Back to Reality

by Danielle Allen

  Emanuel looked at me sadly and then slowly released me from his grasp. “I’ll see you tomorrow Sahara.”

  Chapter 12

  “What was that?” Emily asked as she handed me a cup of tea. She sat down next to me on the couch. With her leg tucked underneath her, she turned her body to face me, giving me her undivided attention.

  Dropping my head back, I slouched down in the couch and sighed. “That was…a hot mess,” I groaned as I covered my face with my hands. With my eyes closed, I informed Emily of the conversation that just took place.

  “What I think is weird is that he told me a couple of days ago that he was going to bring the portable projector to the studio…on Saturday.” She emphasized the word Saturday. “Yet he brought the projector that he’s going to have to hook up on Saturday to me tonight…after his show…the night you are here. You don’t think that’s weird?”

  Exhaling a long, hard breath, I shook my head and closed my eyes. “I don’t know Em. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. ”

  We were both quiet for a minute; the light tapping of my foot against the floor was the only sound. My phone vibrated loudly inside my clutch, shattering the silence. I sat up and pulled out my phone. Maybe it’s Emanuel, I thought hopefully.

  Ben Sullivan: My phone died yesterday. You made it?

  I sighed as I read the text. The disappointment of it not being Emanuel was only matched by the regret of how my attempt at making amends and apologizing went. I rubbed my temples in tiny circles. Between the emotional altercation with Emanuel and the lack of sleep, I felt the throb of my headache all over. The throbbing pain was stretched from temple to temple, yet the epicenter of the pain was in my chest. My heart hurt.

  Sahara Lee: Yes. Thanks. Going to bed soon. Call you tomorrow.

  “Was that Manny?” Emily asked, sipping her tea. “And drink your tea, it’s probably cold.”

  “No, it was Ben,” I said as I picked up my teacup and sipped the lukewarm beverage. I made a face and Emily giggled. I don’t know why she is always experimenting with different teas. It’s gross, I thought as I took another sip.

  “Okay what’s up with you and Ben?”

  I put the cup down and looked at her seriously. “Nothing. We are friends. Just friends.”

  “Mmm hmm…” She looked at me through squinted eyes and pursed her lips. “Let’s say I believe you… you told me you didn’t have any friends and never made any friends and now all of a sudden, you’re hanging out with this guy every other night. I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t understand either. Ordinarily, I don’t just befriend people. But it’s like I didn’t realize how lonely I was in Bakersfield until after therapy and he was there. Literally, he was there on the steps waiting for me. And no matter how much attitude I gave him, he gave it right back and it was…refreshing. Usually people are put off by my standoffish demeanor, but he wasn’t bothered by it. I don’t tell him much and he’s okay with it. Sometimes I just want to have someone to have dinner with me and he’s okay with it. Sometimes I want to sit with someone in silence while having dinner and he’s okay with it. You know me. This isn’t my norm.”

  Emily gave me a look and I knew exactly what she was thinking. With a smile playing on my lips, I responded, “No seriously, this isn’t my norm! Things moved fast with Ty but that’s because we had crazy chemistry and we both lived in Libby Lofts. On the same floor.”

  Emily broke in with a laugh, “In the same loft! You guys were living together in like two days. I mean, seriously. From the way you described it, the whole thing was very new-school Hollywood.”

  I laughed and nodded, “Yes, but in my defense…you’ve seen him right?”

  Emily and I fell into a fit of laughter. I laughed so hard tears prickled my eyes. When they started to fall, a ragged breath burst out of me and I began to cry. Emily quickly hugged me and rocked me back and forth.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve known it was too soon to joke about it. I know how much you care about Ty and it still hurts. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made light of the situation,” Emily stated remorsefully.

  “Oh no, it’s not that. I mean, that’s part of the reason. Ty and I were in love and we fell hard and fast. Now, he hates me and he didn’t even respond to my letter. It’s been a week and he hasn’t responded. And that hurts.” I pulled away from our hug and wiped my face. “But this thing with Emanuel will kill me. It will kill me,” I whispered.

  “I don’t even know what to say about you and Manny,” Emily said with a shake of the head.

  “Me either. I just know that I’ve spent ten years thinking that he hates me and after finding out that he doesn’t, I don’t want to live the rest of my life with him hating me because I got scared.”

  “What are you scared of?”

  I don’t know how to explain it. All of my reasons seem cowardly and depressing and insecure, I thought sorrowfully. I was quiet for a minute before I answered, “I haven’t gotten that far in therapy.”

  Emily gave me a sad smile and pulled me into a hug again. “You want to talk some more or do you want to get some rest?”

  “Let’s go to bed.” I smiled warmly at her. “You have a big day tomorrow.”

  After the long, hot shower and the sleeping pill, I was ready for sleep when I crawled into the guest bed. This last week has been one pitfall after another. Starting with my failed apology to Ty up until today with my failed apology to Emanuel, I’ve managed to make things worse. But tomorrow is a new day. I just need some sleep and then I can really plan out what I’m going to say to Emanuel. I was caught off guard tonight. Tomorrow will be better, I prayed as I pulled the comforter over my head. Sinking into the mattress, I felt the pill taking over and I drifted to sleep easily.

  “Sahara? Sahara, wake up,” Emily called gently.

  I pointed my toes as I stretched in the bed. Grumbling, “What time is it?”

  “It’s almost 9am.” I felt the bed dip as she sat down.

  Twisting to face her, I cracked my eyes open slightly. “Oh no, did I oversleep? Do we need to go?” I tried to open my eyes more, but they felt swollen.

  “I came in to check on you and you were crying,” Emily said softly.

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. Gently rubbing my puffy eyes, I sat up in bed with my back against the pillows.

  “Are you okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Did something more happen last night with Manny?

  “I’m okay. Or at least I will be once I get this whole thing settled with Emanuel.” My smile didn’t reach my eyes, but I made an honest attempt. “Anyway, I’m really excited about tonight. So can you please tell me about the surprise?” I clasped my hands together dramatically and playfully pleaded with her.

  Emily’s eyes lit up excitedly, “Well since you asked so nicely! We will watch the dancers’ performance downstairs in the auditorium and then upstairs in the studio, each of the rooms will have a different theme and will have a different surprise!”

  My spirits were genuinely lifted listening to Emily and I couldn’t help the huge smile that was plastered on my face. “That sounds awesome! I’m really proud of you Emily. Thank you for allowing me to be here for this.”

  Emily’s eyes watered as she smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Although Emily claimed there was a lot to be done to prepare for her opening, she had properly planned everything. There wasn’t much to do, but she did want us to follow up on everything. So after breakfast and an hour long workout, we spent the rest of the early afternoon on the living room floor making calls. We made phone calls to the caterer, the decorator, and a few other vendors. We followed up with the dancers and she left the room when she went into detail about the surprise. The day flew by and I was too caught up in Emily’s excitement to think too long and hard about anything else. Until the moment I walked out of the bathroom from my shower.

  “Manny came by,” Emily announced as soon as
I walked through the guest bedroom door.

  Still wet and wrapped in my towel, I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her uneasily. I let out a rush of air and waited. Did he decide that he wasn’t going to the opening because I’m going to be there? Did he leave a note telling me that he wasn’t doing this anymore? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale, I anxiously thought as I tried to calmed myself down.

  Emily bit her nail and stared at me worriedly. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “So what did he want?”

  “He came to get the projector. He said he was going to set it up now because he may be late tonight.”

  Avoiding eye contact, I attempted to nonchalantly ask, “Is that all he said?”

  Emily gave me a strained smile. “I asked him about last night. He didn’t say anything, but…I don’t know.”

  “Just tell me.” I gave her a blank stare and held my breath, hoping the lack of oxygen would soften the blow.

  “I don’t think he’s coming tonight,” Emily mumbled quietly.

  We were both quiet as I nodded for longer than necessary. I noisily exhaled before I said, “We should get dressed. We have to be there soon.”

  Emily stared at me before she pushed off of the wall. “Okay. We can talk after we get dressed.”

  An hour later, I was standing in front of the mirror dropping eye drops in my eyes before I applied my makeup. My hair was twisted into a curly up-do so that the black Lela Rose sheath dress showed off the intricate designs of the embroidered sheer neck and back. The black four inch Alexander Wang pumps were understated and let the embroidery of the dress shine. Once my eyes returned to natural white instead of crying-over-a-man pink, I applied light make up.

  I practiced smiling in the mirror. Tonight is about Emily. I will be fine. If I don’t talk to Emanuel tonight, I’ll talk to him Sunday or Monday before I leave. I will not make this night about me and Emanuel. Tonight is about Emily and all of my energy will be spent on having a good time, I thought to myself as I slipped on my black Gucci wristlet.

  “You look beautiful! I mean, absolutely beautiful Em!” I exclaimed as soon as I came into the living room. Emily’s olive skin looked amazing against the pink beaded halter dress. She wore her hair pinned to one side to show off the drop diamond earrings.

  “Thanks,” she beamed happily. “So do you. I love the embroidery on that dress.”

  “Thanks! Now let’s go before you are late to your own opening!”

  We arrived at Emily’s dance studio at exactly 6pm. The two-story 1950s brick building fit nicely into the neighborhood in which it was housed. The studio was tucked between an elegant Italian restaurant and a history museum. Parking was across the street in a large circular lot in the middle of the busy area.

  “This is really cute Em!” I noted as we crossed the street toward her building. The guests were to begin arriving at 7pm so Emily wanted to ensure everything was in place. Walking into the building, I was transported to the past as it gave off an old Hollywood feel. The first floor housed Emily’s office and a place for two other offices and a reception area toward the front of the space. The crown jewel of the first floor was through two sets of double doors: a 200 person auditorium and a large stage.

  “This is the where the magic happens!” Emily squealed with delight.

  I laughed at her excitement. “The magic?” I joked and bumped her with my hip.

  “I’m going to check on what’s going on upstairs. I need you to stay here. I don’t want anyone going upstairs until after the big debut! Security is at the door so the only people who should come in are Mom, Dad, and Anthony.”

  “Okay I’ll stay put and I’ll be on the lookout for them,” I promised. I held up my three middle fingers and said, “Scouts Honor.”

  “Your ass wasn’t ever a Scout, but a promise is a promise!” Emily turned and headed to the elevator. I laughed in response.

  Taking in the beautiful building with its heavy use of gold and red, I felt so much pride for Emily. She really did it, I thought with a smile.

  “Sahara!” Mr. and Mrs. Mills bellowed as soon as they walked in the door. I whipped around and hurriedly walked toward them, giving them each a big hug as soon as I got to them.

  “It’s so good to see you both!” I grinned at each of their happy and youthful faces. I hope my skin looks that good when I’m in my fifties, I thought as Mrs. Mills gushed over my dress.

  “How have you been?” Mr. Mills asked as he stared knowingly at me.

  Self-consciously, I glanced away from him and to the door as it opened again. “Who’s that? Emily specifically said we were the only ones to be here at this time. I think she’s getting a little nervous,” I smiled, hoping to deflect Mr. Mills’ perceptiveness.

  Mrs. Mills turned and smiled broadly. “Anthony! Don’t you look handsome!” Mrs. Mills voice carried through the empty lobby. I looked at the attractive man in the black suit and pink and silver tie. He seemed just as awestruck with the interior of the building as I was.

  “Mrs. Mills, you look lovely,” Anthony said as he kissed her cheek. “Mr. Mills, it’s good to see you.” He shook his hand and the two men exchanged polite smiles. And then he turned to me. “And you must be Sahara. I’m Anthony Diaz. I’ve heard wonderful things about you. It’s good to finally meet Emily’s best friend.”

  I smiled brightly at Anthony’s smooth entrance. Shaking his hand, I responded, “I am Sahara. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Anthony. I’ve too heard many great things about you.” His light brown face reddened at the compliment. He was a tall, good looking man with short dark hair and dark brown eyes. His long lashes were enviable and made his eyes look almost hypnotic. His teeth were bright white and he had an easy smile.

  The elevator dinged and we all turned to look as Emily exited the elevator. I glanced over at Anthony and the look on his face made me sigh audibly. The look of love and adoration was so blatantly clear on his face and when she made eye contact with him, it was apparent she felt the same way. After quickly greeting her parents, Emily threw her arms around Anthony. Her dress and his tie matched perfectly and they looked exquisite together.

  At seven o’clock, Emily opened the doors and couples started trickling in. Emily was busy, but she looked unbelievably happy and in her element. Each guest was given a complimentary flute of champagne as they made their way into the auditorium. About 100 guest showed up and at 7:25pm, the lights flickered to alert us that the show was about to start.

  I politely spoke with a few people Mr. and Mrs. Mills introduced me to; however, I didn’t engage much. I sat at the end of the back row and kept to myself mostly. Mr. and Mrs. Mills wanted to be up close so they sat in the front. Anthony, being the doting boyfriend that he was, went backstage with Emily as she was too nervous to sit idly and watch. I tried not to think about it too much, but I noticed Emanuel was not there. I hope he shows up tonight, I thought as the lights dimmed and the crowd quieted down.

  Three dance ensembles from Delta Southern University performed riveting pieces. The first group of ladies performed a jazz number. It was beautiful and the crowd responded well to it. The second group was a large ensemble of men and women who performed a classical ballet number piece. The third group was a man and a woman who performed a mix of that seemed to incorporate hip hop and contemporary modern dance. All three University groups were phenomenal and the audience was gave them a standing ovation when they came out to take their bow.

  Once they left the stage, the auditorium lights slowly dimmed. Only a sliver of light peeked through the bottom of the double doors. The tiny red lights that lined the walkway from the doors of the auditorium to the front row gave off a hazy red glow. The shock of sudden darkness forced everyone into complete silence. I wasn’t nervous about the blackout, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I heard a faint hiss and I could vaguely make out the smell of vanilla in the air. On stage, a red spotlight clicked on and the scented fog created a sexy atmosphere. A woman slo
wly slinked onstage wearing a black leotard and tights. She stood center stage and I glanced at the other spectators who were similarly fixated on the woman awaiting her next move. After a minute, ‘Any Time, Any Place’ started playing.

  The sexually charged song throbbed through the air as she started dancing. It was a strip tease without the stripping; it was a tango without a partner. It was already beautiful and sexy and the vocals of the song hadn’t even started yet. The juxtaposition between the dancer’s demure attire mixed with her burlesque dancing was mesmerizing. A chill ran through me suddenly. She’s good, but not give me chills good, I thought perplexed as I rubbed my arms. Glancing over my shoulder toward the double door, I stopped breathing.

  Chapter 13

  The music pulsed through the air and while everyone was enthralled with the dancer, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the grey eyes looking back at me. I could just barely make out Emanuel’s face against the back wall, but I knew it was him. I could feel it was him. Between the song and Emanuel’s presence, I felt the heat spread from deep in my belly through the rest of me.

  Holding my gaze for a second, Emanuel backed through a hidden door near the double doors. Without thinking and without hesitation, I stood up and followed him. Quickly and quietly, I used the wall to guide me to the door that Emanuel disappeared behind. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open, entering the small dimly lit space. A switchboard with lots of buttons, two computers, and other technology lined the room. Emanuel was standing in the middle of the room and after closing the door behind me, we were only a few feet apart.

  Say hi. Say something! Don’t just stand there! You followed him in here so say something, I mentally chastised myself. His grey eyes were stormy as he looked at me. He knew I would follow him in here, I thought as I struggled to formulate words with him looking so good. He wore a black suit that accentuated his muscular body and a crisp white shirt and pocket square. His bowtie was slightly askew and I wanted to fix it. I wanted to put my hands on him. Why is that song still playing?! It’s not helping, I thought as my lower body clenched with pure, unadulterated lust. That song. And the way he smells. And the way his body moves. And the way he is looking in that suit. And the way he is looking at me. It’s too much.