by Rob Hunter
“God...” Edwin whispered, a huff of mirth tracing the word. Solomon hummed, nuzzling his head against Edwin’s shoulder and biting a few kisses down the other’s neck. Edwin sighed happily, tilting his neck to expose more skin. “So this is for real then?”
“Hope you’re not having doubts now,” Solomon joked, tilting his head to look up at Edwin. Edwin shook his head, still smiling as he brushed a hand through Solomon’s hair.
“Doesn’t feel real,” Edwin murmured. “I can’t believe I get to have both you and Daveth...”
“And Ellis maybe,” Solomon piped up. Edwin raised an eyebrow, thoughtfully.
“Yeah, maybe,” Edwin said, scratching at his beard. “Are you thinking we should make a move on him then?”
“I don’t know, I mean, yeah, we don’t know him as well as we know each other, or we know Daveth, but I guess that I kind of want to get to know him. I mean, I’d rather at least try than be left wondering, you get me?” Solomon admitted. He supposed that actually, if he had met Ellis in a bar or something, he probably would have tried to buy him a drink or whatever, because yeah, the other man was definitely his type, especially when he opened up and relaxed around them, dropping his more threatening persona.
“Yeah, I sort of feel the same way. I like Ellis anyway, so it wouldn’t be hard to actually take it further,” Edwin mused. “I guess we just have to make sure he’s comfortable with it.”
“Yeah.” Solomon nodded, cuddling up lazily to Edwin and wrapping the duvet around them both, indifferent to the uncomfortable warmth as he placed a few more kisses along the other’s neck, stroking his hand along Edwin’s chest and enjoying the way he moaned quietly as he brushed over his sensitive areas.
Solomon didn’t make a move on Ellis that day. He’d brought up his thoughts to Daveth, and watching the younger man smile and nod enthusiastically definitely encouraged him along that path, but he didn’t want to push the other man. But something had definitely ached deep within him when he came down and saw Ellis and Daveth cuddled up together, and he yearned desperately to join them. A quick look at Edwin and he saw his own feelings mirrored.
And then the next day, he had woken up early, needing to go to the toilet, and after discovering that untangling himself from Edwin’s tight grip was a feat in itself, he’d eventually managed to escape and quietly pad downstairs to the toilet.
He walked out of the bathroom, drying his hands on his dressing gown, and paused, certain that he’d heard something in the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes and headed that way, tilting his head as he strained to hear what was definitely the clacking of pans. He grumbled quietly to himself; it was definitely too early for anyone to be cooking.
He froze, eyes widening as he spotted Ellis, dressed in just baggy jeans and a shirt that showed off his impressive arms, muscled and strong enough to probably easily lift any one of them. And he was baking. Solomon went quiet, hesitating at the boundary and watching the other man as he scooped some cake mixture into the little cupcake wrappers that lined the kitchen. Flour was sprinkled over the counter, and over Ellis himself, a smudge of which was currently resting over his forehead, and damn, if that wasn’t the most adorable thing ever.
He laughed, and Ellis jumped about ten feet in the air, spinning around with startled eyes and breathing heavily. Solomon just continued to wheeze out strangled laughter. Ellis straightened up, brushing his hair out of his eyes and just succeeding in covering himself in more flour.
“Are you baking?” Solomon asked, incredulous. Ellis shifted his weight like a child caught taking a cookie from the tin. “Oh my god, you’re a secret baker. You secretly bake things. That’s incredible.”
“I...” Ellis started, blushing a deep shade of red.
“Where did you even get all this stuff?” Solomon asked, walking into the kitchen and gesturing vaguely towards all the cake mixture. He was pretty sure that they hadn’t had all these ingredients a few days ago.
“Um, I bought it...” Ellis shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Oh God, that’s brilliant.”
“You’re not annoyed?” Ellis asked, tilting his head with a strained smile. Solomon felt giddy all over at the sight.
“Annoyed? Nah, this is adorable,” he said, smirking and taking a step towards Ellis. Ellis opened his mouth to respond, but instead, just licked his lips and closed them again. “You’ve covered in flour,” he mused, brushing his hand across Ellis’s cheek, feeling the heat under his palms. He lowered his hand, tracing across Ellis’s jaw line.
“Is this okay?” he asked, feeling Ellis freeze under his touch. He glanced up, meeting Ellis’s eyes and grinning when the other man nodded. Solomon wrapped his arms around the taller man’s neck and pulled him down into a kiss. He nibbled at Ellis’s lips, walking forward and pushing Ellis up against the counter where the kiss turned predatory, and he bit harder, enjoying the strangled gasp that escaped Ellis’s mouth before he started kissing back more furiously, eagerly searching for more.
He broke the kiss, glancing momentarily behind him and seeing Edwin watching the action with intent eyes. Ellis was breathing heavily, his eyes darting toward Edwin, lips slightly parted. Solomon gestured for Edwin to join them.
“You okay with this?” Edwin asked, turning towards Ellis, who was still leaning back against the counter, looking completely and utterly wrecked. Ellis nodded, wetting his lips and moaning delightfully as Edwin approached him.
Solomon stood back for a moment, enjoying the sight as Edwin grabbed Ellis’s hands and pushed him back further against the counter before claiming his mouth in a bruising kiss. But Solomon could only watch for so long before he slid up beside Edwin, nudging him aside to nibble down Ellis’s neck, his own hands reaching up under Ellis’s shirt and exploring the muscled torso, flicking his thumb across one of his erect nipples and taking note when Ellis shuddered, groaning loudly and bucking further into the touch.
And then there was a loud cough behind them. All three of them froze, before quickly taking a hurried step away from each other and spinning on the spot to see Roy standing in the living room, where he had full sight of the kitchen. The younger man was chewing on his bottom lip, eyebrow quirked dramatically as he stared at them questioningly.
“So...um, can you not have sex in the kitchen? That’s where food is prepared, guys, don’t be unhygienic,” Roy mumbled hurriedly, dragging his lips into something that resembled a smirk.
“We weren’t having sex,” Solomon pointed out, focusing all his energy on not turning a dark shade of red like his companions.
“Right,” Roy commented sardonically.
“I think we might need to have a talk about this,” Edwin suggested with a sigh, running a weary hand through his beard. Roy raised an eyebrow.
“I’d rather not hear the intricate details.”
“Not like that! Jesus...” Edwin huffed.
“You’re the one wanting to talk about your gay three-way!” Roy pointed out.
“It’s actually technically a four-way,” Ellis piped up, ducking his head as they all turned to stare at him.
“Okay, maybe we should have a talk,” Roy agreed, eyes wide.
***
“You guys were making out without me! Weak,” Daveth muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, or at least attempting to, but his injured arm were merely jostled slightly before falling still and making the whole gesture look incredibly awkward.
“Shut up, idiot,” Solomon grumbled. Adam and Roy were simply staring at them, dumbfounded. They had all gathered in what was now more or less Daveth’s room to talk about the massive gay elephant in the room, and Solomon honestly was starting to think it would have been less painful to have just shot himself in the face.
“So you guys are in an open relationship?” Adam said slowly, brows furrowed together in a way that actually looked painful.
“I mean, we haven’t exactly put a label on it, but yeah, I guess,” Edwin answered, rubbing the back of his neck. “
Well, I guess it’s actually more just polyamorous, considering we aren’t open to just anyone,” Edwin amended quickly.
“And it’s not a sex thing?” Adam continued. They all shook their heads more or less simultaneously. “And you’re what...asking us for a blessing?” Adam asked, blinking in confusion.
“We’re just making sure everyone is on the same page,” Edwin replied.
“I mean, I don’t care. Congrats or whatever,” Adam said with a shrug. Roy sat behind him thoughtfully.
“Yeah, me neither,” Roy added, glancing towards them as if waiting for an objection. Solomon looked at Edwin, waiting for the other man, who had unofficially become the current spokesperson for their relationship, to say something.
“Well, okay,” Edwin said after a moment, huffing and getting to his feet. “I guess that settles that. Let’s never talk about it again.”
Despite what he said, Adam wasn’t sure how exactly he was meant to feel about the relationship. Part of him was of course happy for them, they were his friends and he had watched Edwin and Solomon dance around each other for years, but on the other hand…the whole polyamory thing just seemed rushed. Adam prided himself on being open-minded, and he accepted the relationship fine, but it had just sort of come out of nowhere.
He leaned back against the sofa where he had absentmindedly been watching Roy play video games whilst the others were busy making out or doing whatever in Daveth’s room. Roy was playing intently, with his tongue poking out in concentration as his onscreen character stalked around, warily searching out enemies to kill. For someone who had been unable to play video games for years, he was able to fall back into the swings of things within minutes.
A few moments later, he heard a door open, followed by the sudden burst of chatter and laughter, before Daveth hobbled excitedly into the room, leaning heavily upon Solomon’s shoulder but seeming immune to the physical strain as he beamed up at the older man. Behind them, Ellis stood next to Edwin, their bodies pressing together whilst Edwin slipped their hands together in a way that he probably thought was subtle.
He stiffened as the others sailed into the living room, shifting further up against the armrest of the couch, convincing himself that he was just trying to make room. Roy didn’t seem to mind the abrupt intrusion. If anything, the younger man seemed to relax, smiling up at the others and leaning happily into Daveth when the other man was plonked practically on his lap.
Adam narrowed his eyes, ignoring the general conversation going on around him, which rapidly engaged Roy, who even turned his attention away from the video game to say some comment that had the others all laughing, their eyes twinkling as they looked at the younger man, and Adam watched with a sickening bout of realization as Roy leaned into the gentle touches as Daveth nuzzled himself up against him, as Solomon stood behind, strong hands clasping his shoulder, with Ellis at his feet and Edwin on his other side. Roy was beaming, seeking them out as much as they seemed to be seeking him out.
Adam got up suddenly, muttering something about having a headache, and rapidly left the living room, which had quickly become claustrophobic. This was stupid. He was stupid. But they were more stupid, they were moving too fast, wanting more than they should, and they were going to crash and burn because that was what happened to people who got involved in relationships without thinking about the consequences, just focusing on the here and now and the temporary pleasure as though it was worth the years of heartache and pain.
And he realized, with a sinking feeling, that he really didn’t want to wait around and see that happen. He stood in the cramped spare room, breathing heavily as he stared at his meager belongings that were littered carelessly around the small space. Without taking the time to dwell on his thoughts, he started to grab what belonged to him and stuff it into his rucksack that had sat neglected for days.
There was a gentle knock on the door, which was altogether pointless, considering the door was wedged open by the bed that was too big for this room. He turned his head, not able to help glaring as Roy took a step in, and then hesitated, realizing there really wasn’t the space for the both of them. Adam turned back to what he was doing and zipped up his rucksack.
“What are you doing?” Roy asked, something hesitant in his voice as he stared at the rucksack. Adam refused to meet his eyes.
“What does it look like?” Adam snapped. Roy pursed his lips. “I’m going on a nice little vacation because I have so much spare money laying around. What the fuck do you think I’m doing, Roy, really!?”
“Why? I thought you were happy here…” Roy pressed, hand clenching at the shirt that hung loosely from his thin hips.
“Oh, come off it, Roy. It was fine when we were all friends and what not, but now this is getting ridiculous,” Adam scoffed, brushing a hand through his curls and shuffling his weight restlessly as Roy continued to stand in the way.
“I don’t understand. Since when do you care?” Roy asked, a trace of vulnerability softening the otherwise interrogation-esque question.
“Since they keep looking at you like the way they were doing in the living room!” Adam snapped, taking a threatening step forward, prepared to push Roy out of the way if he remained silent.
“They look at you the same way,” Roy said quietly. Adam blinked, rage momentarily smothered by shock. “If it is an invitation, it’s an invitation to the both of us.”
“Well, more reason to leave,” Adam grumbled bitterly. Roy looked surprised. “What, do you honestly think I want to be part of this? I’m happy for them, I am, but this relationship is going too fast. They’re not thinking things through and they’re going to get hurt.”
“You know, not all relationships end in pain,” Roy retorted defiantly. Adam leveled him with a glare, knowing that if it was anyone else, he would have already started throwing punches by now.
“Why take the risk,” Adam muttered, pushing past Roy and ready to leave without a word of good-bye to any of the others. He didn’t expect Roy to grab him with a ferocity he did not think the other man capable of, and drag him back into the room to then pin him against the door.
“You fucking dysfunctional sack of shit!” Roy hissed, an anger blazing in his eyes that was completely foreign and made Adam fall still in shock, rather than push the smaller man off like he wanted. “You’re so fucking scared of believing that anyone could love you and mean it that you’d rather run away and leave behind everyone you care about just because of the off chance you might get hurt, you selfish prick!”
“Roy, what that…” Adam grunted, pressing his hands up against Roy’s chest and surprised at the resistance he found.
“You don’t get to decide whether other people are worth the risk. You can’t just form relationships with people and then up and leave without a goddamn word. Do you know how we’d feel? Do you even care, or are you too wrapped up in your own self-esteem issues and fear that you don’t even notice that other people fucking care for you, that other people actually might love you!” Roy yelled, his voice tapering off into a breathless pant, his chest heaving and emotions decorating his features. Adam stared at him. He’d never seen the other, usually laid-back man so worked up, so…desperate.
“Do you love me?” he asked, flinching at the words as they came out in a half-choke, barely loud enough to hear but he knew Roy had heard. Could see the moment he understood the question in his eyes, and he released Adam then, taking a step back, the back of his knees hitting against the bed with a soft grunt.
“Roy?” he pressed, regretting it immediately as the bitterness descended on the other man’s face.
“What does it matter? I’m not worth the risk,” Roy growled, pushing past him furiously and hesitating at the door for only a moment. “Go ahead and run away again, what do I care…” he muttered, storming off, his footsteps heavy as he ran down the stairs. Adam stared after him, knowing that he should be doing something but just frozen to the spot.
After a moment, he huffed, adjusting the straps of
the rucksack where they had become tangled, and creeping down the stairs. He stared at the living room, where he could still hear the light conversation and wondered if that was where Roy had retreated and whether he should go and talk this out…but the more he stood there the more profound his feeling of isolation from the group. He bit his lower lip and walked to the front door, leaving the small, familiar house without a sound.
Roy hated himself. He wanted to hate Adam, but he couldn’t, because whenever he thought about the other man, he became achingly aware of the abrupt melancholy that had descended on the house over the last few days and his own resulting hollowness. He curled up alone on the couch, his chin resting on the top of his knees as he stared bitterly at the empty room.
Solomon and Edwin had gone to their shift. Even Ellis had had to leave to go to work, leaving him alone with Daveth, who had developed a slight cough that had Edwin restricting him to bedrest. Roy thought about perhaps being a better person and going to at least sit with Daveth, but he was sick of the stares of pity from the others.
This was technically their fault anyway. If they hadn’t started flirting, pushing at them to join their bloody polyamorous relationship, Adam wouldn’t have got scared. At least the others were also feeling the strain of Adam’s absence, but that didn’t bring him much satisfaction. It was probably a dick move to blame the others anyway, but Roy didn’t exactly care at the moment.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had spent more than a night without Adam by his side. They’d been together for a couple of years now and that was how it should always be. Fuck, how could Adam just leave? And without him? Adam hadn’t even asked him to come with him! Adam probably hated him right now anyway.
The landline rung. He sighed, stretching across the couch to where the phone was on the side table.
“Hello?” he said, rubbing at his eyes wearily. He already knew that it was Solomon. The man had been calling at pretty much the same time every night since Adam left.