by Alana Khan
I’ve been kind to her, but I’ve never given her reason to believe I was interested in her. The females tell me she’s pretty. Lexa said Brin was “movie star beautiful.” I’m not certain what that means, but I assume people on her planet would pay money to see her.
Frankly, I don’t get the attraction. Nor do I understand her interest in me. Her species thinks Primians look like devils. I guess her wanting to be with me is part of what Lexa describes as her disorder.
We’ll leave Primus tomorrow for a two-day trip to Virago. Several days on the planet for the auction, and two days back. It will be interminable—and awkward.
Pirates aren’t known for their altruism, but I want to help. Over the next hoara I come up with a plan to make life better for her.
“T.T.,” Ahma greets me when I stalk through the front door. “I hope you aren’t too angry at me for threatening to prematurely call in the note you owe me on your new ship.” She pouts, which makes her look fifty years younger.
Primians are one of the longest-lived humanoid species in the galaxy. We usually live to two-hundred years or more. Ahma barely looks middle-aged.
“What’s done is done. I’ve got plans for tonight, we’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll help Brin buy your dracking Meris, and this will all be behind us in a week.”
I glance around to ensure we’re alone in the huge, two-story foyer of our home. “I’m used to your brazen manipulations, Ahma, but I worry about Brin. You’re not just playing with me, you’re playing with her, too. I hope your little game doesn’t cause her pain.”
Her eyes fly open, telling me she hadn’t considered this possibility.
Brin
I’ve waited two months to see Thantose again. I’m wearing my favorite kimono and I’ve tamed my red hair. Peering over the balcony, I catch a glimpse of him. He’s wearing an alien version of a black t-shirt and cargo pants. The front of Primians’ bodies are black from their forehead to the soles of their feet, with red or orange skin on their backs. All of it is decorated with bold black-and-white tribal markings.
The first time I saw the males from the ship, they looked scarier than the raging floodwaters threatening to drown us on planet Paradise. But they rescued us females from certain death and have been nothing but kind ever since.
I barely notice the differences in our species anymore, especially after living on Primus for months. And Thantose? He’s gorgeous. He’s fun and mischievous and strong and commanding. There’s something about the combination of being humorous and forceful under all that colorful skin that takes my breath away. When he’s around I can’t tear my eyes off him.
Valeria, his mom, told me he was arriving today—and why. I wasn’t surprised she wanted a copy of that book, she talks about it all the time. I was surprised at the lengths she’ll go to get it.
Thantose couldn’t be happy about it. He’s made it clear he’s not interested in me. I’m sure he doesn’t want us thrown together in a small vessel for a week. That I’ll be posing as his owner? Nope, a male like him wouldn’t easily agree to that.
This won’t be a walk in the park for me, either. After he and his crew left, I wrote him several emails. Well, they call them Intergalactic comms, whatever. I poured my heart out to him—God I wish I hadn’t done that. Because his answers were short and terse and it couldn’t have been more clear he wants nothing to do with me.
His previous ship, the Tranquility got in trouble with the head of the galaxy’s biggest cartel. They bought a new ship, the Ataraxia, to keep one step ahead of the bad guys. It was scheduled to come back one month from now. I’d already planned to keep a low profile upon their return. I knew it would be awkward to be in the same room with him after I threw myself at him.
“Brin,” Valeria calls, “come say hello to T.T.”
As embarrassed as I am after writing those provocative emails, I can’t wait to see him. I hurry down the stairs and join them under the huge crystal chandelier. We’re all standing on a beautiful mosaic of a clinock tree in full bloom. It’s at least fifteen feet in diameter and depicts a black-barked tree laden with blood-red leaves and buttercup-yellow blossoms.
I glance at Thantose, mumble hello, then stare at the mosaic. Clasping my hands together, I position my weight on the balls of my feet, every muscle in my body ready to run.
Thantose grasps my elbow and leans toward me so his face is in front of mine. It’s impossible to avoid his gaze.
“Hi, Brin.”
“Hello.” I’m so embarrassed at declaring my attraction to him in those emails I can’t look him in the eye.
“We leave tomorrow, but I wanted to take you somewhere tonight.”
My eyes fly to his. I thought he wouldn’t want to spend an extra second with me.
“I’ll meet you here at 1900. That dress is fine, but I’d suggest more comfortable shoes. We’re going to have some fun.” He winks at me.
Just what does handsome Thantose consider fun, I wonder as I scurry up the stairs to my room.
Thantose
She’s waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and startles when she hears my shoes descending the marbled stone.
I have one goal for tonight—I want Brin to smile. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a happy expression on her pale face. By the time this week is over, when I tell her I don’t want her to join me on the Ataraxia, although she might feel rejected, I want to have restored her ability to laugh and be happy.
I’m starting tonight. I want to be careful I don’t give her any indication that I’m interested in her as more than friends, though. She’s confused enough.
Her blue eyes are wide in her heart-shaped face. She looks terrified. That wasn’t the effect I was going for.
“You ready for some fun?”
She nods, too fearful to speak. I’m afraid it’s going to be a long evening.
“Want to fly there?”
“If it’s too far to walk.”
“I meant, do you want to do the flying?”
She looks over her shoulder to see if I’m asking the question of someone else.
“What I meant to say is, are you ready for your first flying lesson?”
“No.”
She didn’t take a moment to consider.
“Ahma said you’ve started working in one of her boutiques. I thought you could learn to fly the hovercar so you can get there on your own.”
Her mouth pops open, she’s dumbfounded.
“How about I start in the driver’s seat?” I ask.
She nods.
Brin
I feel stupid. I’m speechless and scared and stiff. Thantose is trying his best to be nice to me and I’m making it hard for him.
I’ve survived kidnap and abuse and humiliation, I tell myself. I can talk to Thantose without being tongue-tied.
“I left Earth before I was old enough to drive. I think… flying will be too hard.” There, that came out in complete sentences.
He helps me into the passenger side of the hovercar, then walks to the other side and vaults into the driver’s seat. “You look pretty tonight, Brin,” he says as he looks out the windshield. My heart squeezes in my chest initially because it feels so good to hear sweet words come out of his mouth, then in embarrassment because he’s barely given me a glance since he’s been home. I wonder if his mom is making him do all of this.
I know she’s throwing us together for this mission to get the Meris. Did she order him to take me out tonight? To teach me how to fly so I’d be less of a burden to her?
“Here’s the start button. All you have to do is press it and—”
I place my hand on his before he can start the hover. “Thantose, I’m… damaged. I know that. But I won’t break. I’m getting stronger every day. I don’t need anyone’s pity. You don’t need to waste time with me tonight. You haven’t been back on your home planet for months. Certainly you have a female you’d like to see.
“I don’t know how or why your mom talked you into hanging out with m
e tonight, but I can sneak back into my room and you can do something fun—without me.”
“You think I don’t want to do this? Take you out tonight?” His brow furrows.
“I know it. Your responses to my emails were quite clear. You aren’t interested in me. I’m embarrassed that I declared my attraction to you, and so publicly. This mission to another planet to buy a book? To be with you on a little space vessel? Alone? Just us two? Mortifying.
“I get it. There’s no arguing with your mom. I really like her, but she’s a force to be reckoned with. There’s no reason we have to be pushed together tonight, though. I can sneak back to my room and read.”
His face shows no emotion as it appears he’s processing my offer, then his eyes narrow in… sadness? Regret?
He shifts in his seat, his knee bent as he turns toward me in the tiny space. The hovercar is no bigger than a smart car that flies. Just the soft brush of his knee against my hip sends a jolt of awareness along my synapses. I’d hoped I was over him. I was wrong.
“Let’s clear the air,” he begins. I’d forgotten how the deep timbre of his voice rivets my attention when he talks. No matter how much I don’t want to hear what he has to say, I won’t be able to ignore him.
“The last time I saw you every male and female on the ship were gathered in ahma’s living room. I’d asked all you females to choose whether you wanted to keep exploring the galaxy to find a place that suited you, or if you wanted to remain on Primus. The catch was, it’s a small ship. In order to stay with us, you’d have to mate with one of the crew whether it was part-time or permanent. You made it known that you were… interested in living with me.
“After that we had a long talk in private. We agreed that your heart and mind weren’t ready to make such a big decision.”
I have a million reasons to loathe myself, but right this minute my self-loathing is the result of the big fat tears that are snaking down my cheeks. I wish I had more self-control, but my tears have a mind of their own. Crap, my lips are trembling. If it wouldn’t be even more awkward, I’d flee this little craft.
“I like you, Brin. You’re a lovely female.”
I couldn’t talk if I wanted to, my voice would quiver if my mouth allowed words to escape my lips. I’m waiting for his ‘but’.
“But I’m not ready to settle down. And, be honest, neither are you.”
He’s right, I know. I’m totally fucked up from living with a sadistic rapist for a decade.
“That’s the hard reality. And the fact that you think you like me makes it harder to swallow. But I have some better things to say, Brin.” He reaches out and catches one of my tears on his thumb. Part of me wants to melt into the upholstery, the other wants to melt into his arms.
He tips my chin up with one finger and waits for my tear-rimmed eyes to find his.
“The good news, Brin, is that I like you. I have the utmost respect for you. I’m… honored that you, even for a moment, wanted to share a cabin with me. Honored, Brin.” He spears me with such a sincere gaze it’s hard not to believe him.
“It’s clear ahma is playing one of her matchmaking games. But as infuriating as she can be, I love her and want to buy that dracking book for her. Do I relish acting as your slave on Virago? No. But I’m willing to do it. And obviously you’re willing to play along or we wouldn’t be leaving together tomorrow.
“But even though we’ll never be more, I want to be friends. I’m looking forward to spending time with you. It was my idea to go on this little outing tonight. I’ll even disclose my ulterior motive. Well, there were two of them. One was to make our trip less awkward. And the other was to find out what you look like when you smile.”
I don’t know a lot about Thantose. It was ridiculously forward of me to offer to live together in the same tiny cabin. One of the few things I do know about him is that he’s a big tease. It’s hard for him to be serious unless it’s about money or the safety of his crew.
But right now, looking into his caramel-brown eyes, he sure looks like he meant every word he said.
It’s a testament to just how fucked up I am that I want to pull his cock from his pants and give him a ‘thank you’ blow job for saying something nice to me. Lexa was right when she diagnosed me with disorders. But I’ve improved enough that I don’t offer to give the blow job—yay me. I gather the courage to take a deep breath, look him in those gorgeous eyes and nod.
“Maybe we could start slow,” I say as I bravely maintain eye contact. “Like no flying and no laughing and perhaps not even any smiling. But maybe I could try to have fun.”
“Okay, we’ll start with that.”
I’ve never felt as safe flying in a hovercar with Valeria as I do with Thantose in the driver’s seat. The suns have set, and the landscape takes on a completely different appearance than in the daylight.
I’m used to Primus in the day. I’ve come to see the beauty of the clinock trees and the scattered upheavals of igneous rock that dot the landscape. At night, though, all we see is the glimmering glow of the city.
Thantose’s house is on the outskirts, but as we approach town, the lights become more numerous and shine brighter.
“Can I ask where we’re going?”
“You can ask whatever you want, Brin. I promise I won’t hurt you. We’re almost there. Want to know, or want a surprise?”
Ohhh, surprises have never been good in my life. Never. Not once. Well maybe before my abduction, but I don’t remember much about those days.
“Only if it’s a good surprise.”
“Yes. You’re going to get a good surprise.”
Then he banks the hover and I see lots of lights below us. I’ve seen vids of things like this. It’s an amusement park.
Chapter Two
Brin
The only spot available is in a poorly lit area toward the back of the parking lot. Thantose grabs my wrist, then places his hand on the small of my back to help me out of the little hover.
These gentle innocent touches, only minutes after he told me he just wants to be friends, spark desire along my veins. I’m so drawn to him. I keep repeating “just friends” in my mind.
“Ever been to a fair?” he asks as he pays our admission.
“I’ve seen them on vids.”
“I haven’t been here for decades, but I remember which rides were my favorites. If you see one you want to try, let me know.”
“The Roundabout,” he announces as he drags me toward a huge round building covered in pictures of fantastical animals. I have no idea if these are the product of someone’s imagination, or if they exist on some far-away planet.
When we enter the barn-like structure, I see forty or fifty animatronic animals. There are six-legged horse-like creatures that resemble Ampire in Valeria’s stables as well as flying long-necked beasts, ferocious sharp-toothed felines, and dozens of other species.
“Which one strikes your fancy?” his voice is deep and sexy.
I point to the biggest one in the room. It’s standing on its feet and reminds me of a grizzly bear though it looks ten times meaner and ten times stronger than any bear I’ve ever seen.
“You picked the strongest one. Good for you.” He lifts me onto the beast’s back, makes certain my feet are properly in the stirrups and places my hands on the reigns. He chooses an animal halfway across the room as an announcer says, “The ride begins in ten modicums. Hold on.”
Thantose mounts a dangerous three-headed canine just as the music starts and the animals come to life. I can feel the muscles of my bear move beneath my legs as he stands taller. His skin is warm; I can feel his chest expand and contract as he breathes. I think I can even smell his breath.
Some other animals are already moving across the huge room. I hear roaring and hissing. The floor vibrates underneath me as one of the larger animals that reminds me of a dinosaur thunders from one side of the facility to the other.
As Thantose’s animal runs toward me I notice its eyes are red beam
s. My heart pounds in terror. Might I get killed on this ride?
“Don’t worry,” Thantose screams over the cacophony of roars and yowls. “This ride is for fun, you can’t get hurt. Want to fight?”
What? I glance around for a moment and see battles scattered throughout the building. The animals are fighting and the people on their backs seem to be having the time of their lives.
“It’s safe?”
“Promise.”
The moment I nod, Thantose’s huge dog attacks my bear. One of the dog’s heads bites my bear’s underbelly. My bear roars and I feel the heat of his breath caress my skin. My bear swipes the dog’s flank and blood flows from four jagged parallel cuts. I smell the coppery scent on the air.