I frowned in puzzlement.
Michael yanked his hair again. “Oh, God. You are an innocent.”
“Michael! Don’t use God’s name in vain!”
He clasped his hands together, his elbows again on his knees. “I’m sorry.” He rested his chin on his hands and watched me again as I contemplated his words.
I sucked in my breath when I finally knew what he meant. I caught his gaze and blushed. “I understand.” Why was he telling me this? Anger boiled up, and I narrowed my eyes. Was he one of the farmers?
He blew out another breath. “There’s something else I need to tell you. Dan is cultivating the fields.”
“Dan?” The logs crackled in the fireplace, and I cast my gaze to the shifting, falling, burning embers. “You said Dan was with Sylvia the other night.” A red ember fell, glowed brightly for a split second, and then darkened.
I swung back around to face Michael. “But Marla said he was on base. I don’t know whom to believe. And why would Dan betray Marla? Why would he do that?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “For one thing, he’s drinking again. And he’s frustrated. He’s going to be stuck at Ft. Benning as an instructor — he may not see any action.” He grinned and cocked an eyebrow. “Well, he is seeing a little action with Sylvia.” He softly laughed.
I grimaced. “It’s not funny!”
“You’re right. Sorry,” he said, although his smile did not completely fade.
“Marla is going to be heartbroken when she finds out.”
His face sobered, and he shook his head at me. “If she finds out. You’re not going to tell her, are you?”
I shook my head. “Marla said he was stuck on base... Is she lying?”
“She doesn’t know he’s been sneaking out... he’s always gone back, mainly with my help. But if he keeps it up, he’s bound to get caught. Security is tightening.”
I searched his eyes, probing for the truth. Michael’s face was composed, and he met my gaze steadily.
I rubbed my forehead. “What would happen to him if he gets caught?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “He’d be dishonorably discharged. But forget Dan... there’s something more important. Jay...” His eyes had darkened again, and the feeling in the pit of my stomach intensified.
“Yes?”
He cleared his throat and a bit of red came in his cheeks. “I was wrong. We have to... I mean, will you... Please, marry me?”
No feeling of elation welled inside me. Instead, I was unaffected, strangely calm. Maybe all that had happened had emotionally exhausted me. “You’ve changed your mind?”
He straightened and nodded. “I have.” His demeanor was suddenly formal and stiff, as if he held his feelings at bay.
The quietness of his voice somehow released my emotions, and I struggled to regain control. Agitation rolled through me like wind blowing ocean waves. Finally, I spoke, my voice sounding rusty, as if from disuse. “Michael... maybe you were right, and we should wait. I don’t know...”
Did I completely trust him? Could a marriage thrive, or even survive, without trust? He had said Sylvia was a share crop. Did that mean Michael shared her with Dan? Why hadn’t he told me he was not involved with her? I wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer.
He stared at me and spoke through clenched teeth. “We are not going to wait.”
I bit my lip. “I need time to think.”
He gave a brief nod. “I understand. Twenty-four hours. We’d better go now.” The fire had died down, although the embers still glowed red. He came over to bank it, too close to where I sat. I rose and went out into the hallway and waited for him.
Chapter 6—The Proposal
We drove back to my aunt’s without speaking. Michael surveyed me coolly when he dropped me off. “Let me know what you decide.”
He spoke as if it was simply a business deal. “Sure. I’ll let you know. By tomorrow.”
“Jay?”
“Yes?”
“If we do marry, I don’t... I don’t want to marry and... leave you pregnant.”
“No, that wouldn’t be advisable.” I could be as formal as he could. “There are ways to prevent pregnancy.”
He frowned at me and nodded. I slammed the door and he drove away. I watched him go, knowing I had already made my decision but would not tell him yet.
Aunt Liza had left my plate covered on the back of the stove. I ate with little appetite, washed up, told my aunt and uncle goodnight, and went to my room to study.
One week after Pearl Harbor, a week that had felt like a lifetime, I lay on my bed, staring at the slatted ceiling. It had been an emotionally draining and exhausting week. I tried to study, but the words would not come into focus. Finally, I gave up, and, the same as a week ago, spent a restless night sorting out my feelings.
I had two finals on Monday. The finals were in classes I did not share with Michael, but I did search for him to no avail. My eyes continued to scan the campus as I walked to the bus stop, but he was nowhere to be seen.
At work, I peeked into the back parking lot, and Michael was right. The Bucks had a new car. If he was telling the truth about that, maybe he was telling the truth about Sylvia and Dan, although I prayed it wasn’t true. I didn’t want Dan to break Marla’s heart.
I did something I had never done before. I left work early, hoping Michael would be at my aunt’s when I arrived. But he wasn’t there. Aunt Liza who was cooking supper, took one look at my face and refused my offer of help, urging me to go lie down.
Instead, knowing I needed a distraction, I slipped out the back door and down to the stables. Dusk was gathering and a cool wind blew.
Red and Whitey whinnied as I pushed open the barn door. I got the curry comb and groomed Red. It was cool in the barn, but the physical exertion helped warm me up.
Darkness descended, and I lit a lantern and hung it on a nail. Where was Michael? He knew I had no way of getting in touch with him and had no car — he’d have to come here. Maybe I was making a mistake — maybe he’d changed his mind. My hands shook as I finished Red and walked into Whitey’s stall.
When I heard the creaking of the barn door, I trembled and had to force myself to peer out. It was Michael. Without speaking, he crossed to me and took me in his arms. I couldn’t speak; this was what I had been waiting for. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he stroked my hair.
We stayed that way for a long time before he stepped back, his hands holding me at arm’s length. His eyes searched my face. “I can’t leave you unless we get married.”
“I don’t get to decide?” My lips curled into a smile.
“No. I can’t bear to go away and not hear from you, to not know how you are.”
I nodded my head. “Lucky for you, I’ve decided to marry you.” I had wanted to stay calm, to not let him see my soul, but the words continued to tumble out. “And I’ll write you, every day... I can’t bear it otherwise...”
He put a finger against my lips. “Hush.” He pulled me to him again and groaned softly. “I need you, Jay. Now and always.”
Desire stirred within me, and I knew to step back. But Michael moved with me and grasped both my wrists, pushing me against the wall. He bent his head, his kisses burning my lips and neck, leaving me weak.
With what strength I still possessed, I pushed him away, and, thankfully, he allowed me. His eyes were dark in the light from the lantern. With my hands shaking, my whole body trembling, I pushed back a strand of hair that had broken free from my braid.
I tried to steady my breathing before I lightly spoke. “Well, I think we need to get back to the house now. Supper is probably ready.”
He stepped farther back, watching me, shaking his head. “No... I can’t go in... But I’ll walk with you.” He blew the lantern out but made no move to take my hand.
I suddenly felt shy. We walked in silence, and I was careful not to brush against him, afraid of what my touch would ignite in him, or what his touch would ignite in me.
He cleared his throat. “We already have the license.” He moved closer, his eyes dark and unreadable in the pale moonlight.
The back porch light came on, and he stopped, sticking his hands in his back pockets. “Goodnight, Jay.” He leaned down to give me a light kiss, barely touching my lips, his hands still in his back pockets. Even in the porch light, his eyes were dark pools of mysterious depths.
“Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?” I asked.
He moved farther away from me. “I’m sure. And I’ll never leave you. Not now, not ever.” His voice became husky, but he smiled. “Well, at least until the Marines haul me off. And that’ll be on the 24th.”
“The day before Christmas?” I kicked at the dirt with my shoe. “Only nine days from now. Pearl Harbor, final exams, the war. It’s enough to make a preacher cuss.”
“I see final exams come before the war.” He smiled again, his eyes sparkling.
It was nice to see him smile. “We gotta keep our priorities straight.”
He tilted his head to laugh at me. “So, what’s the schedule like?”
I laughed at him, too. “You know — or you should. We both have the physiology final at nine tomorrow and microbiology at two.”
“Wednesday then.” He gave a curt nod.
“Wednesday?”
“Your wedding day.”
“Oh.” Heat rose to my cheeks, and I swallowed.
His eyes had darkened again although he had not changed position. “I can’t wait.”
His husky voice stirred excitement within me, and I longed to reach out to him. The curtain fluttered, breaking the spell. I glanced at the window. “I’d better get in.”
“Jay... I’m sorry we can’t do this the way we planned... I’m sorry I have to leave...”
“Oh, Michael! Things will work out. We’ll have time when you get back. Mr. Buck will take me on full time at the store. I can stay here with Aunt Liza and Uncle Howard until the war ends. And that’ll be soon, hopefully.”
Aunt Liza tapped on the window and pressed her face against the pane. Michael glanced up at her, his hands still stuck in his back pockets.
“I’d better get going.” But he didn’t move, his eyes returning to mine.
“Goodnight.” I, too, couldn’t make my feet obey.
The tapping continued, and I reluctantly wrenched my gaze away and walked up the steps. I turned when I reached the door. Michael still stood in the same spot, watching me. He pulled one hand from his pocket and gave a slight wave, barely lifting his arm, and walked to his truck.
I stepped into the house, and Aunt Liza greeted me. “Is everything okay, honey?” She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “It’s freezing out there, and you’re cold.”
“Michael and I decided we’d get married before he leaves. On Wednesday.” We were getting married. Excitement fluttered in my chest.
“Oh, I’m so glad. I thought y’all were fighting, the reason I tapped on the window. I’m so happy you decided to marry before he has to leave.” She embraced me and stepped back, grasping my shoulders. “Wednesday? This Wednesday?”
I nodded my head. “Michael will be leaving on the 24th.”
“Oh my. I’ve got to get busy. I’m not quite through with the sewing. And we’ve got to call Colt. He’ll probably bring your momma and Zeke. Where are we going to put them all?”
She prattled on, but I only half listened. William and Uncle Howard were eating supper, and they both rose to give me congratulatory hugs.
“Right after supper, I’ll go clear my things out, and you can have my space,” William said.
I laid a hand on his arm. “I don’t want to kick you out!”
“No problem. Actually, some guys have asked me to share a place with them. You and Michael can stay here until he leaves.”
I considered his offer. Only nine days before Michael left for boot camp, only seven days of married life — no time to really make plans. And it would help us save a little money. Maybe it would be the best solution.
I glanced over his shoulder at Uncle Howard. “Well, if Uncle Howard and Aunt Liza don’t object?”
Uncle Howard squeezed my shoulder. “Of course we don’t mind. And it will give you your own little place when Michael leaves.”
His words brought a lump to my throat. Michael would be gone in ten days. But he would be back. The old woman had said so. And her words were what would keep me going during the months, or years, ahead.
Chapter 7—The Surprise
Aunt Jenny, Uncle Colt, Momma, Laurie and Zeke traveled up for my wedding, arriving on Tuesday. Aunt Jenny and Uncle Colt looked the same as always. They both gave me big, rib-crushing hugs. When I turned to Momma, she was already heading in the house.
I was shocked at her appearance. Her hair had grayed, and it looked as if she had not had a haircut since the last time I had seen her. The hair frizzed around her face and tumbled down her back. Maybe she’d let me wash and comb it — not that I would have much time. I still had my last final to take and then would need to help Aunt Liza with feeding everyone, although Aunt Jenny and Laurie would lend a hand, too, I was sure.
Turning my back on Momma, I wrapped one arm around Laurie and one around Zeke. “It’s been so long! Y’all didn’t pick up William?”
Laurie exchanged looks with her mother and shook her head. “We went by, to the address you gave us, but he wasn’t there.”
“That’s not like William — I told him what time you’d be arriving. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him since he moved out Monday night.”
Aunt Jenny was smiling at me. “Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. You know how boys are. He’s probably just forgotten.”
I didn’t answer, but I knew William better than that. He was one of the most responsible people I knew. Worry nagged me, but I put it aside.
I squeezed Zeke’s shoulder. He was eleven now, and as cute as ever with his blond hair, but his hair was shaggy. He needed a haircut. A pang of compassion squeezed my heart. He was probably taking care of himself and Momma. Well, at least he wasn’t trying to do the work of a man in the fields like he had to do when he was younger.
Zeke insisted on greeting Coby and Uncle Howard’s dogs while the rest of the family went in. I didn’t know how Aunt Liza was going to manage to sleep everyone in such a tiny house. Uncle Howard and Aunt Liza, with my help, had already cleaned up his shop and exchanged the single bed for a double bed. That left the two extra bedrooms for Momma, Zeke, Uncle Colt, Aunt Jenny, and Laurie. Michael’s father and uncle wouldn’t arrive until the morning, so, at least, we wouldn’t have to find a place for them. I’d let Aunt Liza sort out where the others were going to sleep — I had too many things to think about as it was.
I left the house full of chattering people, except for Momma who had found a place in the corner, gazing around with her eyes as round as saucers, and her mouth clamped tightly shut. I caught the bus to Auburn — my last bus trip — my last final. My life as I knew it was ending.
And I had seven days, seven days, to begin a new life with Michael.
The next day, Michael, his father, and his Uncle Aaron knocked on the door at one o’clock. Although, of course, I didn’t see them. It was December 17th, ten days since the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
Neither of my aunts would let me out of my room — with such a small house, full of so many people, there wasn’t much space anyway.
We had scraped most of the plans we had made. The plan now was to be married in the church, with just our close family present. Even Marla wouldn’t be there. Her family had left, right after her last final, for their annual Christmas visit to the mountains in Tennessee.
Michael and I were blessed to have family who loved us, who would come be with us on such
short notice. All the other things really didn’t matter.
After the wedding, we would come back to Aunt Liza’s for dinner. Already, delicious smells wafted through the house to my room. Fried chicken, pecan pie, and baking biscuits intermingled with the aromas of all of the other dishes my aunts had prepared, making me both nauseated and ravenous.
Aunt Liza finished my dress, only minutes before we were leaving. My knee-length white dress was adorned with ruffles down the front, and I wore a pair of silk stockings. I had already put on my navy wool coat, with pearl buttons, since my room, my former room, was chilly. I had a matching navy hat, with a white veil, waiting to don.
Aunt Jenny, Aunt Liza, Laurie, and I barely fit in the room. Laurie had sprawled across the bed, wrinkling her dress and not caring. She had released her hair from their customary braids, and it flowed in soft auburn waves down her back. Her eyes, the same hazel as William’s, had taken on a green hue, matching her dark green dress.
Aunt Liza wore a plain dark purple dress, belted at the waist, that somehow made her more beautiful than ever. She hugged me, and then Aunt Jenny, wearing a dress made with red silk-looking material, kissed me on both cheeks. Aunt Jenny, looking at me with my beloved Poppa’s eyes, placed the hat on my head and lowered the veil.
Laurie nodded her approval. “Jay, you look prettier than a speckled pup.” I reached my hand to her, and she gave it a squeeze.
Aunt Jenny wiped at her eyes. “Your poppa would be so proud of you. How I wish he could have lived to see this day.”
I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry. Memories and emotions welled up, threatening to choke me, but I swallowed hard and straightened my shoulders.
“Ready?” Aunt Liza had her hand on the doorknob, waiting for my nod. She swung the door open and the three ladies filed out before me, shooing the men back. I didn’t see Momma, but Zeke was looking at me like he’d never seen me before. I shot him a smile before Uncle Howard stepped toward me, taking my hand and tucking it in the crook of his arm, not giving me a chance to find Michael’s face.
Thunder's Shadow (In the Shadow of the Cedar Book 3) Page 4