by McKay, KC
He stepped out from behind his desk and stood toe-to-toe with me, looking up, hands behind his back. "If you do try to escape, you will probably succeed, unless you're incredibly stupid. However, we will find you, and you will not return to Blackmoor. You will be sent to a maximum security prison with a mandatory sentence of two years for escape. And I will personally ensure that your next cellmate will be the biggest, nastiest motherfucker in that particular prison. Are we understood?"
After a hard swallow, I managed a "Yes, sir."
"Good." He returned to the seat behind his desk. "We have a good education system here, Chambers. I suggest you use it to better yourself through earning some kind of diploma or degree. Your character will be tainted by your stint in prison, so you will need all the advantages you can grasp, so make this the most positive experience you can. Any questions?"
I had about a gazillion, but opted to ask just one. "How did I get here, sir?"
He looked at a paper on his desk and slipped on a pair of glasses. "Apparently, you decked a Marine Major." He grinned.
I decided not to look a gift-horse in the mouth. "Oh, right. Thank you for your time, Warden, and thanks for the advice. I'll do my best."
"Good. See you around, Inmate Chambers."
He rose and we shook hands again.
A prison guard took over and led me to what felt like a dorm room. No locked doors along the way and I was shown to a comfortable-looking room, with two beds and its own private bathroom. The guard told me I would be on my own for the time being until another inmate got banged up. The guy seemed nice and didn't act like a redneck, so I didn't call him 'boss.' He didn't seem to mind.
***
I wrote Darcy my first night in Blackmoor, but it would take ages for us to communicate by mail. That would be fine over the course of six months, but the news of my whereabouts was more important than that, so I seized the first opportunity granted to call her.
She picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hello?"
"How's my gorgeous wife doing?"
"Zac? Oh my gosh! How are you?"
"Don't worry, babe, I'm fine. Don't ask me how or why, but they sent me to some rinky-dink prison in Oklahoma and cut my sentence to six months. Can you believe that?"
Silence came from her end where there should have been shouts of glee. "Oh, good," she finally muttered. "I'm really pleased it worked out."
"Darcy, what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy." I heard muffled, yet distinct sniffles.
"I am." She drew an audible breath. "Your last phone call about going to Leavenworth really worried me, so I made a phone call to see if I could help."
"Who? President Reagan?"
"Close. My dad. I told you he had connections. He knows some important people. He plays golf with a Senator, who plays golf with an Admiral, who plays golf with a General, who plays golf with… well, you get the idea. I told Daddy you saved my military career, but you got shafted doing it. He said sorry he couldn't get you off completely, but he pulled as many strings as he could."
"You're not serious." Living in a confusion-induced state of dizziness was beginning to feel somewhat normal. "Your dad did this?"
"Well, with a little help from his friends. I did say he knew some powerful people, and he usually gets what he wants. And anything for his little girl." A faint giggle came through the receiver.
I choked up. "I think Mrs. Chambers is a woman I love more than anything else in this world."
"Flatterer," she replied dismissively. "Now, are you sure you're okay?"
"Under the circumstances, I couldn't be better. And thanks."
We pledged our love to one another and said goodbye, vowing to write often.
Once we hung up, I realized how lucky I had been to have landed Darcy as my wife.
***
My time at Blackmoor went surprisingly quick. I finished earning my degree in business management and let the warden think it was his motivational speech that pointed me in that direction, which put me in his good books.
Halfway through my sentence, I got a cellmate. Ron was an older guy in his fifties, but was so wrapped up in horse racing and gambling he didn't pay a lot of attention to what I was doing. He managed to keep his betting ring going from inside the prison and we did talk to pass the time. He told me he got sent to Blackmoor instead of a more secure prison because he knew the judge who sentenced him. And since Ron had given 'His Honor' several racing tips in the past, the judge repaid him in kind with an easy sentence.
After six uneventful months, my time was up. Although I felt a better human being on the inside, I looked worse on paper than I ever had before.
Just when I had begun to climb the ladder of success, I had it kicked out from under me. Okay, I may have been wobbling on it from my own doings, but the bastards kicked it nonetheless. From now on, I'd be branded scum by those who didn't know me personally and made their judgments against me based on my paper character. If I hadn't had Darcy I would have stayed in Oklahoma and played in the next tornado.
After being released, I spent the night in a Motel 6 and packed a case to head to Scotland to be with my wife. At least I didn't have to worry about packing military uniforms any longer, which saddened me. I liked being a sailor.
They busted me down to E-1, but technically I was still in the military while serving my sentence. And I was only fined two-thirds of my pay, so I did have a little bit of money dribbling in. I quit smoking to save money and couldn't drink, so I spent next to nothing while inside. I had enough money for my plane fare to Scotland. That was the most important thing.
Just over half a year ago, I was in charge of fixing nuclear submarines. But there I was, a convict sitting behind some hobo drinking wine out of a brown paper bag on a urine-scented Greyhound heading for Dallas to catch a flight to Scotland. Nobody would ever believe I was married to a stunning Naval officer.
Arriving at Dallas airport, I went to the counter to buy my ticket. After a quick assessment, I walked up to a blonde cutie who stood behind the counter. Her name tag read 'Carol.'
"Hi, I need a ticket to Glasgow, Scotland please." I hadn't really seen a proper woman up close for six months and had to remind myself that I was married now and couldn't lust after Carol.
She smiled. "Certainly. Are you military? We have a twenty-five percent discount for all military personnel."
Except for a few technicalities, I pretty much was military until my prison release a few days ago, so I figured I was close enough. "Yeah, I am."
"Great. Can I see some ID, please?" She looked like a beaming Barbie doll, holding her hand out.
"Umm… actually, Carol, I got mugged in Tulsa. I'm reporting back to my ship in Scotland. I'll have to get a new ID card when I get there." I tried on my 'Ken' look.
"Gee." She frowned. "I'm sorry, but without an ID card, I can't give you the discount."
That confirmed it. I was a stained man. I cursed under my breath as I forked out money for the full fare. On top of that, the only 'full price' seats they had left were in the smoking section.
Once I left smiling Carol I bought a pack of cigarettes so I didn't have to sit in the smoking section as an outcast. My life was going downhill quick.
I got a roll of quarters and called Darcy from a payphone to give her the details of my arrival. She sounded excited, adding to my anticipation of seeing her again. At least my call to her cheered me up.
As I milled around the Dallas airport killing time before my flight, I found a really cool store called I Come Bearing Gifts: A shop full of teddy bears. I didn't like to admit it, but I liked stuffed animals. My first practice kiss was with a three-foot stuffed bear Dad had won for Mom at a carnival. On the top shelf stood two bears about a foot tall. A boy bear and a girl bear in wedding outfits. The groom wore a proper top hat and tails, and the bride had on a lacy, frilly white wedding dress, clutching a bouquet of flowers.
They cost seventy bucks and I hoped Darcy wouldn't see me as some kind
of sissy blowing money on unmanly things, but I loved them and bought them for her as a wedding present.
The flight was long, and although we flew through the night I didn't get much sleep. More than anything, I couldn't stop thinking about Darcy and our reunion as pure excitement pulsed through my veins. I couldn't wait to touch her softness and smell her peach-scented hair as I held her. I wore tight-fitting briefs in case I had some arousal issues when we embraced. I wouldn't want customs thinking I had a bomb in my pants ready to go off any minute.
The sky bore its usual Scottish dullness as the plane taxied along the runway at Glasgow airport. The anticipation was nearly unbearable as I walked down the corridor knowing my wife would be waiting on the other side of the gate. I followed the rest of the passengers as we were herded like cattle to the immigration desks. I managed to cut in front of a few older people and eventually made it to the desk.
The officer looked to be in his early thirties with jet-black hair and a pleasant-looking face. Being younger, I figured he'd be less likely to give me a hard time. He flipped through my passport, looking at the photo, eyeballing me closely. "What is the nature of your visit?" he asked.
What a relief. His English was pretty good, unlike the usual Glasgow growl.
A beam of joy lit me up. "I'm here to see my wife."
He didn't look up as he punched at the keyboard on a computer. "Scottish lass, is she?"
"No, she's American, like me."
He offered a disapproving look. "I wouldn't brag."
Asshole. I officially quit liking him and just wanted my passport stamped so I could leave the muttonhead and go join Darcy.
"Uh-oh. Looks like we've had a wee problem." He rested his large forearms on his counter and leaned toward me. "We don't allow your kind in. I'm refusing you entry."
"Why? What do you have against Americans?"
"Nothing against Yanks. Just don't like rapists."
My jaw dropped. "What? I never—" Shock shut me up while my mind fled through events he may have been referring to. How could he have known about any rape charges? "Look, pal, I never did any of that. And it wasn't rape, only attempted—" Shit! I needed to choose my words more carefully. "They were phony charges, never proved, and I was acquitted. Besides, it didn't have anything to do with Scotland. Technically, it happened on American soil. So it's nothing to do with you. Just stamp my passport and let me through."
He gritted his teeth. "Look, pal. You Yanks have to inform the Scottish authorities of misconduct that may pose a threat to Scottish Nationals. Trying to stick your willy in an unwilling lass is such a violation." He grabbed his badge, pushing it toward my face. "I am an officer of Her Majesty, the Queen, and have a duty to keep undesirables out of her Kingdom. And you, pal, are about as undesirable as they come. You will be deported to where you came from on the next flight out of here."
I jabbed my finger on the counter. "I don't want to go to fucking Texas. My wife is here!"
His tone was forceful and deliberate. "You're lucky all the flights to hell are full, otherwise I'd be sending you there."
He stamped my passport with a 'Refused Entry' stamp, hitting it so hard the desk wobbled. Then he pressed a button and an officer appeared, leading me off to an isolated room.
I buried my face in my hands as I sat on a wooden bench attached to the wall. The room was sparse, but my inner being felt even emptier. I thought of the teddy bears. If I wasn't a guy I would have cried.
The guard stood by the door, about to close it, locking me in. "We'll come get you when your flight leaves for Dallas."
I sprang to my feet. "Sir, please, I have to let my wife know where I am. Please, find Darcy Novak and tell her what's happened. She'll be waiting for me at the gate. She'll be worried. Pleeeease…" I tried to force a few tears so he could see how important it was, but nothing would dribble down my cheeks. Still, I gave him the saddest eyes I could muster.
He looked at me sympathetically, then smiled. "Fuck you."
Chapter 42
After spending the night in the holding room with an Algerian and some Eastern Europeans, immigration officers bungled me aboard a plane the next morning headed for Dallas.
I took my seat and stared out of the window at the rain, unable to get images of Darcy standing at the gate waiting for me out of my mind. Sadness smothered me. I couldn't imagine what she would be thinking and it would be a day or two before I would be able to contact her.
The flight was long and it was hard to keep my mind focused. Drifting in and out of coherent thought patterns as we flew through the skies, panic had become my primary emotion. Landing in Dallas would hand me a whole other set of problems. Besides being a convict recently deported from a 'friendly' country, would I have to buy a hat? Texans always wore hats. And what about the Colts? Would I have to change my football alliance and root for the Cowboys? God, I hoped not.
The tannoy crackled for an announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. There is nothing to worry about, but we've encountered a slight problem with the fuel line. As a precautionary measure, we are diverting and will be landing in Louisville, Kentucky to ensure everything is okay before heading on to Dallas. This is not an emergency, simply routine. We should touch down in the next twenty minutes. Cabin crew, prepare for landing."
There was little doubt in my mind that the Captain had sent a coded message. Routine my ass. I stared out the window and hoped my darling wife could learn to cope without me.
The Captain announced we were making our final approach. No sooner did his announcement come and the engines suddenly coughed and spluttered. The plane took a huge dip giving me rollercoaster stomach. Even the stewardesses gasped in unison with the passengers.
I clenched my butt, closed my eyes, and asked God to take care of Darcy.
After everything that had happened to me, as a final insult, I'd die in a plane crash in fucking Kentucky!
***
We landed safely, but the problems were more complicated than they had thought, so they had to put us up in hotels overnight. I checked into my room, which was pretty basic, but it had a phone and a bed — and that was all I wanted.
It was after midnight in Scotland when I dialed, so if she wasn't working…
A groggy "Hello," transmitted down the line.
"Darcy, it's me, Zac." It had been so long I thought I better identify myself.
"Zac! Where the heck are you?"
"Kentucky."
"Kentucky! What the fuck are you doing in Kentucky?"
Wow, I never heard her cuss except when we had sex. She must have been in shock.
"And why the fuck weren't you on the plane from Dallas?"
And pissed.
"Look, babe, it's lots of long stories, but they won't let me into Scotland. They think I'm a felon and I've been barred. I can't get back to you. What are we gonna do?" I figured her being the officer she might have a better idea than me.
"Let me think… How the hell did you end up in Kentucky?"
I wanted to say I was cursed, but I knew she had a lot of state pride, so I left it out. "Get here? I almost died here. Anyway, we had to make an emergency landing. I'm in Louisville and supposed to fly to Dallas tomorrow, but I don't have any place to go. Here or there. I'm screwed."
There was a lengthy pause.
"Okay, look. I'll tell the Navy I need emergency leave. I'll say I have a sick relative or something and fly out there in the next day or two. In the meantime, go to my mom and dad's house. Stay there until I get there."
"What? I can't just show up there."
"Sure you can. Daddy kept you out of Leavenworth, remember?"
"So, I just show up and say, 'Hi, Dad.'?"
"Umm… probably not. I haven't told them we're married yet."
"What do you mean you haven't told them?" Did that mean she was embarrassed about me?
"They always wanted me to have a big wedding and I haven't figured out how to tell them I eloped and they we
ren't invited. They'll be crushed."
Finally, she needed me for something. This was my area of expertise. Bullshitting. "Okay, don't tell them anything. Call your parents and tell them you're bringing your boyfriend home to meet them. While we're there, I'll ask your father for your hand in marriage and we'll get hitched in front of them. Perfect."
"What if Daddy says no, you're not good enough for me?"
That thought put a lump in my throat rendering me speechless.
A long silence fell over the line.
She burst into laughter. "Just kidding. That's a great idea, Zac. I told you you'd make a good officer. You know how to work out tricky situations."
My moment of horror was quickly replaced with enormous pride that my girlfriend, wife, or whatever the hell she was, thought I was smart. I know she knew I was good in bed, but it took love to a different level knowing she respected my mind as well.
I gave her the phone number of the Howard Johnson's where I was staying. She phoned the next day with the arrival time of her flight into Louisville. I extended the room for an extra night hoping she wouldn't mind paying for it since I was virtually broke. I wanted to bring her back to the hotel before we had to meet Papa. I mean, we hadn't seen each other or had sex in over six months. She couldn't be expected to be quiet while I unleashed my love and desire for her. Daddy Novak might confuse her orgasmic cries for sounds of a murder in progress.
I survived a near plane crash in Kentucky. I sure as hell didn't want to bite the dust from a shotgun blast by an irate father.
***
I paced outside the gate where Darcy's flight was due to arrive, clutching a bunch of flowers. I had never been more nervous in my life, although as to why, I was unsure. The woman who loved me was taking me home to meet her father. Surely it was to be a joyous occasion.