The twins ran around to join her as she walked up to the building. “I want to live with the wild animals,” Suzie said, and Lizzy nodded in agreement. They turned to Reid. “When we grow up, we are going to live with a wild animal and do research and make a TV show.”
“We’re going to be famous. The Wild Bergmann Sisters.” They giggled. “We’ve designed the set and everything.”
“You’ll have to show me.” Reid looked at her with that mischievous grin. “I have a surprise.”
That expression used to make her giddy. Now it caused her stomach to drop, and not in a pleasant way. “Reid, what have you done?”
“Come on, and I’ll show you.” Reid moved past and held the door open for them. “I did it a couple of days ago, and you didn’t even notice.”
“What is it! What is it!” The girls jumped and danced inside in search of this big surprise Reid had supposedly prepared.
He walked farther into the room and picked up the old laptop to flip it open. With a few strokes of the keyboard, he turned the screen around for the girls to see. In unison, they leaned forward and then gasped as one.
“What is it?” Danica peered over the girls’ shoulders.
“Look, they’re wiggling.” Suzie pointed to the bats on the screen.
“Oh.” Her orphaned bats were on the laptop, streaming from a live feed. “Looks like it’s feeding time. They’re getting hungry.” She went to the other room, scanning the area. High on the shelf was a small camera.
“Now you can watch them whenever you want without bothering them. Your mom can even log on with her phone, or on your computer at home. You can even go back a couple of days and watch what you missed.”
“This is the most awesome thing ever!” Lizzy rushed at Reid and wrapped her arms around him. Suzie followed.
“Thank you, Mr. Reid. Thank you.” And just as quickly, they went back to intently staring at the screen.
Danica shook her head. “You always loved surprises. But now I’m afraid the girls aren’t going to get anything done at the house.” Prepared to turn and scowl at him, she had to pause at the look of wonder on his face. He was more into this than the girls, and they bounced with excitement.
His eyes glistened. He wiped at them with the back of his hand.
His jaw flexed, and then he gave her a thoughtful smile. “I’m sorry. I was going to show it to you first, but today took an unexpected turn for me. I thought it would be fun to surprise you all. Do you want me to take it down?”
“No!” Suzie’s eyes teared up, making the gray shimmer. They looked so much like Reid’s. She was losing her children to him. Was he doing this on purpose?
“No.” Liz, the calmer one, took Danica’s hand and squeezed it. “Please, Momma, we’ll listen to you. We’ll do our chores.”
“It can stay, but we’re going to make some rules for when and how long. Okay?”
“Yes, yes! This is the greatest!” Suzie jumped and returned to the screen. “Look, the little one is licking the one next to him.” Their laughter was magical. Even on her worst day, it was the one thing that could soothe her.
Liz gave Reid another hug. “We love it. Thank you!”
Head to head, they stared at the screen. “Girls, you stay here while I feed and bathe them, okay?”
“Okay, Momma.” They answered in unison as usual.
Reid stood. “I’ll go feed the cub.”
They all went about their chores. After a while, she gathered the girls and went to the front porch. Using the walkie-talkie, she called Reid for his location.
“Back at the bear enclosure. Are you ready to go?” His voice was low.
“Girls, do you want to see the cub before we leave?” She smiled as they danced and clapped. It was a ridiculous question. She spoke into the walkie-talkie. “We’ll come join you, then leave from there.”
“Do we get to ride the Mule?” Another of their favorite activities, riding the all-terrain vehicle.
“Sure. Climb on.” With the girls buckled into the back seat, they took off. Over the last hill, the enclosure became visible. Slowing down, she parked the vehicle off at a distance, so as not to bother the cub too much. “Remember, girls, stay quiet.”
“Yes, ma’am.” They all climbed off, as quietly as possible.
When they reached to the fence, the girls wrapped their fingers between the chain links. “Oh, Mr. Reid, the baby bear thinks you’re her daddy.”
The bear had gotten bigger but still loved cuddling against Reid’s chest. She was holding her bottle as he rocked her.
Suzie looked at her mom. “Do bears stay with their dads?”
“No, bears are raised by their mothers.”
“Just like us, but this bear has Reid.”
All of a sudden, their innocent words clawed into her heart. She made the mistake of glancing at Reid. Would she ever stop losing her breath when he looked back at her? Her heart started racing. The girls never talked about their lack of a father. It was just the way of life for them.
“I’m not her father. Just a caregiver, until she can be on her own.”
“Isn’t that what a father does?” her older daughter asked.
“How much longer will she need you to take care of her?” Her sister didn’t want to be left out of the conversation.
“Your mom is the one who mainly takes care of her, and gave her a safe place to grow up. She just likes it when I get to feed her.” Bottle empty, he sat her on the thick branch that stretched across the pen. He ducked under it and came to the gate, exiting the enclosure. The cub rolled down to the ground, then clambered to the top of the little cave like structure. From there, she crossed to the smaller branch. Running, as if being chased, she leaped into the small water tank.
The girls laughed at the cub’s antics. “She’s so funny.”
They asked another hundred questions while they watched the baby bear scurry around. The bear even ambled to the fence and stuck her nose through. The girls giggled with delight.
The light softened as the sun started slipping behind the western hills. “Girls, we need to go. We have to take Reid to his ranch before we go home.”
“Can he come have dinner with us?”
“No, not tonight.”
“Maybe another night?” The twins pouted, pleading with their eyes.
She looked at Reid over the heads of their daughters. The loneliness and yearning in his eyes hurt her heart. “Maybe.”
“Yay!” They raced to the four-wheeler Reid had come on.
“Can I ride with Mr. Reid?” Suzie asked.
“No! I want to!” Lizzy frowned at her sister.
“Neither of you are going with him. There aren’t any seat belts on his four-wheeler.”
“Oh, Mom. He’ll drive slow, right?” Lizzy looked at him.
Danica raised one eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. “I don’t think he does anything slow.”
He swung the girls up and planted them on the big Mule’s back seat. “I think your mom means business.”
The girls grumbled. “She always means business.”
“Because she loves you. Do you know how blessed you are to have such a great mom? Not everyone gets a mom likes yours.”
Liz nodded. “Our friend Celeste, her mother’s dead. Travis, a boy in our class, his mom yells at everyone.”
Suzie leaned forward. “She’s crazy. Once the police had to come get her at school.”
“Girls, stop. That’s gossip. It’s not nice to talk about people. If you’re worried about your friend, we need to tell someone.”
“It’s not gossip. We saw it. Everyone knows.” Suzie looked at her mother. “That’s not gossip.”
With a frown, Lizzy nodded. “It happened at school. Poor Travis. His dad, Mr. Monardo, was arrested. He’s in jail.” She looked at her si
ster. “Maybe that part is gossip.”
They started talking about what gossip meant. “Girls, that’s enough. When it is other people’s business, it’s gossip. Unless there are ways we can help them, we shouldn’t be talking about them.” She’d heard the same gossip in town, but she didn’t know Travis’s family. Talking about them behind their back made her uncomfortable.
She made a note to ask Pastor Levi.
“Travis Monardo?” The girls nodded at Reid’s question. “There’s a man in my group by that name.”
“Group?”
Oh, no. She needed to derail this conversation. “We should head home before it gets too dark. Come on, let’s go.”
Instead of going to his four-wheeler, Reid went down to sit on his heels and look the girls in the eye. “I’m in a group that studies the Bible with Pastor Levi. We have all been in prison.”
Both girls’ eyes went wide. “You? You were in jail?”
“What for?”
“Suzie, that’s not a polite question.” Danica put on her seat belt. This was becoming dangerous territory.
“It’s okay.” He smiled at the girls. “I had a problem, and instead of waiting for God’s time, I tried to take a shortcut to make money. I broke the law. I served my time, and I’m working hard to make better choices.”
Liz touched his face. “Opa says if you turn your problems over to God, He’ll forgive and get you back on the right path.”
“Your opa is a very smart man.”
Suzie reached for his hand. “He also says it’s easier to stay on the right path and not get lost than having to find your way back.”
“Easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble.” Lizzy lowered her voice and gained a bit of a German accent, sounding just like her grandfather.
He laughed. “Now, those are some words of wisdom I hope you try to follow. It’s true. So stay out of trouble.”
“Are you still in trouble?” Lizzy tilted her head.
“I’m working to prove I can be trusted. It’s a long road, but I’m on it.”
“We trust you.” Both girls nodded.
His arms went around the girls. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Danica couldn’t take it anymore. Gripping the steering wheel with one hand, she cleared her throat and blinked the tears away. With her other hand, she started the engine. She needed to put distance between them.
Suzie and Lizzy gave their trust without ever having had it betrayed. Her job was to make sure they got through their childhood without any scars on their sweet hearts.
“Look, if we stay any longer, the sun will be in bed before we get home. Opa will worry about us.”
He nodded and turned away, heading back to his four-wheeler.
As fast as she could, Danica drove the girls back to the main sanctuary house and loaded them into the Suburban. Reid pulled up behind them and shut off the four-wheeler before climbing into the passenger seat of the SUV. He seemed to have read her mood and let the girls talk about a project they were doing at school.
It didn’t take too long before they were pulling through the ornate entrance of the Hausman ranch. Past the main house and elaborate stables, she stopped in front of a row of old cabins. Cowboys hung out on the porches.
“Which one do you live in?”
“The last one.” He pointed.
“It’s like a little town for cowboys.” Suzie sounded way too excited about the idea of cowboys.
“That reminds me, I won’t be out at the reserve at all on Saturday. We have some big corporate event, and they need all hands on deck. We have to make sure that none of the city folks injure themselves as we drive the cattle from the west pasture to the back five hundred.”
“Sounds fun?” Sounded like something he would hate.
“Yeah, horses and animals I can handle all day. People? Not my thing. I’d rather be hanging out with bats and bears, but we’ll get it done. Thanks for the ride. Bye, girls.”
“Bye, Mr. Reid. Thank you for the bat cam.”
“You’re welcome.” Out of the car, he turned and leaned in, grinning at the girls. “Don’t make your mother get mad at me because you aren’t doing your chores.”
“We promise.”
If she was going to show him the photos, she had to do it now. Would it send the wrong message? The door started closing. “Oh, Reid. Wait! I have something for you. It’s in the back.”
Hopping out of the Suburban, she ran to the back. Some of the cowboys hollered out a greeting. She waved in a hurry. A few joked about Reid’s date bringing him home, the others mentioned the cute chaperones in the back seat.
He shook his head, shutting the passenger’s door. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. Remember, I grew up here at the lumberyard. I know how cowboys can be.” She opened the back door and pulled out the large bag by its handles.
A line was being crossed that she couldn’t undo as she passed on her memories of the last six years.
“What’s this?” Taking it in both hands, he opened it and looked down. Just as quick, his gaze shot back up. “Is this what I think it is?”
Biting at her lips, she nodded. “It’s the scrapbooks I started with my first doctor appointment. The first sonogram when we saw two heartbeats.” She had to stop talking, because she couldn’t cry here. Not with all the cowboys watching.
“Hey, Reid. She giving you enough food to share?”
What had she been thinking? This was not the place to give these to him.
She kept her gaze down, focused on his hands. There was no way she could look at his face. “There’s one book for each year. It goes up to their first day of kinder.” Pulling away, she crossed her arms and looked off toward the lights of the main house.
The only thing saving her dignity was the dark. The lights from the porches didn’t reach them.
Danica sighed, relaxing. “There’s a flash drive with movies of them rolling, crawling, walking. It’s gone by so fast. You can keep the flash drive, but I need the scrapbooks back.”
“Of course.” His voice was rough and low.
She wasn’t daring enough to hug him, let alone look at him. If she touched him now, she might never let go. He reached up to touch her face, and she stepped back. “Well, I have to go. The girls are waiting.”
“All right.” Good-natured ribbing and jokes were thrown his way as Reid followed her to the driver’s side and shut the door. She didn’t look his way, making sure to keep her gaze straight ahead.
Why did it feel like she just gave him her heart again? She didn’t. They were just pictures of her daughters. His daughters. That was all. He was their father.
It didn’t mean she was going to fall in love with him again. She couldn’t. Once someone left her that was it. They never came back.
* * *
He was sure the guys called out to him, making stupid jokes, but the blood pounding in his ears was all he heard. In his hands, he held the lives of his daughters.
Danica had given him all their milestones and everyday wonders. Hoping he looked casual, Reid made his way to his room after watching the Suburban drive off. The front steps seemed so far away. The porch was longer than it was this morning. The door wouldn’t open. His roommates had locked the door? No one ever locked anything around here. It usually drove him crazy, but of course, they’d locked it this one time when all he wanted was to go inside and be alone with his new gift. He resisted the urge to beat his fist against at the door.
While fumbling for the keys, his breathing became hard. He needed to get into his room and devour each picture, each snippet of life he’d missed while locked away.
The door finally opened. Now to get to his room.
The fourteen-by-fifteen space was bigger than his cell, yet he felt suffocated. With slow, steady
movements, he sat the bag on the empty nightstand between his bed and an old ranch chair.
He went back and closed the door. Something he hadn’t done since the day he first sat his duffel bag on the bed.
It wasn’t rational, but every nerve in his body rebelled at the thought of being locked inside again. The idea that he could get up and walk out anytime still felt raw. Too unreal.
Yet this moment with his girls was his alone. He didn’t want anyone interrupting. They’d respect a closed door.
Taking a deep breath, he sat down and peered into the bag. There were five binders, each one with a date written in fancy lettering. He pulled out the oldest one. Susan Marie Bergmann and Elizabeth Ann Bergmann were inscribed on the cover.
His fingertips hovered over the names of his daughters. Would they ever know his name? Would they be ashamed to be a McAllister?
The spine creaked as he opened the book. Page by page, he watched Danica’s belly grow to the point it looked impossible. Her sisters Jackie and Samantha were in many of the pictures. From baby showers to the trip to the hospital.
Then the girls, both in pink. One wore stripes, and the other was dressed in polka dots. So tiny. Time ceased to exist as he stared at them. How could the girls he knew have started out so small?
He tried to imagine holding them. They would have fit in the palm of his hand. His lungs burned. Everything he missed, and there was no one to blame but himself. One stupid shortcut and he’d lost all of this.
He quickly wiped away moisture that gathered in the corner of his eyes. By the end of the first book, the girls were standing. Laying that one on the bed, he picked up the next one.
With snaggletoothed grins, they were proudly walking. Their hair was finally growing. They wore their red curls in funny little pigtails on the top of their heads.
At this point, they had started feeding themselves, and not effectively. There looked to be more tomato sauce and noodles on them than on their plates. More than ever now, he wanted to make that house ready for them. Even if he never got to live in it with them, his love would be embedded within the walls.
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