Good question. No simple answer, was how he felt. No, that wasn’t true. His gut was both happy and confused, and he hadn’t quite sorted that out yet, but he would.
“No worries,” Nick replied. “I’m not your dad, though I’d be honoured if I was. You’re some bright spark and Toni would be so incredibly proud of you.”
“I’m so mad at him for dying,” Toby blurted out suddenly, his eyes stinging a bit.
“Me too, kid.”
“And for not knowing me – that’s so hard. I could have had a dad all these years. I did have!”
“You get it wasn’t his fault, right?” Nick turned to Toby and placed a hand on his shoulder, pausing their progress. “When he did find out, he immediately put things in place, into action, so that he could get to know you. He wanted to. His death put a stop to both of your dreams, not just yours.”
“Yeah, I get that. Sort of.”
Toby walked on, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.
“Are you really okay with your mom and me being together?” Nick asked quietly as he directed them across the grass.
“Should I be?”
“You should.” The answer was firm. Definite. Convincing. “I love her beyond what I thought was possible. She’s everything to me. I want her happiness more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“Would you leave her if that made her happier?”
Toby knew when to ask the tough questions. His life with his mum to date had proved if you don’t ask, you don’t know.
“Yes. No. Damn. I’d like to think I’d put her feelings first, but I’m probably just too selfish. When we’re together . . . ”
“Eww!” Toby snorted.
Nick laughed. “I just meant in each other’s company, she makes me a better man. That’s awfully hard to turn from. I want to be better around her, do better. She pushes and challenges me, and I’m going to make sure I do the same back.”
“You do.” Toby sighed. “You make her happy, I mean. She was fine, happy even, before you. Just her and me, we were a team, but now? Now she’s kind of . . . I don’t know, glowy, even when she’s not smiling. That’s good, I suppose.” Toby paused when Nick stopped in front of an opening in the trees. “Are you going to have a baby?”
“I hope so. Would you mind?”
“Is she pregnant?”
“No, I don’t think so. But one day we’d really like it. If it doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world. I have Mia, I’ll always be in her life, despite everything. And your mom has you.”
“And now you have me, too.”
Toby looked directly at him, doing his best to keep it together. He was getting a proper family. Maybe not the one he’d originally been due, but a good one nonetheless. And it felt . . . good.
“I really hope I do.”
Nick’s voice sounded rough, hoarse, Toby thought. Maybe he was getting a cold.
Nick cleared his throat. “I’ve known from very early on it’s a two-package deal. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Toby smiled, a weight somehow lifted from his shoulders, one he hadn’t been aware was there.
“I don’t mind if it’s a brother or a sister,” he added – generously, he thought – as Nick opened the trapdoor in the ground, “but you’d better get a move on. Mum’s not getting any younger!”
Nick burst out laughing. “Do not let her hear you say that!” he warned. “Come on, kid, let’s go check out a dungeon.” And he handed Toby his phone, the flashlight on.
Toby grinned back at him as he began the descent into the dark below. This was going to be all right, he thought. It was absolutely going to be all right.
“Yeah,” he agreed, “let’s go!”
Epilogue
Nick paused at the doorway, a pile of freshly laundered baby clothes in his arms. It was early evening and the Italian sun slanted its glow across the honey-coloured wooden floor of their daughter’s room.
Life had changed so much in the three years since he first saw Caroline in that small café. Marriage was . . . a challenge – in the best possible way. The challenge was to be able to see each other as much as possible – to further both careers, to keep Toby’s studies from being disrupted with all the travelling back and forth between Rome and Dublin, and the fairly frequent jaunts to New York, as well.
Their wedding, which happened early that first summer, had been small, just their families and a few close friends in the same church in Dublin where Frankie and Dev had been married, with a reception at the Fitzgerald home. This was because although Caroline had originally thought they should wait, it was apparent very quickly that waiting wasn’t a realistic option – for any of them.
And then came Viola.
Their daughter had changed his life more than anything and there had been adjustments from all of them. Antonio and Valentina were simply delighted to be honorary grandparents again. Mia got to be a “cousin” of sorts and Toby? Well, Toby was as amazing as he’d always been, taking to being a brother in his stride.
Nick tried to be home for the evening feed most days and if that wasn’t possible, he stayed late for the morning one. He knew that would all change again when Caroline was back teaching in the Irish university and they all moved back to Dublin, to allow Toby to complete the last two years of his schooling there. And Nick would be clocking up the air miles – but such was his life and he wouldn’t swap a single second.
A hands-on parent, Nick was involved in all the baby tasks. Even the simple act of folding his daughter’s clothes or settling her when she was fussy brought a feeling of extraordinary joy.
This evening Toby had beaten him to it and was holding his baby sister up against a bony shoulder, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Toby was facing the window, swaying in that way, left to right, right to left, that most people did when holding a little one. Viola let out a loud burp, and Toby cooed and praised her to the manner born.
Nick hesitated a little longer, enjoying the sheer naturalness of the scene before him. Being a big brother at sixteen was a delight to Toby and he showered attention on his little sis. He told her stories, he discussed menus, he even explained calculus to her – she was riveted, charmed and spellbound – and only five months old. He even got on board with the nappy changing and now placed her carefully on the changing table, speaking in a low, steady voice.
“There you go, sweet Viola. Let’s get you changed, so we will, before Mum or Dad get here.”
He reached for a fresh nappy and wipes and efficiently began to get the job done.
Nick stood, unmoving. He realised after a few moments that his jaw was clenched and his chest hurt. Blinking rapidly at the sudden sting, he took a deep breath.
Dad.
Toby had just referred to him as dad. Not Viola’s dad. Theirs. Was he even aware he’d said it? He was Nick, always Nick, and that had been fine. Was fine.
“Oh, hey.” Toby noticed Nick standing still and looked puzzled. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I just . . . ” He pushed himself forwards and placed the folded clothes in a drawer. “I just got these from the dryer for Viola.”
“Hand me the green one, will you? The one with the fish – she likes that one.”
Nick obliged and watched as Toby expertly removed her onesie and replaced it with a fresh one, fish and all.
“Toby . . . ” Nick stopped. Didn’t know what to say. How to say it.
Toby’s eyes held his.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound odd.” He picked up Viola, kissed her plump, smiling cheeks and handed her into Nick’s arms. “She had a little water from a bottle but Mum’s coming up with the real thing any minute.”
He busied himself rearranging the table as Nick cuddled his darling daughter, watching her eyes widen and blink as he kissed each of her fingers in turn. She gurgled and babbled. And drooled. Ah, early teething, Nick presumed, dabbing her mouth with a cloth.
“Hi, darlings.” Caroline swu
ng into the room, unbuttoning her blouse and settling into the rocking chair. “Oh, thank you, did you change her Toby? She smells divine.”
She took the baby from her husband and sniffed in that perfect baby smell as she put Viola to her breast for the evening feed.
Her son grinned. “No problem. She was fretting in her crib as I went by so I just picked her up. We discussed Roman emperors today,” he added cheerfully as he headed to the door. “What would you and Dad like for dinner? I was thinking risotto.”
Caroline’s head spun to meet Nick’s intense gaze. She’d noticed, too. Nick cleared his throat.
“Sounds good, kid,” was all he could manage.
He reached down and gripped Caroline’s shoulder, and her hand immediately closed around his fingers.
“Okay – it’ll be on the table in an hour. Don’t be late.” He turned on his heel.
“Toby,” Nick called after him, hesitated as his throat tightened again. “Thank you.”
The boy, a young man now, stilled, glanced over his shoulder and smiled.
“I’m pretty lucky,” he said, his eyes on Nick’s, then on his mum’s. “A beautiful baby sister to love and parents who love me. Hard to beat.”
And off he whistled down the corridor.
Nick smiled down at the two women in his life. Thought of the boy who was his son in all the ways that counted. How did he get to be this lucky?
But Toby was wrong – this happiness, this life they were in together?
Simply unbeatable.
THE END
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