by A. V. Zeppa
Having an excellent SAT score and a 3.94 GPA has really opened up my choices. I’ve been contacted by some very prestigious colleges in the last six months. It’s like I have my pick of where I want to go. I’m almost done with applications to four universities.
My parents want me to go to Columbia or Princeton because they’re Ivy League and close by. My top two choices are the University of Michigan and UCLA. They are two of the eight public Ivy League universities.
Michigan has a top ten law school and a top three business school, and Ann Arbor is rated the number one college town in America. It’s a lot like SoHo. I was there last November and got to stay in a dorm with a host law student for two days. The campus was amazing, especially the law quad. It looked like a cross between Oxford University and Hogwarts. It was amazing. I also got to check out the Ross School of Business because I want to get a business degree as well.
They paired me up with a guy named Tyler Reed. Very cute and down to earth. I was able to sit in on a business class with him, then we had lunch together afterwards. He answered every question I had. When I told Tyler that I was from New York City, his face lit up. “My best friend is a math and physics major at Columbia University. He loves it there.”
“That is so cool. He must be a pretty intelligent guy.”
“Yeah, he is. He’s . . . I really miss him,” he said, with sadness in his voice. I knew what he meant because I was already feeling that way about Jayden and Jamie, and we hadn’t even gone our separate ways yet.
We ended up spending the entire afternoon together. He took me on a tour of the main campus and some of its buildings. This one area called the Diag had the perfect college feel to it. There were all these diagonal walkways and an amazing green space surrounded by beautiful Ivy covered buildings. It gave me chills as I stood there doing a visual three-sixty.
UCLA is amazing too. I’ve been there a few times. My uncle lives in Beverly Hills and would love having me go to college there. The campus and its location is to die for. Both universities have hot guys, so either one will be great as far as the gay scene goes. I’ve already sent my application to Michigan to let them know that I’m serious about matriculating. I don’t want to fuck this up. I haven’t told my parents yet.
Umm . . . what else happened? Oh yeah. I met up with Jayden and Harper Saturday afternoon after I left my mother’s gallery. We needed to shop shop shop. I got some great items and only spent six thousand. I was proud of myself.
Now for the most embarrassing moment of my life. Ty’s mom walked in on us while I was sucking him off. We were both naked and really going at it. Unfortunately we forgot to lock the door.
So, there I was, sucking his beautiful dick when all of a sudden the door opened. She had the most perfect view of our nakedness. We must have jumped ten feet in the air as she gasped, and then turned around and quickly shut the door. Fortunately she didn’t go ballistic.
We were desperately trying to get our clothes back on when she calmly knocked on the door a few seconds later and asked us to meet her in the living room in five minutes.
I was fucking having a heart attack at that point and wanted to jump out the window. Man, my boyfriend’s mother saw me naked, and sucking her son’s dick. Ty felt the same way. We nervously looked at each other while getting dressed. All of a sudden Ty cracked a smile. “Well, I hope she enjoyed the show.” That made me smile.
We got a nice little lecture about sex and the limits we need to have even though we can’t get pregnant. So now we have rules to follow. We have to keep Ty’s door open when we’re in his bedroom. We need to limit our sexual activity, as she put it. Duh, that’s not going to happen, although getting caught having sex is going to stay in my mind forever. The idea of getting caught again might make me pull back a little. Nah . . . my hormones rage twenty-four-seven, and not even a mother seeing me naked will ever stop me from having sex.
I love Ty and he loves me, so it should be no big deal. I mean, it’s not like we’re thirteen or something.
Later
JOURNAL ENTRY 9
Jamie
I’m gay and I’m crushing on a smart gorgeous guy. There, I wrote it down and I’ve been saying it out loud all day. I’m gay. Now I just need to let everyone else know. I’m happy for the first time in a long time and I like the way it feels. It’s finally time.
So, I need to write about meeting Leo for lunch on Saturday. He is an incredible guy. I’ve never met anyone like him. I’m serious. I can’t stop smiling. I can’t believe how fast we connected and how easy it was to talk to him. He is so cute. I mean he’s deadass gorgeous. His pictures on Facebook and Snapchat are hot, but he is magazine cover hot in person.
Everyone says I’m photogenic, which I guess I am given my profession, but I’m not that fascinated by my own pictures because I don’t think they look like me for some reason. Honestly, I think I look weird, especially when I take selfies. It’s like I have to take fifty pics just to get one that I’ll put online. Seeing myself in magazines is definitely cool, I’ll admit that, but it is like I’m looking at someone else. It’s hard to explain.
And then there is FaceTime. Confession time. I’ve actually FaceTimed with myself so I can practice face looks and angles to make sure that I look okay. I think my iPad camera makes my face look distorted. It’s vain, I know. I guess I’m still insecure in a lotta ways.
So anyway, I’ll start at the beginning. I cabbed to ParkSlope and got out on 7th Ave. I started walking down 9th Street. I was looking at the GPS on my phone to get my bearings when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and there was Leo smiling away. He said hi and gave me a nice hug. “I hope you didn’t have a hard time finding the Slope,” he said.
“No, not at all. I’ve been here many times to hang out with Brooke.”
“Cool. I didn’t realize you were so tall,” he said, with an amorous grin. “How tall are you?”
“A little over six-one.” He was making me feel all warm inside. Those mystical dark eyes were mesmerizing, and noticing how tall I was indicated that he was checking me out. I was definitely checking him out too. He is around five-ten or eleven, and he’s slender, just like me. I think thin, defined guys are hot. And those eyes! I keep thinking about his eyes. I could see wisdom and empathy. And his voice . . . so soft, gentle, kind. I could tell there was nothing fake about him at all. I’m glad he was talkative because my introverted nature was in full on mode.
“Jamie, I’m glad we finally get to meet in person. To tell you the truth, meeting people online is new for me, but when I saw your picture on Brooke’s Facebook page I knew I had to meet you. I know I’m being forward, but I think you are really cute.”
I looked away totally embarrassed not knowing how to respond. I definitely felt the same way about him but was too afraid to say it. I knew my silence was awkward and put him on the spot, but he didn’t let on. I finally spit out, “I’m happy to meet you in person too.” That response was so lame.
He could tell I was nervous, so he changed the subject. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m starving. I haven’t had Indian cuisine in a long time. I love anything made with curry.”
“We are on the same page there. My uncle owns the restaurant, so we are going to have an excellent meal.”
On our way there we talked about general stuff like school, sports, and music. I felt like I was fucking things up because he was doing most of the talking, but I just didn’t want to say the wrong thing or lead him on in any way. He was so nice and so easy to talk to. My nerves finally calmed down somewhat by the time we got there.
The entire restaurant was full, and the food smelled delicious. We were greeted by one of Leo’s cousins as soon as we walked in. She gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Your table is waiting for you.” Leo introduced me. “Yanni, this is Jamie, a new friend of mine.”
“It is nice to meet you,” she said, while shaking my hand. We followed her through a maze of tables and then thr
ough a sliding patio door that opened up to a beautiful garden area. There were five or six tables placed strategically away from each other for privacy. “This is an unbelievable space,” I said. Leo and Yanni smiled. “Thank you for the compliment. My father takes great pride in giving each customer a beautiful dining experience,” Yanni said. “Now, you two need to sit and get to know each other. I’ll be back in a little while.”
We were surrounded by trees, plants, and a small pond. Sitar music played in the background, adding to the eastern decor. We spent the next ten minutes or so talking about stuff we liked to do to further break the ice. I was trying my best to relax and just go with it. This uncharted territory kept playing with my need to control the world around me, but I did my best to go wherever this new friendship wanted to go. Leo noticed how my demeanor had changed.
“Your facial features tell a beautiful story,” he said.
“They do?”
“Yes. I can see your emotions clearly, and that is a gift. I am happy that you are starting to relax. I want you to know that I’m as nervous as you were a few minutes ago.”
I thanked him for the compliment, and was happy to know that he was a little nervous too.
A few minutes later we were laughing and taking selfies when Leo’s uncle walked up. Leo stood up and gave him a hug, and then introduced me. “Uncle Vahin, I would like you to meet Jamie Dalton.” He shook my hand. “Jamie, it is an honor to meet you.” Then he proceeded to tell us that he had a special meal prepared for us. “I will let you two get back to your photo shoot,” he said, with a knowing grin. I felt slightly embarrassed by our vanity moment, but Leo didn’t at all. He grabbed his uncle’s hand. “Uncle, please take a selfie with us.” We scrunched together as Leo snapped away.
Throughout lunch, we shared our background history and a few intimate details about our families. He was born in India and moved to New York City when he was six. He said his father opened an international financial office in Manhattan and fell in love with the city.
I told him that I was born in Manhattan, and my mother and father were born and raised in England. The one thing we had in common was that both of our fathers owned investment companies. We laughed about that. “I wonder if they know each other. I’ll have to ask my father,” I said.
I finally got the courage to ask Leo about being openly gay. “Are your parents okay with . . . you . . . umm . . . being gay?”
He smiled. “Yes. I am very blessed to have open minded parents. My religion does not accept the way I was born, but my parents and the rest of my family do. I came out to my mother and father when I was twelve, and their response was immediate love and understanding. I have an uncle who is gay, so I’m sure he helped pave the way years before I was born.”
He gave me a look that said his gaydar was going off. It was time to let him know.
“Leo, I need to be honest with you. I really like you . . . and . . . umm . . . I’m gay too, but I’m not out. Only my closest friends know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I was afraid. I’m still afraid. I hope you understand.”
He gave me an empathetic smile. “I totally understand how you feel.” He paused for a moment, like he was trying to find the right words. “I really like you too, and would love to date you. I don’t mind at all that you’re not out. People have to come out when they’re ready. It’s a personal choice.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you understand.” Before I knew what was happening, I had leaned in and kissed him. I don’t know what came over me, it was so spur of the moment. After our brief kiss, he thanked me for being the brave one. A brand new world had opened up for me with that kiss.
We had an incredible lunch consisting of curry-marinated lamb chops, curried tomato soup, and coconut creamed spinach. It was so delicious.
After our meal we went to his house, a beautiful four story brownstone, where I met his mother and sister. Unfortunately, Leo’s father was away on business. After spending time getting to know them, we spent the rest of the afternoon playing video games, listening to music, and making out in his bedroom. It was an afternoon I will never forget. I think I’m in love.
JOURNAL ENTRY 10
Jayden
Holy fuck. Shit went down yesterday that I’m still trying to put into perspective. The first thing that happened was my sister going ballistic on me in front of everyone at school. Erica accused me of stealing her boyfriend away from her. She was totally out of control, accusing me of turning Devin gay, saying that I was jealous because she had a boyfriend and I didn’t. She called me a miserable fag. Yeah, my sister called me a fag. “I can’t believe you would go behind my back and steal Devin. How did you do it? Did you drug him with Molly and suck him off?”
I tried to calm her down, but she was really on a roll. Then she started hitting me. I grabbed her arms and told her to calm down, then I tried to explain what happened. “Look, I didn’t steal him. I would never do that to you. He told me some things in confidence and I told him to be honest with you. That’s it, I swear.”
A few seconds later I saw Devin running down the hall towards us. Evidently she had been going crazy on him a few minutes earlier. “Erica, please leave Jayden alone. He didn’t do anything other than help me.” She stopped trying to hit me, so I let her go. She gave me a look that could kill, and then turned to Devin. “You know . . . fuck you . . . you fucking played me. I really liked you and now you want to be gay.” Then she started to cry.
I felt bad for both of them, but the truth had to be told. Unfortunately all of this went down at school. Erica was embarrassed by Devin, and he had been outed by her in front of everyone. Not a good situation at all, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
So, there we were. Erica was crying, and Devin ready to cry as he leaned against the lockers looking totally dejected. I finally asked everyone in the hall if they would be kind enough to give us some privacy. A few people gave them words of encouragement as the hallway cleared out.
The three of us were standing there wondering how in the hell things got so out of control. Erica finally calmed down and actually apologized. “Devin, I’m sorry for everything I said to you. Jayden, I’m sorry I called you a you know what. I know you didn’t turn Devin gay.”
Devin gave her a hug. “I know none of this has been fair to you. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you right from the start, but I was afraid. I was trying to like you in a romantic way when you said you liked me, but I was lying to myself, and to you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I wish I could take it all back because I’ve embarrassed you and your brother. Please forgive me.”
As they were trying to work things out, Mr. Harris, a freshman math teacher, walked up and asked why we weren’t in class. I tried to be diplomatic. “Mr. Harris, could you give us few minutes to resolve an issue that we’re discussing?” He looked at us for second and then wrote each of us a late pass. “If you have a problem getting into class, come find me. I’ll be in the teacher’s lounge. Good luck. He smiled and walked away.
That was so cool of him to understand and not pry. Then to my surprise, Erica did a complete reversal and began to console Devin. “I didn’t know you were struggling with this. I’m really sorry that I outed you in front of everyone.”
“It’s okay, I was going to come out eventually, so no harm done.”
“I remember how hard it was for Jayden. Certain people called him every homophobic slur imaginable, and a few guys threatened to beat the queer out of him so many times it’s not funny. Even our parents treated him terribly until the whole family went to counseling. Coming out to the world isn’t easy, and I fell into the same ignorant trap and outed you before you were ready. I’m so sorry.”
Devin hugged her again. “It’s okay. Please don’t cry.” At that point I joined in on their hug. I was happy to see them work through their pain. Hopefully they will stay friends when the dust settles.
Before we went our separate ways, I invited them to have lunch with me. We met C
hris and Jamie at Jin Ramen for lunch where they were filled in on the particulars of the Devin and Erica explosion. They were obviously surprised at first, but then tried to reassure them that they would get through everything okay in time. Erica agreed, and then said something that shocked all of us. She looked at me and Devin, “I think you guys should go on a date at some point.”
“What?” I said, trying my hardest to look serious.
“I mean it. I’m not trying to put you guys on the spot or embarrass you, but I think you should try it and see what happens.” Devin’s shyness was on full display as our eyes briefly met. We didn’t say anything, but I was thinking that it might not be a bad idea. My only worry is that he is a couple of years younger than me. Mmm . . .
The rumor mill was going full blast by the time we got back from lunch. The news was all over school that Cody had broken up with Leah. All sorts of wild stories were being told. With so many people upset, I thought the news trucks were going to pull up in front of the school at any moment. Some people said that Leah cheated on Cody, while others said Cody was cheating on her. One of Leah’s friends said she caught Cody making out with a girl from Bedford Prep. I knew that story was bullshit. At least I hoped it was.
I decided to try and find him to make sure he was okay. I looked for him between classes but didn’t have any luck. I was late to every one of my classes as I desperately searched. When I walked into AP English, Ms. Townsend recited a sarcastic sonnet about being late, so I did my best Shakespearian apologetic acting routine, then sat down next to Chris and Jamie and let them know what was going on. They promised to help me find him. Jamie texted him during class, but got no reply. After school we headed to some of Cody’s hangouts that Jamie knew about, but we had zip zero luck. I just hope he is okay.