by John Hansen
He rests his empty hand on my cheek then leans forward ever so slowly and places his lips upon mine. The feeling of the kiss runs boldly through my veins and I’m swept up in everything that is Chance. He pulls me closer to him kissing me harder now. I turn my mind off and allow myself to be, to enjoy for once in my life. To not care about the consequences or the outcome. It isn’t until he pulls away that the thoughts flood my mind.
The first lame thought that seeps in is, did I do it right? I mean, I’ve never kissed a guy before, was it enjoyable for him? I instantly admonish myself for thinking such childish thoughts. The dilemma here is that he is a Shield. The worst thing of all is that something inside me tells me that I don’t care. That I would gladly run away with this man if it meant that I could kiss him like that forever.
Chance can tell that I’m confused so he says gently, “I’m sorry Austin. I should have given you more time. I tried to…I just couldn’t help it. I will go now.” He breaks contact with me, which sends an icy shock through my body. Then he turns to head towards the door.
“Wait!” I yell a little too loudly.
He turns around and a look of encouragement flashes in his emerald eyes. “Will you come back?” I ask.
“Only if you want me to.” He says with a look of hope on his face.
I nod my head.
“Then I will.” He comes back up to me and places a tender kiss on my forehead, then heads out my door.
I find it hard to sleep tonight. My brain ramped up like a racecar. What are you thinking Austin? This is not like me. My life is about self-preservation. But what am I trying to preserve anyhow? My only goal has been to save enough to get the ghosting procedure. But now, this man comes along and throws my plans for a loop. I feel when I’m with him. For once in my life, I feel what it is like to be myself when I’m with him. I don’t feel anyone else, or anything else. They don’t exist. He shields me from it all.
Before I finally fall asleep a realization pops into my mind. My mother was a shield! That was why she was hunted and why I never received when we were together. It makes sense now. The only question now, is do I want to be like my father? I wish I could ask him if it were worth it. Running in fear with my mother, was it worth it?
***
I don’t see Chance for the next two days. I look for him, against my better judgment. I wait for him to show up at the cafe or at my home, but he doesn’t come. Tonight I’ve finally made the decision to stop looking for him. Why should I? I haven’t depended on another human being since my parents were murdered. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need Chance. I try to convince myself of my last declaration.
There is a brisk chill in the air tonight. It’s the kind that you can feel deep down in your bones. The icy cold intensifies the pains that radiate through my body. I pull my coat tighter around me and pick up the pace. I dislike working the graveyard shift at the cafe and having to walk home in the middle of the dead night. I couldn’t turn away the offer for overtime pay. I’m so close to having enough money. By my estimate I should have enough by the end of the month to pay for the ghosting procedure in full. My stomach tightens in knots thinking of it. I never had a doubt in my mind that I wanted this until Chance had to come along. Ghosting turns it all off, I will basically just be. Some people continue to have slight emotions, but other than that you just exist with no highs, no lows, no feeling. Which for me means no pain. On the other hand it also means that I will never feel those strange fluttering sensations in my stomach that I experienced when Chance kissed me. I will never again have a desire to reach out and touch him…or anyone. Why did he have to come along and make me doubt?
When I reach my street I jog the rest of the way to my building door. Yanking it open I rush inside burring from the cold. It’s not that much warmer in the hallway but at least the icy wind is not battering my body.
I head up the stairs to my flat but it isn’t until I get to the landing that I sense that something’s off. My door is ajar. I know I closed and locked it today when I left. Perhaps it’s Chance! Maybe he came back. I allow myself to feel an ounce of excitement about seeing him again.
I push the door open further. No! Someone has been in my home. My few sparse belongings are thrown about around the room. The sofa that Chance and I had sat on just the other day is turned on its side. The cushions sliced open with stuffing spilling out.
A crash in the bedroom makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on high alert. The instincts my parents ingrained in me for seven years sets in. I don’t wait to see who or what is still in my house. I turn on my heel and flee not sparing a look back. I push through the door of the building and back out into the frozen silent night. I planned my escape route the day I signed the lease for my flat. Following the path I memorized, I run down the back alley and out onto the street that leads into the city center. My plan was to lose myself in the giant city and to take advantage of the fact that nobody looks or notices anything, making it easy to disappear. I hadn’t accounted for it to be in the dead of the night when the streets are deserted.
When I turn onto Fifty-second Street I hear it. It’s the sound of a second pair of running feet pattering against the pavement less than a block away. I dare to look back briefly and see that it’s one of them, a Ghost Reaper! My heart starts pounding through my chest more from fear than from physical exertion. My brain starts running rampant trying to find a way out of this. The way I see it is that I have to lose it at the next turn and I have to lose it quick. The Ghost Reaper seems to be about matched with my speed so at least it’s not gaining on me, yet. My eyes start darting from side to side as we come up on a few intersections. I make my choice and gear up to take the sharp turn.
When I get up to the corner I turn sharply and then dart down the street running with all that I have. I make it to another intersection and turn quickly allowing a slight glance behind me. It hadn’t turned the corner yet. I picked a good street that has many alleys intersecting. Behind me on another street I hear a shrill scream in the dead of the night.
With fear running ice cold through my veins, I continue to run up the alley as fast as I can towards a busier street that can provide more shelter and places for me to hide. When I turn on it I take the opportunity to hide in the alcove of an apartment building catching my breath.
Straining my ears I try to listen for the sound of running feet. I hear nothing. Except for a revving engine. A car! I should have known! Ghost Reapers don’t normally travel alone, they usually travel in packs. I turn around and try to open the door to the apartment building but it’s locked. No time, the engine is roaring louder! I dart out into the street and high tail it down another alley. The sound of the screeching tires rings out in my ears. The alley is thrust into light when the lights of the car hit it. I look back. The car is in the alley, headlights screaming towards me.
I try to run faster, if only I were a Lifter and could take flight! Tears spring to my eyes as I see how far away the mouth of the alley is. I’m not going to make it! This is it. I think of the sound of my mother’s scream. Will it hurt when the Ghost Reapers take from me?
The car is so close to me that if I stopped right now, it would run right over me. I would rather die at the hand of a car than at the hand of a Ghost Reaper. I stop as suddenly as I started and turn around blinded by the oncoming lights. I close my eyes bracing myself to be hit. Bracing myself for the end of this life. Tears stream freely down my face. I had thought many times about my death and whether it would bring relief or not, relief from this pain.
Nothing comes, no pain, nothing. I open my eyes and find that the car has come to a halt. Why didn’t it hit me? It takes me a moment to realize that this means I can run, I turn around and start off. I can’t run nearly as fast as before because my legs are shaking so hard I feel as though they may give out below me.
A car door slams. No! I will never outrun this one!
“Austin!” I hear my name called out in the night from the directi
on of the car.
Chance! It’s Chance! He came back for me! I turn around and run to him, tears of relief soaking my face. I run right into his arms gripping him tight.
“You are shaking. It’s going to be okay Austin, I promise.” He says holding me safe and secure. He repetitively runs his hand soothingly over the back of my head.
I don’t say anything, I can’t. I just take. I just receive all that he can give me. His strength, his comfort and the serenity he provides by shielding it all.
“Okay, we need to go now, we are not safe here.” He says pulling away from me just a little. He takes my hand and guides me to the car. I climb inside reluctant to let go of his hand. “It’s okay Austin.” He says when he lets go of my hand then runs around and gets in to the drivers seat. He quickly picks up my hand again and doesn’t let it go, not even when he shifts the gears, he just moves my hand with his, working the car as we start driving.
We don’t make it out of the alley though; a car stops blocking us in. Chance lets go of my hand and shifts the gear into reverse. He stealthily maneuvers the car in reverse all the way back to the entrance of the alley only to be blocked in by another car.
“No!” Chance yells along with a whole sleuth of other expletives. A Ghost Reaper gets out of the car and starts heading towards us. He’s huge, looming about six feet tall and coming up towards the driver side door.
“Stay in the car, do you understand Austin?” He looks at me his face contorted with anger aimed at the situation, not me.
I nod my head quickly all the while my heart is pounding ferociously.
“Lock the doors,” he says as he steps out of the car and slams the door.
It takes a lot to get my shaking hand to press the lock button. I turn around looking through the rear window as Chance goes up to the Ghost Reaper. The Ghost Reaper puts his hand out as if he will suck Chance’s life force from him without even touching him. Then a look of confusion crosses his face.
“You idiot!” I hear yelled from far off. I look through the front windshield and see another Ghost Reaper all the way at the other side of the alley. This one looks a lot shorter. He yells out, “He’s the Shield.”
Chance takes the opportunity during the distraction to jump the bigger Ghost Reaper knocking him to the ground. I can’t see what’s going on but when I turn back around I see that the shorter Ghost Reaper has started running to back up his partner.
Chance seems like a strong guy, but I don’t know how he will hold up if it’s two against one. I start looking through the glove compartment for anything that I can use as a weapon. No dice. I guess if there were a weapon, Chance would probably have it on him. The shorter ghost reaper has already made it a quarter of the distance of the alley.
I have to think quickly. I jump over into the drivers seat. The keys are still in the ignition and the car is on. I try to recall my one lesson on using a stick that I learned in one of the foster homes. I throw my foot down on the gas and then double up on the clutch putting it into first. The car stalls out. Crap! I shakily turn the key over restarting the engine. I try it again. This time I make it into second and red line it towards my intended target. I’m less than a few yards away when the shorter Ghost Reaper pulls out a gun! As he aims it at me, I slide down in the seat and gun it as hard as I can towards him. I hear the shot crash through the windshield. It didn’t hit me but the sound nearly deafens my ears. I sit up just in time to see the Ghost Reaper a few feet ahead aiming at me again, ready to take another shot. I punch the clutch and knock it into third. I let out a piercing scream as the car rams into the Ghost Reaper sending it sprawling up over my hood and into my windshield. Blood splatters across the glass. It’s still moving! I slam on the breaks sending the Ghost Reaper plummeting back down to the floor of the alley.
I shift the car into reverse trying to cleverly maneuver back to where Chance was. The sound of the metal screeching against the alley wall tells me that I’m not as nearly skilled as Chance is at driving in reverse. When I see Chance cringing in my rear-view mirror I slam on the breaks. He triumphantly walks up to the driver’s side and I gladly move back to where I belong, the passenger seat.
“Wow.” Chance says jokingly to me.
I shrug my shoulders but inside I’m delighted to see that he’s safe.
“Buckle up now!” He says, staring furiously ahead of him as he lurches the car forward.
I buckle up and look ahead. The shorter Ghost Reaper is standing again, but is hunched forward severely injured. Never the less he has his gun deadlocked on Chance.
“Down!” Chance yells.
I comply and sink down in my seat as far as the seat belt will allow.
He stomps on the gas sending the car shooting faster than I managed to make it go. Another gunshot rings out, this one shatters the windshield sending small glass crystals across the dashboard and onto us.
I look up just in time to look right into the Ghost Reapers eyes. Even from this distance I can see that there is nothing there. No humanity, no remorse, nothing. How could I have ever thought about having that ghosting procedure done? Sure I wouldn’t be a Reaper, but to have all humanity stripped away. What is worth that?
The Ghost Reaper continues to stare at me even when Chance plows into him sending him up and over the back of the car.
Knowing it’s over I close my eyes, only to see the image of that dead stare looking back at me. Bile rises up into my throat and I barely find the control to keep from vomiting all over Chance’s car.
“Hold on!” Chance says as we reach the mouth of the alley that’s blocked in by the dead Ghost Reaper’s car. He crashes into it, and the loud thrash of metal on metal rings off in the night. The car is pushed out of the way enough for us to pass. With no more Ghost Reapers in sight, Chance grabs a hold of my hand and drives us out of the city and into the night. The cold air beats down on us through the broken windshield, but it doesn’t matter.
***
I hadn’t realized until we pulled into the self-storage a few miles outside of the city that Chance had been hit. Blood soaked his white shirt and bled into the car seat. Guilt pounds at me when I realize that he was injured this whole drive and hadn’t complained once. When we pull up to a garage sized storage locker I rip out of the passenger side and around to him. He grunts in pain as he gets out. I pull up his shirt being careful when I get to the part where the bullet hit. It went straight through, a clean shot through the fleshy part of his left arm. I sigh in relief knowing that it’s only a minor injury and that he will be okay.
“Do you have a first aid kit?” I ask.
“Of course. A man on the run is always prepared.” He pulls out a key from his pocket and opens up the garage door revealing a shiny new truck loaded with supplies. He opens the door and rifles through a backpack sitting on the floorboard of the passenger side. He pulls out a first aid kit. I open it and start dressing his wound.
When I finish putting the bandage on, my hand lingers there on his chest feeling his heartbeat. My breathing hitches, being acutely aware of the close proximity of our bodies. I can feel his breath hitting my neck. When I look up at him I feel his heartbeat speed up and mine follows suit. This time when he leans down and places his lips on mine, I don’t freeze up. I melt into him, allowing myself to enjoy this new feeling that heightens all of my senses. I could kiss Chance for hours and bask in this peaceful serenity that his gift brings me.
When Chance pulls away, I do my best to mask my disappointment.
“I’m sorry Austin, but we need to put as many miles between us and this city as we can. It won’t be long until they track this storage room back to me. We need to be long gone before then.” He says.
“Okay,” I say fluttering my eyelashes up at him trying my best attempt at flirting. It seems like I’m trying new things all of the time lately. Kissing, flirting, running over evil Ghost Reapers, I guess it’s all well in a day’s work.
Chance looks at me and gives me a sexy smile. My eye
lash fluttering must have worked. He leans down as if he wants to give me another kiss, but plants a quick peck on the bridge of my nose and turns to get into the truck.
I feel my cheeks flush with heat and I raise my fingertips up to feel them. So this must be what it feels like to blush. I follow Chance’s lead and hop into the passenger seat of the truck. I steel a stare at the side mirror and see the red pleasantly coloring my cheeks. I guess that’s another first.
***
I must have fallen asleep sometime after Chance switched vehicles.
Yawning I stretch out and open my eyes which are instantly blinded by the midday sun. When I get the sleep out of them and my vision adjusts I look over to see Chance smiling in the drivers seat.
“Good morning sunshine.” He says steeling a look at me out of the corner of his eyes.
I look down and notice that he’s still holding my hand. He has barely let it go since we switched cars. He must have held onto it the whole night. No wonder I slept so well. “Good morning to you too.” I say, and then look out of the windows at the surroundings. I gasp in surprise. We are winding along next to a glossy river, surrounded by looming mountains on both sides. “I have never seen the mountains before!” I say in wonder. It’s true. In fact, I haven’t seen much of anything in my life, only the brick and mortar city. Covered in snow as far as the eye can see and dotted with glorious pine trees, I can see why mountains are described as majestic.
“Well, I can show you many things you have never seen before Austin. That is, if you will allow me to.” He says.
He’s a Shield. I know what it would mean to be with him, running for the rest of our lives. I finally understand my parents and why they did what they did. Why they ran…for freedom, for love. I look over at Chance, my heart fluttering with this feeling that I have yet to explore. I realize as I look down at our hands interlocked together that we are two puzzle pieces in a mad world, meant to fit together. No matter the consequences. For once, I feel hope, painless undying hope. I smile for the first time in years and say, “Yes, I would like that.”