“I want to kiss you until every memory of him is gone; kiss every part of you that is tainted with his touch. If his face threatens to appear, I want you to picture the two of us wrapped up in each other’s arms making love. He's not going to hurt you anymore, Harper.”
I kissed all the way back up her neck and stopped when I reached her mouth. We were face-to-face and only inches apart. Her eyes were shining and there were small, wet trails from the outside corner of her eyes running down the side of her face. It was never my intention to make her cry; I’d just wanted to tell her how I felt.
“Kiss me,” she said in a breathless whisper.
With no hesitation, I closed my eyes and kissed her. Our kisses were different. They weren’t desperate and starving as before, something had changed. They were powerful, filled with more meaning.
My cock throbbed, aching to be released from its cage in my underwear. I pressed myself harder against her sensitive spot in an attempt to soothe the aching; no chance. Harper moaned causing my dick to jump, and I deepened the kiss when her back arched into me. The fire in my belly roared wildly. The little guy was just going to have to bear it for a while longer; I wasn’t about to rush this with Harper.
“I can’t take this anymore, Jackson. I need to feel you inside of me.”
I jumped up and reached for the bottom drawer of the bedside table, the place my mother always stored extra condoms. Just in case.
I’d been quick, or so I thought. By the time I was back, hovering above her, Harper had a smirk on her face. Her brow arched. “You keep condoms in the guest room?”
I felt my cheeks heat up. “It’s Mum’s doing. Since she believes guests have sex whenever they stay over, she insists on providing them with condoms.” I rolled my eyes. “Safe sex, you know the drill,” I said, shrugging it off.
She chuckled. When her eyes caught sight of the foil packet in my hands, she stopped. I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether it was all too much for her to take. She surprised me by snatching the packet from me, quickly tearing it with her teeth and throwing away the empty foil. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” It was my turn to chuckle.
She handed me back the condom, and I sat up. Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat, I pulled down my boxers. Harper’s eyes flew straight to my cock, which was standing tall and proud, excited he finally got to come out and play. My cheeks heated up again. God only knows why I felt this way. Maybe it was because it was the first time I truly cared for the girl I was about to make love to. Make love. The old me would have laughed at the words.
“Now, I’m scared.”
I shot a look at Harper who was grinning. I frowned. “You can’t say that.”
“Oh, come on. It’s huge! It’s going to hurt like hell.”
“Harper!”
She burst out laughing. “Hurry up and put it on, and come here.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I knew she was joking but it still scared me. In saying that, it was great to see her laughing. Genuinely laughing. It was a rare event to see her drop her mask and actually allow herself to be happy. It was why I’d fallen for her in the first place.
I found myself smiling as I covered up and stretched back out over Harper.
“When did you take off your panties?” I asked, a little stunned to notice she was stark naked.
“When you were sitting there, smiling as though you’ve just smoked a jay.”
“Funny,” I replied wryly.
She flashed a smile and kissed my cheek.
I positioned myself at her entrance and took a deep breath. “Last time I’m going to ask. Are you sure this is what you want?” I asked, the smile disappearing from my face.
She looked at me with the same intensity. “Yes, Jackson. I want you more than you’ll ever know.”
And with those words, I carefully pushed myself inside her.
I closed my eyes as Jackson entered me. I’m not going to lie; as incredible as the experience was, the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach stayed the entire time. I pushed back the dark thoughts of the man who took away my innocence and filled my mind with what Jackson had asked me to do, memories of him and me.
He went slowly, careful not to hurt me. I grabbed hold of his hands with mine and squeezed them. Letting me know he was right there with me, he squeezed them back as he continued thrusting back and forth, kissing my neck and then my mouth.
I adjusted myself to give him more room before wrapping my legs around him. He let go of one hand and let it lightly trail down to my breast. I gasped as he cupped it and made circular movements with his thumb. There was a strange, unfamiliar feeling building up in my belly, something that made me want more.
Jackson kissed my lips one more time before he moved down toward my neglected breast. He popped my nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking it while still pleasuring the other with his hand.
I’d never felt like this. With Nicolas, the sex was quick, crazy, and I was in full control. With Jackson it was different, very different. He knew all my secrets, and he still wanted me. He saw the damaged girl hiding behind the façade and he never cringed, pulled away from disgust, or took advantage. But that’s what made the situation with him even harder; I was falling for him. What if I’m not as strong as he wanted me to be? What if these new memories weren’t strong enough to break through the old ones? What if I was destined to remember the past over and over?
“Stay with me, Harp.”
Jackson’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He had stilled and I tried to look up at him. My vision had blurred. I felt Jackson kiss each cheek, just below my eyes. “We can stop if it’s too much for you,” he whispered. “I can’t stand to see you crying.”
I shook my head; I didn’t want to stop. They weren’t tears of pain or fear; they were tears of worry, but mostly of joy. To know someone saw me for me and still liked what he saw was something I’d never imagined happening to me. I blinked away the tears and gave Jackson, who still had a worried look in his eye, a small smile. “Don’t stop. I’m crying because I feel like the luckiest girl right now. I don’t know what I’ve done right, but I’m so thankful to the heavens for bringing you to me.”
Jackson’s mouth came crashing down onto mine. Gone was the control he had moments ago, replaced with a primal, wilder urge. I threw my arms around his neck and held on to his hair as he pumped more forcefully. The feeling inside my belly whirled, spreading further until it completely consumed me. My body felt like exploding, overwhelmed by all the emotions I was feeling.
All of a sudden, a loud cry escaped me as my entire body erupted in a soul-shattering sensation.
My legs shook as Jackson continued pumping several more times before he found his own release. He showered me with kisses and remained above me, his forehead touching mine.
“Wow. Just wow,” he said, catching his breath.
He slowly removed himself and collapsed beside me, putting his arm around the back of my neck and pulling me into him. I went willingly, wrapping my arms around him and snuggling to his chest. I pressed a kiss just below his collarbone. “So, that’s what having one of those feels like.” I grinned, pleased with myself.
“Wait. What?” He pulled me away far enough so he could look into my eyes. He looked confused. “You’ve never had an orgasm before?”
My cheeks grew hot as I shook my head. “Nope. I know you think I’ve slept with a lot of men—”
“I never said or thought that.”
“I’ve only ever been, consensually that is, with two people. A police officer and now you.”
“Huh. The media sure do like to make up stories.”
I wanted to agree, but there was something else on my mind. “The police officer was the one who saved my life in the storm that afternoon. And then he saved my life again when I…” I broke off. I’d forgotten I hadn’t told him about that part.
Jackson kissed my temple. “I remember; it was all over the news. I never un
derstood why you wanted to do that to yourself, but now I do. As envious as I am of this police officer, I’m glad he was there to save you.”
“You have nothing to be envious of. I had sex with him because I thought he could make me forget. But he couldn’t. I still felt the same way after, and now I’ve ruined his life because I was being selfish.”
“He’s an adult, Harper. He could’ve said no. What happened with him isn’t entirely your fault; he’s to blame, too. Don’t work yourself up thinking he had no part in making a decision.” He kissed me again and gently began stroking the tips of his fingers up and down my arm.
We lay there silently for a moment, his lips still pressed against my temple, until I felt his mouth move up into a smile. “Up for experiencing another mind-blowing orgasm? I promise they get better and better each time.”
I chuckled and turned my face up to greet his. “Ready when you are, Mr. Self-assured.” I grinned.
Harper and I spent the rest of the afternoon naked wrestling, only stopping because we’d used up the supply of condoms that were hiding in the bottom drawer of the bedside table. Naming it ‘naked wrestling’ started off as a joke, because with all the rolling around and battling to be on top, that’s exactly what it looked like.
Being around Harper was refreshing. We talked, laughed and even joked around when she tried to challenge me to an arm wrestle—an actual arm wrestle, not sex—and ended up losing both times. She let me look at her tattoos more closely and try to count them—even though she’d given me the answer after I threatened with giving her a love bite. She had twenty-five in total, and she’d told me what each one meant to her. I’d been right; many symbolized the loss of her twin sister, and the rest, how she felt about her life.
I lay there smiling up at the ceiling, with Harper asleep in my arms, when I suddenly heard tiny footsteps running up the stairs, then a high-pitched voice scream out, “Jackson! We’re home!” Shit! Mum and Dad were home. Panic began to set in as my mind whirled with the horrifying possibility of my little sister flinging the broken bedroom door open and my whole family walking in to see Harper and me, not only sharing a bed together, but completely naked with used condoms all over the floor. Not to forget the prescription pills still scattered in the corner of the room.
I carefully slipped my arm out from underneath Harper and got to my feet, scanning the room before locating my jeans and yanking them back on. I raced around scooping up the pills and every condom, including the wrappers I could find, and stuffed them all into my pockets. Harper stirred and mumbled something about me coming back to bed, but I had no other choice than to ignore it. I ran a hand through my hair as I made my way toward the door. I could still hear Maddie running around on the other side, so I waited anxiously, counting down the best possible time to make my exit without anyone noticing.
“He’s not here, Mummy!” she yelled out before her loud footsteps rushed down the stairs; she’d obviously checked my room. Great.
Confident that Maddie was a safe distance away, I took a deep breath and turned the damaged doorknob.
“Well, isn’t this interesting.” My head shot up to find Blake leaning against his bedroom door, his eyebrow arched.
“I…uh… I had to ask Harper a question.”
“About where to find your lost shirt, and how the door handle broke?”
Shit! I didn’t need to look down to know I was shirtless; I’d completely forgotten to put it on in the rush to get out of there. “Shut up,” I growled.
“So, did you two even leave the house this weekend? Or was camping the excuse you just gave to Mum and Dad so you could fuck each other’s brains out?” A sarcastic smile appeared on Blake’s face.
I narrowed my eyes at him and opened my mouth to shoot off a threat but was interrupted. “Jackson?” said Mum, rather surprised. “I thought you weren’t home. Maddie said you weren’t in your room.”
‘Not a word!’ I mouthed to my brother before turning to face Mum. “I was on the rooftop. I heard Maddie screaming, so I came down as soon as I could.” I smiled.
“But weren’t you the slightest bit cold standing up there in the rain with no shirt on?” Blake questioned. As much as I wanted to punch him hard in the testicles, I ignored his snarky remark instead, keeping my focus on Mum.
Mum suddenly frowned. Shit, she’s suspicious! “Your brother’s right,” she started. “Getting sick is the last thing you need right now, what with uni exams coming up and it being the middle of football season. You need to think about these things much better, Jacko.”
I nodded. Relief washed over me knowing my mother remained oblivious to Blake’s comment and the fact I was standing just outside Harper’s bedroom door. Mum began making her way up the second staircase that led to her and Dad’s floor when she stopped and turned to look back over.
“Where’s Harper?” Her eyes were locked on me, as if she could sense I had something to hide.
I froze up. I hadn’t thought to think of an excuse for Harper. “Harper? Err, She—”
“She was on the way to the bathroom when I came up the stairs,” Blake interrupted.
“Oh, okay. Well, can one of you tell her we’re all going out for a family dinner tonight and to get ready? That goes for the two of you, too.” And with that, she disappeared up the stairs.
I stood there unmoving. My eyes flicked toward my brother who was still standing there, arms crossed at his chest with a giant smirk on his face. He glanced in the direction Mum had gone to make sure she was out of earshot and whispered, “You owe me,” before turning and stepping into his room, closing the door behind him.
****
I decided to leave it up to Blake to inform Harper about dinner. I didn’t want it to seem obvious to my family; I knew they’d ask questions if they saw the two of us hanging out more than usual. Harper would understand.
I hid in my room until it was time to leave for dinner. I didn’t want to hear any more snarky comments from my brother, and I still had to think of a way to tell Harper that Blake knew about us. I also had to confess I had one more secret I was keeping from her.
I glanced up at the locked, wooden box that contained Quinn’s journal, as I made my way to my wardrobe. When would be the best time to tell her? Could I bear not saying anything, even though the guilt would eat away at me daily? Just before Harper drifted off to sleep this afternoon, I’d made a promise that I’d never keep anything from her so long as she promised the same thing. I’d said it so I could make sure something like today, or the day at the pool, would never happen again. But how would she react to something like the journal? It was wonderful to see her smiling and laughing so naturally; telling her about Quinn would only devastate her and most likely drive her back into her depressive state. No, I couldn’t do that to her, not yet. She needed time to heal.
I ripped my gaze away from the box and continued rummaging through my clothes. I decided I’d give it a couple weeks before telling her. In the meantime, my job was to continue making her smile.
Something had changed with Jackson. Firstly, it was Blake who had come knocking on my bedroom door to inform me that the entire family was all going to dinner at a nice, modern Asian restaurant in the city. Then, because we didn’t all fit in the one car, Jackson drove in his own, accompanied by Blake and me, in complete silence. If it weren’t for Blake and his non-stop chatter about what he’d gotten up to in Melbourne, I’d have thrown myself out of the moving vehicle just to avoid the awkward tension radiating through the air. During dinner, Jackson didn’t bother hiding the fact that he was purposely waiting until I sat down before finding his own seat, on the opposite end of the table, and then avoided all eye contact with me.
Unsure with what I’d done wrong, but determined to ignore the hurt he was causing, I did what I did best and ignored him right back. It wasn’t easy. Blake kept staring at me in an odd way and Uncle Hugo kept asking questions about the camping trip, which I couldn’t answer. I’d glance over at Jackson for
help, only to have him not even acknowledge me and reply to his father.
I was thankful when dinner was finally over and we were back in the car. I was eager to get home so I could lock myself in my room and not have to see Jackson’s face anymore. The ride home was pretty much the same as the drive to dinner: Jackson silent and in his own private world while Blake talked away to no one in particular. One huge difference was I’d given up the passenger seat and sat in the back, while Blake was in front. After the strange stares during dinner, I couldn’t bear to have him watching my every move in the car. Of course, this meant Jackson now had the chance to cast glances at me from the rear-view mirror. I caught him once and threw him my most hateful glare before spending the rest of the ride home staring out the window.
As we rounded the last corner before the driveway, I made it my mission to be the first one out of the car. I succeeded but only got as far as the front door; since I had no key and we’d beaten the adult’s home, the doors were still locked. I had no choice but to wait for the two boys to catch up and then for Jackson to insert his key into the lock.
“Someone’s eager to get home. Missing an episode of Pretty Little Liars?”
I turned toward Blake. When did he get so snarky? “Game Of Thrones, actually.” I grinned when I saw his eyes light up.
All That Matters Page 16