by Margaret Way
“Please don’t talk like that. I wasn’t so bad before I fell in with your lot. I never had the security of money like you, Nicole. No one gave me everything I wanted. No one doted on my every word. My poor old dad, your grandfather, was a gambler like me. I lost my mother. Dad lost a wife early. We were an odd pair, my dad and I. It wasn’t long before he became a rock-bottom case. Like I am now. But when I was young, I was very popular. Especially with the ladies. It seemed to me before I met your mother I was making something of my life. After Corrinne, it all blew straight to hell. Our marriage was all I needed to run completely off the rails. Another woman might have thought I was worth saving. She might have offered me loyalty and support. That’s very important, you know. I might have made something of myself with a little help. Instead I walked straight into a mine-field. I didn’t have you. I was nothing and no one on Eden. Just the feller who supplied the sperm. Your grandfather reigned supreme. A colossus striding around his desert kingdom. Charming. Well bred. Greatly respected. So quietly spoken but everyone fell over backward to listen. Wife and daughters adored him.”
“Maybe he looked at you and saw nothing,” she said. “I adored my grandfather, too, might I remind you. In all my life he never said a cross word to me.”
“More’s the pity!” Heath barked, causing a bout of coughing that left him wheezing. “Those twinkling blue eyes could look very intimidating. The white smile could turn to icy contempt. You didn’t know your grandfather in his glory days. A bloody tyrant!”
“Who tolerated you and Uncle Alan.”
“Please, do me a little favor. Don’t lump me in with that poor fish Alan. He’s loaded with neuroses.”
“And don’t you speak ill of my grandfather. He offered you both sanctuary.”
“What was at the heart of it, do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Alan was tolerated because he’s Joel’s father and Siggy’s husband, though she wanted him as long as Corrinne wanted me—five minutes. Your grandfather vowed to get rid of me. I was trouble. He may even have set out to bring Corrinne and McClelland back together, only, I hung in there. I really enjoyed thwarting the old bastard.”
“Hung in there?” Nicole’s voice rose in mockery. “You couldn’t wait to make your escapes. For years you were rarely home.”
“I could never persuade your mother to escape with me. She was only sensitive to what Papa wanted. He made no spoken demands. Plenty of unspoken demands. Besides, she could never escape and take you. If your grandfather loved your mother, he positively doted on you from your first yell, and you did yell—at the top of your lungs. I was there, though it was a wonder I was let in. Dear old Sir Giles completely forgot he already had a grandchild. Cranky little Joel, who couldn’t measure up. The sins of the fathers are visited on the sons. You were his little angel when you were no angel at all. Watch Joel, by the way. As a kid he was too bloody clingy. I used to say to your mother—‘That boy’s got to go!’ I thought she understood.”
“Understood what?”
Heath’s head fell back wearily. “Your cousin, my dear, has always been inordinately fond of you. It aroused a bit of anxiety. Joel never did obey the rules.”
She felt wary and vulnerable like a woman under attack. “You make it sound like Joel is deeply disturbed. He had to get love from somewhere. We spent our entire childhood and adolescence together.”
“Maybe that set the stage,” Heath suggested carefully. “Human sexuality is a very strange thing. Monkeys don’t get worked up about it. But humans! It’s not only undesirable but I understand illegal in some countries for first cousins to marry.”
“Rave on,” she said angrily. “It’s not illegal here. Kings and queens did it all the time. Maybe you’re the kind of man who sees something sinister beneath everything. Just tell me this—am I your child?”
He studied her gravely, perhaps the one person who could see the contrasts with Corrinne clearly. “Is that so awful? You don’t see that miserable wimp McClelland as your father, do you? I don’t recall having a breakdown afterward. No one pitied me. They put me into the position of murderer.”
“You had motive and a violent temper. It made for pointing the finger. And you’ve had your doubts about me—don’t deny it, because you’ve expressed them.”
He shook his head. “That’s grief talking. Are you asking me to give a DNA sample to decide paternity.” He breathed laboriously.
“No, I’m not.”
“Thank God, because I still have some pride left. What are you frightened of, anyway?”
“Who said I was frightened?”
“You’re emitting your fear to me, my dear. Or maybe it’s because I know all about fear. Are you sick at heart you might be Drake’s first cousin? You’re not! I blamed your mother for a lot, but I never seriously doubted you’re my child. McClelland was such a wuss he was probably impotent.”
“Do impotent men carry on affairs with another man’s wife? I’m sorry, but there must have been plenty of sex. Drake doesn’t believe we could possibly be related. We once had a furious row about the whole subject. He doesn’t believe you had anything to do with the tragedy, either.”
“Because, my dear, he’s got a brain. The McClellands needed a target at the time. Especially that silly neurotic bitch Callista, who regarded her younger brother as some sort of god. Sickening! I mean, no one should regard a brother like that. Feelings ran so high I could have been lynched. It’s been very hard for me getting through life, Nicole. I’m almost glad it’s nearly over.”
“Is there nothing to be done?” Her voice faintly trembled as she spoke. His frailty had taken away her rage.
“Nothing. Say it’s my own fault.” He lifted his hand and for a moment looked into her eyes.
She could feel her heart beating painfully. “My anger seems to be draining away. I’ve fed on it for years. I can’t feel any affection for you, Heath, even if you are my father. You did that to me.”
His mouth twisted. “Your grandfather would relish hearing that from his grave. I wasn’t allowed to love you, Nicole. I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. Your grandfather and his kind know how to rule.”
“How much better all our lives would have been had you left my mother alone.”
He gave a strange rasping laugh. “But then you wouldn’t have been here. You’re my daughter, Nicole. Make no mistake.”
She stood up abruptly, feeling she couldn’t deal with any more right then. “Is there anything you need?”
“Just a little bit of respect. Am I allowed to stay?”
She wanted to passionately shake her head, but instead answered gently, “There’s no need whatever to confine yourself to this room. You may treat Eden as your home. If there’s anything you need, you have only to ask. Professional care can be arranged when you feel the need for it. Anything to improve the quality of your life. Come down to meals whenever you feel up to it. Or meals can be brought up. As you choose.”
“Thank you, Nicole.” A broken man, his vigorous good health gone, Heath Cavanagh bowed his head.
“It has little to do with love, Heath.” Although her eyes stung with unshed tears, she couldn’t find it in herself to keep up her nearly lifelong hostility.
“Ah yes, but then, you’re a good girl at heart,” he said, staring away across the room to where a lovely smiling photograph of her mother stood atop a cabinet. “You don’t want for compassion.”
NICOLE SLIPPED BACK into station life with the ease of someone who’d never really been away. She’d half expected sore muscles from the demands of being back in the saddle after long layoffs, her finely honed instincts blunted by disuse, but the moment Joel gave her a leg up into the saddle everything came right. Of course there were the initial protests in her legs and thighs and once or twice in her shoulder handling a strong and frisky chestnut colt, but she took it all in her stride.
It didn’t take long to find out what Drake had told her was true
. Joel wasn’t running Eden with anywhere near the degree of efficiency her grandfather had. Where her grandfather with his fine reputation had given his quiet orders, always obeyed to the letter, Joel delivered them in a manner that often rankled with the men. She could see it on their faces. Everyone on the station—stockmen, their wives and children, the accountant in the office—had always referred to her tall, distinguished grandfather as Sir Giles. Joel, however, didn’t seem to rate a name at all.
The situation wasn’t good. In fact, she was very disappointed but scarcely knew how to put it to Joel. He had the tendency to be defensive, despite Siggy’s best efforts to lend him support.
“How are you finding things on the station?” Siggy asked her after a week or so of settling in.
“I have some concerns, Siggy.” Nicole decided to play it straight. “I need to look at the books.”
“Of course. Whenever you like. What’s bothering you?”
“One thing in particular. I suspect it must have been bothering you for some time. Things aren’t going as smoothly as they should. There’s a different atmosphere on Eden. It’s worse every time I visit.”
Siggy slumped wearily, sipping her tea. “No one could replace Father.”
“No. It doesn’t give me any pleasure to say this, Siggy, I know how much you love him, but Joel isn’t on top of the job. God knows he’s had the training. He doesn’t seem to know how to relate to the staff. He gets their backs up without even trying. The sooner we get a good overseer, the better.”
“Hang on!” Siggy’s tea went down the wrong way and she spluttered. “You’d put an outsider over your own cousin?”
“It can’t be totally unexpected, Siggy. Surely you didn’t think you were going to hoodwink me. I toured Eden with Granddad all my life. We’re talking business here. This is a working station. Eden has always had a wonderful reputation. I’m not going to allow that to slide away.”
“So you’re blaming Joel?” Motherly indignation was in Siggy’s blue eyes. “What the hell!”
“Please don’t take that attitude, Siggy.” Nicole touched her aunt’s arm in a conciliatory manner. “I’m not blaming Joel exactly, but in that, I’m being kind. I suppose the crux of the matter is he isn’t in the right job. He uses a kind of force to get things done. No force should be necessary.”
Siggy bit her lip, frowning ferociously. “He works very hard long hours. Eden is his life.”
“I’m not about to sack him on the spot!” Nicole tried an element of humor. “Eden isn’t Joel’s life, Siggy. He tries to measure up, but let’s face it, it’s your life.”
“Fat good it did me,” Siggy said bitterly. “I should have been a man.”
“Why? Is being a woman too much for you?” Nicole again tried to joke.
“I’m saying no woman could run this place. It’s not a little farm with a few cows. It’s a vast cattle station. I can’t easily see you doing it for all your smarts. You’re an artist, for God’s sake. I know the men would do anything for you, but you have to be able to tell them what to do. You know as well as I do this is a man’s world. A hard, tough man’s world.”
“I agree. Regardless, I’m going to give it a go. We’ll get a hard, tough man to run it. A man who understands power and how to use it. I retain my position as owner. Whoever that man is he’ll work for us.”
“And where are you going to get such a man?” Siggy demanded as though there was no possibility of finding one. “It’s not as if they’re thick on the ground. The good ones are taken. A lot fail. The qualities you’re talking about are bred in the bone. They belong to people with a whole background on the land, like Drake McClelland. Drake is already a force in the industry, and he’s not yet thirty. The McQueens, to the north, the Claydons. The latest addition while you’ve been away, Brock Tyson. He’s back. He inherited Mulgaree from his grandfather. The cousin, Philip, missed out. Brock’s going to marry that little Logan girl, the nice one, what’s her name again? I should remember. You were friends. A redhead like you, only her hair is titian.”
“Shelley!” Nicole exclaimed in delight. “Indeed we were friends, though she’s younger. I must get in touch with her again. I didn’t see her when I was here in June. I must let her know I’m home.”
“Well, she’s found her man,” Siggy said, a touch of snideness surfacing. “Fell right on her feet.”
“Good for her!” Nicole said stoutly. “Life hasn’t been easy for Shelley. I remember Brock, of course. He was absolutely wild, but so handsome and dashing. Shelley will make him the perfect wife. Help him settle down. I’m so glad his grandfather came to his senses. What happened to Philip? I always found him a pain in the neck.”
“He’s running another station in the Kingsley chain,” Siggy answered brusquely. “It’s what I’m saying, young men like that are born and bred to the job. They know how to handle the demands instinctively.”
“So what, then, went wrong with Joel?” Nicole asked, staring across the table. “He’s not on top of it, Siggy.”
“He wasn’t the grandson Father wanted,” Siggy said as though that answered it.
“Oh, Siggy!” Nicole felt pained.
“It’s true.” Siggy drummed her fingers on the table. “Father was very special, but he broke a lot of hearts. Emotional deprivation it’s called. He never gave Joel a sense of confidence like he gave you. No, that’s not right. You were born a holy terror with chunks of charm. Joel was different. An introverted boy who didn’t bond easily with anyone but you. Father never treated him in the right way. His attention was always focused on you. He admired your spunky ways. The way you used to stand up to your father. Even when Heath was right, your grandfather always took your part. It had the effect of undermining your father. Maybe Alan and I didn’t handle Joel properly, either. I’ve spent my life trying to push Joel. I had to give up on Alan. We’ve all agreed Alan is at his best doing nothing. But Joel! It’s awful trying to act as a partner. He won’t cooperate, but he does a reasonable job.”
“Not reasonable enough, Siggy.” Nicole shook her head sadly. “We don’t just want to keep afloat. We need to lead. It isn’t as if we couldn’t be gobbled up. Drake admitted he’d make it his business to acquire Eden if it ever came on the market.”
“I can promise you that.” Siggy laughed harshly. “In my opinion he’s determined on it. As a family they can’t find closure with us on their border. He must be feeling he has a good chance. What interest have you shown in Eden these past years, Nikki? The grand inheritance Father left you. Five years in all. Five years is a long time.”
“Not when you’re fighting your way out of a terrible trauma, it isn’t.” Nicole’s response was equally fervent. “I needed that time, Siggy. Obviously what happened affected me far more deeply than you. I was a child. It was my mother. Finding her was horrendous.”
Siggy looked away abruptly, her vision blurred. “I know that. I’m sorry. But I haven’t been able to count on you. You left me carrying the ball.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted? I wouldn’t hear a peep out of you if Joel was up to speed.”
“I didn’t get Eden,” Siggy wailed. “I got big bucks, instead.”
“So when do you intend to spend it?” Nicole challenged so swiftly her aunt blinked. “Most people would consider big bucks enough. You needn’t sound so outraged.”
“Eden is worth more than money,” Siggy declared passionately, giving Nicole a shocked glance. “It’s the land. I love my desert home. I have no place else to go.”
“So who’s pushing you out?” Nicole demanded. “Look, no offense, but there’s a big wide beautiful world out there, Siggy.”
“It’s not Eden.” Siggy stuffed her hands deep in her pockets.
“Perhaps not, but wouldn’t you and Alan like to spend some time in the great capitals of the world? The best hotels—no need to be tight.”
“Are you saying I’m tight?” Siggy asked very coolly.
“Aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” Siggy admitted grudgingly. “I was never in your league, floating around in all your beautiful clothes. By the way, you’re too skinny.”
“Slender’s the word, Siggy,” Nicole corrected. “Let’s get off me. I expected you to keep Joel on his toes.”
“Ah, God, Nikki! I told you, Joel doesn’t want direction from me. He’ll do anything but take it. Every time I try to talk to him, he tunes me out and just waits for me to leave. Sometimes I think he doesn’t have the balls for the job.”
“Well—” Nicole gulped and waited a moment “—he’s fairly desperate to convince people he does. Have you been checking on what he’s doing?”
“Of course I have!” Siggy retorted in a voice that suggested she was mortally offended. “I’m not as young as I used to be. Not as limber in the saddle, either.”
“I’ll have to speak to him.”
“Go ahead!” Siggy invited. “He’ll take it from you. He’s thrilled out of his mind you’re home. Talks to you constantly. Honestly, I’m his mother and all I get out of him is grunts. It doesn’t make sense. Any of it. He has never been jealous of you and he had every right to be. The sun rose out of your arse—excuse the language. I’ve deteriorated dreadfully. Joel always looked on you as his gorgeous little sister when you stole all of Father’s affection. Father wasn’t fair to my boy.”
“Why swipe at Granddad?” Nicole finished off her cold cup of tea, grimaced. “I just don’t buy it. I never saw Granddad being anything but kind and tolerant with Joel. It was always Joel who had problems.”
“Joel’s way of trying to get some attention,” Siggy said moodily. “No, Nicole, Father wasn’t fair to my boy. Or me. First it was Corrinne, so beautiful! Father was a collector. He loved beautiful things. Corrinne was perfect even when she messed up. I was just the frumpy one with the abrasive tongue. Then you turned up, the premature baby.”
Nicole’s quick intake of breath made a hissing sound. “Ouch! You’re saying I wasn’t? Swell! Thanks a lot, Siggy.”
Siggy shrugged. “Sorry about that,” she said, but didn’t sound sorry at all. “You were the bonniest, most robust little premie I’ve ever seen.” She shifted the subject. “Corrinne was just so bedable. You can bet your life she and the oh-so-gallant, that really superior gentleman, David, were lovers. Corrinne was so sexy she should have been tied up. Then you arrived. Who needed to start counting? Father devoted his entire life to you from that moment on. It was really sweet except it was a giant pain in the ar—neck. The rest of us missed the attention. He left you Eden and most of the loot. The irony is, you won’t keep it.”