by A. V. Zeppa
I rubbed my eyes and couldn’t believe what I saw. Cody was curled up on the couch fast asleep. He looked so cute. I panicked because my mother was a mere ten feet away. How was I going to explain? I took a deep breath and hoped she would understand. I opened the door, put my finger to my lips and pointed at Cody. “We fell asleep. I swear nothing happened. He broke up with his girlfriend and needed a friend to talk to.”
She believed me. “His parents must be worried. He needs to call home.” It was so cool of her not to get upset. “Breakfast will be ready soon,” she said, and then left. I gently nudged Cody.
“Hey, it’s time to wake up. We fell asleep. My mother wants you to call your parents and let them know where you are.” Cody stretched and smiled. “Don’t worry, my parents are out of town, and our housekeeper is visiting her son in Chicago.”
“Cool. You can take a shower and have breakfast with me if you want,” I said, still not believing that I had just spent the night with this gorgeous guy.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll just head home and shower. I need to change my clothes.” Cody put his shoes on, stood up and gave me a hug. “Thank you for everything.”
“Anytime. That’s what friends do.” I walked him to the foyer. “I’ll see you in a little while,” he said, and then gave me another hug, smiled, and was out the door. I will remember this night for the rest of my life.
JOURNAL ENTRY 14
Chris
Jayden messaged me while I was on my way to school this morning and told me to meet him at Starbucks so we could talk. He said he had some big news to tell me. I messaged Jamie and told him where to meet us. It was my turn to buy the Frappuccinos anyway.
When I got there Jayden was standing out front with this dreamy grin. “It looks like you’re in a good mood,” I said, while giving him a hug. “You won’t believe what happened last night. You won’t!”
“Okay. Spill.”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry.”
“Cool.” Just as he was about to tell me, Jamie walked up. “Hey, what’s up?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” I said. “Jayden has a big dark secret and can’t wait to tell us.” Jayden sighed. “This is between us, okay?”
I was getting exasperated. “Of course. Scouts honor, blood brothers, pinky swear, cross my heart and hope to die, and whatever else.” Jamie laughed.
“Cody spent the night in my bedroom last night.”
I grinned. “No fucking way. You must have been having a wet dream.”
“I’m serious. He messaged me and asked if he could come over.”
“Did you put the moves on him? Or did he put the moves on you?”
“Come on Chris, it was nothing like that at all, although the thought did cross my mind a few times. But seriously, he needed someone to talk to. We spent a couple of hours talking and watching a movie, and ended up falling asleep.
“Well Romeo, did you and Mercutio sleep in your bed? We’re you naked?” Jamie asked with an awkward inflection in his voice. “I wish, but no such luck. He fell asleep on the couch, and I fell asleep on the chair.”
After we got our Frappuccinos Jayden let us in on all the juicy details about the breakup of the century. Then, just as our campus came into sight, Jamie dropped a bombshell of his own. “I met a guy online last week. His name is Leo.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Are you fucking crazy? Jamie, you can’t trust anyone you meet online, you should know that by now. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Calm down and let me explain.”
“Don’t you dare meet this guy. He could be some rapist pedophile pervert, or a serial killer or something.” Jayden backed me up. “You’re fucking crazy to meet guys that way. I’m not going to allow it.”
“Come on, I know better than to meet a stranger online. Look, he’s a friend of my cousin Brooke. He goes to school with her and we’ve already met.”
“What? When did this happen?” I asked, finally calming down.
“Last Saturday in ParkSlope.”
“Is he gay?”
“Oh yeah, he’s gay. And I told him that I’m gay. We’ve been FaceTiming. I really like him.”
“So, is it serious? Because if it is, what are you going to do?” Jayden asked.
“I’ve decided to come out. I’m going to tell my parents this week, and then I’m going to tell my coaches. It’s scary as fuck, but it’s time. I think my mom will be ok with it because she loves you guys, but I know my father is going to have a heart attack. I just don’t want him to hate me,” Jamie said, while looking like he was going to lose it at any moment.
“You are doing the right thing regardless of how your parents, Coach Riley, and Coach Bennington respond. You are finally being honest with yourself and that’s the most important thing. We love you and support you all the way.” We did a three way hug.
Coming out is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, so I know how Jamie feels right now. I’m ecstatic that he has found a guy who makes him happy and comfortable enough to finally be himself.
So, my mother is having a pre-fashion week party for her clients tomorrow night at her gallery in SoHo. I have to admit it’s pretty cool having Veronica Belloni as my mother. Being the son of one of the biggest fashion designers in New York City definitely has its perks. I get to meet other famous people from all over the world.
The fame thing is cool. I like moments of it, but I also like that I can turn it off and on. Jayden and Jamie have learned how to do it too. In reality, it’s business for me. But I love doing the runway scene. It’s exhilarating and fun. I love having hundreds of cameras flashing away at me, and I love seeing myself in fashion magazines. Yeah, I’m vain, what can I say.
The fame aspect of it is the last thing I want though. Getting recognized on the street is unnerving. I hate when my privacy is invaded. Jamie feels the same way, but Jayden enjoys the attention, and handles it well. He has fun with it.
I’m going to ask Ty to go with me. He’s been to my mother’s gallery once and loved it. I know he wants to meet some celebrities. He’s talked about it a few times. I let Jamie and Jayden know about it at lunch today. “Your attendance is requested at my mother’s party tomorrow night.”
“I’ve been looking forward to it. I can’t wait to get back to work, and I can’t wait to be surrounded by hot guys once again,” Jayden said, with a slight giggle.
“Don’t get any ideas,” Jamie said, giving Jayden an amorous grin.
“Rehearsal starts on Thursday, so we have to miss school. I know you guys are disappointed.”
“Oh, my dear Chris, you know I would never miss school for something as frivolous as my modeling career and people fawning all over me,” Jamie chimed in. “I’m way too academic and modest for such things.”
We laughed, then I gave them the agenda for the evening. “We are going to get fitted during the party. Wait till you see the clothing lines. They’re outrageous. After that we will meet with the press and mingle with a few surprise celebrities.”
“Can’t wait,” Jayden said.
I invited Ty to the party. He was so psyched. “Are you kidding me? I’d love to go.” He actually jumped on me and kissed me crazy nice. “When is it?” he asked, after we came up for air. “Tomorrow night. And just so you know, my mother’s parties can get pretty intense.” I think I scared the shit outta him when I said that. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“The atmosphere can get overwhelming when you aren’t used to all of the attention and celebrity chaos that happens. There are photographers all over the place. It gets so crazy that it’s almost like you can’t catch your breath. You’re going to be surrounded by lots of important industry people and celebrities.” I was sorry I told him that because it looked like he was going to have a panic attack. “Mmm . . . I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of situation.”
“Please don’t worry about it, you�
��ll be with me.”
I’m getting more comfortable bringing Ty into my close circle of friends. I think our relationship is something special. Later . . .
JOURNAL ENTRY 15
Jamie
So, I met up with Jayden and Chris at Starbucks this morning and couldn’t believe what I heard. Jayden told us that he slept with Cody. My heart sank with those words. He was all smiles and giggles. It hurt to see him so happy, but I did my best not to show it. “What? How did you?” was all I could get out of my mouth. “He came over last night to talk and we accidentally fell asleep,” he said. Chris noticed the obvious. “You better cover that woody up. You’ve been having a problem with that whenever Cody is mentioned.” Chris laughed. I eked out a wounded smile while Jayden quickly adjusted himself and then proceeded to give us the page one news.
I find it a little weird how they’ve all of a sudden become best buds. Yeah, I’m jealous. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m emotionally torn and it sucks.
Jayden said the main conversation centered on Cody being confused, or trying to work out some personal things in his life, saying he needed to do it without a girlfriend around. I immediately wondered if he was in the closet like me, or if he’s finally outgrown the whole high school royalty thing. Even though I’m jealous, Cody couldn’t have picked a nicer guy to confide in. Jayden really knows how to make people feel good about themselves.
I razzed him about them being Romeo and Mercutio, you know, the obvious gay lovers, and then asked if they slept together. Jayden said technically they did, but not next to each other. I have to admit that it was cute seeing him blush at that fantasy.
So, after Jayden’s exciting story, I decided to tell one of my own. “Umm . . . I need to tell you guys something. I’ve been getting to know someone recently, and I really like him.” Jayden’s eyes lit up. “Ohmygod, really?”
“Yeah, really.”
Chris hugged me. “It’s about time. Spill.”
“We met online.” I soon as I said that, they both got really upset and went into these overprotective mother personas, saying I should never meet anyone online for obvious reasons, which they listed one by one. They calmed down after I told them that Leo was a good friend of my cousin. Their amorous grins returned as they prodded me to reveal the backstory. “Leo is a junior in high school. His family is from India. He moved to New York when he was six because his father opened up a new office in the financial district.”
“What kind of business does he own,” Chris asked. “An international investment company.”
“Very cool. Your fathers own the same kind of companies. That is definitely karma my friend,” Jayden said. Then I told them we hung out together in ParkSlope on Saturday, which made their minds go into overdrive. “Were you guys hanging out or hanging out?” Jayden asked, with a slight giggle. “Come on, get your mind out of the gutter. We had lunch together at his uncle’s restaurant and then we went to his house and played video games.”
“Cool. So what does he look like?” Chris asked. I pulled up some pics on Facebook. “Very hot. So, you like them tall, dark, and handsome,” Jayden said, and then playfully pinched my ass for effect.
“I guess I do. Get this, I kissed him at the restaurant. In front of everyone. I don’t know what came over me.”
“You little slut you,” Chris said, with a fuckboy grin.
“Hey, be nice. He’s the first guy I’ve ever kissed, other than you guys, and that was four years ago when we were having our make out sleepovers.”
“We need to get back to that kind of sleepover,” Jayden said. We looked at each other with nostalgic eyes. “That was a lot of fun,” I replied, trying to fill the awkward silence. Then I changed the subject. “I’ve decided to come out to my parents this week. After I come out to them, I’m coming out to my coaches, and then to everyone else.” They are really happy that I’m finally doing it. I’m nervous as fuck, but I know it’s time.
So, during Biology lab today this girl named Simone started hitting on me. She weaseled her way to my table and began her flirting routine. I was trying to be nice, yet not show any romantic interest, but she wasn’t getting the hint. She kept pushing and pushing and then finally asked me out. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to outright lie to her, but decided on a semi-truth instead. “Look Simone, I’m really flattered that you want to go out with me, but I’m seeing someone right now and I would never cheat on that person. I hope you understand.
“Oh, I didn’t know,” she said, rather suspiciously. “Who is she? Do I know her?”
“That is private. I don’t talk about my relationships,” I said, annoyed that she was digging into my life. And yep, she kept right on digging. “Is the privacy thing because you’re a famous model? Is she a model too?” I gave her an exasperated look. “I just like my privacy, it’s that simple.”
“Okay, I get it. I think it’s nice that you’re faithful to your girlfriend,” she said, and then quickly moved to another table. I should have just told her I was gay and be done with it.
Fashion Week is coming up soon. Can’t wait to get back on the runway. I feel totally free when I’m up there because I get to express the real me. I’m front and center, totally exposed for everyone to see, but sadly most people are blinded by my outward image. I find this extremely shallow when a certain preconceived image is the only thing they can see, or want to see. I’m much more than that. I don’t know, maybe I’m expecting too much. I mean, I know my physical attributes are sought after by designers and an image hungry public, and it does stroke my ego at times, but I’d like to think I’m more than just a piece of twink meat. But, on the other hand, I have to admit being thought of as sexy is fun too. It is like I have a super power.
I was in a photo shoot for Gucci shorts back in April with the guys. I had gotten down to seven percent body fat, which made my abs and V-lines pop like crazy, and I had a great tan going too, so the photographer had me wear the shorts really low and sexy. They are the best pics I’ve taken so far.
Yeah, I know, I’m rambling on and on.
So, tomorrow night is the big Belloni pre-fashion week party. I love going to these parties. I love going with Chris and Jayden. I love the attention we get from everyone even though I’m the shy introverted type. Mrs. Belloni’s parties are always exciting because we get to mingle with so many talented industry people, and you never know who is going to show up. Can’t wait.
Time to get some sleep.
JOURNAL ENTRY 16
Jayden
When I got to school this morning Cody was hanging out in the entrance hall with some of his jock friends. He gave me a quick glance but didn’t acknowledge me. He had this look of fear, like I was going to walk up and kiss him or something. I wanted to say hi, but I know when things are wrong. I walked by without saying anything. Then the shit started. I was a few steps up the stairway when one of his friends said, “Hey guys, look at the girly boy. What a fag.”
Laughter quickly followed. I pretended not to hear his homophobic slur and continued up the stairs. Then someone else yelled, “Jayden, you really think you’re hot shit just because you’re a model. Modeling is for cocksuckers, so why don’t you suck my cock.”
I turned around to see who said that and saw Cody quickly look away. The guy next to him was pointing at his dick. “Come on, I know you want it.” I looked back at Cody hoping he would defend me, but he wouldn’t look at me. Total emptiness. So I flipped the guy off and continued on my way.
I was livid by the time I got to class. How could Cody just stand there and ignore me? Why wouldn’t he defend me? Why does he hang out with homophobic assholes? I thought he was different. I thought he was trying to figure out who he really is. Well, I found out who he is in a hurry. He’s just another narcissistic asshole who only cares about himself.
I sat down next to Chris and told him what happened. He immediately wanted to head downstairs and kick their asses. He stood up, but I grabbed his arm. “Chris, I’d love
to see you fuck those guys up, but you can’t because you’d just be lowering yourself to their level. And besides, we are the face of the GSA Club and have to set a good example.” Chris had fire in his eyes. “I want you to point those two guys out to me. I’m going to give them a not so subtle warning. Same goes for Cody too. If anyone ever touches you, it will be the last thing they ever do. I fucking mean it.”
The thing that hurt the most was Cody pretending not to know me. He’s obviously still caught up in the whole macho jock boy mindset. I think a lot of those guys have repressed homosexual feelings. I need to forget about him since he has already forgotten about me.
After lunch I was at my locker getting my Calculus book when Devin walked up. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. I have to be honest here, he is adorable!
Anyway, he tapped me on the shoulder and said hi. I turned around to see the most beautiful smile. “Hey Devin, how’s it going?”
“I’m good. How have you been?”
“Busy, but good too. Things have been really crazy lately, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.”
“I . . . umm . . . want to apologize again for the other day. Erica told me that you and her have worked things out.”
“Yeah, we have. We had a pajama party the night of her meltdown like we used to when we were kids. We talked about lots of stuff, something we hadn’t done in a long time. She understands what you’re going through, and apologized to me over and over. You actually brought us closer together. Thanks.”
“That is nice of you to say. I want to thank you for helping me to be brave enough to tell her the truth.”