by Ella Edon
He moved. Louisa’s eyes snapped to him, going still as he came to sit next to her. There was still some space between them but he was still far too close. Instead of clammy palms and a tightening throat, Louisa’s chest was growing hot, her body tingling with the urge to bridge that gap. It terrified her.
“I certainly had not realized it at first, but I was intrigued by you. Not only are you beautiful, but you do not hesitate to say exactly what is on your mind, in ways that only you could do. I was fascinated.”
“Those words do not absolve you of what you did,” she breathed.
Jerome nodded. He turned to face her, and Louisa’s breath caught in her throat. “I know. I will do what I can to make you forgive me. But I hope you understand me a little bit better now.”
No, I do not understand. I don’t understand why I am feeling this way, why I am not pushing you away from me. I cannot understand how it is possible to have this odd urge take hold of me like this.
“Push me away, Louisa,” Jerome murmured.
She could hear her heart in her ears. Her lips parted of their own accord, her eyes latched onto his. “W-what?”
“Push me away.” His gaze lowered to her lips. “If you do not, then…”
He didn’t have to say the words. There was only an inch of distance between their lips now and Louisa was overcome with the urge to move closer. But she couldn’t do it. Her body trembled in its stiffness, her eyes drifting shut when Jerome came upon her.
Then, she felt it. She should have recoiled, should have pushed him and screamed and told him that she hated him. She should have reacted the way she had whenever any other man had dared to touch her.
Louisa was beginning to learn that Jerome was not like any other man.
He had the power to bring her to a level of anger she’d never felt before, and of calming her just as easily. He had two faces—the businessman and the man himself. One with a passion to take what he needed, and the other who was gentle and compassionate—and just a little awkward. Both men kissed her now, filling her with an explosive feeling that threatened to eat her alive.
All this time, Louisa had questioned what this feeling was. Now she knew it was desire.
The realization spurred her on like fuel to a machine. Louisa lifted a hand, placing it tentatively on his chest. Jerome hesitated—but only for a moment. Then he snaked his hand around her neck, deepening the kiss. Its tenderness transformed into such heated passion that Louisa could hardly contain herself.
She was acting without thinking, as if someone had taken control of her body. She didn’t know who this woman was. Just moments ago, she had been steaming with anger and now here she was, kissing a man. He caught up her lips and held them between his teeth. He sucked on her before swiping his tongue against her lips as he sought entry. She mimicked him, and their tongues tangled intimately with each other.
With one hand holding her behind her neck, Jerome’s other hand was free to roam. And roam it did. Louisa was very aware of his broad palm running down her arm, resting on her thigh. She shuddered with need, but she didn’t stop kissing him. She was desperate now, wrapping her arms around him as she pulled him in closer.
Jerome seemed to take that as an invitation. His hand slid slowly up her thigh. Louisa wanted to tell him to stop, but she also wanted him to keep going. As if he sensed that, his hand came to rest on her hip. He seemed content, for now, to just kiss her, but Louisa wasn’t sure she could say the same.
Before she could fully understand the feeling, the carriage drew to a halt, shocking her. She jerked away from him as her hand flew to her mouth. Jerome slid to the other side of the carriage instantly, watching her carefully.
“Louisa?” he probed.
Louisa didn’t say anything. It was beginning to dawn on her what she had done, how she had lost all senses the moment that desire took hold of her. What was I thinking?
“Louisa, are you all right?” He reached a hand out to her and when she looked sharply at it, he pulled back. The door opened behind her and Louisa quickly made her escape. The cold night air hit her flushed cheeks with force, stinging her eyes as she quickly made her way into the manor. She didn’t realize he was right on her heels until they were inside
“Louisa, one moment.” Jerome slid in front of her, forcing her to stop. “There is no need to run.”
“I am not running,” she stated defensively. A foolish lie. She had been close to picking up her skirts and taking off.
“I understand that what happened is a bit overwhelming but—”
“I am tired,” she clipped. “Please, move out of my way.”
“Louisa—”
She swiveled around him and made her way up the staircase. She prayed he wouldn’t come after her. She needed to be alone, to clear her head. When he was near, it was obvious that Louisa couldn’t think straight.
I kissed him. Louisa touched her lips. She could still feel the slight throb from his bite. Oh, God, what is happening to me?
Chapter Nineteen
Sunlight poured in through the magnificent sash windows of the drawing room, showering the room in its pale light. It was a beautiful morning, one that was hard to ignore even for a man like Jerome, who paid little attention to such things. But as he sipped his tea for breakfast, he gazed out the window, the longing to walk under the sun and enjoy the fresh breeze taking him over.
He wouldn’t enjoy it without Louisa. He hadn’t enjoyed many things without Louisa lately. It had been two days since they’d kissed, and things seemed to be worse than before. She ignored him completely, spending all her time in her bedchamber with her maid as company. When he felt brave enough to seek her out, she wouldn’t bother to come to the door.
Jerome should have known she would react in that manner. After all, Louisa had not changed. Though she might have reached out to him in her sleep, she was still the same lady who abhorred the thought of touching him. It was clear that she was shaken by their kiss and Jerome was afraid she would only grow to hate him.
He lifted his hand to his temple on a groan. I should not have kissed her. But then…why hadn’t she pulled away?
Even then, driven by his lust and his desire to feel her lips, Jerome had been thinking clearly enough to ask her to pull away. He’d given her the chance to refuse it, moving so tentatively that it had nearly driven him insane. It was the spark of passion reflecting back to him in her eyes that had spurred him on, but perhaps he had been wrong? Perhaps he’d only hoped to see something that hadn’t truly been there? If she had been frozen in shock or fear that might be able to explain why she hadn’t pulled away.
But why did she kiss me back?
There was only one explanation he could think of. Jerome wanted to rely on it, but with a lady like Louisa, he couldn’t be certain of anything. He’d always thought her to be predictable, that he was able to tell when she would lash out at him, expecting her words before she said them. But yesterday, she had relaxed. She had grown to trust him. Jerome, desperate for more, had taken what he shouldn’t have as a result. He wouldn’t be able to blame her if she grew to hate him because of it.
“Mr. Cooper,” came a voice behind the door.
Jerome didn’t bother to look, recognizing Samson’s voice. “Come,” he called.
He heard the door open and soft footfalls near. “You have received a letter, sir.”
Jerome sighed, resting his unfinished tea on its saucer. He was in no mood for work right now, which is why he had shut himself away in the drawing room to sulk. He held out his hand and Samson gave him the letter.
“Thank you, Samson,” Jerome said. “You may leave.”
“As you wish, sir.” After a dutiful bow, Samson left the room.
Jerome frowned at the seal, recognizing it to be the Duke of Rutherford’s. Indeed, it was addressed from Charlotte. He broke it and quickly read its contents.
He and Louisa were being invited to dinner at Rutherford Manor tonight. He sighed, folding back the lett
er. He could use this as his chance to speak to Louisa, to at least see her face, but he had little hope now. He couldn’t forget the blazing fury in her eyes that night after she had found out the truth. The hurt from his betrayal. That cut deeper than anything else and though he had said he would do whatever he could for her to forgive him, Jerome doubted she would give him the chance.
At that moment, something caught his eye. The hem of a dress disappearing around the corner. Jerome looked outside, peering out at the gardens, and saw Louisa heading down a trail, her body blocked by the tall shrubbery. Without thinking, he grabbed up the letter and rushed out of the drawing room.
Within minutes he was outside. He headed straight for where he had seen her, but when he arrived, she was nowhere to be found. Though he was tall enough to see over the shrubs, he could not spot her anywhere. He continued to wander around, searching desperately.
“Have you taken to stalking me now?”
Jerome whirled around. Louisa was standing behind him, her expression as dry as her tone. His heart was beating madly in his chest, so he struggled to remain casual.
“It has been two days since I have seen you last,” he explained. “When I saw that you were walking through the gardens, I could not let the chance go by.”
“As opportunistic as always, I see.”
Jerome flinched, not taking his eye off her as she walked by him. He followed.
“It appears you are still upset,” he pointed out.
“Undeniably outraged,” she said simply. “If you could not tell.”
“Is that why you have been avoiding me these past two days?” Or is it because of our kiss?
His unspoken question seemed to echo around them just the same. Jerome saw her stiffen, but she didn’t break her stride. “It is not a matter of if I can forgive so easily, Jerome. You expect me to bear your child when, right now, I cannot even look at you.”
Her words hit like a knife to his chest. He forced himself not to falter. He was used to hearing bad things, as the bastard son of a duke, but Louisa was by far the most dangerous opponent he’d ever encountered. It should scare him to see how easily she could strip him apart, but Jerome was more focused on that inkling he got that she was might not be telling the truth. Certainly, it could only be his hope speaking, but Jerome didn’t care to distinguish it.
He tried to change the subject, though, not wanting to risk her scathing words again. “Have you been sleeping well?”
“You need not concern yourself.”
“I have been tempted to check up on you at night,” he went on, not looking at her when her eyes lifted to his face. “I comforted myself in thinking that your lack of screams might be a good sign.”
“Again, you do not need—”
“I do not need to concern myself with whether you are sleeping well at night or not?” He huffed a laugh. “An impossible feat, Louisa. It will take a miracle to keep me from worrying about you.”
She stopped suddenly, facing him. With a start, Jerome realized that they had made it back to the gazebo they had walked to the last time they were in the gardens together. “Jerome,” she said, her voice a bit breathless. “I am still angry. Perhaps it is best to state that plainly so that you can leave me be.”
“If I do that, your anger will only fester and grow. If I want your forgiveness, I cannot simply stand back without a word.” He looked closely at her, studying the curve of her lips. Louisa was good at pretending, but he was learning to read her well. But because there was still uncertainty within them, he didn’t lean in the way he wanted to. “Charlotte has invited us to dinner tonight,” he added.
The sudden shift in the conversation clearly took her by surprise. “Has she? It has been a while since I last saw her.”
“Do you wish to attend? If you are feeling tired, you need only say so and I will decline on your behalf.”
“Must you always act so benevolently?” she asked, but her tone held no anger. She turned and went under the gazebo, sitting with a sigh. “I am perfectly capable of speaking to my own sister.”
“Ah, I am smothering you, aren’t I?” he asked. He wanted to sit by her side, but he thought it would be best to stay at the other end of the gazebo.
“A bit, but if that is what you wish to do, I will not stop it.”
Jerome hid his smile. He could clearly see that she was not upset by it. In fact, he might go as far as to say that she liked when he considered her in that way. “Then I take it you are not opposed to attending?”
“Of course not.” She looked curiously at him. “Though I am surprised you aren’t. I know very well that you and Kenneth are not fond of each other. Do you not think it will be uncomfortable for you to be around both him and Charlotte?”
“The past is the past,” Jerome said simply. “You are my wife, which means I must get along with them as my extended family.”
Calling her his wife made her blush. Jerome watched with intense satisfaction as a range of emotions passed over her face. A blush, her surprise and horror at her reaction, and then her effort to wipe it away as if nothing had happened.
He’d gotten the same reaction the night they’d kissed. Before, she would look disgusted at the fact that they were husband and wife. Now, she didn’t seem to know what to do with herself, as if new emotions were rearing their heads. Jerome’s urge to go to her side, to breathe her in, grew intense.
“How upright of you,” she mumbled. She stiffened when he approached, but, just as he had that night in the carriage, he made sure to keep a bit of distance between them. He wasn’t so foolish as to attempt to kiss her again when she had yet to process the first one.
“And what of you?” he asked nonchalantly, aware that she was watching him. “You were to be married to the duke, were you not?”
“I was not worried about that,” she responded stiffly.
“Were you against marriage even then?”
“Yes. But more than that, I had an inkling that he would be better suited for Charlotte anyhow. They have always been very close.”
“It was my understanding that you were too,” Jerome said. He was relieved to see her relaxing, talking to him. Just as he had hoped, she didn’t seem to be so upset with him any longer.
Louisa shook her head. “We were friends, certainly, but I could never truly become close to a man.”
“What of us?”
She looked sharply at him, brows dipping. “What do you mean?”
“Will this distance between us remain, or will we grow to care for each other over time?” He held her gaze, letting his bold words settle between them. Louisa seemed to be having trouble breathing.
“You have…” She was at a loss for words. Jerome delighted in that fact. “You have quite the nerve.”
“Have I said something wrong?” She gritted her teeth and looked away, her cheeks growing pink. It was quite adorable. “Since I am so daring as to say such a thing to you, then let me say one last thing. I enjoyed our kiss the other night.”
Louisa gasped under her breath. She didn’t look back at him. Jerome studied the side of her face, willing himself to stay exactly where he was.
“I did not intend to take advantage of you,” he went on. “Had I, for a single moment, felt as if you were uncomfortable or distressed, I would not have kissed you.”
Louisa curled her hands into fists, her gaze focused on the gazebo’s floor. “Why did you kiss me?” she murmured.
Jerome blinked at her. Should I speak the truth? “Because I am attracted to you.” Her hands tightened. “I care for you.” Louisa folded her lips back. “And I hope that you will one day look at me without flinching or distancing yourself. I hope we can truly become friends.”
It was the best he could hope for. He didn’t dare to reveal anything more. If she knew his true feelings, it would only overwhelm her. And that would cause her to run. Jerome didn’t want her going anywhere if it wasn’t straight into his arms.
So, he left it at that, waitin
g for her reaction.
Louisa didn’t lift her gaze from the floor. She was as still as a tree, but he knew his words were echoing in her head. Jerome felt a pinch of fear that he might be rejected in that moment and so he stood, intending to leave before she had a chance to.
“I will return to my study,” he declared, making his way out the gazebo. He looked back at her to see that she was watching him, her eyes filled with an emotion he couldn’t name. “If you need to speak with me, you can find me there for the rest of the day.”
He hoped she would say something, but Louisa kept her silence. With nothing left to do or say, Jerome left. He resisted the urge to look back at her, not letting out the breath he’d been holding until he was finally in the manor.