by Nina Singh
“It seems this romantic mood has affected everyone,” Mila teased.
Angeline dared a look at R.J. He was staring at her. Fire still burned in his eyes, stoking the one burning in her.
“Come, you two.” Tavov motioned. “We’re going to stop the music long enough for a couple of more toasts, including yours.”
She managed to finally tear her gaze away from R.J.’s heated stare. “That, um, sounds lovely.”
Mila stepped to her and took her arm into her own. “Come, our guests are all looking forward to hearing from you.”
Angeline nodded, and awareness ran down her spine as she walked away with Mila. She knew R.J. was still watching her.
What was she doing? She’d just managed to shatter any peace she may have obtained. Then realization of the truth erupted within her chest. She was still in love with him. She always had been. All those years of pretending they’d had nothing but chemistry between them had been such a ruse. Her pretense now stared her in the face. Nothing she could say or do from now on would allow her to deny it anymore. She’d loved him since she’d laid eyes on him. Without a doubt, she wanted him. And he wanted her.
Was that enough?
She shook her head briskly as Mila led her away. What a silly question. Of course it was. Her foolish heart would settle for anything he gave her. That’s how blindly in love she was. Something had shifted between them tonight. They had both acknowledged their mutual attraction. And that they’d both felt sentimental for all they’d lost. But she was almost certain for him that’s all it was.
She harbored no illusions that he felt as strongly for her as she did for him.
In a few short hours they’d be back in the suite alone. Their spoken words of sentiment still between them. The question was, was she ready to do something about it?
Mindlessly, she followed R.J. up the steps to the portable stage. Another man was already at the microphone offering his best wishes.
Angel didn’t hear him. How in the world was she supposed to go back to her carefully crafted life after this? The one belief that had helped her move forward was the knowledge that it would take only a matter of time to get over a youthful attraction. Now she would have to acknowledge the pain for what it was—her heart breaking, slowly and irreparably, with each and every day, most likely without end.
“We’re being called forward, Angel.”
“What?”
“It’s our turn to toast the bride and groom. And offer wise words of guidance.” He seemed to have a barely veiled grip on his control. Was he as floored as she was? Or was it just all this acting starting to take a toll on him, as well?
Letting him guide her toward the center, she pasted what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. Suddenly, the true force of what she was about to do hit her. She felt the eyes of hundreds of people, waiting for her to say something. People who had no reason to suspect she was being anything less than sincere.
“Well, Angel?” R.J. prompted.
“Huh?”
“What’s your answer?” For some odd reason, she felt her nervousness go down a notch at the sound of his voice.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear your question.”
“Would you like me to go first?” he asked.
What a godsend. “Y-yes, thank you. I guess I should have been better prepared. It’s a little different from a business presentation, isn’t it?”
He merely tipped his head in answer.
“I’m sure I’ll come up with something concrete by the time you finish.” She hoped she would.
“It’s okay. I’m not exactly sure what I’m about to say myself.”
She watched as he took the microphone from the bride’s waiting cousin. The crowd seemed to grow even quieter as R.J. cleared his throat.
“First of all,” he began, “I’d like you all to know what a terrific honor this is for both me and my wife.” Angel swallowed at the last word.
“We were honored to be invited, and we are even more pleased to be able to personally give our regards to the couple.”
The crowd had grown completely silent, hanging on R.J.’s every word.
“I know everyone’s got a lot of celebrating to do, so I’ll be brief. To our honored couple, I’d just like to say...remember always what has brought you here together to this day. No matter how little, remember every detail that has endeared you to each other.”
Angel felt herself chewing her lip. It would be so easy, so terribly tempting to believe his words actually held some meaning for the two of them.
R.J. continued. “Never take for granted the love you have for each other. It is a gift that few people are ever lucky enough to find. It’s apparent when looking at the two of you that you have done so. So remember the little treasures, remember the starlit nights, the slow dances when it’s just the two of you on the dance floor. Remember how the other person’s smile takes your breath away.” He stopped to clear his throat, and Angeline felt her eyes sting. What she wouldn’t give to have those words come from him directly to her.
But she had to be logical. She had to realize that fate was playing a cruel, harsh joke on her. Forcing her and R.J. to utter words that may have been true years ago but had long ago lost their merit. She blinked the tears out of her eyes as R.J. resumed his speech.
“And finally,” he continued, “always remember, nothing matters but the two of you and what you’ve found in each other.” He lifted his glass before completing. “Good luck and best wishes.” The crowd stood silent for the briefest of seconds and then roared their applause.
Angel was too stunned to move—let alone speak. She felt R.J.’s hand at her elbow nudging her toward the crowd. He handed her the microphone.
She cleared her throat and winced as the sound tore through the air. “Well, that’s going to be quite a tough act to follow.
“Again, we are both so very pleased that you have made us part of such a joyous occasion. My husband pretty much put it best. Fate has brought the two of you together. The love you share for each other has culminated in this very special moment. It stands stronger than time. True love transcends pride, wealth and—” she turned to look fully at R.J. “—background.”
At the last word, she had to turn away from him.
“So from this day forward, let your affection for each other be the power that guides you. Let nothing or no one ever tell you it’s any less than it is. R.J. and I will always remember how strong your bond is. Good luck and best wishes.”
The band struck up behind her as the crowd cheered, but Angeline stood frozen where she was. Adrenaline pumped through her, and it had nothing to do with public speaking.
“Nice words,” R.J. whispered in her ear.
“Thanks. For a moment I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say. I’m glad it’s over.”
He was about to respond when he was interrupted as Tavov clapped a hand on his shoulder.
“R.J., good speech. There’s someone here I’d like you to meet.”
“Please, go on,” she urged before he could refuse. She didn’t feel much like celebrating.
* * *
He appeared out of nowhere. Angel shook the sleep off and sat up. She could see R.J.’s silhouette through the darkness. He had the advantage. The bed was bathed in moonlight while he stood protected by the black cover of the night.
“R.J.? Are you all right? I’ve been so worried.” She glanced at the mounted clock on the wall. “It’s almost dawn.
He didn’t answer, didn’t move.
She removed the covers and started to get out of bed. “Where have you been? You’ve been gone for hours.” She realized too late her state of disarray. Her pajama top had shifted off her shoulders, exposing most of her neckline and chest. She knew R.J. had noticed.
She
drew the covers protectively back around her.
“I was trying to stay away,” he whispered. “Away from this room, away from you.” She heard him suck in a deep breath. “But I couldn’t do it. I’m not strong enough.”
His voice sounded off, strange. She could barely make out his shape. Some internal battle he was fighting was evident in his tone. He moved closer, and Angeline felt her heart beating furiously in her chest. It was fear and anticipation all at once. Her hands stilled, fingers wrapped tightly around the blanket.
“I tried so hard not to come back here. Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to help myself if I was back in this room with you. But here I am.”
She swallowed, willed herself to speak. “Where’d you go?”
“I’ve been wandering the beach for hours. I think I may have walked to the next city over before turning around.”
Angel resisted the urge to stand and hug him; he’d been wandering in the chilly dark night. “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Pretending to be married, I mean.”
He shook his head. “That’s been the easy part. Pretending I can resist you is what I can’t stand anymore.”
She knew it was really him, knew she wasn’t dreaming. But the voice she heard now didn’t belong to the man she’d known before. This sounded like a man whose last hold on control had just snapped.
“What caused all this?”
He let out a small laugh that sounded wounded and bitter. “Everything. The wedding, how happy Reid and Kaya seem to be starting their lives together. Our toast. Even watching Mila and Tavov, seeing how happy they still seem after all these years.” He paused for so long she thought he wasn’t going to speak again. But then added, “And watching you. Pretending you’re still mine. Trying to ignore the way you affect me.”
She bit down on her lip. “And how do I affect you, R.J.?”
“Like no one else ever has. Apparently three years apart hasn’t changed it.”
Her breath caught at his admission.
“But you have to tell me,” he continued. “I’ll walk out of here right now if you want me to. God knows, it’s the sane thing to do. But if that’s what you want, you’d better tell me now.”
She couldn’t form a response, couldn’t bring herself to speak. It took all she had to resume breathing. Finally, she summoned the ability to utter his name.
“Come here,” he bade. The gentlest of demands, as if he’d finally allowed himself to voice a silent wish.
Her limbs wouldn’t move. Heavens, she wanted him, wanted to feel him around her, embracing her. Over her. Yet an overwhelming force held her where she was, unable to move past the crossroads she was being offered. If this was the wrong move, she knew without a doubt that this time her heart would never recover.
“I need to be certain, Angel.” She heard his scratchy voice through the darkness. “I need to be sure this is what you want. Show me.” He paused to take a deep, tortured breath.
Suddenly, without preamble or warning, she felt her own slim grasp on control snap.
Somehow she managed to move, though she wouldn’t have thought it was possible. The hardwood floor felt cold on the soles of her feet, but the sensation barely registered. The universe consisted of nothing but the man before her. The man she knew she would always love. True to form, he was making sure it was completely her decision.
Automatically, she placed one languid foot in front of the other. He stepped closer to her, and the moonlight finally illuminated the hard, sharp features of his face. The harsh reality of what she was about to do hit her when she fully saw his face.
And then she could go no farther. Only the length of a small room stood between them. But it may as well have been miles. Nothing and everything held her back. Fear, desire, desperation, doubt. All of it warred within her, freezing her in her spot. Even in his cry for her, she could feel part of him holding back. Perhaps the most important part.
But what was the point in fighting? She couldn’t deny she wanted him. Would always want him.
Her need for his touch roared like wildfire in her ears. She reached out her hand, asking silently for reassurance.
R.J. quickly breached the area between them. The contact was sudden, savage. She knew the world had stopped. At least it had for her.
He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her fiercely up against him. The kiss was clumsy at first. Then sheer familiarity took over. She savored the taste of him.
He thrust forceful fingers through her hair. Several tangled strands caught, causing a flash of pain. It didn’t matter. He kissed her deeper, and she couldn’t help the groan that escaped her.
Finally, he was here. And he was going to make love to her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HE’D LEFT HER. Angeline knew instinctively that R.J. had moved off the bed. The comfortable warmth that had enveloped her till morning, even in sleep, had disappeared. Squinting in the dawn’s light, she made out his silhouette on the balcony.
He looked deep in thought.
Don’t panic, he’s simply processing. No way he’s about to break your heart again.
But her mouth had gone dry.
“Watching the sunrise?” she asked with false cheeriness as she stepped outside. The rigid hold of his back stoked her fears.
This was not going to be a fun conversation.
He didn’t look at her, just kept staring straight ahead at the water. The rays of the infant sun turned the sky a majestic red along the horizon. R.J. had pulled on only his pajama bottoms, his upper body bare despite the chill. Her gaze fell to his chiseled arms. Arms that had held her into the morning. Surrounded her and loved her.
There was no mistaking the tension in his shoulders.
He didn’t look at her when he spoke. “I’m afraid I let all the excitement of last night get to me.”
“Is that all that was? The only reason you made love to me was due to the excitement of the wedding?”
“Yes.”
She knew better. “I don’t believe you. You said a lot of things last night. Things that just don’t jell with what you’re trying to tell me right now.” She stepped closer.
“That was just the heat of the moment, Angel.”
Ouch. That dart had hit its mark. But she wasn’t going to fall for it. This was nothing more than R.J. trying to battle his demons alone. As usual. “I don’t believe that either. Please tell me why you’re pulling away.”
“This is exactly why I should have stayed away from you last night. We don’t need this distraction right now.”
“The obvious fact that we still have feelings for each other is a little more than a distraction, R.J. What are we going to do about it?”
“Nothing. We’re going to go back to the States and pretend none of this ever happened.”
“And move forward with the divorce?”
He tilted his head slightly in agreement. He couldn’t mean that. How could he still want the divorce after what had been happening between them on this trip? “We’re as different as two people can be, Angel.”
She couldn’t seem to get through to him. “Why do you still believe that? As far as we’ve both come?”
“I can say it because it’s true. I can declare we’re different because while you were out boating with your wealthy friends as a teenager, I was defending myself from my old man. And I usually got a jaw full of loose teeth for it.”
Angel felt the breath leave her. “I—I’m sorry. I know you’d had a rough childhood—but you never told me the specifics.”
“What was I supposed to tell you? Was I supposed to discuss my life in the projects with my beautiful, privileged Brahmin wife? Was I supposed to tell her how my old man got off on seeing other people suffer, particularly my mother? Was I supposed to explain how I watched her wither f
rom disease and die of cancer in a shelter while he gambled away the little money we had? Money she scraped together by cleaning houses and scrubbing toilets, by the way. In houses owned by people like you.”
“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, unprepared for the onslaught of emotion pouring from him.
“What do you think about your husband now?” he demanded.
She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “I respect him more than ever.”
His eyes narrowed on her. “What?”
“You heard me,” she said, firmly. “Look at all you’ve accomplished despite all that. Look at the life you’ve built for yourself.”
“None of that changes where I came from.”
“And what does that mean? Why does it even matter anymore where you came from? You’ve always been the same strong, bright, talented man you are right now.” She’d grown frustrated now. He could be so obstinate. “I see ladies from run-down homes and squalid backgrounds change their lives all the time. It’s what the Works program is all about.”
“It’s not the same thing,” he argued.
“Only because what you’ve done is even more extraordinary.” She took a fortifying breath to try to settle her nerves. “No one wants you to forget,” she urged. “I certainly don’t. You should be so proud of yourself, R.J., for having come as far as you have.”
She watched as his hands tightened on the balcony railing. “What about what I did to you?”
Huh? “I don’t understand.”
He turned to her, his eyes darkened with an emotion she couldn’t name. “I cost you everything, Angel. I’m the reason your father won’t speak to you. The reason you’ve lost touch with your friends. I’m the reason you’ll be denied your rightful inheritance and your stature as a Scott. You’ve lost everything because of me.”
“My father and I have had a strained relationship since I was a child. It began when my mother left. As for the rest, you can’t mean to think any of that matters to me.”
“But it should.”
She had to laugh at his logic. Until she heard his next words.