by WB McKay
The thought of my hunger gave me a pang of fear for what had happened to Graulfv. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him. After what had happened with Belinda, I wasn't sure I'd remember if he had died. Even if I had killed him.
Belinda. The memory of what I'd done overwhelmed me. I remembered her saying something to me after I'd healed her, so she had to be alive. If I was going to figure out how to get out of this place, I'd have to believe that and push it from my mind so I could focus. Belinda was alive.
Owen. He'd been in Derinia, but I had no idea what had happened to him in the castle. He could handle himself, though. He was strong. He had to be alive.
Graulfv had to be also.
In any case, I was no help to them where I was.
The rest of the room was solid stone. There was no getting through that. I had no idea how to break the magic on the window. The magic eating wand was long gone. The door was my only hope. More specifically, whoever guarded the door was my only hope.
I let my fear magic radiate a short distance and then thumped hard on the wood. "Hello!" I hollered.
In answer, I heard a simultaneous muffled grunt and a little shriek. Two guards then.
There was an immediate response from the Fleece, offering its assistance in the form of commanding them to open the door. I shut that shit right down, ripping the Fleece from my head and tossing it on the bed. I knew it would pop back on my head in a moment or two, but there was no way I could let the Fleece touch my mind without a fight. Never again.
"I don't need you," I growled at the crown.
And I didn't. I could get out of there using my own magic, and nothing but.
First, I opened my mouth and gave the guards a controlled, three second burst of my magical wail. Judging by the sounds of their pained grunts and groans, it had brought both of them to their knees.
"Let me out of here and I won't do that to you again."
No response.
Three increasingly long wails later, and the guards on the other side of the door were still holding strong. Time to move to stage two.
I took a deep breath and concentrated on the dark, slippery well of my fear magic. I pushed out feelers and found I could sense the guards through the door. A year ago, I would have only been able to blast them with unregulated fear and done nothing more effective than make them piss their pants or run away. That could work for all kinds of things, but it was nothing compared to what the Fleece had shown me I could do. Now, I was able to feel what different levels of fear would do to them. The guard on my right was completely useless. If I pushed him gently, he'd ignore the fear. Too hard and he'd likely run away crying. The guard on the left though, was more flexible. I suspected that if I played it carefully, said the right things and dosed him carefully, I'd stand a chance. But not with the crybaby standing next to him.
I focused on a nightmare I'd had when I was a child. There wasn't much to it. A formless shape chased me in the dark, it's teeth snapping loudly at my heels. Despite being an adult, it still filled me with unreasoning terror if I thought about it for too long. I pushed that terror out through my aura in a tight stream focused on the guard to my right.
I was rewarded with a startled yelp. There was a muffled conversation. It wasn't more than a brief exchange of four or five words each. Carefully, I pushed a little more. Another stifled sob, and then the staccato sound of boots retreating hurriedly down the hall. The crybaby was gone. He was likely to whine to someone real quick, so if I wanted to get out of this room, I'd have to work fast on the remaining guard.
"Your pal was right to be afraid," I said, keeping my voice calm and flat. "You both had to have heard what I'm capable of. Luckily for you, I'm tired." As I spoke, I slowly ramped up the fear, using the same nightmare, but limiting the terror he felt. "If you open the door and stand aside, I won't kill you. I won't even hurt you."
A throaty croak indicated I'd gotten too eager and pushed out a little too much fear. I let out a calming breath and recalibrated. "Or, if you prefer, I can give you a good bruise on the jaw to give you a story for your boss. It's up to you. Hear the truth in my words: I'm flexible; if you're willing to work with me, I'm happy to be your friend. We can get along fine, friend. I would like your help getting out of this room."
His tortured groan let me know I was winning. It took another few minutes of coaxing and adjusting my fear magic, but eventually, there was the heavy clunk of a lock being disengaged. I pulled down on the thick silver handle and the door popped open.
The guard on the other side looked rough. His mouth hung open, his upper lip coated in sweat. He held his hands out in front of him, staying clear of his sword hilt as I'd asked him to. "I think I'll take that punch on the jaw, if you don't mind." His voice was calm and steady despite his wary gaze.
"Very well," I replied, and swung at the same time. My fist connected with his meaty jaw, knocking his head to the side. "Will that do?"
He rubbed his jaw and nodded.
I'd already dialed back most of the fear so he didn't flee as soon as I stepped through the door. He was mostly suffering the after effects now. The grip of my left hand eased on Haiku's hilt. "You might want to be taking a nap when your partner gets back."
He almost grinned when he sat down on the floor and leaned his head against the stone wall. Somehow, by tricking him into letting me out of my prison cell, I'd earned his respect. "Go now," he said, and closed his eyes.
"Fae in Faerie are freaking weird." I set off at a trot.
Around the second corner, I found the crybaby still curled up in a corner. He was literally sucking his thumb. I almost felt bad for him until I remembered that he worked for Aengus and had been holding me captive. I left him to his own devices and turned another corner to find myself in a wide hallway leading to the stairs.
I headed down while I considered my options. The majority of my mind urged me to get out of the castle as soon as I could, but the part that demanded answers couldn't be ignored. Aengus was my father, and he would probably know what had happened to Belinda and Graulfv after I lost consciousness. I hoped wherever Belinda was, that Owen was still with her. I had a lot of people to track down.
And anyway, Aengus had my damn swords.
That cinched it. It was time to have a sit down with daddy dearest.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The guards offered me deferential nods as I walked through the castle I'd been held captive in. Apparently, word hadn't spread that I was there and supposed to be locked in a room. The respect in their eyes made me think they knew who I was, though—unless they thought I was The Morrigan. That was perhaps a more likely explanation.
A familiar rug caught my eye. I had some idea where I was, always a good start. Now, where to go? Cornering Aengus in his quarters sounded like a good option to me. I was turning down that hallway when I heard his booming voice in the opposite direction.
"She is safe," he said. "That's all that matters."
"No, it damn well is not!" shouted Belinda.
My heart soared and my feet followed. In a matter of seconds I burst through a set of double doors and skidded to a halt in a luxurious room. Gold covered nearly every surface. Even now I felt a flare of covetousness at the opulent decorations, but it was easy to ignore. There were far more important things to attend to.
Aengus sat on a fancy chair at the head of room, much like The Morrigan did in her dining hall, with his head resting on his fist. He smiled pleasantly, if absently, at the two people standing in front of him. They both turned at the bang of the doors I'd opened. Even if he hadn't turned around, I would have recognized the second person anywhere, from any angle. Owen.
I was exhausted and weak, but there was no force on Earth or Faerie that could stop me from going to the two most important people in my life. I ran as fast as my exhausted body would carry me.
They met me with open arms and enfolded me in the most amazing group hug. Kisses dropped on my head and face like rain.
&nb
sp; We completely ignored Aengus, and it was no less than he deserved for locking me up like a common thief. Though, I guess from his perspective, I was exactly that.
Eventually, the tight grip we held each other in loosened, and the kisses lessened.
"What are you two doing here?" Belinda's presence in particular was shocking. She wanted nothing to do with Faerie.
Owen cupped my face in his hand. "I was worried about you." He said it as if that explained everything.
Belinda, probably seeing the questions on my tongue, jumped in. "He was worried when you were whisked off by The Morrigan. He called me. We went to the castle where she keeps the worshippers. They pointed us to the ball. We followed Aengus here from the ball."
I nodded along, thankful for the explanation. Owen's was sweet and all, but Belinda knew I'd need more details. "I guess that makes sense."
"Yes, it does," agreed Belinda, her tone sharp. "But you know what doesn't make any sense? Running off with The Morrigan without talking to me first!"
"The Morrigan is her mother," Aengus interjected.
I put up a hand. "We'll get back to you, man. This is a family moment."
He opened his mouth again, and Belinda hissed at him. He leaned back in his chair. "That's right," said Belinda. "Wait your turn." She put her hands on her hips and zeroed in on me. "Now, you. You! After all you've done, after all you've learned on the job, how were you this ridiculous? You asked The Morrigan for a favor? And you didn't even have the guts to tell me yourself. You made this boy," she pointed at Owen, "deliver the news to me? Made him hunt me down so he could inform me that not only had you asked The Morrigan for a favor, but then you went off to repay it without telling me! For an indefinite period of time! With The Morrigan! In Faerie?" I opened my mouth to agree with her, but she wasn't done yet. "And now she's got her hooks in you, warping you to be like her. As if that ridiculous crown wasn't enough of a problem, you put yourself in her hands, while you're still wearing that thing! What could you be thinking? Were you thinking at all? How old are you, Sophie? How old! You need to come home with me so that I can get you straightened back out. I knew I never should have let you leave Wailing Lakes in the first place. I should have kept you where I could keep an eye on you." Belinda was huffing and out of breath. It might have been the only reason she stopped talking.
"While I might not agree with you on some of your points, I do concede the general sentiment. I am sorry." I wrapped my arms around her, but then backed up again so she could see my face. I needed her to see that I was facing up to her. "I have made a mess of things and I should have kept better in touch with you. You always give the best advice." Her frustration and fear melted into a look of confusion at my words. "I have wanted so much to prove that I could get along on my own that I started actively pushing people away. This last year I've realized I couldn't do that anymore, but I still kept you at arm's length because I thought that was best for you. As it turns out, that wasn't what is best for either of us."
Belinda and Owen shared a look and Owen said, "She doesn't sound like she did at the ball."
The memory of the way I'd spoken to them while under the influence of the Fleece flooded back to me and the world grew blurry. "We were fighting at the castle," I started to explain. "Graulfv was hurt… I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making excuses. The fact is, I gave myself over to the Fleece. I let it have me." I wouldn't let the tears fall, not here, not now. "I did a lot of bad things, including leaving the both of you alone in the middle of that chaos. I am so sorry."
"It's not your fault," said Owen.
"No, don't do that." I backed up a step. "You can't make what I've done go away." I took a deep breath. "It hasn't all hit me yet, but I'm not sure how I'm going to live with all that I've done." I couldn't take it anymore, I let my head fall into my hands. "I destroyed the mask to free the people of Derinia, and then I slaughtered them."
"The Fleece did that," said Belinda. "You said I give good advice. Here's some: take the blame, for what you did. You gave yourself over to the Fleece. That was as foolish a thing as you've ever done. You know how dangerous your magic is, you can never let anyone or anything else control that."
"I know." I did. "You're right."
"What the Fleece did once it had you… I was in that castle; I saw it. If you hadn't been fighting, they'd have killed you in your costume."
Owen nodded along with her, looking desperate for me to accept her words as the end of the story.
"I could have gotten away." The more they tried to take the weight of my actions away, the more I felt the extent of them. I thought it would be a while before I understood the full weight. "I could have found another way."
"You're going to need to find a way to live with that." She threw an arm around my back. I kept my hands over my eyes, but I let myself lean into her. "Everyone makes mistakes, kid."
I laughed at that. I couldn't help it. "You really ran out of things to say, didn't you?"
"They don't give you a handbook for this parenting stuff, you know."
We all just stood there for a while, not talking. I wished it would last forever, but I knew it couldn't.
"Time to go?" asked Belinda.
"I would vote for that," said Owen, "except I'm not sure what we do."
"About what?" asked Belinda.
"Should we stay in Faerie until we find a way to get rid of the Fleece once and for all? With what the Fleece has done to you here, it might be better to search for answers in Faerie until we get it under control.
Of course Owen would say it that way, "what the Fleece has done", not what I had done. I thought he probably had a grip on what had happened, even without the full story, but he was always going to be careful about the way he spoke to me about this. He knew a thing or two about regrets. He had some idea of what I was about to be going through.
"I don't think the Fleece is going to have such an easy time getting its claws in me after this," I said. "I know that sounds too simple, and I don't mean to make it sound easy, but something in our connection broke aft—after I killed Belinda."
"Youdidn'tkillme," Belinda rushed to say.
"I basically did," I said.
"She told me about that," said Owen. "You can heal people now, eh?" His smile was warm. My chest hurt with how much I'd missed him.
"Yeah, I'm not sure how that falls into the wheelhouse of my other magic, but I'll take it."
"It's from me," said Aengus. "Or am I still not permitted to speak?"
"Oh, look," said Belinda. "He's a passive aggressive smartass, too."
"I am not passive aggressive!" I told her. "Anyway! As I was saying! I haven't heard the Fleece speak since it happened, even when I was using my magic on the guards upstairs."
"It spoke to you?" asked Belinda.
"Yeah, let's maybe talk about those details later." I flung the thing off my head, shattering it against a stone wall. It broke into pieces that clattered to the floor. It was immensely satisfying. I knew it would come back together and return to my head soon enough, but it had been doing it immediately in the weeks past. "When it was deciding who to kill in the castle, part of its decisions were based on who was going to be worth the effort. If someone was going to be hard to control, we killed them." Belinda winced. When she realized I'd seen it, she cringed, but she couldn't take it back. I swallowed hard. This was reality. "I broke the connection. It was controlling me, but only after so much time of successfully fighting it. I'm not saying it won't try again, I'm not that naive, but I think I've proven to be a pain in the ass."
"I could have told it that," said Belinda.
I rolled my eyes. "It wanted me to live up to my potential as a leader in chaos. I think I've disappointed it."
"Hardly," said a cool voice from the back of the room. "You could have done more, surely, but you've made such progress."
"My love!" Aengus brightened, jumping right up. He crossed the room to The Morrigan, his arms wide. "The whole family is together at last."
The Morrigan and I scoffed at the same time, causing me to blush. As much as I hated to admit it, we were a lot alike. I was just starting to realize that it didn't mean any more than I wanted it to.
"Sophie's purpose here has been fulfilled," said The Morrigan, looking down her nose at Aengus, despite him having a six inch height advantage. "Now that all of Faerie has seen her magic wipe out an entire species of Seelie fae and she has set a nation of Unseelie free from Seelie control, she is almost as renowned in Faerie as I am. She is ready to cause chaos at my side."
With each word that came out of her mouth, my jaw dropped further. I hadn't seen The Morrigan since she flew away hopped up on my death light. "What are you talking about? What do you mean my magic wiped out an entire species of Seelie fae?"
"What do you think I mean?" she countered.
"Answering a question with a question is a sign of weakness," I reminded her, but she didn't look ready to tell me a thing. "Is that what you did with the death magic I hit you with?" It was getting harder to breathe. "Are you saying you killed an entire species with my magic?"
"I never said any such thing," she said coyly, casting a glance at Aengus.
I squinted my eyes at her, trying to parse out the truth.
Owen laid it out plainly, his understanding of Faerie making it obvious to him in a way that was still hard for me to grasp at times. "She's saying that she did it, but she would never admit to it. As much as it may seem there are no rules in Faerie, there are laws about balance. The Morrigan is not allowed to act so directly to unbalance Faerie. She found a bit of a loophole by using your magic instead of her own, but she's still not willing to say as much in case it comes back on her. Besides, she wants everyone to think it was you. And I think she wants it to bother you."
The Morrigan's smile turned sultry and speculative while she watched Owen talk. I wanted to knock out her teeth. "That dragon of yours is quite the specimen and has a brain to match. I can see why you dote on him so. I will allow you to keep him."