by McKay, KC
"Umm… One of the men forgot—"
"You screwed up, didn't you?" He slammed his fist on the desk, then snatched the paperwork out of my hand and rifled through the pages. "The Ford? The fucking Ford? That boat's due to get underway tomorrow. Why are you just telling me about it now?" His eyebrows twitched and he yelled so everyone in the space could hear him. "I can't believe you've been so irresponsible, Chambers. This is an outrage. You incompetent little shit!" His eyes came off me and he scoured everyone in the room with a hateful gaze. "Goddamn it! Get Lieutenant Novak up here. Now!"
At least three people grabbed the phones on their desk and feverishly dialed.
"And why are you bringing this?" Steam appeared to escape from the ends of his devil-horned eyebrows.
I thought perhaps I could gain some favor if I addressed him on his own level. Like we were peers or something. "I'm the assistant supervisor for the pipe shop, sir, and—"
He looked down and kicked the wastepaper basket next to his desk, sending it flying through the air, smashing into the wall some ten feet away. "Assistant?" He waved his arms around like a madman. "I don't want the monkey, I want the fucking organ grinder!"
Pot, kettle? Holy crap. The guy was totally unhinged. My butt had a contraction. I shifted my stance, but remained mute while I watched his nostrils flare. The entire space fell into a fear-induced silence, except for him, and remained that way for several moments. Maybe even minutes, while he continued ranting and kicking things.
The door squeaked open. Lt. Novak appeared and made the walk toward Devil's Corner. Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing irregular.
She stood next to me. "You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked timidly.
"Yes, Lieutenant." His voice went quiet, almost caring-like. "Would you care to explain to me why I'm just now seeing this package for a boat due to get underway tomorrow?"
"Yes, sir. The job had a hiccup and the planning department took a while to write the revision. We had to wait to get the paperwork back." She sounded pretty convincing to me, even though not that long ago she let on to me that Clark was at fault for the apparent fiasco. I was getting the impression that it was important to avoid personal blame to survive at Site Bravo. And Clark being under her command would inadvertently make her responsible. I thought she passed the buck quite nicely.
"Really?" The PMA rooted through the package of paperwork and stabbed a particular page with his finger. "Then would you care to tell me why you signed this three hours ago, but it's just now finding its way to my desk? Are you in control of what happens in your division or not?"
"Umm… well, Commander—"
I stepped forward. "Sir, it was my fault." It was a simple ploy on my part, but as soon as those words left my lips, a wave of regret made my legs wobble.
Gentry and Novak looked at me.
I figured if I took the rap, I'd get stripped of my position of responsibility and wouldn't have to go through this shit again.
I cleared my throat. "Yes, sir. I was handed the package just after Lieutenant Novak signed it and told to bring here immediately, but I got sidetracked. Sorry."
His angry face contorted into one of rage. "Sidetracked? Sorry?" His nostrils hyperventilated as his hazel eyes dissected my inner being. "Is that what you expect us to tell the Russians? Sorry, Mister Communist Bastard, we can't launch a counter nuclear attack at the moment," he said mockingly, "we got a bit sidetracked. But as soon as the assistant pipe shop supervisor pulls his head out of his ass, we'll be ready to engage in fucking war!" His grumblings shook the picture of Ronald Reagan which hung behind him.
Lt. Novak pushed her fringe to one side. "Commander, it was my fault."
"You're goddamn right it's your fault, Lieutenant. I never had any doubt about that." He plopped down in his seat at the desk and picked up a pen, then scribbled his signature on the paperwork. He slammed the folder shut and handed it to Novak. "Right. You two are now assigned to this job and will not leave this site until that job is complete and the Ford is underway. Twenty-four hour coverage. This job just went TC. Got it?"
I leaned in slightly. "TC, sir?"
Novak's body went rigid and she closed her eyes.
The PMA sprang from his chair, sending it flying backwards and crashing into the wall. "TC! Till Fucking Complete!" He stared at me like a rabid dog.
Technically, that would have been 'TFC', but I thought it best not to correct him.
"And if that submarine is late for its departure time you best make sure your wills are up to date. Am I making myself perfectly clear?"
"Yes, sir," we said in unison.
***
I told Lt. Novak I'd have Petersen help me set everything up on the boat. She insisted that she'd help and not to bother anyone else. After all, she had to be around anyway, especially if the PMA reared his ugly head to check on us.
Once we got permission to light a naked flame onboard a nuclear submarine, Novak stood close by with a fire extinguisher at the ready in case anything caught alight as I brazed on the new tailpiece. By three AM, the new piece was on, but we had to wait another thirty minutes after I finished to make sure no fires broke out in a delayed reaction from the heat.
Novak and I sat next to one another on the steel deck waiting for the pipe to cool. Before we started work she had changed into blue coveralls which hid her sleek frame, but I liked to imagine she was naked underneath.
I lit a cigarette.
Her eyes squinted and she wrinkled her nose. "Those things will kill you, you know?"
I took a deep drag and watched the smoke drift toward the overhead. "I'd rather go this way than from being on the other end of one of the PMA's rages."
"Fair point."
"So, the PMA. Production Management Assistant. If he's only an assistant, why's he so scary?"
Novak smiled. "Don't let the title fool you. He's assistant to the Repair Officer, but as far as we're concerned, he's the third most powerful man on the ship, after the Captain and the Executive Officer. So try not to upset him."
"Oh, right. It would have been nice if Clark warned me before I went marching in there." I took another drag.
She turned to me. "Hey, thanks for trying to rescue me. I mean, that was very noble of you to try to take the fall in front of the PMA. Unnecessary, but noble nonetheless."
I shrugged. "Well, you didn't deserve it."
"Neither did you. It was Clark's fault. Wait till I get my hands on him." She ruffled her hair giving it a messy, unkempt look, which actually looked sexy.
"To tell the truth, ma'am, I don't think I'm supervisor material. I think you should give me some unimportant role and leave responsibility to those who can handle it better. Clark picked the wrong guy for this role."
"It wasn't Clark's decision." She cast her gaze upward. "Anyway, I disagree, Petty Officer Chambers. I need you where you are. Besides, you demonstrated that you have what it takes to man up and accept responsibility. Even when it's not your fault." She chuckled. "I'm not sure why you did it, but you did. I'm impressed."
Just my luck. I tried to get fired and wound up impressing her.
A corner of her mouth turned up. "I hope this didn't ruin any plans you may have had tonight to promote goodwill with the Scottish lasses."
"No, ma'am. It probably would have been a baaad night anyway." I took another drag.
"You sounded like a sheep just then."
"Did I?" I almost winked, but caught sight of the silver bar sewn onto the lapel of her coveralls. "What about you? Did you have to leave Prince Charming standing at the gate?"
She sighed. "I wish. Nope, I had a nice bottle of Chablis at home chilling in the fridge and a fresh lobster tail for my dinner."
"Wow, you officers really know how to live, don't you?"
We looked at each other, our faces less than a foot apart. She had a smudge of dirt on her cheekbone giving her that sexy greasemonkey look — if there was such a thing.
She played with a speck of dir
t on the deck. "Promise not to tell anyone?"
I steeled myself to say 'no' if she was about to proposition me. "Swear." I held up my Boy Scout salute.
"It's my birthday today, so I had my favorite wine and food on standby. Then I was going to watch An Officer and a Gentleman. I love that movie."
"What? All on your own?"
"Yep."
"What about all your friends… boyfriends?"
"Being an officer isn't as glamorous as you may think. Or I should say, being a female officer." She stuck her bottom lip out and blew up at her hair. "I'm sure Master Chief thinks I should be at home having babies, but I'm too busy or tired for boyfriends or husbands anyway. The PMA put me in charge of one of the hardest working divisions on the ship so he can see if I can cut it as an officer. And I just don't have any female friends. They're all corporate climbing like me. When I'm not here, I go home to an empty house."
It surprised me that such a hot, young, sexy woman hadn't been snapped up yet. Since she was in the mood to bare her soul, perhaps she would divulge where she fit on the age scale. I leaned over and whispered. "Can I ask how old you are, or is that one of those questions a guy should never ask a lady?"
Her eyes studied mine. "Yes, that is a question a guy should never ask, but seeing how we just spent the night together on my birthday, I'm twenty-seven. What about you?"
"Twenty-three."
Boy, that was a conversation killer. We sat in silence.
I felt sad. I didn't know if it was because she missed her birthday, or because she had planned on spending it alone. At least she had a home to go to off the ship.
As far as I was concerned, we had just shared a moment. Perhaps now I could secretly lust after her, even if nothing would ever happen. She was kind of like Michelle Meyers from high school. God, I lusted after that chick big time, but as the head cheerleader, she was off limits as I didn't happen to be the quarterback of the football team — but that never stopped me fantasizing about her. Novak was now in the same category. She could have my lust, but not my loin.
"Well, happy birthday, ma'am. All you got was a tailpiece, instead of a piece of tail."
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me.
"I meant the lobster tail… umm… not the other, goodwill, kind of tail." I jumped up and dusted off my butt.
She smiled.
I offered her my hand, which she accepted, and I pulled her up.
"I enjoyed talking to you, Chambers. I don't get to do this very often. Talk, I mean. It was nice." She cleared her throat. "Hey, I'm kind of tired and a little punch drunk. I trust this little chat was just between you and me and you won't feel the need to share any of this with anyone else."
I shook my head. "Ma'am, may God deprive me of spreading my goodwill throughout the Scottish community if I ever breathe a word of this to anyone."
She broke out in a grin. "Gosh, I would have settled for 'Cross my heart, hope to die.'"
We cleaned up the area and one of the QA inspectors came down and inspected the piece, which passed. The Lieutenant and I got all the paperwork signed off and the submarine was ready to go to sea two hours before her departure time.
Novak congratulated me on a job well done and gave me the day off.
I went into town for a few hours. I just needed to get off the ship and get some fresh air. After a bit of looking around and a cup of coffee, I returned to the ship and slept through until the next morning.
***
Bob peeked over some paperwork as I entered the office. "You really fucked up, didn't ya, Chambers?"
I put a hand on my chest. "Me?"
"Lieutenant Novak yelled at me because you took so long to get that package to the PMA for the Ford." He threw the paperwork on his desk and stared at me.
I folded my arms. "Look, I took it up as soon as you gave it to me."
"That's not what the PMA said. He said you confessed to dicking the dog and taking your own sweet time. You damn near made the Ford miss its underway time." Not even a trace of a smile on his lying lips.
I let out a deep breath and looked at the deck. "You're right. I'm totally incompetent. You should fire me. Send me to the shop floor as a lowly worker and make McClure the assistant supervisor." I closed my eyes to show reverence as I prayed to the Almighty for Clark to say 'You're fired.' I didn't get any extra money for being second in charge anyway and I certainly didn't need the aggravation.
Clark pushed his glasses up. "Fuck you, you big girl. It's my job to teach you responsibility. See, me and the PMA go way back. He likes me. Anything that goes right is my doing. Anything that goes wrong is down to you. So you're staying right where you are." He smirked. "Here." He leaned down and picked a works package up off the deck and handed it to me. "We need to start a new job on the Kirby. Get the division officer to sign it so we can start. And don't take all day."
I left the shop and went to berthing to get something out of my locker and stuffed in it my back pocket before heading to the division office. As I walked to her office, I wondered what kind of reception Lt. Novak would give me.
I pictured her sitting at her desk when I walked in. She'd stand up when I arrived, wearing her blue coveralls with the single silver bars on the lapels. I'd greet her with a warm smile. She'd reach up to her collar and slowly unzip her one-piece attire. Once the zipper passed her belly button, she'd wiggle her shoulders and the coveralls would slide down her slender naked body, revealing those small perky breasts. I'd catch a glance of her neatly manicured bush, just peeking above the bottom of the 'v' of the coveralls. 'Wow,' she'd coo when she saw the enormous bulge in my pants.
"Howdy, Chambers!"
Fuck it! "Goddamn it, Billy Earl!" A beautiful moment ruined by some goat-fucking hillbilly. "Didn't your mama ever teach you not to sneak up on people?"
He looked from side to side. "We're in the middle of a passageway on a ship with fifteen hundred other people onboard. Wasn't nothin' sneaky about it." He pointed at my hip. "Whatcha got there?"
"Just some paperwork." I quickly pulled the folder in front of my crotch.
Billy Earl grinned. "Never mind." He turned and walked off.
I moved the folder and looked at my crotch. Yep, that was pretty embarrassing.
No one was in the reception area when I entered the R-One office. The door was open to the division officer's section, so I walked in.
Master Chief Woods sat at his desk scratching his back with a wooden backscratcher. "What?" he snapped. He set the scratcher on his desk. The end was carved into the shape of a hand, fingers curled over. The long shaft had 'I Got Tickled in Thailand' painted on it.
"I have a package to be signed, Master Chief. It just needs yours or the Lieutenant's signature."
He picked up the backscratcher and whacked it against his hand. "You gonna dick around for another three hours after I sign it before you get to work again?"
"No, si—"
He leaned toward me wearing his mean look.
"No, Master Chief, but that wasn't my fault."
"Not what the PMA said. He said you fessed up as soon as he said something. We're quite concerned if you ever get captured by the enemy. You'll be singing like a little girl in the church choir after the first question of the interrogation. You already had to have some hick come to your rescue. You need to learn to man up, Chambers."
"But, Master Chief, I—"
"Save it." He stood up, his large frame towering over me. "I gotta go take a dump. Novak will be back in about ten minutes. Have her sign it. Maybe you two can talk about handbags and make-up while you're at it."
I stuck my tongue out at his back as he left. Bastard. I waited in the office for Lt. Novak to show up. I looked at Master Chief's backscratcher sitting on his desk. I put the package down and picked up the wooden claw. I slid the hand replica down my pants, rubbed it around my crotch, and had a good scratch with it. "Ha, ha. Tickle this, motherfucker."
"Tickle what?" a voice demanded.
I loo
ked up, still holding Master Chief's backscratcher down my pants.
Lieutenant Novak stood at the doorway, looking stern with her hands on her hips.
Chapter 7
I jerked the wooden claw out of my pants, but it wrapped around some pubic hair. I grimaced and emitted a whimper as it yanked some hair from my crotch.
"It's not what you think, ma'am," I spluttered.
I put the scratcher back on his desk and noticed a couple of hairs in the clutch of the wooden hand. There wasn't anything I could do about it except hope that Novak didn't see it, and pray Master Chief had a hairy back and wouldn't notice a few stray cock hairs stuck to his Thailand backscratcher.
She folded her arms. "Petty Officer Chambers, you couldn't possibly know what I'm thinking. I would, however, be very interested to know what you were thinking." She remained where she was, her eyes serious and focused. She cast a glance to my crotch, then back to my eyes.
Holy crap. She looked to see if I had an erection. She probably wondered if I got off on shit like that. Great. That's all I needed was my boss thinking I was some kind of sick pervert.
"Sorry, ma'am. I had a desperate itch, and my pants are a little tight. I didn't want to undo my pants in case you came in or something and I'm standing here in your office with my pants down, scratching myself." Damn it. Now she'll think I have crabs on top of being a perv. I felt ill.
"No, Chambers, that doesn't paint a pretty picture, but neither does you playing with yourself with Master Chief's backscratcher." She put her hands back on her hips. "You know, he gets that thing out every day, and now I'm stuck with that image in my head of where it's been every time I have to look at it." Her look was somewhere between disgust and anger.
"It wasn't anything perverted, ma'am. It was a legitimate itch, not from crabs—" My better judgment told me to shut up. I wanted to be sucked out a giant hole in the bottom of the ship. How embarrassing. At least I didn't have any plans to screw her, but I still didn't want her thinking I was some kind of freak.
She walked past me and sat at her desk. She ran a hand through her short-cropped hair, giving it that messy look that was always so hot. "If you were in my position, Chambers, what would you do?"