EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®
www.evernightpublishing.com
Copyright© 2018 Angelique Voisen
ISBN: 978-1-77339-628-6
Cover Artist: Jay Aheer
Editor: Karyn White
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
DEDICATION
To my readers, I hope you enjoy Julian and Nick’s story as much as I loved writing it.
HIS BRAND OF LOVE
Angelique Voisen
Copyright © 2018
Chapter One
Present
Julian
I rolled my beaten-up red Mustang into the church parking lot the moment the bells went off, the clamor rendering conversations of hurrying churchgoers mute.
And me? I remained slumped in the driver’s seat, aware I looked out of place. Everyone else wore their Sunday best, attired in their suits and approved ankle-length dresses. The stragglers rushed up to the stairs, and once the heavy wooden doors closed, I could breathe easy.
A look at the sideview mirror showed me a stranger with bloodshot eyes, darkened circles underneath, complete with a mess of unwashed, shaggy blond hair underneath my hoodie. I huddled against my seat, occasionally touching the brown paper bag on my dashboard. Occasionally, I caught glimpses of metal glinting back me from the bag.
My stomach recoiled. Dread filled me. I opened the door and puked out the sandwich I’d eaten half an hour ago, before shutting the door again. Grabbing the bag on the seat beside mine, I took out the bottled water and chugged its contents, along with some aspirin.
“What the fuck am I doing here?” I muttered to myself.
I knew exactly what. Pulling off the unthinkable is another matter. I pulled my clammy hands away from the bag and rubbed them together. Under the daylight I could make out the lingering marks on my wrists. Rope burns. I traced them with reluctance, hating the surge of longing that filled me.
I could recall the scene in my head, right down to the exact detail. Blindfolded, sight stolen, touch, smell, and sound became a thousand times magnified. His touch especially—just the barest brush of his fingertips on my skin, had been enough to raise goosebumps. I’d felt the kiss of rope a second later, caressing the crook of my elbow.
A tease. The promise of more to come. I knew what would come next. The bite of the whip and strap, cane and paddle, and even now, my cock woke to the bittersweet memory.
“Wrists,” he’d said simply. I’d extended them to him, an offering of my submission, my heart and soul on a silver platter for him to devour and tear apart.
Pulling away from the memory, I touched my throat, bare and naked without the familiar feel of the collar. His collar, made of soft leather, secure and firm, able to right all the wrongs of the world, even for a little while.
“Get it together.”
Focusing on the past wouldn’t give me the strength to do what I needed in the present. Shaking my head, I silently counted to ten in my head. The digital numbers on the dashboard flickered, another second passing. Fifty more minutes until Mass ended.
Eternity, or what seemed like it, passed.
Bells rang in the distance. I shoved the brown paper bag, nearly panicking when my hastily stolen revolver slipped out, landing on my lap. I wrote Tony, my best friend, an apology for taking it without permission. Easy does it. Clutching the handle, I peered out the windows, waiting.
“First one in and last one out. Good Catholic boys are never late for church, but then they don’t like taking things apart to see how they work either.”
Most of the cars in the lot empty out with the exception of mine and his. I got out of the car, not bothering to hide the gun. Walking, I clicked the safety off and held onto the grip like my safety net. In a way, the gun didn’t serve as a tool of murder, but the key to my freedom.
Weeks ago, I’d been held captive by a madman and saved by another. I’ve been altered, splintered. I fell in love, and broke again.
It was time I put an end to this sorry tale.
Even before he walked out of those doors, I knew him by the sound of his footsteps and his handsome profile. Fuck. My hands trembled, my hold on the gun starting to slip.
Forgive me, Father, for I’m about to sin.
No doubt it’s a remarkable face, fucking gorgeous, perfection except for the rough lines of his face, the cruel curve of his mouth, capable of delivering words able to cut right to the bone. Every inch of him is chiseled in hard muscle, layered in scars and ink. I knew the power in those large callused hands, loathed how he was capable of dishing out both love and pain.
Shutting my eyes, I recalled the way he bound me for the last time, the knots snug, but not tight enough to cut circulation. How soft his lips felt, when he kissed each wrist. Then he fucked me. Rode me hard and fast and I begged him for more after. Pleaded that he keep me, instead of letting me go. Three words and he could have prevented all this. We could have gotten our happy ending instead. Didn’t matter how fucked-up the circumstances were.
Stay with me.
He’d said nothing, just drugged me and left me to my own devices, his message clear. Neither of us was worth saving. I had to pick up all the pieces of my fractured self alone.
Opening my eyes, I raised the gun, aiming for his head. My hands no longer shook. I’d make this shot count, because if I missed, I couldn’t summon the courage again. First, I’d kill him and then me, so this nightmare could finally end.
No. I couldn’t call this a nightmare. Not everything that happened between us had been bad.
He must have seen me. I’d planted myself directly in his line of sight, but his step didn’t falter or halt. I almost wished he’d run, instead of staying his ground. Our gazes met. Cold blue-gray eyes, seemingly incapable of warmth, were set like chips of ice in his face. The impossible happened.
The ice melted, leaving nothing but pain and sadness behind.
He mouthed my name. I murmured the syllables of his, a silent plea.
I stood seven steps away from salvation—mine and his, and I couldn’t pull the trigger.
Chapter Two
One month ago
Julian
“Don’t look so nervous, Julian. It isn’t the end of the world,” Master joked.
Not boy or sub. Julian. My name. I’d nearly forgotten.
Out here in public, our roles became less clearly defined. I couldn’t refer to him as Master at the moment. Call me Noah, he’d said, but saying his name sounded wrong. The world without rules, his rules, didn’t feel right.
I touched my neck, devoid of his collar, and felt a little lost, less certain of myself. Staring at him, I found myself at a loss for words. I didn’t belong here, not sitting across the table from him like an equal. My rightful place was on my knees, beside his feet.
The lights in the fancy French restaurant seemed too bright, the conversation superficial. Six months had passed since I’d agreed to be Noah’s submissive. A short time, but it felt like a rude awakening, a rebirth. My journey into his world began here, right at this very table, twenty-four months ago. Step-by-step he drilled the lessons into my head, humbled me into willing submission and rendered everything else too colorful. Laughter, senseless debate about politics from the nearby tables, I barely discerned the rest of my surroundings.
I liked Noah, my Maste
r’s reality better—black and white, rigid, with no place for colors.
As if sensing my growing discomfort being out in public too long and pretending to be normal, Noah cut to the chase.
“Are you ready to take the next step, Julian?” Noah asked.
Thank God. I couldn’t stand a second more of this. It took me a second to understand he’d orchestrated this. By taking me out on a vanilla date, he reminded me where I truly belonged. Noah waited, disappointment starting to show in his steel-gray eyes.
I opened my mouth. I thought I had an answer ready, but I didn’t.
I recalled Tony’s words before I left the apartment we share. “For fuck’s sake, Julian. You’re twenty-one, fresh out of college. You aren’t ready to be in a twenty-four seven D/s relationship with a man you barely know.”
Tony was my best friend and only family until Noah came into my life. I’d loved him like a brother, since we found each other in the foster system, but at that moment, I hated him. Tony didn’t understand. He wasn’t born wrong. Abuse had taught him to stay away from hurt. Tony had vanilla tastes and had found a wonderful, supportive girlfriend who worked at an animal shelter.
Me?
I craved pain under expert hands, hands that spent every waking second teaching me to trust. To love again. Six months with Noah, with my Master, translated to an entire lifetime. Master knew me the first time we met. Managed to peel all the layers of invisible steel I hid my real self during our first scene together.
“For all you know, he might end up being a psychopath,” Tony said. He pleaded for me not to go, but I slammed the door at his face.
Fuck Tony and the rest of the world. I’m a consenting adult. Noah reached for my hand, the gesture unexpected. Noah taught me his touch was a privilege, not a right.
“You need more time, I understand, but Julian, I can’t wait forever.”
His words nearly set a panic inside me. I clutched a handful of my shirt, unable to breathe for a couple of seconds. Of course, Noah couldn’t wait forever. There were plenty of young men like me out there, eager subs hoping to be called someone else’s “boy”.
“Please. Wait. I haven’t given you my answer, Master.”
Please. Master. Those two words came naturally to me now.
Noah’s lips curved into a smile, the cruel and knowing kind. Behind his gray eyes, I could almost see his dark desires unfold. Whispers of the things he’d like to do to me. I shivered, and he had his answer. Noah knew all along.
Master raised my hands to his mouth, lips barely touching flesh. The hairs on my arms rose. The restaurant and the diners ceased to matter. The world narrowed its scope to the two of us. My neck prickled, with fear and excitement. In the back of my mind, I knew I acted out of impulse. Tony had a point, but I couldn’t remember what.
“I won’t ask again, Julian. Are you ready to be truly mine? Be sure of your answer, because this isn’t like our scenes in the club. This is a commitment, more profound than marriage. Are you willing to become my slave?”
“I—”
“Did you say something, pet?”
I took a deep breath, calming my erratic heart beats before whispering the words. “Yes, Master. I’m yours. I’ve always belonged to you.”
“Very good, pet. Finish your coffee and dessert. It could be a while, before I bring you out again.”
I wanted to tell Master we should leave now, that I couldn’t stand a second more of pretending, but I caught myself. I’d given my voice away, my choices. Earning a punishment right on the first night of our new life didn’t seem fitting. Master had taught me better than that, and I didn’t want to disappoint.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. We played out the charade, two men out on a date, one young, one old. He asked me questions he knew answers to, like what I planned to do since I’ve graduated from school. With no employers interested in hiring English majors, I decided to take a year off. Growing up in the system, I wanted to prove them all wrong, those who expected me to fail.
Graduate high school. Earn a college degree. Be a contributing member of society. What utter bullshit. I had the papers. I didn’t feel the least bit content. The emptiness inside me continued to fester. Nothing made sense until the night I met Noah.
Noah was my future. I didn’t want or need anything or anyone else.
Seeing my empty plate, Master called for the bill.
The enormity of my decision truly sank in the moment Master clasped the back of my neck and pushed me into the passenger seat of his black Lexus.
“Don’t forget your seatbelt, boy.”
I blinked, realizing I did nothing but stare at his dashboard for several seconds without speaking. Reaching over, Master and I reached for the seatbelt buckle at the same time. His large hand closed over my wrist, grip bruising for the first time, but I attributed that to his excitement. The uneasy feeling never went away as he buckled me into the seat.
I didn’t recognize the paths he took, but the in-built GPS in his car confirmed the final destination—his apartment building.
“No reason to look so terrified. You made the right decision.”
A good dominant would ask me again, offer to turn the car around and try to talk things out. Master didn’t do any of those things. I knew I had another way out, the loophole, but at that moment, I couldn’t remember my safeword or its significance.
The Lexus came to a screeching halt on the curb in front of Master’s apartment building. Something about Master felt off tonight—different, but not in a good way. He practically yanked my car door opened, gaze burning bright under the lamp posts. There was an eerie gleam in them I didn’t trust. I got out, nearly stumbling.
I’m nervous, that’s all, I reminded myself. Anxiety should have come hand-in-hand with excitement, shouldn’t it, the same way I felt about the more intense scenes at the BDSM club Master and I frequented. Why didn’t I feel giddy with elation? Hadn’t I wanted this for a long time?
“Don’t make me wait, pet. Every second you do, you’re racking up your punishment points.” He turned his back from me, entering the building.
Knowing he expected obedience, I hurried after him. The elevator doors hissed shut behind us. Mirrors reflected the two of us—Master, confident and wearing his wolfish grin, and me, looking pale and petrified. No reason to be. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d been here. This was the same elevator he’d pushed me against, kissing me for the first time while his hand crept to the button of my jeans.
The doors opened on the seventh floor. The corridor looked the same, and so did the red carpeted flooring, frayed slightly at the edges. Over the past six months, I’d walked the same path to Master’s apartment, eager to enter, reluctant to leave. I wore long-sleeved shirts and jackets to hide the secret on my skin with pride—Master’s marks.
Familiar surroundings should have brought me relief and consolation. Instead, dread uncoiled inside my stomach the closer we got to his unit, right at the end of the hallway. Master slotted the key in and gave me little push inside, looking a little impatient. I couldn’t blame him. My reaction had been inexcusable.
Master gave me a choice. I picked him. Regret shouldn’t touch me, not now, at this crucial moment. What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Pet. Has the wine gone to your head that you’ve forgotten all our protocols?” Master asked, then pointed to his feet.
Face beet red, I stripped out of my clothes in haste. Once naked, I knelt, knees touching the tops of his shoes. I bowed my head, hoping my body language conveyed I wanted to make amends. Once we’d crossed the threshold to his home, I no longer possessed the permission to speak, unless it was to utter my safeword.
“Stay.” He commanded, not waiting to watch if his pet obeyed.
Master came back seconds later, and I didn’t need to look to know what he held in his hands. I raised my head a little, letting Master fit the collar around my neck. The impulse to reach out and touch the leather, worn with time,
rose in me, but I culled it. I’d disappointed him enough tonight.
“It’s clear I need to reeducate you, pet. This time, we’re doing things different.” Master snapped his fingers. I began to rise to my feet, but he caught a fistful of my hair, shaking his head. “Pets don’t walk on two feet. Crawl.”
Swallowing, I nodded. I trotted after him on hands and knees, following. He headed right into his bedroom. I suppressed a sigh when my knees tasted soft carpeting instead of hardwood. What had I been thinking? Serving him like this, day and night, that was exactly what I wanted.
“Welcome to your new home, pet.” Master opened the door to his closet and flicked the lights on.
I frowned, not understanding. Sighing, he walked back to me, hooked two fingers into my collar, like I’m an animal incapable of understanding, and practically led me to the closet. I blinked, staring, expecting to see his impressive collection of designer suits. The closet was all cleared out. Newspapers lay on the floor, together with a dog bowl. A menacing eyebolt had been affixed to one side of the wall, a short chain attached to it. I shivered.
Was this my punishment?
Master knew I didn’t like closed spaces. With a nudge of his shoe, he pushed me in.
“Are you intent on disobeying me further, pet?”
I shook my head, shoving back the panic that threatened to rise within me. I’d take this for him. Master never locked me in long, maybe an hour or two, nothing more. I’d misbehaved and thrown all my training away because of a sliver of fear. He released me so I could crawl to the edge of the wall.
So tiny. God.
I breathed in and out, watching him with wide eyes. As usual, I read nothing on his face. He took the leash dangling from the eyebolt and linked it to the ring in my collar with a lock. My gaze followed the tiny silver key to the lock disappear inside the pocket of his trousers.
His Brand of Love Page 1