“Yes, I can. For years, I felt dirty when a man moved into my personal space. It didn’t matter who the man was. It didn’t matter if it was just the slightest touch. When Granddad would hug me, I’d feel a little freaked-out.”
Ethan understood.
“Cal, you were sexually abused by a man. If you didn’t have some reservations, I’d be more concerned.”
“It’s always been an issue,” he admitted. “I’m good with most people now, but for a while, I really thought I wouldn't be able to stomach it. Even when we began our threesome, I worked so hard not to come in contact with you. I didn’t want you touching me.”
Ethan listened.
His brother was sharing something deeply personal, and Ethan wanted to be there for him.
“Being in a relationship with a man and woman isn’t easy for me. I know we bust Gabe’s ass, and we let people talk, but in the back of my mind, there was always this uncomfortableness.”
“I know,” Ethan stated. “I could tell.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“If I couldn’t do a threesome with you both, what would you do?”
“Well, I guess we’d take turns and never do it at the same time. If that’s the issue, Callen, just say it. We can share our bed, and we can share our wife, but we don’t have to have contact.”
Callen leaned over and kissed him.
There was no fear, only calm. Callen laughed.
“I am definitely missing something,” Ethan stated. “Clearly.”
“No, you’re not because I feel safe with you, Ethan, and you’ve never made it a big deal, I’ve been able to be more comfortable with me. Thank you for not making me touching you something weird, or shameful. I can never go further than this, but it’s nice to be free of that demon, Ethan. I’m free.”
He held his hand.
“Oh, Cal, I’m glad.”
“When you’ve been the victim of a sexual assault, there’s such shame. There’s this fear that lives in you. I know we’re all over my past and the baggage, but it was still beyond us.”
He didn’t talk. This was about Callen.
“While we’re half-brothers, and there’s a huge taboo with that outside our ethnicity, you’ve never made me feel dirty if I needed comfort from you. I’ve always been safe with you, and whether or not you knew it, I needed that.”
Ethan hugged him.
“Callen, I don’t see you touching me as sexual. We have sex with Elizabeth. We touch all of the time during it. We can’t both be in her without some contact. It’s not logistically possible.”
He was aware.
“Our dicks rub constantly—if you know what I mean. I’m not focused on you. You’re my brother, and we sleep naked. We’ve woken up pressed against each other when she’s left the bed. Touching isn’t always sexual. Sometimes, it’s reassurance that the other person is there for you. Don’t worry what people think or say. That’s their hang-up, not ours. We aren’t engaging in sex. I challenge anyone to be in a threesome for over five years, and not feel more comfortable with the other person. Let me ask you something.”
“What?”
“Have you ever felt the desire to give me a blowjob?”
He looked horrified.
“I may be sick.”
Ethan laughed.
“I have never felt the need to do it either or have it done to me. I don’t mind you touching me, Callen, because it’s not going to end up with man-on-man action. It just isn’t. When you hold my hand, is that sexual?”
“No.”
“Then why would a kiss on my neck, or on my chest be that? I have the only person I want riding my dick. I am very heterosexual, but I’m married to two people—one who is a man. I don’t want Chris touching me like Elizabeth touches me. Do you?”
“Not really.”
“Are you uncomfortable with him in our bed?”
He thought about it.
“I thought I would be, but I don’t feel like he’s trying to feel me up. I feel like I’m there to keep him safe.”
“And that’s the difference. When you’re touching me, Cal, it’s more me trying to keep you safe. You’re my brother, and honestly, had we found out that you weren’t Wyler’s biological child, or I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t want your mouth on my dick or vice versa. I’m not the least bit attracted to men.”
Callen leaned against him and Ethan dropped his arm over his shoulder.
“You’re half my heart. At any time, if touching me makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. Elizabeth is busting our asses when she says it gets her hot. What gets her hot is the way we love each other.”
“I appreciate you, Ethan. Through it all, the ups, the downs, and the shit we’ve survived, I have always loved you this much. It never changed. Thank you for always making me feel safe. I can’t believe that after all those years of terror, I’m finally free.”
He stared at his big hands and the burns on his arm.
“I want to get a tattoo over them,” he stated. “I’m ready to let that part of me go. You helped me heal, so help me pick out a tattoo that symbolizes the new me.”
“That would be my honor. How about a sexy pinup girl?”
“Do you want to get me killed?” he asked.
Blackhawk found it amusing.
He got up from the couch and pulled a file out of his drawer.
“How about this?” he asked, opening the file.
It was a gorgeous drawing of a pinup girl who happened to look like Elizabeth.
“Where did you get that?”
“I had Blue draw it for me. It’s a tattoo I was going to get on my ribs. I’d like to give it to you.”
Callen held it.
“But Ethan…”
He touched his cheek.
“It’ll be your new beginning, and it’s what you asked me to do. You wanted my help. If you like it, I’d love to share it with you, Cal.”
He stood up and hugged his brother.
“God! I love you so much, Ethan. Thank you for every little thing you’ve done the last four years. You have made me comfortable in my skin, and I have beaten this.”
Ethan held him.
“Yes, you have, Callen James. Yes, you have.”
And it was true.
A kiss was just a kiss. A touch was just a touch. If the intent was love, that’s what it was.
And with his brother, it would always be that.
Love.
Beautiful love.
Defined by only them.
* * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *
Morgue
Wednesday
Afternoon
When she arrived alone, the team was eating some lunch as they continued to work. Inside Autopsy One even Ivan was there. Honestly, she wasn’t even hungry. What she was, was curious as hell.
“Where’s my backup boss?” she asked.
Chrissy pointed at the morgue office door as she shoved something so vile in her mouth that she didn’t dare ask what it was. It resembled a science experiment with pickles, yogurt, and something yellow.
No, she wouldn't go there.
“I’ll be back,” she stated.
Heading into the morgue lounge, she found him on the couch, eyes closed, and his head back.
Quietly, she headed his way, took a seat, and found his mouth with hers. The kiss woke him up.
Immediately, Chris’s eyes came open, as she kissed him. She could feel his heart thump since her hand was on his neck.
Even when he tried to pull away, she kept it up.
As their mouths parted, Chris stared at her in a little shock and a whole lot of disbelief.
That was Elizabeth circa almost two decades ago. He’d know that kiss anywhere. They’d shared plenty of them.
“Holy shit! What did I do to get that?” he asked.
“You looked like you needed to make out. Remember when we’d come home from happy hour on a Friday, and we’d sit on the couch,
make out for hours, and then head to bed?”
“Then have sex,” he said, grinning. “I really loved Fridays. There was something so intimate and sexy about the act of kissing,” he admitted. “It was like an adventure.”
She cuddled against him.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling much better now. I once read that kissing, despite the germiness of mouths, prolongs life.”
“You don’t say,” she said, enjoying the way he felt beside her. This man had been so integral to her life before Ethan and Callen.
“It lowers stress, helps regulate blood pressure, and when your jaw is relaxed, it encourages the rest of your body to follow suit.”
“Then we should make out more. This Friday, couch, you, me, Ethan, and Callen?”
“You want them to watch us make out?” he asked, laughing. “Today is an odd day. I was asked out, I then…”
She stared at him.
“Oh, by who? And when will you be going out?” she asked, backing right off.
Chris heard it.
He recognized it.
Oh, they’d done this once before, and it culminated with him getting cuffed to his bed by a burglar.
It was time to shut that down.
“First off, I’m not going out with anyone. I’m in a relationship with you because the ONLY time in my life when I was truly happy was with you.”
She didn’t speak.
“Secondly, Dalia is way too young for me. I like them younger, but in the same decade—like you.”
Elizabeth let him talk.
“Lastly, I’m a masochist. I like a certain kind of woman. Apparently, bossy, prickly, and so damn gentle is sexy as hell.”
She touched his cheek.
“You said that to me before.”
He laughed.
“I know.”
That didn’t negate that now, she needed to ask. It wasn’t like she should be shocked. Chris was handsome. It was the baby blue eyes and quirky smile. She’d fallen for him.
A couple times.
“So, she asked you out? Maybe you should go. It might cheer you up and get your mind off of things.”
Chris also loved her because she’d swallow pain for him to be happy. That was simply how she rolled.
So, in that moment, he opted to do what needed to be done.
He kissed her.
Chris put everything he had into that mating of mouths. It was like the kisses they shared all those years ago, and, like he had said, they were the happiest times in his life.
With her, there was a connection. With her, he felt alive.
Happy.
Peaceful.
Her hands went into his hair, found his glasses, and took them off for him. He continued the kiss, and when he couldn’t breathe anymore, he slowly pulled away.
He ran his finger over her lip, grateful the cut had closed up. Yeah, kissing did make you feel better. He was feeling pretty damn good.
“Well, Doctor Leonard, you haven’t lost that gift.”
He smiled.
“God. I missed that. I can’t do that with anyone else. I know who I need to be with, Elizabeth. It’s you. This is a gift. I get to have my heart back together again. Callen and Ethan have offered me something so precious.”
“You should kiss them to show them how appreciative you are,” she stated.
He laughed.
“You’re using us to get all hot and bothered. They warned me post-honeymoon about your kinkery.”
She snorted.
“Damn them. I can’t have any fun,” she said, leaning into his body.
It made him laugh as he held her against him. Her hand went under his scrub top, and she lazily drew circles, and then she drew a heart.
“I feel the same.”
“I’m glad.”
The door opened in the lounge, and Callen came in as Chris was putting his glasses back on.
“I thought you might be hungry,” Callen stated, passing Chris a salad and an apple.
“Great. More veggie pushers. The place is full of them,” he said, taking a bite of his apple, and then sharing some with Elizabeth.
She took a bite.
“You called me here. Was it to cuddle? Normally, I’m down with that, but…”
He dropped the bomb.
“You have two killers.”
That caught her off guard—so much so that she stopped chewing and stared at him.
“Pardon?” she asked.
Did he just…?
They had…?
“What?” she asked again. “I may need you to clarify that for me, Christopher. I left here looking for someone strong, and I came back to swap spit and pick up a second crazy.”
He laughed.
As did Callen.
“Well, it was hot.”
“And I missed it,” Callen stated, grinning. “Maybe this weekend…”
Chris laughed.
“You just like getting her riled up.”
Callen went serious.
It was ironic that he just had this conversation with Ethan, and here it was. Never let it be said that their family wasn’t in tune with each other.
“No, I like kissing the people I love. In my past, sex was forced on me. Touching someone I didn’t want to was forced on me. I was made to accept his touch, but love…it’s made me see I can be happy and choose who I kiss, touch, and love. It’s freeing.”
Chris’s eyes filled with tears.
“Thank you for that.”
He smiled.
“No, thank you for accepting it.”
While she wanted to bask in the happy feelings that were free-flowing, she had to face the cold hard reality.
They had two cuckoos.
“Uh, Romeo and Juliet, knock it off. We were talking case. Focus. You found evidence that we have two killers?” she asked.
AGAIN.
He laughed.
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
He reached for the folder on the table and held both transparencies out for her to see for herself. Elizabeth checked them out. They looked like scans or x-rays.
It didn’t take long.
She saw it.
“The destruction.”
“Yeah, I didn’t see it at first, but under the skin, when Dalia pulled it back, I noticed the fracture patterns. The person who killed the president was a lefty. The person who killed the hooker was a righty. The angles of strikes are off and from different directions.”
She thought about it.
“Anything else?”
“COD is blunt force trauma and aspiration. The weapon, as Christina has already found out, is a baton, and she died early afternoon. I say no later than two.”
She weighed it all in her head.
“The first body…”
“It was an angry attack and vicious,” Chris stated. “The second attack…it wasn’t as brutal. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Being beaten to death isn’t fun either way, but the person who killed the president was in a rage. They laid into him over and over again. He was pulp. The second victim was incapacitated, and she drowned in her own blood. It poured down her throat and filled her lungs. She was hit a few times, but she never felt the magnitude of those hits. There was hate, and there was just…”
“Covering tracks,” she stated.
He nodded.
“I would say so.”
She got up and began pacing as Chris ate his salad and watched her.
“Having two killers is a bitch,” she stated. It added more mess to it. They had been looking at Harmony’s ex and Senator Hilda Forbes’s ex. If there were two…
HOW?
“You have the press conference tomorrow. What do you plan on doing?” Callen asked.
Chris choked on some lettuce as Callen pounded on his back to make sure he was okay.
Elizabeth handed him some water.
“I’m sorry. I could have sworn you said there was a press confere
nce.”
“There is,” she said.
He stared at her like she was a six-headed snake.
“You have a press conference, and you’re not in a bad mood?” he asked. “What did they drug you with, and can we get that for the lab? You know, just in case I have to deliver bad news?”
Elizabeth was amused.
“For the record, I get to work with my sexy Native brave, and then I got to make out with my doctor. Why would I be in a bad mood?”
He grinned.
So did Callen.
“Yeah, my life is good,” Chris stated. “I don’t even mind that I have HIV. I got my girl back.”
Callen cleared his throat.
“And a new pair of boyfriends?” he asked.
Callen laughed.
“Better. We are a package deal.”
Chris didn’t care. This new family thing where he was included was pretty sweet.
“To answer your question, I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I need a whiteboard and a miracle.”
“I need a calendar,” Chris stated.
She was confused.
“Why?”
“To write this day down.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Uh, I can play nice with the media.”
He ate some salad.
“I was talking about how I get two husbands and a wife. It’s not always about you.”
She couldn’t help herself.
She laughed.
Because he was right.
* * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *
Alfie Steiner’s
Home
It took a while for Noah to finally track her down. The woman was NOT happy to be dogged by a Fed, but Noah Stokes wasn’t giving up.
In order to catch them both off guard, so they couldn’t warn each other, Noah and Alex opted to play divide and conquer. That way, they could time their interviews.
Honestly, he was so grateful to be out of the office and back on the street interviewing again, that he couldn’t help but be cheerful.
Every day was a good day.
As Alex sat outside Tiegan’s home, he tried to find Alfie. He, miraculously, picked up her trail as she was on the way back to her house. It had been luck. She drove right past him, and he’d followed her.
All the King's Henchmen Page 48