss tomorrow.”
“What kinds of things?”
“Many news agencies are asking for your story. You can right your reputation if you wish. But we’ll talk about it tomorrow after you’ve rested.”
He carries me to my makeshift bedroom, lights a tea candle near my bed, and carries his own light away with him. I wait until his door closes before changing into the cotton nightgown with massive Velcro strips that I have to leave open in order to make room for my wings. I’ll cut off the Velcro tomorrow and add a tie. The nightgown is too big, but it’s warm and comfortable, a welcome change from the evening gown I’ve been wearing all day.
My bed is a shoebox full of stacked washcloths, and I sink into it with a contented sigh. I remember what George said about righting my reputation. What would it take for that to happen? A pulse of excitement at the possibility of vindication wakes me a little, but not enough. I fall asleep with the candle flame still flickering in the darkness.
Chapter 35
“You’re on soon. Are you ready? Know your cue?” The assistant pulls out his earpiece and leans toward me.
“Yeah, I’ve got it,” I say. “You put my name up in huge letters on that screen and then I fly out.”
“Right. Good!” He gives me a thumbs up, totally oblivious to my sarcasm. “Break a wing!” He chuckles at his own joke.
Haha. Very funny. My wing finished healing a couple of days ago, and I can finally fly at full speed. George helped stitch me up, but it took longer to heal than usual because it was such a large tear. Then it took us a week to find a publicist who would work pro bono until my trust money is released. That won’t be for a while since Dr. Christiansen is now in custody and awaiting trial and my lawyer can’t get the money until a verdict is reached. Still, everyone considers it to be a slam-dunk. I’m still bitter she wasn’t arrested until she killed a “real” human on international television, but I’m happy she’s in a place where she can’t hurt anyone else.
Now I’m waiting in the wings of a British television studio, about to appear on The Tani Ellis Show to share my side of the story with the world. It was strange to have someone new fix my hair and makeup, but I’m pleased with the results. The hairdresser pulled out the world’s smallest flatiron and gave me the first smooth hair-do I’ve ever had. And my makeup isn’t over the top. Best of all, I’m wearing my own clothes—a sari patchwork skirt, leggings, and a black tank top. And scrunched socks. My feet are pretty happy that they’re no longer stuffed into plastic doll shoes.
My name flashes on the monitor in neon yellow letters: LENA CHRISTIANSEN. They’ve managed to misspell my name, and it throws me off a little bit. Also, I definitely want to see about changing my last name.
Deep breath. Adrenaline floods my veins as I burst through the curtain and wave at the audience. A cacophony of boos and cheers greets me, but I focus on my instructions.
Fly out to the dais, wait for the host to come and shake my hand. Tani is a pretty dark-skinned woman with blindingly white teeth. She smiles and her lips move as she makes a show of holding my hand, but I’m concentrating so hard on my next step I don’t hear what she says.
Go to the desk, sit on the doll sofa. I’m careful to make sure Tani reaches her chair first before I seat myself on the rock-hard cushion.
Answer questions. Be charming. This will be a lot harder.
“So, Lina. Welcome! We’re so excited to have you on the show with us.”
“Thank you. It’s an honor to be here.”
“Now, usually we have folks on to promote their new movie or book, but you’re here for a different reason. I’m sure I don’t need to recap for our audience because you’ve become a household name all over the world, but just in case anyone’s been hiding under a rock for the past two months, Lina Christiansen recently starred in a reality dating show featuring six contestants who are as unique as she is. Her six Toms were also about six inches tall. However, she shocked the world when her online boyfriend Jack offered to undergo a transformation procedure to bring him down to her size and she turned him down in favor of a young man named Row or Tom 2. In an even more unexpected turn of events, Row was reunited with his former girlfriend, Daphne Livingston, who underwent the shrinking procedure.
Unfortunately, Miss Livingston passed away due to complications from the transformation, with viewers worldwide witnessing some of the horror. Truly shocking.
“Now, Lina, you’ve received a lot of flak for turning down Jack and choosing Row, and you’re here to clear the air, so to speak. Would you like to tell us what happened?”
“Yes, thank you.” I lick my lips, longing for a sip of water. My mouth has gone completely dry.
“Dr. Christiansen is now in custody for the wrongful death of Daphne Livingston. Did you have some idea the procedure was harmful?”
“I did. Before the show even started, I caught one of the assistants doing some sort of testing on a cat. And right before the episode with Jack—where I told him I’d picked someone else—I found out someone had died from Dr. Christiansen’s experiments. I didn’t know then that she was trying to shrink full-sized people.”
“So when Jack told you what he was willing to do for your relationship, you knew he could die if he went through with it.”
“Yes. I tried to tell him, but they kept freezing the…the transmission whenever I said something about the risks. So I knew the only way to keep him from going through with it was if I…if I got him to stay away from me.”
“You tried to protect him.” Tani’s face is full of manufactured compassion, and I’m suddenly uncomfortable with revealing the inner workings of my heart to her on this stage. But Jack has to know, and this is the only way I can tell him.
The audience “awwws,” and Tani nods at them meaningfully.
“That was all I wanted,” I say, looking directly into the camera. “I promised him once that I would never make him watch something painful unless I had a good reason, and I’ve never broken my word on that.”
“Tell us more about the show itself. Were you given a choice about whether or not you would participate?”
“I was told I could either cooperate, or they would hurt Jack.”
“And how did they know about him or where to find him?”
“I’d been talking to him online for a year, and Dr. Christiansen took my computer and watched all my video files. Without my permission.”
Tani shakes her head. “That’s horrible. And from what I understand, you don’t enjoy all the rights and privileges we regular-sized people do here in the European Union.”
“No. Technically, I’m not a human.”
“Unbelievable. Well, is there anything you would tell Jack if you had the chance?”
Not on your show, not because you asked. But I’ve committed to this thing, so I clear my throat and say, “Yes. I’d like—”
“I’m so glad you said that,” she says, “because I have a surprise for you. Please welcome Lina’s online love—Jack!”
I whirl around as Jack bursts onto the stage to deafening applause and cheering. I stand awkwardly as Tani rushes over to shake his hand and lead him to the chair. I’m not sure what to do. Should I go over to him? Stay here? Smile and wave? No one prepared me for this.
I stand rooted in place as he sits and waves at the audience. He’s looking unbelievably hot in his dark chocolate suit, with his hair all casual. But there’s a hardness in his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“Hello, Lina.”
“Hi, Jack,” I squeak.
“This is the first time you two have ever been in the same room, isn’t it?” Tani asks. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
“It is,” he says with far more composure than I can muster right now.
“Now, Jack,” she says. “I’m sure you heard Lina’s explanation. What do you think about that?”
“I think I’m not quite sure what I believe right now.”
“And you didn’t know she was the world’s first Thumbelina while you were dating if I understand correctly.”
“I wouldn’t say we were dating. We talked online. None of our dates were real.”
Those words sting even deeper than his last goodbye.
“But you cared for her,” Tani presses.
He squirms in his seat. “Obviously. I offered to let a quack doctor cut me down to size for her.”
“Hm. Well, Lina has something to say to you. Lina?”
This is not how this is supposed to happen. In all my fantasies of meeting Jack, I never dreamed of being put on the spot in front of an international audience in order to say my piece. And I never imagined I would see his face so hard and set against me. My words cannot crack his shell. He has no reason to believe I did it all because I love him.
“I’m sorry,” I say as the tears shove their way out, humiliating me in front of everyone. “I can’t do this.” And then, escorted with gasps of disbelief, I fly offstage.
Chapter 36
“Go back out!” the assistant screams when I burst through the curtain. He looks past me, and his eyes widen even more. “You too!”
I whirl around in my teary haze and come face-to-face with Jack. He followed me?
“Can we… I don’t know how to do this. Can we talk?” he asks.
“Okay.”
The assistant inserts himself between us and goes off on Jack. “Get back on the stage! What are you doing?!”
“Out of my face, please,” Jack says. “This is no longer any of your business.” His voice is so commanding that the assistant backs off. Jack jerks his head toward the dressing rooms, and I follow him into the one marked with his name.
He closes the door behind us with a muffled click that dies in the silence and stuffiness of the room.
We stare at each other. Finally we’re alone and together, and we have nothing to say. Now that we’re up close and I don’t have an audience watching, I notice the edges of his suit are frayed, and it’s a bit old-fashioned. The legs are a little short, too.
“It was my dad’s,” he says. “I could never afford to buy one right now. That’s why I agreed to come on the show. I didn’t do it to embarrass you.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I should have known better.”
I bite down on the inside of my lip.
He continues, his voice tired. “They didn’t tell me you would be here. If they had, I wouldn’t have done this. Although I’m sure it would have been hard to say no. On some level.”
“You’re still angry with me.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Even though you heard everything I said out there? About why I had to turn you down? And those nasty comments weren’t even meant for you in the first place. Dr. Christiansen asked me to tell her exactly what I thought of her. They recorded it.”
He folds his arms. “It wasn’t your choice to make. Did it ever occur to you I might be intelligent enough to ask about the risks? That I might be smart enough to decide on my own whether or not I wanted to take the chance?”
I open my mouth, but he doesn’t give me opportunity to speak.
“Apparently you didn’t because you thought it was all up to you, that you were the only one who could be the hero. Seriously, Lina, I don’t think you could have been more of a martyr.” He shakes his head in disgust.
“Jack, if you’d been in my shoes, you would have done the same thing. I knew you didn’t have the whole story. They lied to me all along. Right before that day when they told me you could be shrunk, I found out someone I’d trusted all my life had been deceiving me from day one. Even if they did tell you there were risks, they didn’t tell you all of them. I watched them bury some poor girl they killed. Did they tell you that part?
“If these people were ordinary, honest scientists, it would have been very different. But they’re not—they’re liars and manipulators! I’ve lived with Dr. Christiansen and her little band of hack jobs all my life. Give me a little credit!”
He smirks at me. “Liars and manipulators, eh? Seems like you are related to them after all. I guess you couldn’t find it in your heart to tell me for the past year that you’re six inches tall and have wings. Care to explain that one?”
I take a deep breath. There is no good answer. There’s
no reason he should believe me now. Still, if I’m going to win back his trust, I’d better start being honest. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. “So you let me believe a lie so you could get what you wanted. Did you ever think about what I wanted? Maybe I would have liked the opportunity to choose for myself whether or not I dated a tiny girl? But I guess you didn’t really care about me that much. You just cared about yourself.”
Every word hits its mark at the center of my heart. Every word is true. It feels more complicated to me than he’s described, but he isn’t wrong either.
I struggle against the words I need to say but manage to force them out. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Are you really?”
“Well, I’m not sorry I got to have you in my life for a longer period of time. But you’re right that it was selfish, so I’m sorry.”
The balloon of his anger appears to be deflating. He chews on his lip.
“Jack?”
“What?”
“Why did you accept Dr. Christiansen’s offer to be shrunk if you were so mad at me for misleading you?”
He stares hard at the wall behind me. “Because I kept thinking about what you said the last time we talked. Right before you pulled the plug on your computer.” His eyes meet mine. “And I missed you. But now I don’t know what to think.”
“Jack, I decided to love Row because choosing him kept you safe. At least, I thought it would. Can you understand that?” I throw up my hands in frustration. “I gave up on ever being happy. I remember you telling me about how you felt when you realized you could never stop working and supporting your siblings. You said it felt like a crushing weight that would never go away no matter how hard you wished, no matter how hard you worked. When you told me, I didn’t understand how that felt. Well, now I do. Now I know that not everything has a happy ending.”
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