by Ella Edon
“Oh, goodness…” she breathed with a shuddering breath.
“Are you all right?” Jerome lifted his head, wearing a small frown of worry.
Louisa, had she not felt so suddenly tired, thought she might have grasped his face in her hands and kissed him fiercely. The longing was overwhelming, powerful enough to leave her speechless for a few seconds.
“I want to see you.” She said the words without thinking, but she wouldn’t take them back. She wanted to see every inch of him, just as he saw her.
The flicker of candlelight deepened the slope of his jaw as he pulled away, nodding. She slowly pulled away from him, allowing him to rise. And then she watched, transfixed, as he shed the rest of his clothing. When everything was gone, when he stood bare before her, Louisa felt a twinge of fright.
“Louisa?” He must have seen it in her eyes, because his voice was tight with worry. He didn’t move, however, as if he knew coming closer might make things worse. “Are you—?”
“I’m fine.” Louisa didn’t take her eyes off him. His…member stood at attention, demanding to be seen. She’d never allowed herself to think of such things before, never considered the thought that she would see one in her lifetime. But now that she sat here before her husband, there came no horrified thoughts. There came no resurfacing memories. Only soul-blazing lust that made her mouth go dry and her nether regions throb with need. “I want this,” she said. “I want you.”
Jerome let out a low breath, of relief she guessed. Then, he took a step closer to her. Louisa got onto her knees, rising to meet him at the edge of the bed with her lips. The kiss was more intense, driven by the growing yearning that was begging to be fulfilled. She’d never longed for something so badly before, and Louisa was used to getting what she wanted.
His large hands slid down her back, bringing her back down to her knees without breaking the kiss. He laid her down and positioned himself over her. With their lips still fused, their tongues still tangling, Louisa felt his member resting against her thigh and her heart began doing somersaults in her chest. She couldn’t deny that she was nervous, and she hoped he wouldn’t sense it.
But Jerome seemed to notice everything about her. He broke the kiss and gazed into her eyes, tenderly brushing her hair from her face. “I will be gentle with you,” he whispered.
She nodded slowly. She believed him. If nothing else, she would always trust his word.
And then she felt it, edging at her between her thighs. She tried to relax into the bed beneath her, not looking away from Jerome as he slowly slid in. There was a bite of pain so sharp that she gritted her teeth and he instantly stopped. But he didn’t need her to tell him to continue. Slowly, he slid out and then back in. Gradually he began to pick up his speed. And soon, Louisa couldn’t see anything but him.
The room seemed to fall away. She wrapped her hands around his neck, to brace herself as mounting waves of pleasure washed through her. The pain subsided so quickly it was like it never happened, and all she could feel was the beautiful bliss of their union. She whispered his name on her lips and, as if spurred on by the sound, he drove harder, faster. It should have scared her, but she was right there with him, matching him beat for beat. She dug her nails into his back but, instead of crying out in pain, it seemed to push him.
Then she felt it. A pressure in her legs, an odd sensation coming over her. It spread throughout her body at a rapid pace, growing in intensity until it was all she could feel.
“Jerome!” she gasped, clinging to him. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, murmuring her name over and over again. Louisa’s body shook with the force of her climax, her vision blurring and every inch of her body growing numb for a few seconds. Jerome grunted in her ear, his body stiffening over her as he too was led into the throes of his pleasure. It was a beautiful moment, united together, as if their souls had become one, as if their hearts beat at the same pace.
“I…” Jerome’s breath tickled her ear as his body sagged against hers. She didn’t blame him. She felt numb, too weak to even consider the thought of moving.
After a moment, he pulled himself away. Louisa suddenly felt bare and cold and she resisted the urge to curl in on herself now that he was gone. Jerome moved around next to her until he found the edge of the blanket and he pulled it over the both of them. He tucked the blanket into her side, gently rolling her into his arms.
Louisa was at a loss for words, but she felt she needed to say something. “I…well…”
“Hush,” he murmured, a hand reaching up to stroke her hair. Somehow, she was cradled in his arms. And somehow, the position was quite comforting. “There’s no need to say anything if you do not have the words.”
Louisa didn’t know whether to smile at that. “You always seem to know my thoughts even better than I do.”
“It is because you are an easy woman to read, Louisa, and I watch you every chance I get.”
Pleasure spread warmly through her chest. This time, she did smile. “I think I will sleep without dreaming tonight. It has been a while.”
“Hearing that makes me so relieved,” Jerome breathed. The rhythm of stroking her hair remained unbroken. “It rips me to shreds thinking that there are nights when you cannot sleep. And during those moments, I have to resist my urge to go to your side.”
Louisa smiled. “I must thank you for your unwavering concern then.”
He waited a moment, a peaceful reprieve before he asked a question that had Louisa’s chest caving in. “How long have you been having these nightmares, Louisa?”
Louisa bit her lip. She’d known that such a question was coming. It was part of the reason why she’d pulled away from him for so long. Growing close to Jerome only meant that one day she would have to bare her soul to him. But as her heart pounded and those memories were brought back up, shadowing the beautiful act they had just partaken in, she didn’t want that day to be today.
“Ever since I was seven years old,” she murmured. “And you need not worry. I did not find the relief of laudanum until many years later.”
“I would hope not,” he said with an out of place chuckle. “What happened?”
She swallowed. Telling him the truth was more terrifying that she’d expected. What would he do when he learned the truth? Would he pull away from her? Would he scorn her? Would she see pity in his eyes and leave her with the impression that he was only by her side because she was a sad thing?
“I…” She honestly did not know what to say. “I see a face in my dreams, of a man I could not forget no matter how much time had passed since I’d last seen him. Sometimes he speaks to me, sometimes he only tries to touch me. But every time, I am captured by my fear, and though I want to run away, or perhaps hit him if I must, I am frozen to the spot. I cannot do anything but watch and relive the moment.” And then she snuggled into him, trying to chase away the darkness coming over her as she closed her eyes. “But enough of that. I do not want to think about anything bad tonight. I want to sleep without dreaming.”
His steady caressing of her hair was the only thing calming her. Louisa could feel a slight hysteria building within her again, and she struggled to maintain her breathing. She’d never talked about her dreams to anyone before, and it left her feeling bare and vulnerable.
“There is nothing to be afraid of when you’re with me,” Jerome murmured, his deep voice rumbling through her. “It may sound quite selfish of me to say, but I am happy you are confiding in me. It means you are finally beginning to rely on me, and I intend to be by your side throughout it all.”
Rely on him? Louisa opened her eyes with a frown. She’d never relied on anyone before. It was her own strength that had brought this far. Even though she’d longed to, she’d even resisted the urge to speak to her mother or Charlotte about all that pained her. But she was relying on him?
And then, the truth hit her like bricks to her head. She loved him.
As she listened to him fall asleep, it wasn’t the shock that k
ept her awake, nor the disbelief. It was the fear that she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The next morning was beautiful. It was a combination of so many things at once—the slivers of sunlight shining through the drapes, the gentle peace that hung in the air, the beautiful woman that breathed softly in his arms. When Jerome opened his eyes, the previous night came rushing back to him and he smiled. He looked down at Louisa, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face and watching her while she slumbered.
He could not be happier.
A part of him had believed they would never reach this point. With both their stubbornness at play, he’d thought that a rift would always remain between them, no matter how much he wished it would be otherwise. But last night, they’d bridged the distance, had drawn closer to each other in not just a physical capacity, but emotionally as well. His heart swelled with love for her as he watched her sleep. If he could, he would spend all day in bed with her.
But because he was a man of business, always busy, he gently pulled away from her to get out of bed. Louisa grumbled under her breath at the movement, frowning a little. She took hold of his arm but, in her sleep, she didn’t have much a grip. Jerome smiled as he gently pried himself away from her.
She was so beautiful. It amazed him to see, even though he knew it well. With her hair spread out beneath her, the covers resting just above her chest, she was a sight he found difficult to tear himself away from. For a moment, he was seized with the urge to crawl back into bed and watch her sleep until she woke. That urge made him shake his head and smile. He truly was in love.
It was only a bit past dawn and so he knew he had some time before she woke up. Dressing quickly, he slipped out of the bedchamber and made his way to his office with a whistle on his lips. A few maids he passed by glanced curiously at him, undoubtedly wondering about his good mood, but Jerome only tipped his head at them in greeting and continued along, hiding his grin.
It didn’t matter that his head was pounding. He’d braved the pain last night and had nearly forgotten all about it when Louisa began touching his chest, but now it was back with full force. It wasn’t enough to slow him down, but he did take a moment at his desk before he began on the papers he’d left there. Perhaps he should have accepted the laudanum from Mr. Wilmott last night, but his stomach had churned at the time when he thought of Louisa. He didn’t want to dangle temptation between her eyes, but now he wondered it had been faithless of him to worry.
There is no need to think about that now. The pain will not hinder you, and if you let it show, Louisa will only fuss.
The thought brought a smile to his face.
Jerome spent the next hour within his office, lost in the work he had to do. He was so focused that he did not hear the knock on the door until it sounded a second time. “Yes?” he called, not looking up from the letter he was writing.
He heard the door open then close a few seconds later. Jerome glanced up and his heart leaped when he saw Louisa standing there, dressed in a lovely lime-green morning gown with her hair piled into curls atop her head. She licked her lips, which carried a hint of a nervous smile.
“You are quite dedicated,” she said, moving away from the door. She approached the desk slowly, a bit awkward. Jerome was enjoying every bit of her nervous behavior. “The first thing you do after you wake is go to your office? What of breakfast?”
“Hardly worth having if it is not with you,” he told her with a grin. He dropped his quill in the inkpot and rose, already pushing his responsibilities to the back of his mind. “Let us go to the drawing room, shall we? I’m certain it has already been prepared.”
Louisa nodded, clasping her hands before her. Jerome felt a bit giddy as he rounded the desk and came to stand before her. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, couldn’t hide how happy he was. He stuck his hand out to her. Louisa’s brows lifted slightly in surprise as she looked down at his outstretched hand, then she slowly took it. Without warning, he leaned over and pressed a light kiss on her lips. Louisa’s eyes went wide, her lips parting in surprise, but she said nothing.
The warmth of their contact would sustain him for the days to come. Without food, water, or sleep, Jerome felt as if all he needed was Louisa by his side and he would be fine. An outrageous thought it was, but it only showed him how much he loved her.
They were quiet as they left the study and made their way to the drawing room hand in hand. Jerome had to resist the urge to look at her every chance he got. He was unused to being so silly, but he didn’t chastise himself for it. The happiness he felt was a lightheaded feeling he didn’t want to let go of.
“Did you sleep well?” he asked as they took their seats in the drawing room. Spread out before them on the small table were toast, jam, crumpets, and rolls. Jerome watched her as he asked the question.
Louisa’s attention was on her toast. She used a spoon to spread a bit of jam on the edge of the bread as she said, “I did…as I expected.”
“You did look quite peaceful. When I left the bed, you held on to me as if you did not want me to go.”
Her hand, halfway to her mouth with the toast, froze. Louisa’s eyes widened a bit as she slowly lowered it. “I did?” she breathed.
Jerome huffed a laugh. “It was quite adorable, I must say. I was tempted to remain in bed with you, and had it not been for the things I needed to get done, I might have.”
Her gaze slid away and she raised the toast to her lips once more, biting gently. Jerome chewed on a crumpet as he watched her. She seemed perturbed by something. “Did you dream last night?” he asked.
“My, you are certainly full of questions, aren’t you?” she quipped back without hesitation.
Jerome wasn’t bothered by it. In fact, he grinned. “Can you blame me? You intrigue me, Louisa. I believe I can spend years getting to know you and there would still be layers I am yet to uncover.”
To his utmost pleasure, her cheeks pinkened. She appeared a tad shy as she looked away and grumbled, “That is quite hard to believe considering you already know so much about me.”
“I do not know everything,” he said simply. Louisa didn’t meet his eyes and Jerome didn’t push it. It was a good morning. There was no use ruining it by mentioning the one question he had regarding her nightmares. “I do wish we had a bit of a chance to court before we were married.”
“You would not have gotten close,” she told him.
Jerome laughed. “Do you truly think so? I find myself quite charming at times, you know. I believe I would have caught your eye one way or another.”
She lifted a brow at him, humor spreading throughout her blue eyes. “I doubt that. I was quite adamant not to marry, as you should be able to recall. I would have turned you down every chance I got. Had it not been for that…situation, we would not be sitting here right now.”
The mention of how they’d gotten betrothed in the first place didn’t cast a dour air over either one of them, thankfully. “Your lack of faith in me is saddening, Louisa,” Jerome teased as he sipped his tea.
“It is not my lack of faith in you but rather the faith I have in myself,” she stated matter-of-factly.
“Yes, you are certainly correct in thinking you would be far too stubborn to consider courting me despite how charmed you would have undoubtedly been.”
Louisa laughed at that. “Goodness, your confidence is quite alarming this morning. I wonder if it has anything to do with the tea?”
“It has nothing to do with the tea and everything to do with you, Louisa,” he told her. He leaned back in his seat, studying her. “It warms my heart to see you smile with such abandon.”
Her eyes shot to his. “I have smiled before.”
“But not quite like this, so at ease.” Jerome reached out to take her hand from across the table. He ran his thumb over the back of it, gazing into her blue eyes. “I am happy you were comfortable enough to lay with me last night. And I hope this means we will now share bedchambers?”
Louisa was studying his face. Her jaw went slack, her hand limp in his. Something passed through her eyes that filled Jerome with unease. Try as he might to shove the feeling aside, he couldn’t ignore the silence that followed his words, the dread that came with wondering if she would turn him down.
No, she wouldn’t. Not after last night…would she?
Slowly, Louisa pulled her hand from his. Jerome felt a chill rush through him, but he tried to ignore it, giving her a quizzical look.
“No,” Louisa responded. She avoided his eyes by raising her teacup to her lips. “I will sleep in my own bedchambers tonight.”
“I do not understand.”
“It is quite simple, really.” She seemed to be concentrating quite hard as she returned the cup to its saucer and went on to smear more jam on her toast. “I do not wish to sleep in your bed another night. Nor do I wish to have you make love to me, either.”