by Sheila Kell
Amber kicked the back of Jesse’s seat. She gave her daughter what she expected passed as her stern mother look. “Don’t kick Uncle Jesse’s seat while he’s driving.” The feet stilled, and no appearance of being chastised appeared on the girl’s face.
“Jesse, how’d you manage the car seat? I thought Kate and Megan were visiting Dad.”
“Mrs. Kessler. I called ahead, and she went shopping. There were still a few things you’d left at the house, but now you should have everything you need.”
She’d forgotten about Mrs. Kessler, who’d been hired when Jesse was a widower to help him take care of his daughter. Now that he’d married Kate, Mrs. Kessler seemed to keep the men in line more than anything else. She looked forward to seeing the older woman again. She’d been a great help with Amber when Emily had needed it.
Her little darling took over the conversation, peppering Jake with questions and telling him all about her fish, the animals at the zoo, her potty training and more. While nervous about what Jake might say, she couldn’t hide the smile when he would look bewildered trying to understand what their daughter said. At three, she still couldn’t pronounce many words, and it took a trained ear to figure out what she was saying when she started to talk really fast.
When she asked if he had kids, he glanced back at Emily, who held her breath.
“Look, Amber, we’re almost there. Dottie will be happy to see you.”
Thank you, Jesse, for once again saving me. Her daughter’s attention diverted to talking about Reagan’s pet.
Once they entered the house, Emily rushed Amber upstairs to rest. She knew it only postponed her and Jake’s talk, but she needed to sort out her feelings.
Closing a bedroom door behind her, she heard AJ speak, “What’d you do?”
She’d let Jake try to explain to her brothers his not-at-all proposal. His demand. They wouldn’t appreciate it any more than she had. But, part of her wished….
Seven
THE PAIN COULDN’T be any less than if he’d had a knife thrust through his chest, piercing his heart, ripping a jagged edge across it. Nothing had happened like Jake had hoped it would, dreamed it would, somewhat planned it would. Not a fucking thing.
He stared at the departing Emily and her luscious backside, bewildered at her avoidance, her cold shoulder. She obviously no longer loved him, and it appeared she didn’t want him to know his own child. Bullshit. He’d know his little girl, a small, talkative, toddler who had already stolen his heart. He’d just have to make Emily love him after they married.
Fingers snapped in front of his face, bringing him out of his reverie. “Hey! Earth to Jake. What’d you do to my sister?”
Putting a hand on AJ’s face, he pushed him away and thought back to everything he’d said and done since seeing Em. Coming up with nothing that would elicit that response, he lazily shrugged. “Unless she’s holding me responsible for Amber being held longer, I have no clue. I said hello in New York and told her we were getting married on the plane.”
An uncomfortable silence followed his answer. Eyebrows rose and his brothers, all five of them, broke out in laughter hard enough that tears formed in some of their eyes. He didn’t see what was so damn funny, but his stomach became unsettled at the thought he must’ve missed something important. What did he forget to say? It was too early to tell her he loved her. Besides, these assholes didn’t know that. “What?”
Devon, who’d met them at the door, slapped him on the back before wrapping his arm around Jake’s shoulder in a familiar gesture he’d missed since seeing his brothers last. “Boy… did,” he said between gulps of air and laughter, “we miss you.”
Comfort and security were things freely given from this family, something he’d never received from his father. The man who’d beat his mother regularly had reminded Jake daily how much he wished Jake had never been born, the man who’d left, only to return years later to murder his mother.
Nicole Cavanaugh had tried to give her son comfort and security, but when his father lived with them, he would rip it away the moment he felt there was something other than hatred and fear in the home. He couldn’t really call it a home. Not after seeing the loving family he’d spent twelve years with. Twelve years without his mother. Twelve years of promising himself he would not be like his father.
Many a night he’d heard his mother crying after his father beat her. Once the man left to join friends at a bar, Jake would go to his mother and hold her as best he could. Each time he swore he’d do something about it, but he’d been too young… too weak… too fearful. Then his father had left them.
For years, it had been joyous even though there were nights when he went to bed hungry because there wasn’t enough money left from his mother’s waitressing job. It didn’t matter. They were safe.
One night, he’d heard a loud argument from the living room. His father’s voice. Jumping from his bed, he’d rushed to the door only to find it locked from the outside with the lock his father had placed there years ago when he’d punished Jake. His heart pounding, all he could do was bang on the door and scream, his body shaking with fear and anger. Fear for his mother and anger at his father. Father. Jake snorted. He was the man who’d planted his sperm inside his mother, not a father.
After what seemed like hours of his pounding on the door, pulling on the doorknob in hopes it would magically open, there was absolute silence. Jake hadn’t been able to move. He’d held his breath for a moment, trembling at what he knew must’ve happened. His mother had been knocked unconscious before, but that time, he was locked in his room and hadn’t been able to treat her injuries or hold her until she woke.
He’d preferred feeling unloved and unwanted rather than his mother being harmed. He’d resumed his pounding on the door and screaming his mother’s name, threatening to kill his father.
“You think you can take me, boy?”
He’d doubted his father even knew his name. All he’d ever called him was “boy,” which hurt just as bad as the crap load of emotional pain the man had happily inflicted.
“It’s your turn now.” The door had opened, and Jake hadn’t hesitated. He’d flown through the doorway at his father, catching the man off balance, knocking them to the floor. Jake had hit at his father’s chest, pummeling with the little bit of strength he’d possessed at ten and a half years old. Something had changed in him this time. Jake had known it was time to stand up to the man with the only thing his father understood: fists and violence.
It hadn’t taken long for his father to roll over with Jake beneath him, his weight almost doubled his son’s, pinning him to the floor, his heavy legs preventing Jake from being able to free himself.
“You worthless piece of shit. I can’t believe you’re mine.” His father had fastened his large hands around Jake’s neck, squeezing his windpipe, slowly cutting off his air supply. When black spots floated before him and darkness rimmed his vision, slowly closing the tunnel, pulling in a breath was nearly impossible. It was then the door slammed open, hitting the wall with the force of it.
“Police! Let him go, Jim!”
Jake had forgotten a police officer lived downstairs. He’d thanked God. The man must’ve been at home and heard them. In the past, he’d been embarrassed when someone overheard his parents arguing. That time, he’d wanted to kiss the man’s feet for coming to their rescue.
James Michael Cavanaugh released his son, stood and snarled at Officer Patton. “Mind your own damn business.”
Rolling over onto his knees, gasping for air, all Jake could think about was his mother. He crawled to her, crying her name, begging her to speak with him. Her ice-blue eyes had flickered open once, and she’d smiled at him before taking her last breath.
They’d been unable to revive her. His father had beaten his mother to death.
He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, calming the emotions rolling
through him. The Hamilton family loved him like his mother had. He’d been a fool to leave them without a word. No matter what had happened.
“Come on.” Matt led the group to the family room, large enough to entertain the family and the HIS team.
Dropping on the black leather couch, Jake glared at the group sitting on the other furniture in the room. “What’s so damn funny?” Their laughing at him for no reason irked him. He could probably handle it if he knew why.
A wide playful grin spread across AJ’s face, causing Jake to become wary of what his brother would profess. “Did you ask Em to marry you, or did you tell her?”
Furrowing his dark brows at the question, Jake leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, then closed his eyes. Oh hell, he’d fucked up again. He opened his eyes and sheepishly responded with an answer he knew wouldn’t be appreciated by this group of men, “I told her.”
His brothers shook their heads, almost in unison, with low-volume chuckles.
Decking each of them came to the forefront of Jake’s mind, but the thoughts of fists on flesh set a cold sweat sweeping over his skin.
If he’d asked Em, she might’ve said no, especially with Trent in the picture. There was no way someone else would be a father to his child while he was alive.
His adversary, in his tight jeans showing all of his junk, walked in with Ken, who was the field team leader of the HIS men. He’d heard his brothers joke and call Trent “God’s gift to women.” At that moment, the man’s woman was Em, and that had to end. Trent had been a playboy when Jake had left, and he doubted he’d change. He wouldn’t remain faithful to her, and Jake wouldn’t let her be hurt like that, especially when his child was involved.
Leaning against the marble fireplace, his elbow on top of it, Trent scanned the group and smiled. “What’s so funny?”
AJ, still on his roll to embarrass Jake, pointed his thumb toward him. “This one told Em they were getting married.” He raised his brows and laughed. “Told.”
This was not that fucking funny. AJ was having too much damn fun at his expense. He’d be sure to remember that when the tables were turned.
“Our stubborn, headstrong Em?”
That son of a bitch! Not only did he also break down laughing, but he’d also called her our Em. He’d show him our. Jake had begun to rise before he’d realized it, and only had then because Matt placed a hand on his arm to stay him.
Ken returned from the kitchen with a bottle of water in his hands, oblivious to what was happening, or so it appeared. Jake couldn’t tell with the man. “The boys called in.” He took a long swig of water. “By the time they arrived at Em’s work, the office was fully engulfed. Arson is, of course, suspected.”
A variety of expletives erupted from the men in the room.
“Was anything recoverable?”
“They pulled some computer shit for you, Dev.” He shrugged. “Router, server, no idea. It’s melted down quite a bit, but they wanted to bring it back to you, just in case.”
“I’d worried about something happening since Em had called the SEC in the morning. That gave her employer plenty of time to get the hell out of there. How did they get it?”
A sly smile crept on Ken’s face. “The fire department was surprised at how quickly ATF arrived on the scene. The men never confirmed that’s who they were, just went along with the assumption. Thankfully, no one asked the boys for a badge. I’m sure they’ll be even more surprised when real ATF agents arrive.”
A few hearty chuckles bounced around the room, bringing a lift back to the group for a moment.
“I’ll see what I can do with it. Depending on how badly it was damaged, I might be able to pull something.”
Jesse stood and began to pace. Something Jake remembered he did when he contemplated things. “We still don’t know everything.”
Water dribbled down the front of Ken’s black T-shirt as he guzzled the remainder of the beverage. “It gets even more intriguing. While the rest of the team waited at Em’s home, a cab pulled to the curb. When Rob stepped forward the driver sped off.” His jaw tightened. “My men couldn’t make out who was in the back seat.”
More expletives exploded from the group.
AJ stood. “I’ll get her.”
“I hate to say it, but we need to speak with Amber about it too,” Matt added.
“Are you fucking nuts? She’s fine now, but what will happen when you bring it all back up? There’s only so much a three-year-old can handle.” The redness on AJ’s face deepened with every word.
Matt leaned forward, his forearms on his thighs, his hands clasped. “I know. I don’t want to upset her either, but we need to know if she heard anything that can help.” He glared at Jesse. “If you’d kept her kidnapper alive, maybe we’d have something.”
Devon surged to his feet. “Enough! Don’t even start the bickering. Em and Amber need us as a united group. You all know Matt’s right. Jess, you’re the only one used to dealing with kids that closely. You should ask the questions.”
AJ shook his head. “Em won’t go for it.”
Jake had had enough. “I won’t fucking go for it! Do not bring this back up with my child. You know, the daughter you all failed to tell me about.”
AJ cleared this throat, cutting into the tension that had engulfed the room. “I’ll get Em.”
Disgusted with them, himself, hell the situation, he had to leave. Jake rose from the couch and stomped out the French doors that led to the back deck and was greeted by Jamaal, another member of HIS, who guarded the back entrance.
Jake nodded and stepped off the deck and into the yard. Between the high temperature and humidity, sweat beaded his skin almost immediately, dampening the dress shirt he’d worn to make a good first impression on Em. A dip in the pool sounded good to cool down his body and temper. He glanced at the fence placed around it to protect the children.
Children.
He was a father. He thought he had his hands wrapped around it until it came to the need to question his little girl. The thought of upsetting her, bringing up possible bad memories, made him sick to his stomach. It would have done the same thing to him if it had been any other little girl, but it seemed ten times worse since it was his daughter.
He pushed through the gate, walked to a chaise lounge by the pool and collapsed on it, exhausted both mentally and physically. Gaining his physical strength back was taking longer than he’d expected, and he still tired easily. He ate plenty, making up for being nearly starved to death with one meal a day, if he’d been lucky.
Kicking back in the chair, he covered his eyes with his forearm, successfully blocking out the sun but not the tumultuous thoughts running round and round his mind. He had no idea what to do from here. Arthur had placed him on an extended leave from the bureau so he could recover. The bureau he’d quit.
Dammit! The man had to have known Amber was his. He was the only one who knew the entire story—what had happened that night with Em, where Jake had been and that he had a daughter. His brothers had expressed their anger at Arthur for not telling them where he’d been until Devon found him through some of his mysterious computer work. Then, he’d waited to tell them that the FBI had been out of contact with Jake far too long.
Yeah. He was also pissed at the man.
“You doing okay?”
Jake lifted his arm to spy Jesse standing behind him, looking around the area as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He knew that was far from the truth. As the oldest brother, he’d try to remove the burdens from his siblings’ shoulders and willingly place them on his.
He covered his eyes again. “I don’t fucking know. Em’s pissed at me and hasn’t told me Amber is my daughter or told our child.”
A heavy sigh reached his ears. “What’d you expect? In her mind, you left her high and dry. You just came back into her life. She just needs a
bit of time to figure things out.”
Hearing the truth from Jesse didn’t make it easier to swallow. He’d been stupid, but he couldn’t undo it. He could only hope to make amends. “I’m also pissed at all of you for fucking hiding it from me. I’m pissed at Arthur for not pulling me out right away when he learned Em was pregnant. I’m pissed at myself for how I handled things after AJ kicked me out. Right now, I’m just fucking overall pissed.”
“As much as we’d all love to, we can’t undo what’s already been done. It’s all about how things are handled from here. Do you plan to carry this anger and the feeling of been wronged with it? Or, are you willing to step up and be the man I know you can be? The man Em and Amber need.”
Wow. Jesse had delivered that pile driver to Jake’s heart with minimal effort. His brother was right, which also pissed him off. But releasing all of that anger wasn’t easy, or he’d have dropped it already. Wouldn’t he?
He’d lost so much by asking Arthur to help him disappear. That was what angered him the most. His actions. If he would’ve waited for tempers to cool so he’d cleared things up, Em wouldn’t have been in New York, and he’d have been there for her and his daughter.
Jake understood why his brothers hadn’t told him. That hadn’t meant he agreed. However, he couldn’t stay mad at the men who risked their lives to save him.
So how did he tamp down the anger at himself? Irritated with himself or not, he needed to man up as Jesse implied.
His brother left him alone, and Jake decided he’d best get inside and see what was happening.
Back in the family room, Amber had taken full stage again. In AJ’s arms, she recounted the tale of how Nemo could do tricks. Several heads turned to look at the granite countertop bar that separated the kitchen and family room to see if in the bowl that Matt had placed there held a floating fish. A blue fish staring at them with its fin swishing back and forth brought out quiet sighs of relief throughout the room.