by Mary Burton
She had her whole life ahead of her. She had so much in life that she could embrace. But she was trapped by her past. He knew from personal experience that no amount of talking or begging was going to make her look forward. Lord only knew how much his friends and family had lectured him about letting go. About moving on.
And now he was ready to move forward and the woman he loved couldn’t.
As much as he wanted to march over to Nicole’s house and push, cajole, and persuade her to embrace life, he knew it would be for naught. She had to want it. And the sad truth now was that she didn’t.
It was Christmas Day. The boys wouldn’t be home until tomorrow. He had no desire to go to the Kiers’ open house after his shift.
He sipped his coffee. It had grown cold and bitter.
“Shit.”
He reached for his coat, determined to head to the office and bury himself in work. The doorbell rang. Irritated by the intrusion, he set the cup down and moved toward the door. He snapped it open, ready to send whoever it was away.
To his shock, it was Nicole.
Nicole had never been as nervous as she was right now. Embracing life had never been so frightening but she knew if she didn’t go for it now, Richard would have won and she’d always regret it.
“Nicole, what are you doing here?” Ayden’s face was a stone mask and revealed no hint of emotion.
That didn’t help. She’d hoped he’d see her and take her into his arms and tell her that he loved her. Instead, he stood rigid, his hands fisted at his sides as if he were bracing himself.
“I came to see you,” she said.
“Where’s the baby? Is everything all right?”
“Yes. Yes. She’s fine and with Kendall.”
Nicole felt like she could jump out of her skin. Good Lord, where was the brave, fearless woman who used to camp alone in the mountains? “Can I come in?”
“Why?” His tone was cool, distant.
Nicole hadn’t expected this. She’d expected him to welcome her with open arms. Refusing to retreat, she held up a neatly wrapped box. “I have a Christmas gift for you.”
That seemed to darken his mood. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.” She kept her smile bright. “Can I come in?”
He stepped aside. “Sure.”
Ayden closed the door softly behind her. Her gaze went to the tree. It was a disaster and yet it was wonderful. “I love the tree.”
His look was openly skeptical. “Why?”
Despite all the hits this family had taken, they’d taken the time to put up a tree. “It is a signal of hope and life. And it’s a pure reflection of your boys and you.”
Silent, he glanced at the tree as if seeing it with fresh eyes.
Fearing that her emotions would turn her into a blithering coward, she handed him the box. “Here.”
He took the package but made no move to open it. “Thanks.”
“Open it.”
“Nicole, what’s this all about?”
“Open it.” She’d resolved when she’d started this trek that there was no going back.
Annoyance flashed in his eyes. He tore at the paper as if he wanted the accursed gift open so that he could acknowledge it, and then, as quickly as possible, send her away.
As the paper ripped, he found himself staring at a cereal box. He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I already ate breakfast.”
“Oh, don’t look at the box.” She laughed. “It was the only box I had that the gift fit in. Open the box.”
She’d taped the box securely and it took him a few frustrated seconds to peel the layers of tape off so that the lid opened. He reached inside and pulled out a flat square object nested in tissue paper.
Nervous anticipation bubbled inside of her as she watched him toss the cereal box aside and with long, lean fingers rip the tissue paper from her present. It was a framed picture, only he was staring at the back of it.
“Turn it over.”
He hesitated, sighed, and complied. It was a picture of Nicole and Ayden taken at Beth’s christening. Nicole held Beth and Ayden’s boys flanked them.
“Lindsay took the picture with my camera. I would have set the whole shot up differently. And I would have coaxed a fuller smile out of Zane. And the frame and mat were all I had on hand this morning. The colors are all wrong for that picture.”
Ayden closed his eyes. “Why are you giving me this?”
She nibbled her lip. “That’s the day I told you I couldn’t see you anymore.”
He stared at her with an intensity that made her skin itch. But he did not say a word.
“I was still reeling with a lot of emotions then and I wasn’t whole enough to care for anyone other than Beth at the time. But I’m different now.”
Ayden still didn’t speak. And a muscle in his jaw started to pulse as if the hold on his patience was slipping.
God, she felt like a fool. “Don’t you have anything to say?”
“No.”
“Right.” He wasn’t going to make this easy. It had to come from her. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her worn jeans and then pulled them out. “This year was about healing for me. Getting my feet back on the ground. And I did a good job of that.”
He continued to stare but his jaw had relaxed a fraction.
“And then that damn letter arrived and I felt myself sliding backwards. It was as if the last eighteen months had never happened. I felt like a wreck all over again.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Just hearing him speak gave her the courage to keep talking. It wasn’t so much his words that she heard but the tone of his voice. This tone wasn’t exactly ecstatic but the anger had faded.
“After what happened in that hotel hallway … well, I just felt even more like I was back at square one. I was just so damn afraid.”
“Of me?” Bitterness coated the words.
“No. I was afraid of opening my heart again and then watching Richard destroy another person I cared for.”
He set the picture down. “What’s your point?”
“I’m trying to fix this and I’m just making a mess of everything.”
“You’re trying to fix our friendship? Our affair?”
“No. I mean yes. I mean no. I’m trying to fix us. I’m trying to tell you that I love you. And that even though I may seem like a coward at times I am doing my level best to tell you that I do have a backbone and that I can stand up for what I want. I want you—”
He closed the gap between them in an instant, cupped her face with his hands, and kissed her on the lips. The kiss was hard and searing and so full of emotion she forgot the entire speech she’d practiced on the way over here. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him toward her. He banded his arms around her waist and held her so close she could feel the beat of his heart against her chest.
Finally, the kiss ended but they remained entwined in each other’s arms. “I love you, David Ayden.”
He traced her jawline with a calloused finger. “I love you too, Nicole. And I will take you on whatever terms you have.”
“Actually, I came here to make an honest man of you, if you’ll have me.”
A grin tipped the edge of his mouth. “An honest man?”
“Well, it seems like the honorable thing to do.”
“I wasn’t expecting marriage.”
Her heart sank a little. “So you don’t want to get married?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So you do want marriage?”
He kissed her on the lips. “I’m saying I don’t want it if you don’t. Life isn’t quite so black and white when I’m with you.”
She nibbled her lip. “That’s the thing. I do want it. Despite all the past …stuff…I believe in marriage. I believe in us being married.” His eyes filled with so many emotions she couldn’t begin to name any of them. “I’m making a mess of this.”
“You’re doing just fine
.” He pulled away from her and crossed the room to a desk in the corner. He opened a drawer, pulled out a small box, and returned to her. “I’ve had this since April. I saw it days before the christening and thought it was perfect for you. I hoped one day to give it to you.”
Tears filled her eyes. Good God, he’d bought her an engagement ring days before she’d shot him down. “I’m so sorry.”
He brushed her tears away with his thumb. “Don’t be sorry. You were being honest. You weren’t ready. I wasn’t crazy about what you’d said that day but I understood.”
He cracked open the box to reveal a stunning ring. It wasn’t a traditional solitaire diamond but a gold band embedded with a string of small diamonds. She stared at it amazed. It was perfect.
“I thought about a big single diamond, but I figured that just wasn’t you. When I saw this ring, it just seemed to suit who you were.”
Tears streamed down her face.
“If you don’t like it…”
“I love it. You know me better than I know myself.”
He pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it on her ring finger. “Will you marry me, Nicole?”
More tears followed. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
They made it to the Kiers’ party that night. But they were late.
ZEBRA BOOKS are published by
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Copyright © 2008 by Kensington Publishing Corp.
“Christmas Past” copyright © 2008 by Mary Burton
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ISBN: 1-4201-0757-7