Days, weeks of sleepless nights and second-guessing myself weighed me down. Exhaustion weighed me down. The reason I lingered in this world longer than necessary, why I made excuses to keep putting off this task, stood right in front of me. After taking him from Noah, I set on the path on helping him heal. Tried to anyway, but why fix what was perfect in the first place?
Sure, Julian had cracks. We all did.
I loved my boy more than life.
He deserved much better, but with time, I could learn to accept he’s stuck with me.
“You need me more than I need you,” Julian stated, daring me to disagree, to argue.
“That’s true. I’m going to eventually weigh you down instead of helping you learn how to fly.”
Julian tilted his head. “Is that what you think?”
“I don’t think, I know.”
Julian peeled himself away from my embrace. My heart thudded against my chest, fearing the worst—that the truth would finally sink in and he’d turn his back on me and walk away forever without a single fucking goodbye. He held out his hand, and I stared at it blankly for a few seconds.
“What’s this?”
“Come with me, Nick.”
“And where are we going?”
I closed my fingers over his cold ones, bringing them to my lips to blow on them, loving his shudder, the way his lips parted slightly. So tempting to take a bite.
Catching his bottom lip with my teeth, I bit hard enough to draw blood. Iron and the taste of him lingered on my tongue even when I pulled away. He looked at me with wide eyes, already forgetting he owed me an answer. Touching his lip, he slowly thumbed the little bite I’d left, like a gift he cherished.
“Tell me what you want, Julian. You might just get your wish.”
He had an answer ready. I didn’t expect that.
“I want to kneel for your punishments, beg for your mercy. I crave your hard kisses and your tender ones, the feel of you buried inside me when I fall asleep and the moment I wake up to a new day. If this isn’t love, Nick, I don’t know what else is.” Julian panted, his confession seeming to take the strength out of him. He continued. “You and I deserve a shot at happiness, don’t we? Let’s take a ride, so I can give you a hundred reasons why I love you.”
“A hundred. So many?” I asked, bemused.
I tugged him close again, rubbing our noses, pressing our foreheads. I’m not a fucking idiot. There was plenty of work ahead, a rough ride to ride and repairs to mend the wounds we’d inflicted on each other, but there were good things to look forward to.
Brother, like this, it’s fine, isn’t it? I’ll stay behind to take care of your treasure. Breaking Julian had been the only way you could show your love, because a vital part of you broke inside you a long time ago.
Alive, I could mend our errors, and fuck, I could afford to be selfish, too.
“Shall we take my car or yours?”
Grinning, Julian fished my car keys out of the back pocket of my trousers.
“I’ve always wanted to take that sweet Rolls-Royce Wraith of yours for a spin.” Excitement coated Julian’s words, like he’d forgotten about the life-changing moment between us.
I let it go for now. Let him take the wheel. Eventually, we’d talk, communicate and let go all the anger and frustration that had welled inside us during our time apart. Once emptied out, we could start making it up to each other.
“Reason number one why I love you,” Julian said, starting the engine. He maneuvered the car out of the parking lot. I said my silent farewells to the church and my mother, before putting my focus back to Julian. He continued, “You saved me from a certain kind of hell.”
“Don’t forget the fact I’m an amazing Dom and cook,” I pointed out.
His laughter washed over me, carefree and lighthearted. God, I missed that sound, every touch, kiss, and stolen moment.
“You’re skipping ahead. I’ll get to those points eventually,” Julian said, sounding annoyed.
“Watch it, brat. I’m still charge,” I reminded him.
Julian straightened in his seat, voice turning soft. “Nick, this is really happening, right? I’m not dreaming this up? If I am, I don’t ever want to wake.”
I kissed his cheek. “It’s real. If we’re living together and you’re going to be my sub, you should start calling me ‘Master’.”
“Master,” he whispered, all the emotion contained in that one word.
“Sounds perfect, boy.” I leaned my head against the seat, closing my eyes as Julian continued telling me the reasons why he loved me. I’m one lucky bastard.
“Seven … you make my body sing, and drive me crazy.”
I opened my eyes. “Aren’t those two separate reasons? You might run out, boy.”
Julian shook his head. “I don’t think I will, Master.”
We passed the familiar landmarks of the neighborhood I grew up in, but Julian didn’t take the highway leading back to the city.
“Have a location in mind?” I asked, not worried.
“No, but today’s the start of our new life. Let’s celebrate. Master,” he added the last word like an afterthought.
This time, I laughed.
“Wherever we end up with, you’re still going to bend over for me and make amends on your knees.”
Julian tore his gaze from the road a second to look me in the eye. “I can’t wait, Master.”
Epilogue
Nick
Bending down, I checked the chicken in the oven, frowning at the color of the skin. Roasted chicken should look more brown and less yellow, right? Silently fuming, I checked the recipe book again.
Plenty of hours had gone into planning this one perfect evening. Tonight marked our fifth year anniversary being together. Hard to believe we're still going strong. Plenty of things happened in the past few years. Julian finally moved out of the old apartment he shared with Tony when Tony married his girlfriend, Janice, and we got our own place. It turned out Tony and his wife were interested in trying out some light BDSM, so Tony's been asking Julian and me for tips.
Any moment now, Julian would come through the front door, tired after a day of teaching at the local middle school.
A teacher, who knew?
Not much of a surprise really, given my boy’s the most patient man I know. Teaching kids suited him. More importantly, he loved his job, adored his kids. Remembering the first batch of kids he’d sent off after graduation and how he bawled in my arms once in the privacy of our apartment, I grinned.
My boy possessed a fucking amazing heart big enough for the both of us. I touched the faint ache on my chest, already imagining the look on his face.
Fuck. Screw the chicken. Picking up the phone, I dialed our favorite little French restaurant and ordered off the menu. Half an hour later, I had the half-cooked chicken inside the garbage bag and a bottle of beer in hand. When Julian arrived, the table was set. The food I was about to pass off as my own cooking, smelled amazing.
With my back pressed against the kitchen counter, I had an excellent view of my boy. Dark circles ringed his eyes. He’d been up all night yesterday, chewing over his lesson plans. He needed this, the scene I planned out for us.
Seeing the table and me standing there, wearing the silly little apron he gave me last Christmas, the tired lines around his eyes disappeared. He practically lit up, placing his bag down and kicking off his shoes.
Remembering I didn’t like that, he cleared his throat and put his leather shoes together, back on the shoe rack. Too bad I’d find a reason to punish him anyway. Besides, we both knew he craved the pain, needed it and me to deliver it. We usually play at the club, but tonight, I just want it to be us. The last thing I want is for Chris to make that old joke of his about Julian coming to him for help years ago, and finding him another Dom. We're all good though, but every time he teases Julian, I get a little miffed. As revenge, I tease Gavin, Chris's sub and husband.
“Good evening, boy. Bad day?” I
pulled off my apron. Underneath, I wore a plain black shirt and jeans.
“Not anymore, now that I’ve seen you, Master.”
Julian came up to me, wrapping his arms around my neck. Tugging him close to a tight embrace, I took his lips, kissing deep and rough. I nipped and sucked, loving the taste of him. Five years and counting and we still couldn’t get enough of each other. Never mind. I’d reacquaint myself with every inch of his body later on, while he lay underneath me, bound and pleading for mercy.
He opened his mouth wider, and I pushed my tongue down his throat, relishing his heat and taste.
When I pulled away, he groaned into my mouth, wanting more, but knowing he had to wait first.
“Boy, you’re getting cornier and sappier each time I see you,” I remarked.
Julian rested his hand on my chest, smiling. Fuck, but his lips still looked swollen from my kiss. So tempting. “Aren’t you a sucker for sappy, Master?”
“Watch it,” I said lightly, giving him a playful swat on the ass. “Why are you still dressed? You know the ritual.”
“I was overwhelmed by the sight of you and the dinner you made for us. It smells awesome. I bet it tastes amazing, too.”
“Nothing’s fucking better than the taste of you on my mouth,” I replied promptly, knowing color would rise to his cheeks. I chuckled. Sometimes it was far too easy to bait and tease my boy. “Well, what are you waiting for?”
“There’s a reason the table’s only set for one, isn’t it?” Julian asked.
He looked at the dining room again, studying the items there intently. One plate, a single set of cutlery, and his house collar and matching wrists and ankle leather cuffs sat on the table. I needed him relaxed, to forget about the worries of his day job and focus on me, on us.
“Are you going to keep standing there, asking useless questions, or find out what I have planned for us?”
He followed me to the dining room, gaze watching me pluck the plain black collar with the D-ring attached. No leashes today though.
I could almost taste his excitement in the air. Not hard to see his arousal, peeking through his jeans. Without needing another push or command, Julian stripped down, not rushing, knowing I loved to watch him unveil more of his skin. Folding his clothes to a neat pile on one side, he knelt in front of me and offered his neck.
He shivered every time the leather kissed his throat, groaning when I hooked two fingers inside the band and tugged him close. Julian nuzzled my left inner thigh, pressing his nose against my groin. Naughty boy. Mine.
I gave his hair a tug. “Not yet. Dinner first. You only had a sandwich for lunch, remember? Cuffs next.”
“I wish I didn’t text you that,” he mumbled, offering his wrists.
I buckled the cuffs on, and he rose to his feet so I could do his ankles. He looked amazing, standing there with black leather circling his throat, wrists, and ankles. Julian’s daily wear at home, but the sight of him never failed to set every nerve on my body on fire.
“Why don’t we forget all about dinner and you have me instead?” he asked.
Chuckling, I gave his dick a squeeze, and pulled away, making him groan. “You sound like an actor in a porn movie, pet.”
Julian stole a kiss then, a quick one the side of my jaw and said softly, “Happy anniversary, Master. Thank you for taking care of me and loving me all these years.”
Closing my hand on the back of his neck, I rested our foreheads against each other, our noses touching. “I fucking love you, too, boy. You’re more than I deserve. I should be the one saying those words.”
Julian shook his head. “Five years ago, we both made that decision to live, to walk the harder path. You knew that even if I somehow managed to pull the trigger on you, I’d follow after. That’s what ultimately helped you make a decision.”
“That’s only partly the reason. You gave me a hundred reasons why you loved me that day.”
“And while you bound me, placed your marks on me and made love to me in that little charming inn in the middle of nowhere, you told me a hundred reasons why you can’t live without me. Then you told me a hundred plans for our future.”
We finished each other’s sentences. I thumbed the well-worn and maintained leather on his neck, the collar we’d both picked, loving the contrast of black against his creamy skin. There was nothing else that needed to be said, except, “Let’s eat.”
“I can’t wait to taste Master’s cooking.”
“Full disclosure, boy, this isn’t my cooking.” I sat, patting my lap. Julian sat, keeping one arm looped around my shoulders. Fuck, but the feel of his bare skin rubbing against my jeans never failed to turn me on.
“No wonder the food smells familiar, but it doesn’t matter.” Julian nuzzled my neck, like a needy cat wanting my touch. I stroked the length of his back, enjoying the sight of him shuddering, seeking my body heat. “The table looks beautiful.”
I took the cloth napkin and spread it across his lap, then picked up the fork. I kept one arm around his waist, making sure he wouldn’t fall. Spearing the fork through the shrimp salad, I lifted it to his lips, enjoying him licking his lips, the sight arousing. I’d decided on a light dinner, so neither of us would be too full for the scene.
I fed him, occasionally taking bites. Eating took twice as long, but the effort proved worthwhile. I asked him about his day and he did the same—ritual between us. By the time we finished off dessert—tiramisu—my dick strained against the zipper and his left little wet kisses on the denim. It was time to take this to the bedroom.
Julian rose to his feet, about to clear the dishes, but I grabbed his hand.
“Leave them for later,” I told him. “You sitting and squirming on my lap drove me insane.”
An idea occurred to me. “On second thought, let’s clear the table. I’ve tied and fucked you in every corner of our apartment, but never this table.”
Julian looked at me, as if considering if I was serious or joking. I crossed my arms and gave him a look he knew not to question. He scrambled, and I helped him put everything on the sink. Like every piece of furniture in our apartment, we’d picked the solid oak dining set together. It would hold his weight and mine.
“Lie on the table, on your back. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t wait to see if he would obey. Julian knew my moods by now. Entering our bedroom, I opened the drawer containing our toys and implements, each one maintained and cleaned by Julian after every scene.
I ran my fingers over the handles of the straps and floggers, whips and canes. Pain bound us, so did love. Each time I gripped these well-worn handles, I saw my boy, squirming and begging for forgiveness. He’d never safeworded, not once in five years. I glanced at the closet I cleared out earlier today, looking empty and a little menacing without Julian’s clothes and mine hanging there.
Tonight didn’t just mark our five-year anniversary. Together, we’d conquer his old fears. I’d be with Julian every step. If I managed to convince him to stand inside that small space for a second, I’d consider it a victory. We’d take baby steps until the dark no longer frightened him and he wouldn’t associate it with old nightmares.
Plucking four short lengths of hemp rope I’d prepared yesterday using my favorite ten-step process, I returned to Julian. He spread himself out across the table, body forming an X, ready to be bound for my pleasure.
I took a couple of seconds to admire the sight of him all splayed out for me, taking what I had to give.
“Master, you like what you see?”
“You know I do, boy.”
I looped the first rope into the ring on his cuff and lashed it to the table leg, double checking and making sure the cuffs didn’t cut into his circulation. When I pressed my lips to the inside of his wrist, he moaned, greedy for my kisses. I tied his right wrist to the other table leg, bending once more to lick the skin of his wrist, scraping my teeth against his skin.
“Master, you tease,” he murmured.
Lau
ghing, I went to do his legs. Lowering my head, I slipped the cuff around his left ankle a little lower and circled the protruding bone with my tongue. He moaned. From this angle, I could see his dick, thickening, curving towards me in need.
“No coming without my permission, boy,” I reminded him, attaching the rope to the cuffs and the table leg. Finally, he lay in front of me, unmoving, completely restrained. “Look at you, boy. So fine.”
I touched the collar on his neck again, thumbing my way down to give the ring on his left nipple a squeeze. We did that together to celebrate our first anniversary, and did the one on the right for our second. Working my teeth between flesh and skin, I sucked, loving the sound of his moan.
I traced my way down the black ink that started from his lower pectoral and ended at his belly. For our second anniversary, he’d told me I could pick the design for his new ink. I traced the whorls, every wonderful detail and kissed a path down to his dick. The Prince Albert there was to celebrate our third year together. I fingered the metal, making him shiver. Grinning, feeling playful, I blew at his wet tip, and he gasped when I gave it a tug using my teeth.
“Master, so cruel,” he murmured.
“And don’t you love every moment of it, boy?”
“I do. I love you.” Every time Julian said those words, it still never failed to surprise me.
“Fucking love you, every bit of you.”
“This body, this heart is yours,” he declared, cheeks slightly pink.
Brave boy. Mine. Hard to believe how we’ve come so far sometimes.
I licked away the pre-cum on his tip, tonguing the tiny slit there, enjoying the taste of him filling my mouth. Applying slight pressure to his balls, I took Julian’s dick into my mouth, tonguing his piercing, making him cry out. With tongue and lips, I showed Julian how much he meant to me. I thumbed his slit, pushing one tentative digit in. He buckled, lips forming a wordless cry.
He let out a shuddering gasp, a telltale sign. I knew he’d hold his orgasm back for me, but tonight, I felt generous. Pulling my mouth away, I gave his piercing a tug. “Go on, pet,” I told him.
His Brand of Love Page 12