by Anna Katmore
“What’s wrong with you today? You’re clearly not yourself! Has two weeks of camp actually screwed with your mind that much?”
“Answer me, Les.”
“Oh, man, I really need to pee,” Kirsten blurts all of a sudden, rising and dashing out of the bar. Her escape doesn’t concern me. She’s not the one I want answers from right now.
My attention returns to Lesley. “So?”
“Well, I don’t remember.” Brows furrowing into a hard line, she leans back, scowling at me as if I’ve called the new red minidress she’s wearing today butt-ugly. “He might have done something to piss me off at some point, but what’s it to you? You had your own fights with him in high school. I thought you two couldn’t stand each other?”
“You know exactly what started my fights with Justin,” I snap through gritted teeth. “Of course he would hate me after what I said and did.”
“Is this because you became best buddies at camp this summer? I don’t care what bullcrap he told you. He was just a stupid boy who didn’t deserve any better.”
“Why?” I ask sternly, trying not to sound too lethal. “What, in particular, could he have told me?” The bitterness in my voice appears to surprise her. For seconds on end, our gazes are locked in a silent battle. She swallows, and a muscle jumps in her clenched jaw.
“You know what, Les?” I finally say, after dragging in a deep breath. My anger is fading, replaced by exhaustion that might have come from the long journey—or the sadness of farewells, which still lingers in my chest. “In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you’re not telling me. I just want to know one thing.” Letting go of my drink, I fold my hands in front of my mouth and study her with curiosity. “Did you know I was in love with Justin?”
Her eyes become puzzled slits. “When?”
“That summer. At camp. When you and I first became friends.”
I’ve always found it hard to tell whether Lesley really means something or is just altering the truth a little in her favor. Except for those rare moments when she comes forward with pure honesty in her eyes. Like now. Her chin drops, her cheeks going ghostly pale.
I lick my bottom lip, holding her gaze. “We were dating. Secretly. Nobody knew.”
“I…I had no idea,” she whispers.
And I believe her.
After a couple of seconds, when she finds her voice again, she asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you have accepted me as the new member of your group if you’d known?”
Though she clears her throat, no answer comes out.
“See? That’s why.” I take a long drink of my Fanta, happy when Kirsten reappears from her escape to the restrooms. The silence at the table was getting oppressive pretty fast.
“Is your argument over, or do I need to go for a cigarette break?”
My forehead creases into a frown. “You smoke?”
“Nah.” She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “But if you two keep it up, I just might start.”
That coaxes a tiny smile from both Lesley and me, and we exchange a furtive look. Even though it doesn’t change anything that happened, I’ve heard what I needed to know in order to eventually let go of the fury that’s chased me everywhere these past two days. Wanting to rip the head off a particular woman isn’t the best prospect when you’re about to take a ten-hour flight with her.
And even though she may have messed up my first chance with Justin, I completely screwed up the second one myself. I’ll drink to that.
Lifting my glass, I clink it first against Kirsten’s, then Lesley’s, sending her a consoling smile. “Here’s to forgetting the past and heading into great new adventures.”
Les picks up her glass and toasts to me. “You’ll like it in London. It’s just the right place to start over.”
Am I really starting over? Because, damn, it doesn’t feel like it.
Chapter 22
Justin
Since my fight with Chloe on Sunday morning, I’ve had no real appetite. Mealtimes are the worst, because the empty seat across from me reminds me of her. It’s Tuesday. Sometime today, she’ll fly out of the country. I don’t even know when her plane takes off or when they’re going to land in England, but I’m sure we won’t be seeing each other again for a very long time—if ever.
Keeping my eyes on my pitch-black coffee, I take a swig from the mug in my hands and welcome the burning, bitter liquid dribbling down my throat.
“If coffee is all you’re going to have for breakfast again, I’ll have Greyson tie you to that chair and force-feed you a buttered croissant, I swear.”
“Always so concerned about me,” I mumble a playful reply to Julie’s threat. These past two days, she hasn’t once forgotten to tell me off for refusing a meal. Struggling to cast a grin in her direction, I grab a muffin from the plate on the table and take a bite, placating her. “Mmm, banana…” Bah. It takes another big sip from my coffee to wash down the mash in my mouth, but if it makes her happy… I take a second bite, even though my stomach knots in protest.
“Are you busy playing basketball today?” she asks while I’m still fighting with the crumbled mess in my mouth.
“After lunch. Why?”
Innocently, she blinks her black lashes at me. “Because I thought you might want to give me a hand with the drama group.”
Grey, who’d been quietly eating his cornflakes, pulls the spoon out of his mouth and blurts, “Don’t do it, pal!” He sends me a warning look. “The friar dropped out of the play yesterday, and she’s hunting for a replacement.”
“Greyson!” she hisses, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Ugh.” Lifting my hands in defense, I tell Julie, “I’m really not the right guy.” I haven’t been at the girls’ campsite since Sunday, when I brought Chloe the phone she gave me to lock away with all the others. It was so hard to walk away without breaking down that I really don’t feel like going back to that place for a while.
Abandoning the half-eaten muffin, I drink up my coffee and then rise from the vinyl chair. “See you guys later.”
Once out the door, I stop and draw in a deep breath of morning air, shoving my hands into my jeans pockets. The sun pools its light on my head like a warm hat. Instead of returning to the cabin, I amble down to the frog pond. The silence in the morning, when no kids are stirring up the lake yet, holds a peace for me that I seem to need today. On the dock’s end, I settle down, pulling my heels to my butt and wrapping my arms around my bent legs. For what feels like hours, I just sit here and stare at the spot in the water where Chloe and I came up for air after our fall into the lake.
Our first real kiss after four years feels ever-present on my lips, even days later. I miss her. God, do I miss her…
Closing my eyes, I picture her in the plane, setting off for Europe this moment. Maybe she’s thinking about me right now, too.
But what if she’s not?
I don’t want to think about that.
The sunlight reflecting on the calm surface of the water blinds me even through my lids. Not a single cloud stains the sky, the hard rain from the weekend long gone. It feels like we’re going to crack record temperatures today. I should feel warm and comfortable, yet a cold that I can’t seem to shake off is taking over from the inside.
Minutes later, the laughter of the first kids to come down here makes me open my eyes. Julie’s with them. It’s volleyball before play rehearsal. I watch them for quite a while, until Julie detaches from the group and saunters in my direction. Gaze locked with hers, I track her path until she reaches the dock and walks out to where I sit.
“I knew you’d be here again,” she says quietly, gazing out at the water.
I turn my head forward again, too. “Where else would I be?”
“Dunno.” She pauses, only to continue with the same nonchalance. “Maybe on your way to the airport to stop the girl you love from leaving.”
That truly makes me laugh, even if a hint of sadness resonates within it. “
For all I know, she might already be gone. And there’s hardly anything I could have done to change her mind.”
“Right. Holding her back would’ve been pretty mean anyway, considering this is the chance of a lifetime. But letting her go without telling her goodbye was shit, Justin. She’s in love with you.” Her head angles to my side. “And you with her.”
“It was pretty shitty of her to fool around with me and then drop the bomb a couple hours before running off. You can’t really call that love, can you?”
“The timing was screwed up, all right. But you two might have gotten another chance when she returns next summer. That was something to look forward to, if you ask me. Now, you have nothing but painful memories to keep you awake at night.” She gently places her hand on my forearm. “Do you really want to give her up? Again?”
I never wanted to give Chloe up. Not the first or the second time.
What if I’d tried harder to break through to her four years ago? What if I’d fought to get the truth about the dare out of her after she told those lies about me harassing her? All it would have taken was telling her about Lesley’s grudge against me. But my pride had suffered serious damage, and I was too heartbroken to really see past the circumstances. I was a hurt kid…
Now I’m older, no longer an insecure teenager. Still, I let her go again without a word. Was that a mistake? Was it really just screwed-up timing, and we could have a third chance in another year? Because, based on the current pain in my chest, it feels like the wait would be worth it. The past is repeating itself, and not a single minute has passed that I haven’t thought of her since she left.
But she’s gone. I bite my lip, shrinking under Julie’s intense stare. “What do you want me to do? It’s too late now to change anything.”
“Is it really?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” It’s almost ten. “The plane probably took off a while ago. Besides, I wouldn’t even know which airport to go to.”
A lovely, small smile appears on her face, and it gives me hope. “San Francisco International Airport. Her plane departs at two.”
“And now you suggest what? That I race there and kidnap her from the plane to declare my undying love to her?” I joke.
“Well, unless I’m totally mistaken, you have a motorbike parked in the lot.” Her eyes are sober, not joking at all. “A fast motorbike.”
Is it possible? My heart starts pounding. Heck, I could make it in time. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth.
Julie blinks twice at me, her eyes hopeful and trusting. “What the hell are you waiting for?”
A prickling sensation warms my insides. Slowly, the corners of my mouth curve up, my breaths pushing erratically out of my nose. In a rush of barely containable excitement, I cup her cheeks, pulling her forward to kiss her on the forehead. Then I scramble to my feet, dash off the dock, and run.
Storming into our cabin, I knock into Grey. The momentum tosses us both through the room in opposite directions. “Hey, man, what’s going on?” Greyson moans, balancing himself against my bunk bed.
With no time for explanations, I grab my helmet, snatch the keys, and shove my phone into my pocket. “Cover for me today! Julie can explain it all.” Within seconds, I’m out of the room, heading off to the parking lot.
Slightly out of breath, I mount my bike, put the helmet on, and slide the key into the ignition. With a wicked roar, the Ducati springs to life. The rear wheel fishtails as I tear her around, pebbles shooting everywhere, and moments later, I’m snaking down the serpentine mountain road.
Once out on Route 101, I really hit the gas and fly down the highway, maxing the speedometer. If this ride doesn’t get me a stack of speeding tickets, I don’t know what will.
During a stopover in Salinas to refill the tank, I fish out my phone and decide not to rely on my luck today but give Chloe a call. It’s almost noon. I might not make it there before the boarding begins. And even if they’ve already gone past security, there’s no chance I can get to her there.
The call immediately goes to voicemail. Oh, shit. If she turned off her phone, how will I ever find her in an airport half as huge as Grover Beach itself? I don’t have the flight numbers. Then again, I know someone who could find them out for me. Frantically thumbing through my contacts, I find Chloe’s cousin, Samantha Summers. She’s been a good friend ever since she moved to Grover Beach. She’ll help me out.
This time it rings, thank God. “Hey, Justin, how are you doing?” Sam greets me when she answers.
“I need your help, and I don’t have time for explanations.”
“Okaaaay…” she drags out the word. “What do you want me to do?”
“Chloe’s phone is off. Can you please find out which terminal her flight takes off from today? Also check if there was a change in time.”
Her voice, when she speaks next, rises with excitement. “Are you going to catch her before takeoff?”
“If I can make it in time, yes.”
“This is wonderful. She was so upset when we talked yesterday. I know she’ll be so—”
“Sam!” I cut her off, keeping my tone friendly, but firm. “I’m in a hurry.”
“Oh, right. I’ll call her mom and get all the details for you. I’ll text them in a few minutes.” Next I hear her suppressed, joyful laugh. “Good luck!” As she hangs up, I run into the shop to pay for the gas. By the time I get back to my bike, I have a new text from Sam with all the information I need, plus a smiley, a heart, and a thumbs-up emoticon.
When another call to Chloe goes to voicemail, I curse and glance at my watch. Dammit, I’m really, really running late. Just short of panicking, I punch in a text to her. Then I shove my phone back into my pocket and race away from the gas station with a pounding heart.
Chapter 23
Chloe
We leave the bar to finally check in for the transatlantic flight and drop off our luggage. Even though I'm going to live abroad for ten months, I only have one suitcase. The rest of my stuff was secured in cartons and shipped off to England yesterday.
“Should we head to the gate now?” Kirsten asks once everything is settled and we have our boarding passes.
It’s ten past one. The flight is scheduled to depart at 2:05. With a stone-laden feeling in my chest, I glance around. Busy people dash in unforeseeable crisscrossing lines through the airport hall, wheeling heavy luggage behind them, some with trolleys in front. A PA calls out through multiple speakers for a Mr. Jackson Leeway to appear at gate 47-A for boarding, and nearby a young Asian mama tries to soothe her hysterically crying baby by putting her pinky finger in the child’s mouth.
I have no idea what I’m looking for anyway. I mean, it’s not like Justin would show up here when he didn’t even find it worth his time to call in the past two days. Swallowing the newly forming lump in my throat, I turn back to my friends and nod.
As we cross to security, all of a sudden Lesley takes my hand and pulls me a couple steps away from Kir, who doesn’t notice, because she’s punching away on her phone. Lesley doesn’t look at me when I cut her a sideways glance. With her chin lowered, she mumbles, “I would’ve still accepted you.”
Puzzled, I open my mouth, but a lanky boy sprinting through the hallway knocks into my shoulder and startles a gasp out of me. “Hey!” I snap after him. Of course he doesn’t stop. Instead, he lifts his hand over his shoulder, shouts some words of apology, and swooshes away through the crowd. Jerk. Irritated, I turn back to Lesley. “What?”
“Back then, at camp.” She tilts her head at me, her gaze shadowed but honest. “We would still have been friends, even if you’d told me about your feelings for Justin.” And then she stops and takes my hand. “I already liked you a lot. To dare you to do something was a stupid idea.”
Her apology feels like a punch to my stomach. Is she serious? Her eyes say yes. Her hands on mine back that up. Lesley is sorry about how things turned out for me.
After an awkwardly long moment, I snort. I should’ve co
nfided in her straight away, then maybe history would’ve taken a different turn. Why, oh why, didn’t I trust her and get over my insecurity? My God, I don’t even dare to imagine how my life might have gone instead.
On the other hand, our teenage years have been ones to remember. I cut a glance to where Kirsten is still engrossed in messaging someone. She, Lesley, and Brinna were the best friends a girl could have. We still get cramps in our stomachs from laughing too hard when we start telling stories from high school. It was a good time. Even though it might have been a little nicer with Justin at my side.
After some seconds of staring into each other’s faces, I give Lesley a conciliatory shrug. “Shit happens.”
She blinks rapidly, seeming a little bewildered, but eventually accepts my forgiveness with relief. Expelling a breath, she loops her arm through mine, and I lean my head on her shoulder as we walk on, picking Kirsten up on the way. It’s not long until boarding now.
Constant messages through the PA system follow us down the halls. Apparently, gate 47-A is still waiting for Mr. Jackson Leeway, and now someone wants Francine Ellings to come to information at B-2. The noise in this place is starting to stress me out. Damn, I can’t wait for a nap on the plane in a little while. I haven’t slept much in the last three days, and exhaustion is wearing me down.
A couple hundred feet down the hall, we get in line at security. Other than my purse and phone, I’ve got nothing else to take off and drop into one of the yellow boxes for the x-ray scan. In front of us, the queue seems endless, even though there are two metal detectors open for the passengers to walk through. The squeaky beep when every other person is held up for a thorough examination is grating against my eardrums as much as on my nerves. Bored, I decide to turn on my phone while we wait. The display starts to glow in a blue hue. After punching in my pin code, it takes another couple of seconds for the system to start.
“Chloe!”