by Jami Denise
It was time to bolster the courage to take the jerk to war.
~~***~~
The paranoia I’d lived with made me hypersensitive to sounds, and the familiar click from my rickety door jarred me out of sleep.
I knew it was Jack, even though it was unexpected. He’d spent less and less time with me at the motel, choosing instead to go home instead of staying over. I understood. I missed him, but I got it. He needed to put some distance between us while I got my shit together.
Sleep addled and dizzy, I rolled over and reached for the lamp. The dinosaur of a clock radio read three a.m. What was he doing at three in the morning?
“What are you doing here this time of night? Everything okay?”
My hand had just reached the base of the lamp when someone shoved the lamp off the nightstand, where it crashed to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.
Immediately I was wide awake and scared to fucking death.
A tall figure stood at the side of my bed, and I scrambled to the other side. Yanking the blanket up to shield myself, I wracked my brain for a way to escape. It was futile. There was nowhere to go in that room. I was trapped.
“Stay away,” I cried. “Don’t come any closer.”
My instincts disappeared. Out the window. I couldn’t even find the urge to scream. My throat was clamped down tight, pinched closed. My eyes watered as I tried to squeak out the feeble threat.
Ignoring my warnings, the man moved toward me and grabbed my ankles, pulling me closer. His hand clamped down over my mouth, and then he lifted me up into a sitting position. My screams were muffled by his hand pressing down so tight. My throat stung.
“You gonna calm down now?”
Finally, he reached up and pulled at the hood from his sweater, and the urge to scream was replaced by soul-crushing sobs. Tears flooded my eyes and my body fell limp with shock.
Vince.
I couldn’t believe it. It defied reason to have him standing there in front of me in that room. Alive. I blinked several times, even pinched myself trying to gain some perspective. So many emotions flooded through me that I felt like I would drown. Anger, relief, fear... I was more confused than ever. I’d hardly come to terms with his death, and then to find him in my room in that tiny town of all places? Yeah, I was freaking out!
I nodded, barely moving my head as I stared at him in disbelief.
His eyes softened, and the concern and warmth I saw struck me in a way I couldn’t explain. I’d missed him more than words could express. It was clear in that moment that I needed him more than ever. He’d always been my rock, and without him, I’d been leaning on a soft wall.
“I’m gonna let you go, but you have to shut the fuck up. I don’t need some Barney Fife running in here to save the day.”
His lips quirked into a small smile, and the dam broke. He retracted his hand and I threw myself at him, wrapping myself around him like an octopus on attack and sobbed in his arms.
There were no words exchanged, no explanations or apologies. Nothing. He knew that I needed everything to sink in, to know it was real, so he let me cry and held me.
Finally, he released me, pulled back, and softly pushed me away so we were eye to eye.
“How?”
It was a simple question, but I knew the answer was much more difficult to explain.
I watched him get caught, saw his blood soak the floor, and felt his last gasp for breath. Having him stand in front of me was impossible.
“Hey, hey...” He grabbed me again, squeezing me almost too tight, and kissed the top of my head. “You think I’d let that fucker kill me, kid? Thought you knew me better than that. I wouldn’t leave you, Janie. Someone has to take care of you.”
I shook my head against his chest and pulled back, grabbing his face and digging the pads of my fingers into his skin.
“My heart broke. I watched you die!”
His eyes floated shut briefly as he took a deep breath. “You fucking disappeared, Janie. You up and ran.”
He was suddenly furious, and I was immediately on the defensive.
“What was I supposed to do, Vince? Wait around for someone to drag me into a dark alley and strangle me? He killed my dad! His thugs shot you and Flynn right in front of me—tried to kill me! Do you honestly think he’d just let me off the hook? Do you think Flynn would have left me alone? He sent me a note before I left, Vince... he’s alive.”
He sat back, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that...” He trailed off, and my stomach twisted. I didn’t like the sound of that at all.
“Vince?”
He looked up and shook his head. “Look, he’s got that guy Collins on your trail. He’s been following you awhile. Maybe from the beginning. I came because I didn’t want you getting spooked. The guy is harmless—he’s not going to hurt you, but I know you, and I didn’t want it to end up bad.”
I gulped. My throat was suddenly dry, making it impossible to swallow. “How did he know I was here? How did you find me?”
He smirked. “I’ve known you a long time, Jayne. When you weren’t in California, I hit up Pamela.”
I looked down, shaking my head. “Shit.” I should have known she would tell Vince where I was. After all, as far as I knew when I left, he was dead. She probably thought she was doing me a favor, and in a way, she had.
I was definitely relieved that he was alive, but there were still a lot of unanswered questions.
“How long have you been following me? That’s fucked up, in case you’re wondering. Sneaking into my room, Vince? That’s just stupid.”
“A week.”
“A week?” I yelled. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner? What’s going on? Why did you come now?”
“I was waiting on your boyfriend to leave.” He wagged his eyebrows and gave me a knowing look. He wanted details, and he wasn’t going to listen to any of my bullshit.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a friend. He’s helped me a lot, Vince. He’s a good man.”
“Mmm hmm,” he hummed. “I notice he helps you out all night long.”
I grabbed the pillow and smacked him with it. God, I’d missed him. “I could—and have—done worse.”
His brow furrowed. “So what the hell are you doing? We need to get you out of here.” He took a glance around the room. “This place is a shit hole,” he said in a disgusted tone.
“Hey,” I said defensively. “I like it here.”
Barking out a laugh, he pulled out a cigarette, shoving it in his mouth and flicking his lighter. “No, you don’t,” he said around the stick in his mouth. “You’re already tired of your new little toy, so let’s go.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I scowled at him. “That’s not true, and don’t talk shit. You don’t know him. He’s a good man, and seriously, I should stay here with him. If I was smart, I would just stay.”
He pointed at me with the cigarette between his fingers and let out a plume of smoke. “Should? I call bullshit. You’re playing it safe. Never thought I’d see the day when you’d back down, Janie.”
“He’s good, Vince,” I said softly.
“That’s not the point. You don’t want to be here. I know it, and you know it.”
He was speaking the truth, but I wasn’t ready to outright admit it. He was pissing me off with his all-knowing, cocky attitude. Plus, he had yet to explain how he wasn’t dead, or why he was sitting in my little motel room in the middle of nowhere.
“What aren’t you telling me, Vince? We both know how well it went before when you kept things from me. I think you owe me some explanations. And I want them now.”
He got up and started pacing the room again, running his hand through his hair. “Shit went down bad. I lost the girls, and the club is dust. I’m trying to figure out what to do, ya know? I couldn’t get on with my plans until I knew where you were and that you were okay.”
When he faced me, I could see just how much he’d been through. God only knew. I real
ized then that I was being a selfish little bitch about the whole thing. Of course I had been upset, distraught, scared. He’d been shot, left for dead, and once he recovered, I was nowhere to be found.
He was scared too.
“I’ve been okay,” I told him. I wanted to reassure him that I was going to be okay, no matter what. He’d been instrumental in making me a survivor. He taught me how to be strong and not to back down. Not my father. Vince.
“You look like it,” he said, pointing an unlit cigarette in my direction.
“When did you become a chain-smoker? Can you, like, stop?” I groaned. “It’s disgusting.”
He chuckled. “You think you get to start telling me what to do now? You grow some steel balls?”
I glared. “What happened, Vince? What did Doyle do?”
I remembered that asshole threatening Vince’s girls. He wanted them, and at the time, with bullets flying and bodies dropping, I hadn’t paid it much attention. Afterward, I got to thinking about it, and it just didn’t make sense. The guy had more money than King Midas. A handful of whores and a strip club were hardly going to put a dent in his fortune.
“He burned me. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but I’m burned. He set up some shit, and everything’s fucked.”
I let out a long, frustrated breath. “Where does that leave you? Us? I have nothing, Vince. I signed pretty much my entire life over. I make about eighty bucks a day here. I don’t have shit.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re not turning tricks?”
Rolling my eyes, I reached for his pack of cigarettes and slid one out. When in Rome, I guess.
“No, I’m not turning tricks. I don’t plan on it, either.” I gave him a knowing look.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. No. I refuse to sleep with another man for money as long as I live. I mean it, Vince. This might not be glamorous, but it’s life, and I’m living it. I’d rather have nothing than go back to that.”
SIX
I woke up the next morning groggy and alone. I searched the room, tears running down my cheeks, and all I found was an empty bottle of whiskey, a crumpled cigarette pack, and silence. If it hadn’t been for the mess, I would’ve thought I’d dreamed the whole thing up. But he had been there, and he’d left me. Again.
I wiped at the tears, angry and hurt. I had no idea what to do. Having Vince back in my life was fortifying and such a relief. I hadn’t been able to give him an answer about leaving, and the truth was, I was scared. He was right; I was playing it safe. Who wouldn’t if they were in the same position? I’d risked everything my entire life. I put myself in horrible situations, lived recklessly and dangerously. I was tired. At the age of twenty-five, I was exhausted.
But sitting there in that bullshit motel room, the scent of him lingering and the memory of having him hold and comfort me shook something up inside me. It punched deep into my soul. I couldn’t live without him in my life, and there was zero possibility of him hanging out in cow town with me.
I was in quite a freaking pickle.
Until I figured out what to do, I still had a job, and I was running late. I dragged myself out of that lumpy bed, got into the tiny shower, and got ready for my day.
~~***~~
I could tell right away something was going on when I walked into the restaurant. The other waitresses eyed me curiously, and Blackie, our cashier, gave me the stink eye. I had no idea what crawled up their asses, but I was too hungover and tired to care.
I pushed through the kitchen and went to the back office to hang up my purse. When I opened the door, I found Jackson sitting behind the laptop, a scowl and a two-day beard on his face.
“Hey, baby,” I said. I moved around the desk to hug him. “When did you get back? I thought you’d be gone until tomorrow?”
He didn’t turn to hug me back. It was awkward and confusing. Most of all, it concerned me.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
He spun around in the chair, kicking it back and crossing one leg over the other as he faced me. “No. Nothing’s okay.”
My blood ran cold. He was angry, and I’d never seen him angry. “What’s wrong? Is the baby okay?”
“Baby’s fine.” His jaw ticked, and I could tell something horrible had happened.
“Oh, God! Your sister! Is she okay?”
He jumped from the chair, sending it flying into the wall, and took two long strides toward me. “This isn’t about my fucking family!”
My body shook with the thunder of his voice. I wasn’t used to that behavior from Jackson, but I sure as fuck was no stranger to angry men.
“Don’t fucking scream at me. What the hell is your problem?”
He growled, turning away from me, and slammed his fist into the wall. “My problem? What’s my problem? I leave for one day and you’re already warming your bed with someone else!”
I blinked rapidly. Shit! He’d found out about Vince being in my room—but how?
“It’s not what you think. You need to calm down.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Not what I think... you callin’ me stupid, woman? I didn’t walk into your motel room at five in the morning and find you in bed with a man? That what you’re telling me?”
He looked crushed and utterly devastated. That right there was the main reason I broke things off with him in the first place. From day one, I knew I’d hurt him. I told him I would. I just never imagined how badly it would hurt me to see it.
“Jackson, listen. He’s an old friend. He just came to visit. I told you we couldn’t do this anymore, anyway. You knew it was over. We can’t be anything but friends, Jackson. I’m sorry you saw that and thought the worst, but he’s like a brother. Nothing more. I wouldn’t disrespect you that way.”
He was still fuming, and I knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue. Instead, I saw it for what it was—an easy out.
“I’m leaving, Jack. I’m going back home.”
He turned to face me, shocked, and then his face fell again. “I knew it was coming. After this morning, I knew it was sooner than later.” He took a deep breath and crossed the room to stand in front of me. “I don’t want to lose you, Jayne. I meant it—we could be good together. We could make this work. Stay. Please, stay.”
I reached up, cupping his cheeks, and leaned up to kiss him on the lips. “Goodbye, Jack. Take care of yourself.”
SEVEN
It took me no time to pack. The next morning, bright and early, I was on a plane heading back to Las Vegas. I didn’t know what I was going to do once I got there. Vince said he was burned, but it sounded like he was still in Vegas. I cursed myself for not confirming. I hadn’t expected him to leave so abruptly. I thought we’d have more time to talk so I could figure out what he was up to.
Whatever it was didn’t sound good, and that worried me. He was too vague and overly evasive. He was hiding something, and whatever it was, it was big.
It was eerie how relaxed I felt once the plane landed. I’d been trying to get out of Vegas and stay out for so many years, but as I looked out the window and saw that rich palette of earth below us, I knew I’d never get it out of my system. There was no fighting it anymore. A part of me belonged to the desert, to the competition that fed on its heat.
After almost an hour, I’d managed to get a rental car, secure my luggage, and was on my way toward the strip. I didn’t have a solid plan, and that didn’t work in my favor, but I had to get my feet right in the middle of it all. I wanted familiar sights and sounds and smells. I wanted to let my city greet me the best way it knew how. With the lights.
I hadn’t eaten since the night before, so I was starving. Knowing I needed to get some food in my stomach or else I’d collapse, I pulled into a fast-food place. What I really wanted was to dig into a dinner buffet at one of the casinos. I was ravenous for some all-you-can-eat garbage, but I was too tired, and honestly, too broke.
I was looking forward to changing that, though.
And tha
t’s where my strategy came into focus. I needed a soft place to land, a bottle of wine, and a plan. I had to be careful about my next step. There was too much at stake, and I was at a huge disadvantage. Going in half-cocked wouldn’t work out in my favor, especially with the kind of power the men had over me. That was one part of being an escort that I missed. I always held power, in some way or another. Yes, the men always had the money, but I had the goods. I was what they wanted, and I always walked away with what they had. Being in the scope of a civilian, so to speak, I’d jumped into the lion’s cage coming back to Vegas alone.
It all went back to being a survivor. I’d never had a problem coming out on top, and I planned on taking what I wanted again. How that would work out remained to be seen. Again, it all went back to the plan.
At the top of my list was finding Vince. I had a feeling he was laying low, but I knew him well enough to dig around and find him. He came to me, after all, so I had a sense that he wanted to team up.
Once I scarfed down a burger and fries, I got back on the road and headed toward my old place. It wasn’t mine any longer, but I felt compelled to drive by. It was late, way past ten, and just like I figured, it was occupied. It was dark inside, with two unfamiliar sedans in the driveway and a colorful cube climbing apparatus on the lawn. I slowed down, smiling. I was glad it was lived in. It never meant much to me, a scrap of my life in terms of places I’d been, but it was the last place, a last shred of what I left behind, and I had to see it.
I was drowsy, way too tired to be driving around, but curiosity got the better of me, so I headed toward Vince’s house.
I pulled up across the street, shut off the car, and sat staring in the darkness at the familiar house. A faint light glowed from an upstairs bedroom, giving me a glimmer of hope that he was there. I got out of the car, crossed the street, and stood on the sidewalk while I decided what to do.