by Marcia DM
“W-What are you doing?”
I pull the trigger twice.
FZZZZ. FZZZZ.
“Let’s see if this helps with the truth.”
“That’s the truth.”
“Sure.” I put the drill bit against his shoulder.
“Stop! Stop, please!”
I drill the bit into his flesh.
“WHAT ABOUT NOW!?” I don’t stop drilling.
“NAAAAARGH! My father— waaaaargh!” He starts crying.
I stop drilling. “What was that? I didn’t catch that.”
“Please, no more.”
“Then save yourself some pain and start talking.”
“My father wanted to blackmail you into working for us by using your brother.”
“You know his name. Say it.”
“Dante.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s doing his duty, just like all infidels will.” I grab my 9mm handgun and put a bullet through his knee.
“Stop wasting my fucking time. I’m running out of patience.”
I’m not sure he hears me. His howls get louder every time.
“RAZZAG! RAZZAG!” He yells.
“What? Razzag? What or who is Razzag?” That’s the password on his laptop. “SPEAK!”
“My uncle.”
“And what does he have to do with Dante?”
“He’s his master.” He chuckles.
“What did you say?”
It can’t be.
“That’s right. My uncle is his master.” He starts to laugh.
“Dante is a slave!?”
“Yes, a slave. And very good at it!” He continues to laugh.
“Shut up!” I yell at his face and start to stomp around the room.
“Yes. For over ten years! Everybody says he has the tightest ass in all of Saudi Arabia.” He spits blood to my feet.
I pull the trigger and a bullet hits him right between the eyes.
Asad is dead.
CHAPTER 40
BRUNO
Asad’s lifeless body is in front of me. His head is tilted forward, blood drips from his mouth, his nose and the new hole I made. I’m still holding the smoking gun, wondering why the long-sought feeling of satisfaction is… missing.
Instead, I’m filled with… despair.
It’s not the only feeling right now, but the one that stands out the most. After all these years… I never thought he could be alive...
A slave? Why didn’t I think about that? Maybe because of what’s happening in my head right now. I’m being tormented by my imagination. I’m picturing him begging for mercy, trying to get out of many situations I can’t say out loud.
Just like Sarah did…
My brother must feel alone, and he’s probably beyond hopelessness. I can’t imagine what must have gone through his mind when we didn’t come for him, when we didn’t claim his body.
How could we?
I clench my fist and punch sideways fast, cutting the air, until it smashes against the door frame and cracks the wood. I let out a violent scream and muffle Bad Blood’s.
“ARRGGH!” Despair, fear, frustration, hate, anger… all these feelings in that scream.
How could I be this stupid?
A hand touches my shoulder. I open my eyes, only to find myself on my knees, crying at the floor like it’s god himself.
“What happened, brother?” Rage asks as he looks at Asad’s body and me at the same time, trying to connect the dots and to understand why I’m like this.
I stand up immediately, wipe the tears off my face as fast as I can. Maybe I’m lucky and they won’t stay in Rage’s memory for long.
“Don’t worry about it. I gotta go.” I start to clean up the place.
“Leave it. I’ll take care of this later. I’m not done here yet,” Rage says with a determined look in his eyes.
“I’ll leave you to it, then.” I don’t have time to worry about Rage’s problems. I know it sounds selfish, but I just confirmed my fucking brother is alive. We shake hands. “Thanks.”
“No. You owe me.”
“Damn straight.”
I walk back to where the vehicles are. My mind is quiet for once. I’m back to my old self, walking around with the night as my ally. The crickets stop chirping whenever my boots graze the grass near them. A gentle dew washes my face. A few sun rays start coming out of the horizon. But I can’t focus on all that beauty.
My brother was alive all this time, and I didn’t do anything to find him. I need to stop. There’s too much raw information; it’s blinding my judgement.
Once I finally dissipate the black cloud that surrounds me, I find myself parked in front of my house. My hands are still grabbing the steering wheel firmly.
I know what I have to do now, but I can’t find the courage to go in and face it.
Staring at the door as if it was the doorway to my salvation, my soul crumbles a little more just at the thought of my next move. Now that Asad is dead, Sarah’s finally free from him and from me, from this life and its fucking shortcomings. She never told me her answer, and I’ll never hear it. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I want her to be with me.
I love her. I’m Goddamn sure about that.
What if she loves me back?
Unlikely, but a sliver of faith makes a man believe.
I still remember the first time I saw her. She was terrified. I knew right there and then I was doomed. I lied to myself to avoid admitting that fact. Hearing her screams and causing her tears was my torment. I hated hurting her, I hated them for watching; but I hated myself even more and that helped me through it. That’s when I realized that pain was the path to redemption. Every crack of the whip was a reminder that someday I was going to pull her out of there and save her. The antihero was finally going to save her.
Now, Sarah lives in a bubble. Her lack of memories towards me is just an anesthetic to survive everything that’s happening now. I know when she wakes up, she will hate me forever, and I’d rather not be around when that happens.
When you really love someone, you always wish them the best, even if that hurts like a twisting knife going deep inside of you.
It’s inevitable— every single person I loved disappeared. First, Dante, then my parents and now… Sarah. At least with Sarah I’m the one choosing to disappear, for her own sake.
God, give me strength.
Am I really going to do this? Can I stay away from her for good?
I have to.
The door is still there. Every second that goes by makes my heart race even more. I have to go, I have to try it, and she can’t come. I can’t drag her into danger anymore. That’s my new mantra from now on— ‘keep her out of your shit.’ That will give her the chance to have a normal life again. That’s her God-given right, and she earned it, too.
I step out of the car and walk towards the entrance. My feet feel heavier than usual. As soon as I grab the doorknob, I feel a burning sensation all over my body. It feels as if it’s trying to tell me something. If I close my eyes, I believe I can hear my body say, ‘don’t fuck it up.’
Once I enter the house, I notice nothing changed. Peace and quiet reign around here. I walk into the room where Sarah sleeps. She lies all over the bed, the bed sheets barely cover her naked body; there are a few pillows on the carpet.
Fuck. I love this woman so much, it burns.
Once again, I’m leaving out what I really want and prioritizing what I should do— save Dante. I still don’t know how I’ll do that or how long it’ll take me, but I must do it or die trying.
It’s important that I remember the following:
1-I gotta rescue my brother.
2-I will never feel Sarah’s touch again.
3-My heart will stop beating because of it.
With these three thoughts in my mind, I take what I need and step out of the house, leaving my life, my family and my love behind…
CHAPTER 41
SARAH
&nb
sp; Sunlight sneaks in through the curtains into the room today, just like all other mornings in the past. It feels welcoming, inviting and comforting to know that I’m alive to see a new bright dawn. Back in the day, the morning sunlight felt like a smack in the face, but now… it’s different.
Bruno.
He made me see the world differently. He gave me perspective and the resolve to pull through. Yesterday is a blur, but I still remember us kissing, his soft touch and passion. The love that comes out of his pores and how much I need it. To me, loving him feels good and bad at the same time, but that’s what love is all about— a myriad of sensations that makes us crazy and happy. Right?
I struggle to see beyond the torturer, to uncover what hides behind that man. Or should I say, character? The Professor, that cold-blooded bastard who had me under his claws. Then, I had a moment of clarity; several of them, actually, when I was able to find Bruno, a man with a warm soul, capable of feeling remorse, joy, happiness and… love. But how much do I really know about him? What’s his favorite color? Which movie made an impact on his teen years? I don’t know everything, but… Does it really matter? What’s important and what’s not? First and foremost, who dictates that?
You’re probably thinking, ‘How can she love him, after all he did to her?’ or ‘She’s insane, broken in spirit, confused even.’ But let me ask you this. For how long can a person resist love? And why the fuck would anyone even do that?
The answer to the latter is you don’t. You don’t resist love. PERIOD.
A silly smile takes over my mouth. I giggle shyly. After all the suffering I endured, this feels refreshing.
I find myself surrounded by peace.
Under his protection.
Enjoying… Loving his company.
Loving his frowned forehead.
I love making him nervous.
If I feel like this about him, about us, why do I get this odd feeling that tells me I shouldn’t succumb to him?
“Oh. I thought you were done listening to anybody?” Life asks.
Good point.
I’ve been calling the shots lately, doing what I feel is right or simply what I need. Why would I stop now, if this is how I really feel? I’m going in, blinded by love.
I move my hand around the bed, trying to find Bruno’s warm body. But I only meet the cold sheets.
I open my eyes wide, and find myself alone in this huge room.
“Bruno?” I say out loud.
No answer.
Where did he go?
I step out of bed, put some clothes over my naked body and start walking around the house, looking for him. I want to give him my answer. I want him to know that I love him. I’m afraid. I was always afraid my entire life. But this is a new kind of fear. I’m afraid I might be rejected— something I never feared before. This new fear comes with anxiety.
“Bruno?” I open the gym door— he’s not here. I walk towards the dining room, then the kitchen, and finally the backyard. No sign of Bruno or anybody else, but me.
Where did he go?
There’s that odd feeling again.
I sit at the kitchen table to wait for him. Why am I nervous? Last night was terrific, lots of passion and romanticism. I saw a Bruno I’d never seen before. I’m dying to dive into his arms and scream out loud all the things I’m feeling.
But something feels off, it’s like a premonition. I never believed in them.
I notice a sealed envelope sitting on top of the table. It has my name on it. A shiver runs down my spine.
Sarah,
Asad is dead. This time for good. I saw the light in his eyes disappear, his lifeless body sat in front of me. I give you my word. You are free from him… you are free from me… I made sure the authorities were notified. There’s no need for you to have a security detail with you anymore.
I’m sure you already noticed that I’m not around. And by the time you read this, I’ll be out of the country for sure. I’m sorry I left like this, but it was necessary. Something came up… something important, very important. And I must deal with this on my own. This is for the best. I hate goodbyes and I’d also hate to see the disappointment on your face. I’d rather keep the sweet memory of you, sleeping on my bed. (By the way, I took a photo… What!? You know I have a stalker side.)
I wish you a wonderful life, full of joy, just like I always pictured for you. I hope you find a man who loves you as much as I do. And perhaps you will remember me as Bruno, and not your torturer. I know I will always remember you as Sarah, the love of my life.
You made my heart tick again. You and your blue eyes will always rule over my body and soul. Never forget that.
Don’t try to follow me, don’t do anything reckless. This is your chance to really start over, without any past burdens.
On the back of this letter you’ll find your new bank account number, where I have deposited some money. That’s from me to you. Use it however you see fit, please.
My house is yours to keep. You can sell it if you want to.
Every time a new dawn breaks, I will think of you.
Always yours,
Bruno.
My hands are shaking, just like the day I was taken. My eyes are closed tight, partly because I want to believe this is a bad dream and I have to wake up, partly because I don’t want to see my heart bleed out. It bleeds, yes, because every paragraph in this letter is a knife stabbed in me. All this happens while I remain completely silent, sitting, thinking, feeling and wondering.
Where the FUCK did he go?
This letter makes me realize that all the torture I endured is nothing compared to this. I’m not sure I’ll be able to come back from these… these…
Soul-crushing words.
I feel as if my limbs were ripped off from my body. I’m agitated, hyperventilating and getting lightheaded because of it. I’m sitting, but my body is incapable of keeping its balance. I need to hold on to something before I hit the ground.
Too late. I’m already on the ground.
It feels cold, and I’m hopelessly crying while crumpling the letter in my hands.
I’m crying because I love him, I’m crying because I hate him.
He taught me to live again, but he never told me how to do it without him. And I know I’m never gonna see him again.
I thought I knew physical pain— how naïve of me. What is physical pain compared to this? This ‘new’ kind of pain can’t be matched by anything I’ve experienced before. And so, how am I supposed to survive this kind of suffering?
Someone please tell me! How!?
My thoughts are getting darker and darker. It’s becoming impossible to see the light. They’re pulling me down and the more I think about it, the harder I sink, like quicksand. A part of me doesn’t want to get out. That part wants to stay, sink and drown.
Nothing exists outside my mind right now.
There’s a storm where my heart used to be. I hear a thousand wailing souls around me. I can see the reaper walking towards me. I know what he wants. He wants to take me with him. He walks closer to me and rips my heart from my chest. He licks it and takes bite, then throws it at me.
It’s over.
I’m not going to fight him.
I’m ready to go.
Nothing else matters.
Not without Bruno.
EPILOGUE
SARAH
Islowly try to open my eyes. They feel heavy, my eyelids are swollen. I can barely see anything.
Where am I? What happened?
A flashback hits me.
Bruno.
Goodbye.
Pain.
That’s what my mind recalls. The pain is there, the letter is in my hand and he’s gone— everything was real. I open the letter and straighten it against the floor. There it is— his handwriting again. How was he able to write such beautiful and painful things at the same time?
If only I had woken up. Maybe I could’ve stopped him or begged him to say. Perhaps he would’
ve taken me with him. Maybe if I had said ‘I love you’ before all this, he would have stayed.
Maybe.
Perhaps.
There’s no turning back now.
I have no way to contact him or Carter, for that matter. I’m suddenly… alone.
Alone in a new and unknown world.
I need to read the letter again…
Sarah:
Asad is dead. This time for good. I saw the light in his eyes disappear, his lifeless body sat in front of me. (When did you go? Why didn’t you wake me?) I give you my word. You are free from him… you are free from me… (I don’t wanna be free from you, and you can’t make me!) I made sure the authorities were notified. There’s no need for you to have a security detail with you anymore.
I’m sure you already noticed that I’m not around. And by the time you read this, I’ll be out of the country for sure. (How could you leave me!?) I’m sorry I left like this, but it was necessary. Something came up… something important, very important. And I must deal with this on my own. (What came up? Who or what could have been more important for you to call it quits and give up on us so easily? Why wouldn’t you tell me this!?) This is for the best. I hate goodbyes and I’d also hate to see the disappointment on your face. (There’s no disappointment, only suffering.) I’d rather keep the sweet memory of you, sleeping on my bed. (By the way, I took a photo… What!? You know I have a stalker side.) (Yes… I know.)
I wish you a wonderful life, full of joy, just like I always pictured for you. I hope you find a man who loves you as much as I do. (NEVER.) And perhaps you will remember me as Bruno, and not your torturer. I know I will always remember you as Sarah, the love of my life. (…)
You made my heart tick again. You and your blue eyes will always rule over my body and soul. Never forget that. (You made me feel again.)
Don’t try to follow me, don’t do anything reckless. This is your chance to really start over, without any past burdens. (There’s no life without you.)