by N. Alleman
And with that, she races off in a cloud of dust, not even giving me a second to answer. Get my story straight... how the hell am I supposed to do that? I don't even really know what happened here! What am I supposed to say? Where will I even begin?
I numbly watch Alexi choke Dimitri long enough to knock him out for a while as I dial the numbers that fill me with such dread. I know it’s unlikely I’ll be blamed for this murder—surely that can’t happen twice—but I don't really like my track record either,, and I’m scared to do it again. However, I do know that I don't have a choice, so I do my best to focus as I put in the report.
When I’m done, I turn back, unsure of what I’m going to be faced with and Alexi runs to my side and pulls me into an embrace. All fears that I might have screwed up everything vanish from my mind.
“I’m really sorry,” he whispers sadly into my ear. “But I’m going to have to go too.”
“What?” I pull back, incredulous. “What do you mean? I can’t do this alone!” I’m freaked out at the prospect of having to face this without him, but I can already tell he isn’t going to change his mind. There’s a morose resignation in his eyes, one that I know won’t be shifted.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he tells me. “But I can’t get caught by the cops, I’ve been involved in too many criminal activities. Plus, I need to talk with the agency about what happened with Aidan. I need to make them understand so they don’t kill me.”
“What... what’s going to happen?” I ask, trembling. “Will you be okay?” I want to ask him if I’ll be okay too, but I know he cannot possibly know the answer to that.
“I just need to speak to them to get things figured out, it’ll all be fine,” he tries to reassure me. “All you need to worry about is dealing with the police. Tell them that Dimitri called you here to discuss Damien’s assets... that’s very realistic. Say that you came here and heard arguing between Dimitri and Aidan, and that things got out of hand. They fought, and Dimitri killed him.”
I nod, trying to keep myself together. I might not like this one bit, but I can already see that there’s no point in arguing about it now. This is happening whether I like it or not, so I might as well get on board. Might as well get my head in the game for what’s to come.
He holds my shoulders and stares into my eyes, before pulling me in for a deep, passionate kiss. He makes me dizzy with desire for him, even in this insanely stressful moment—holding me close, and for a time, I forget everything. I simply fall into his arms and let go.
“I love you,” he whispers, saying those words for the first time. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you that before, but I do.”
“I love you too,” I reply, tears filling my eyes. “I really do.”
I think that I might have loved him from the very first second that I laid my eyes upon him. It’s just a shame that I’ve held back saying something until now. I can see now that I was wrong to do that. After everything I’ve been through I should have just lived in the moment.
Now I have the terrible thought that the first time I tell him that I love him may also be my last. He’s going now, off to God knows where, and I have no idea when I’m going to see him again.
Then sirens sound in the distance and with one last lingering look, Alexi races off, leaving me alone with a tight fear, gripping my heart.
I don't let the tears come until I’m finally making my way home from the police station. I refused to cry while I was being questioned for hours. I think I did pretty well because I stuck to my story, I kept the facts as vague as I could, and in the end they seemed to be satisfied enough to let me go. Being a distraught woman who has just lost everything and now fears for her own life—that played pretty well and I think they gave me some leeway out of sympathy.
Karen was in the room as I was being questioned, but she wasn't the only officer there, and that made things difficult. I had to really think about what I was saying so as not to get anyone else in trouble, but I think I nailed it. She certainly gave me a satisfied smile as I left the room, which I’m choosing to take as a good sign. I need some positivity to focus on at the moment, just to keep me from falling apart.
I’m off the hook for everything, and all the murders will be pinned on Dimitri. This feels like justice since everything is his fault anyway. He got the ball rolling, and I don’t feel bad about him being locked up for the rest of his life. It’s where he needs to be for the safety of the rest of the world. The public might be safer if he was dead, but at least this way justice could be served.
I also gave the police what details I knew about the drug business I inherited, so they could shut that down too. I know that I could have easily signed it over to Dimitri for the money I needed to start all over again, but this way I get to do it by myself. I don't have to rely on the finances of criminals to build myself a life.
Now I can become the independent woman that I was always supposed to be. For today, I have the house, so I’m not totally homeless, but that will be taken away from me soon enough when it becomes clear that I cannot pay off Damien’s debts. Hopefully by then I’ll have a plan. Once I get through Dimitri’s trial, I’ll want to move away and get that fresh start I want so badly.
Of course I’m only thinking about all of that because I don't want to focus on the fact that I might never see Alexi again. I don't even want to think about what was happening with him while I was in the police station, and I dread knowing where he is now. Maybe the agency killed him already. Maybe he’s left. Maybe he’s running the whole damn place, and he’s decided that I no longer fit into his lifestyle...
The possibilities boggle my mind.
My fingers close around the heart hanging from the chain around my neck, and I try desperately to grab onto the fact that maybe, by some miracle, he’ll come back to me. But, deep down, I know that my luck has run out.
I’ve already managed to get away with so damn much, there’s no way I’ll get to keep the man of my dreams too. He’s gone forever... maybe it’s time to accept that.
But when I reach the driveway to my home, he is sitting there on the doorstep, looking like a mirage.
“Alexi?” I stammer, wondering if I’ve actually snapped and now I’m imagining things. “Is that you?”
“It’s me,” he says, standing up, but I get the distinct impression that something isn’t right with him, he certainly doesn’t look happy. “I’m here... but I can’t stay.”
25
Alexi
“What... what do you mean?” Nadia stammers as she edges closer to me. “What happened?” It’s clear that she’s stressed about what happened in the police station, and I feel really bad about putting her through that alone, but she isn’t focusing on that anymore at all. She’s only interested in me.
I sigh deeply, trying not to recall how terribly things went at the agency. It’s safe to say that the other guys were not happy with the way things turned out with Aidan and even though I blamed Dimitri for killing Aidan, I got the distinct impression that a few of them didn’t believe me. I was going to need to go on the run for a while—lay low and stay out of the firing line of some of Aidan’s more vengeful employees. That was the way it would have to be, at least until all of this has blown over.
But I don't want to trouble Nadia with all of that, she has enough on her plate. In her immediate future, she has trials and reporters to deal with. She doesn’t need to be worrying about me and my problems too.
“I have to get out of here for a while,” I admit vaguely. “Just until things calm down.”
“Take me with you,” she immediately begs, clinging desperately to my arm. “Take me away from here, I want to go too.”
God damn it, I want that as well, but I can’t. She has a lot to deal with, and I really feel like she deserves a better life than one on the run anyway. It’ll be difficult, dirty, tiring, extremely dangerous... she’s already been through enough. I won’t come back to her until I have a life set up for her, something far from the s
eventh circle of hell that she’s currently in.
“I can’t,” I tell her, before leaning in to kiss her lightly on the lips. “You need to be here for the trial, but I will be back, I promise you that much,” I say with conviction, because I know for a fact that is true.
There’s no way that I’m going to leave this woman that I love forever. I need her, and I hate that I’m going to have to wait for us to be together, but at least I know we’ll get there in the end.
“I don't like this,” she tells me, crying a little bit. “I don't like this one bit.”
“I don't either,” I admit. “But it’s the only way. When I get back we can discuss moving. We can get away from here just like you wanted.”
“Do you have to go now?” she asks, and I hate myself for putting that sad frown on her lovely face. “Or do you have a little time to some inside?”
I know that I should go – that would be the smart thing to do—but damn it if she isn’t temping me in with that sweet smile and those gorgeous eyes. If I left right now, it would be a sad moment, but if I go in there with her, and we have a little time to just be... maybe our goodbye won’t be the awful memory that it could be. I mean, it’ll definitely be bittersweet, but surely that would be better?
“Let’s go in,” I mutter, holding her close. “I can at least stay tonight.”
The instant we walk through the door, the atmosphere becomes electric. We’ve been so desperate for each another that our bodies collide in a lust-filled frenzy. Frantically my mouth finds hers and we explore one another’s bodies before we’re forced to separate. Tonight, nothing in the world can keep us apart.
Our tongues tangle in a passionate dance and we give ourselves to each other like we’ve never done before. This time there’s no holding back. We are simply two people joining as one, and we know that it will be the last time for a very long time.
We stagger through Nadia’s house towards the bedroom, shedding clothes, kissing, touching. Loving her allows me to forget—the harsh words, Aidan’s betrayal, the image of his dead body, and the hardships that we’re both going to have to suffer.
It’s just me and her, the way that I dreamed it could be.
When we finally make it to the bedroom, we separate for a split second, and I stare hungrily at her, drinking in her beauty, committing it to memory. I don't ever want to forget that fire in her eyes, the expression of a woman who wants to devour me whole.
All of a sudden, she starts to slowly and seductively pull down her underwear, revealing all of herself to me. She’s bringing an edge to this, and I sense a sadness between us. No matter how badly I want her, I can’t ignore the pieces of my heart that are falling away.
“I love you,” I gasp, moving back towards her. “You are everything to me.” I’ve never felt this way before, and I’m certain that I won’t again. There just isn’t anyone like her in the whole damn world, there’s definitely no one who is as perfect for me. It no longer matters that we met through strange circumstances, or that we’ve been through so much together—we’re right for one another.
We both know it, and that’s all that counts.
“Oh God,” she groans as I run my lips over her neck and collarbone. “I love you too.”
“Keep this next to your heart,” I tell her, tugging lightly on the necklace. “That way I’ll always be with you.” It might only be a small thing, but it’ll make me feel so much better knowing that she has a piece of me so close to her. That silver heart will be next to hers every time it beats, and will connect us even when we’re miles apart.
I sit her down on the edge of the bed, working my mouth down her body. I want to get another taste of that hot, sweet desire. While we’re apart, I want to remember what she tastes like, and I want her thinking of me sending her to Heaven over and over again.
“Oh fuck,” she cries out, entwining her fingers in my hair. “Oh my God, Alexi, you drive me wild.”
Hearing her cursing, acting so free, makes me happy. The woman has spent so much of her time being restricted that it thrills me for her to be able to simply let go. The fact that I’m the one who can do that for her makes me feel incredible.
I can see her wetness glistening; and the heat emanating from her center sends pulses of desire racing though my body. I lean in and get that taste I so desperately need.
She screams my name, arches her back and buckles against me. “Oh my God.”
I run my tongue over her slit, exploring her folds in a variety of patterns, and it isn’t long before I can feel her body shuddering intensely as she, gives in to the waves of satisfaction. I grip her ass tightly, wanting to fix her in place as the pleasure overtakes her, and although her body fights against me, unable to take the intensity of it, after she stops shaking, she seems grateful.
But that isn’t the end of it. She might be worn out, but I’m not done with her yet, so I lie her onto her back onto the bed and slide my length into her before she can even catch her breath.
“Oh fuck,” I groan into her mouth as I become engulfed by her wetness. “You feel so fucking good.” I might have been with scores of women in the past, but none of them have ever felt this amazing. I don't know if it’s the fact that I have feelings for Nadia that makes it so much better, or what it is, but I never want to let her go.
If there was even a slim chance that we would be able to stay alive, I would refuse to leave her. But it isn’t just me in danger, it’s her too, and that’s enough to have me standing my ground and leaving.
As our bodies move harmoniously together, I can’t help but get caught up in how unfair this is. I finally find the perfect woman for me, the one I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, and I’m going to have to leave her. It might be my karma for living such a sinful life up until now, and if that’s the case then I swear I’ll change. I certainly have no loyalty to the organization anymore, so I don't have to worry about that. What I need to do is to replace my bad deeds for good ones. I need to find a way to become a better person for the both of us.
We cling to one another for dear life as our climaxes consume us, and then we lie next to one another on the bed, panting and holding on to one another.
“Are you going to leave me now?” she asks, running her hand over my chest, I hear the regret in her voice, though she tries to hide it. “I mean, I don't want you to go, but I don't want you to stay and get in any trouble either. I guess my main priority is you staying alive.”
“I guess I do have to leave,” I sigh, feeling my heart sink. “I don't want to go either, but it won’t be forever.”
“Just promise you’ll come back to me. I can’t stand you going without that guarantee. If I know that you’ll be back for me as soon as you can, I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way.”
I prop myself up onto my elbows and stare into her eyes. “I swear to you that you will never be alone again. Even when I’m gone, I’ll be working out a way for us to be together again. It’s all I think about. Just get through everything here, so that when I do come back things will be okay.”
“I promise,” she whispers, kissing me lightly on the lips. There’s an agony in her gaze that is probably matched in mine, but we both know this is what we have to do now.
We have one more hurdle to overcome before we can finally be together, but once we’re over that, we will have an endless future stretched out in front of us.
After that, we move to get dressed, neither one of us wanting to accept it, but both knowing that this could be our final goodbye...
Epilogue
The last four months have passed in a haze of questions—from the police, from the reporters, from the public... everyone. Fortunately, I’ve got my mind clear, and I’ve navigated it successfully. I feel like I’ve become the strong person I always strived to be, and I can’t help but be proud of myself.
Of course it helps having Karen as a friend now. She has been a real help for when things have gotten challenging. I’m surprised how m
uch I like her, but now that my petty jealousy is gone, I’ve realized she’s an awesome person.
We bonded over our investigation to find her daughter, and thankfully because of my insider knowledge of the family, it didn’t take long to locate her. We found Lily living with Damien and Dimitri’s uncle, as promised, and she was actually doing fine. She’d been well cared for, and it felt so good to get her back. While the cops investigated the drug business and all the murders surrounding the Novikov family in recent years, I spent more and more time with Karen. I was glad of the investigation, because it gave me something else to think about besides Alexi.
The court cases were rushed through due to the high profile nature of the case, and the verdict is supposed to be delivered today. As I get dressed for it in my most severe suit, I’m not at all nervous. It’s pretty clear how this is going to go, so it feels like nothing more than a formality. There was so much evidence at Dimitri’s house that his defense wasn’t able to refute that the prosecutor is quite confident of a conviction.
During the trial, I’ve become something of a celebrity, which is not something I’m comfortable with. I much prefer blending into a crowd over being the one in the spotlight. And as intense as it is, I know it won’t last forever, so I’m doing my best to soldier on through it.
Because of my new-found fame, my parents reached out to me, wanting to reconnect, but since I don't know what my father’s motives are, I’m not ready to respond just yet. I’ve had enough manipulative men in my life to last me a lifetime.
One day I will respond, if only for my mother’s sake, but for the time being I’ve pushed it aside.