Love Always, Kate

by D. Nichole King

  Conceding to my request of sharing a meal, Damian ordered for himself, and I ate his salad and a few bites of steak. It was more than I’d eaten in days.

  After dinner, Mr. Dempsy drove us to the Marriot Hotel downtown. Dr. Jackson Lowell was waiting by the double doors, a camera in hand.

  “Hey, Dad. Glad you could make it,” Damian said, slapping his father on the back.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jackson replied. “You look stunning, Kate.”

  “Thank you,” I said, glancing up at Damian. Lights from over the Des Moines River flickered in his blue irises.

  We posed for a few more pictures, then Damian shook his father’s hand. Jackson embraced me, and kissed me on the cheek. Since Brennan’s party, I had stopped viewing Dr. Lowell as my doctor, and more as my boyfriend’s father. Well, actually, more than that. Like a second father. The proud gleam in his eye made me think that the feeling was mutual.

  The ballroom swarmed with every color of the rainbow, from the gowns to the pulsing lights of the band. Tables surrounded the dance floor, glowing with flameless candles and purple bouquets.

  Already, my eyelids began to droop. Damian found a table and pulled me onto his lap. I cuddled up to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

  A few members of the golf team came over to say hello, but they didn’t stay long. I assumed I was making them uncomfortable.

  “It’s good to see you here, Kate,” Lizzie, the girl’s captain said.

  “Thank you.”

  Her eyes drifted to Damian and held his gaze for a second too long. He offered her a small nod, his lips curling between his teeth.

  Lizzie continued as if nothing had happened. “We could have used your score on Tuesday.”

  “You pulled it out, though, didn’t you?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Barely. You two have a nice evening.”

  “Yeah, you too,” I said as she walked away.

  I glanced at my date. “What was that about?”

  “What was what about?”

  “That…thing. Between you and Lizzie.”

  “I didn’t know there was a thing.” The corner of Damian’s mouth lifted, a dimple winking at me.

  I narrowed my eyes at him, but he just laughed and held me tighter. We watched the band and the students dancing. Everyone seemed so happy; they’d dance all night without a care in the world.

  The band started to play a slow song, and Damian nestled his nose in my neck. “Dance with me?”

  I couldn’t let him down. “Sure.”

  He led me to the middle of the dance floor and held me close as we swayed to the music. I closed my eyes. I didn’t know the song; it didn’t matter anyway. Damian’s heartbeat was enough. I didn’t even notice when the music stopped.

  “Katie?” Damian said.

  I opened my eyes and peered up at him.

  He didn’t say anything; he just nodded to someone off to the right. I followed his gaze and sucked in a lungful of air. The dance floor was empty. Everyone had formed a rectangle around the edge of the wood.

  Suddenly, a few of the students created a small opening on the far side, and both the girls’ and boys’ golf teams, our coach, and a few teachers walked out, creating a circle around us. Lights bounced off the skin of their heads where the hair should have been. I covered my mouth with my hand, unable to stop the tears.

  Damian cupped my shoulders from behind me. “See? You were never invisible.”

  The ring of people sat down on the floor holding hands, and the band began to play. I stared at each person in the circle. I’d never known! They smiled at me, their expressions warm.

  The band began to play a familiar song, and I turned to discover Damian standing beside me, holding a microphone.

  There are no reasons

  That you’re searching for

  I haven’t left that door open long

  Please don’t stop skimming

  I need your understanding

  I need you to make sure that I land on my feet

  Tell me that you love me

  Tell me that you want me

  Tell me that the world’s not over me

  The world’s not over me

  You’ll find me

  In my hiding place

  At least I’ll pray for you

  I’m not sure if you’ll follow through but if you do

  I’ll be waiting for you

  To tell me that you love me

  That you hate that the world

  Isn’t over me

  The world’s not over me

  When he finished, the students cheered and applauded. Damian smiled at me, moisture glistening in his eyes too. He swept me into his arms. After he put me down, the golfers surrounded me, patting my shoulders and giving me hugs.

  Overwhelmed by the attention, I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I tried to thank everyone, but I couldn’t speak. Damian helped me back to our table before I buckled into his arms.

  “You?” I murmured.

  “I wish I could take full credit.”

  I shook my head. “What do you mean?”

  “Most of it was Lizzie’s idea. Something the team wanted to do for you.” His forehead met mine. “I just added the finishing touches.”

  Amazed, I ran my fingers over his cheek. “I have no words.”

  “You don’t need any,” he said against my mouth.

  Chapter 27

  May 2

  Dear Diary,

  I can’t stop coughing. Blood-stained washcloths keep piling beside my bed. I hate seeing them—such a horrible reminder that I’m shutting down. For days now, my stomach has felt like it’s been eating itself from the inside. When I open my eyes, everything blurs together in a fuzzy haze.

  I don’t go downstairs for dinner anymore; everyone joins me in my room for meals now. It’s kinda nice, them sitting around me. Though, it’s impossible to miss the grief creeping in with them and settling on the edge of my bed. If they could leave it at the door, that’d be fine with me.

  My favorite part of the day is when Damian crawls in bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. There, I can forget. There, I’m not sick.

  Damian’s birthday is in two days. He’ll be eighteen. I want to find the perfect gift, but what do you get the person you love more than anything to say good-bye?

  ~*~

  We sat in my room eating dinner. Mom had cooked something that smelled spectacular. I tried to eat a few pieces of the penne, but it was hard to chew and harder to swallow. Giving up, I sipped on the chicken broth Damian had made from scratch, insisting the canned junk wasn’t nearly good enough.

  “He didn’t understand why he had to pay the deductible when it was clearly the deer’s fault,” Dad said, recounting some work incident. “He said the deer is the state’s property, so the government can pay for it.”

  Mom laughed, gently touching his arm. After twenty-one years of marriage, she still gazed at him in the same way she did in their wedding photos. Dad kissed her cheek.

  Yeah, they’d be okay.

  Damian took my hand. “You sure you can’t eat more?”

  “No. I’m fine.”

  He bit his lip. “Try. Please.”

  I stared at the plate of food. Wanting to please him, I picked up my fork and poked at a tomato. My hand shook, so I dropped the fork.

  “I can’t.”

  I couldn’t look at him. The pain clouding his irises would make my heart ache more than it already did.

  “That’s okay, honey,” I heard my mom say. She swept the plate off the tray in front of me.

  Dad cleared his throat. “Well, we’d better clean up the kitchen, Marcy. Katie needs her rest, and I’m sure Damian’s got homework.”

  I heard the utensils clink against the plates as Dad stacked them in his hands. Mom bent over and kissed my forehead. Dad did the same, and I lifted my eyes to see them walk out, closing the door behind them.

  Damian sighed then cra
wled in next to me. He draped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me close.

  We sat in silence, listening to each other breathe. His heartbeat soothed me; I loved hearing it pound against my ear.

  He kissed my temple, pressing his lips against me and allowing them to linger. I wanted to freeze that moment in time. Encase it in gold for eternity.

  Then I started to cough. Damian rubbed my back and held a clean washcloth to my mouth. Scarlet liquid glared back at us when I’d finished.

  “Katie,” Damian whispered. “I’m scared.”

  Breathing heavily, I grasped his arm, pinning it to my chest. “It’ll…be…okay,” I gasped out.

  The pain in my stomach imploded, making me cry out and double over. Somewhere in the distance, I heard Damian calling my name. Over and over again, his voice pierced into my heart. He seemed miles away.

  I screamed again. Then crumpled over onto the bed.

  ~*~

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “Heart rate is eight-five.”

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “Blood pressure is seventy over fifty.”

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “Liver functioning at fifteen percent.”

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “Kidneys at twenty-five percent.”

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  ~*~

  “Pneumonia.” Dr. Lowell’s voice sounded weak.

  My mother’s high-pitched sobs echoed in my ears.

  It’s okay, Mom. It’s okay.

  I imagined my dad holding her as she cried on his shoulder.

  “Now what?” Damian’s voice was barely audible.

  Silence.

  ~*~

  “How long?” my father asked.

  “Maybe a week,” Dr. Lowell responded.

  “Any hope of a transplant?” Damian’s voice was raspy.

  “If a donor can be found, she’ll need more than bone marrow now. Both kidneys are failing and her liver’s damaged.” He paused. “The best we can do is keep her comfortable.”

  ~*~

  I opened my eyes, blinking until they adjusted. Damian sat in a chair with his head lying on my stomach. The scene was all too familiar—I hated it.

  The pain was gone. In fact, I felt warm and fuzzy all over. A morphine drip hung over the side of my bed.

  Smiling at him, I rolled my fingers over a lock of chestnut hair. He reminded me of a sleeping toddler. So beautiful. So content.

  I’d watched him before, noticed the subtleties that made my heart race. With a twist in my gut, I realized I’d never let them sink in. My gaze drifted from one feature to the next, memorizing each detail of him—allowing his face to etch into my mind.

  No lines graced his forehead; only a stray tendril of hair fell across the smooth skin. Full eyebrows that knitted together once in awhile as he slept made me wonder what images framed his dreams: Good? Bad? Me? Liam?

  His eyes, blue as the ocean when they were open, were just as breathtaking closed. Long dark lashes flowed from his lids like thick wisps of Makura grass. Even his nose was stunning. The way it sunk between his brows and widened at the tip in a square. His high cheek bones were tinted red tonight. A small scar settled under his left eye and two moles under his right. The deep dimples on both cheeks depressed each time he swallowed.

  My eyes wandered to his lips as they had many times before. Pink and soft, they looked as wonderful as they felt. I traced a fingertip over them, remembering the first time he’d kissed me, crouched in a hospital bathroom. Even in my state, a small shiver raced up my spine at the thought.

  He had a small cleft in his chin that was most visible when he sucked his lower lip between his teeth. I glided my fingers over his jaw line, for the first time noticing the mole just under his left ear. Adorable.

  As I touched the diamond stud in his earlobe, he flinched. I pulled my hand back, afraid to wake him. He sighed, shifted in his seat and relaxed, his breathing returning to a steady rhythm.

  I wished I could watch him sleep forever. When the sun began to rise outside the hospital window, I raised my face to feel the rays that crept through the blinds. If only the window was open so I could see the full magnificence of the sunrise.

  ~*~

  The next time I awoke, Damian was sitting in the same place, eating a sandwich.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, grinning through red eyes.

  When he reached out to caress my cheek, I noticed a cotton ball taped to his inner elbow.

  “What’s that?” I asked, panic filling my voice. Images of the night I’d found him passed out in his own vomit flashed through my mind.

  “Oh, no. It’s not…” He glanced at his arm. “Remember when I said if I won our round of golf, you’d have to grant a wish of mine?”

  I swallowed, washing down the burn stinging my throat. “I remember.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t ask first, but I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Uh, huh.”

  He sucked his lower lip between his teeth, the cleft in his chin materializing. “My wish was that you’d let me get my blood tested to see if I’d be a match for you.”

  My breath caught. “No—”

  Damian interrupted me.

  “I know it’s a long shot. And I had to clean up first, but I’m eighteen today, and that’s what I wanted to do.”

  I studied the floor, letting his words sink in. It was too late to say “no” anyway. “Thank you.”

  “How about you?” he asked. “What’s your third wish?”

  I smiled, meeting his gaze. “Remember when we’d sit together at the window in my room watching the sunrise?”

  “I’ll never forget.”

  “I wanna see the sun rise with you every morning for the rest of my life.”

  What felt like minutes passed before he answered. His voice cracked when he did. “That’s a whole lot of sunrises. Are you sure you can put up with me for that long?”

  “That long and longer.” I touched his face, wiping away a tear. “For always.”

  He buried his face in my neck. “Always isn’t long enough.”

  Chapter 28

  Sometimes I heard the voices of my parents and Damian. Other times I didn’t, but I could still feel their presence.

  Today, I woke up to Damian fulfilling my wish. Tammy had a hold of my IV pole, and Damian held me in his arms outside the hospital, facing east. It wasn’t until the sun’s beams filled the sky that I realized we were standing on the roof.

  I closed my eyes, breathing in the rays. I’d never see the sun rise from the beach overlooking the ocean or from the top of a mountain, but in that moment, scooped up against Damian’s chest, I didn’t care. This was the most beautiful sunrise I’d ever seen.

  Back inside, I drifted off with Damian’s hand holding mine. Sometimes I heard him whisper in my ear. During the night, he crawled in bed next to me, clinging to me as tightly as he dared.

  My parents camped out in the small room too. I’m not sure if any of them ever left. Each time my eyes fluttered open, the three of them were there. Smiling at me. Talking to me. Kissing me.

  One morning, I asked if I could have a few moments alone with each of them. I’d been thinking about it during my few waking moments. If I didn’t do it soon, well, I didn’t know how much time I had left.

  My mother was first. She lay down beside me, taking my newly polished nails in hers, admiring her work.

  “You’ve always had the most beautiful nails, Katie,” she said, playing with each one on my right hand. She kissed my fingers, one at a time.

  “I love you, Mom,” I said, wiping the tears from her face.

  She sniffled. “Oh, baby. I love you. I love you so much.”

  Placing my hand gently on the bed, she put her arms around me. Wetness smeared over my cheek, making me feel like I was taking a small part of her with me.

  “Take care of Daddy, okay?”

  “You will always be with us, Katie.”

  I nodded. Slow
ly, I raised my hand and ran my fingers through her silky hair. It was the same color as mine used to be.

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Will you do something for me?”

  “Anything.” Her voice squeaked a little when she spoke.

  “Check up on Damian.”

  “Of course we will, baby. Of course we will.”

  She held me again in silence, trying to stifle her sobs.

  “And Mom?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No wig, please. They itch.”

  She nodded, her hair tickling my bald head. “I promise, baby. No wig.”

  ~*~

  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop dozing off. My body was too weak to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. Seconds ticked by at an alarming rate, and I hated losing them—each one so precious.

  The sun had gone down when my lids opened again. My parents and Damian ate some sort of take-out by my bed.

  I hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours, and I didn’t care to. It didn’t smell bad, but I didn’t have the energy to chew or swallow.

  “Dad?” I managed.

  “I’m right here, sweetie,” he said, rushing over to sit on the bed and taking Damian’s usual spot.

  I glanced at Damian. He nodded, knowing what I wanted. Taking my mother’s hand, he led her into the hallway to give me some time alone with my dad. I watched them leave, a deep sense of appreciation for Damian filling me. Oh, how I loved him!

  Moisture glistened in my father’s eyes. The color of Dad’s irises were almost as blue as Damian’s. Why had I never noticed that before?

  He raised my hand to his lips and kept it there.

  Saying good-bye to my father would be harder than my mom. I’d always been his princess.

  Dad and I sat in silence, staring at each other. He held my hand to his cheek and kissed it constantly. His expression told me everything. How much he loved me. How much he’d miss me. How much he hated seeing his little girl in a hospital bed.