by K. M. Hill
He looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back tentatively, blushing a bit. He wondered what that was about…
“Ok, settle down Michelle,” Lacey said the authority on how to act. “Spill it, Sabrina.”
“Well, um…it started… see, he’s really amazing…” Sabrina couldn’t figure out how to get started.
Lacey put her hand on Sabrina’s arm. “Sweetie. We love you. If you are happy, we are happy. If you have sex with the president and hate it, we hate it. You know that. Don’t stumble over this because of us…”
Which are why they are best friends, Sabrina thought.
“It started when he was at my house for some wine.” She explained the requirement that she had to buy dinner because she fell off…. barn rules. She went on to explain how he was really difficult and cold after this until he had it sorted in his head. Once he was clear and he let his guard down fully, she was toast.
She explained what happened in the pool leaving out details. “So yes, I had sex with him. It was amazing. Probably the hottest sex I’ve had.”
“Was he better than Troy?” Michelle asked.
“Come on, Michelle,” Sabrina laughing. “Stop!”
“I’m serious! I want details!” Michelle demanded in her usual crazy way.
“I’ll tell you this much. Zach made me see stars,” Sabrina said blushing.
“So what’s the deal with this guy, Sabrina? Are you interested in him or is this just a roll in the hay?” Lacey asked with a laugh at her own joke.
“To be honest, I don’t know what the deal is. I didn’t want a relationship. I certainly didn’t want one with my trainer. But I’m blown away by him. I can’t get him out of my head. He went undergrad to Harvard, MBA to Yale. He turned down the CEO spot at the biggest fashion business in the world. He is Chairman to a major charity foundation. His parents have both passed away, but he’s still a mama’s boy. He is an amazing rider. He is great with my horses. I seriously don’t know where to put him in my head. I’m just really confused,” Sabrina said with her dilemma sketched across her face.
“Wow, Sabrina! That’s intense! All at the same time as being put back in motion with Troy. I can see why you are conflicted” Lacey said empathetically.
“What are you going to do?” asked Michelle.
“I don’t know. I really just don’t know,” she said.
Chapter 10
The afternoon flew by and soon it was time to head to the church for the rehearsal. Everyone piled into a rented party bus and headed over. Sabrina sat with the other brides maids and Lacey while they got instructions from the wedding planner. The guys just goofed off talking about getting in a game of golf before the wedding started the next day.
While she was engrossed in her conversation about what needed to be done and where Lacey needed to stand, she could feel Troy’s eyes on her. He had met her eyes over the group several times and smiled. She felt guilty because of the conversation she had with the girls at the pool. That’s just messed up, she thought. I’m not engaged to him. I’m not dating him. Why am I weirded out talking to my friends about another guy?
Because you aren’t over him, she said to herself. And you don’t know what to do with him. Or with Zach.
The wedding planner directed them and they ran through the procession. As she fake walked up the aisle, she had a momentary flash of what it would be like if she was the one getting married. Oh boy, not the time to get nostalgic.
She caught herself and raised her head and saw Troy smiling at her. Nope, not the time at all, she thought.
The rehearsal dinner was held on the beach with a traditional Luau. It was so much fun. Everyone ate, drank and danced. As she was sitting with Michelle, Michelle’s boyfriend came and took her away for a walk on the beach. She was thinking that it would be nice to take a walk. She stood to do just that and she felt someone come up behind her.
“Want to follow their suit and take a walk on the beach?” Troy asked, indicating towards the ocean with his hand.
Could this be asking for trouble, she wondered?
“I was just going to go for a brief walk. You don’t need to come. I’ll be fine.” Sabrina said looking for a graceful way to get out of this situation.
“Nonsense, I would enjoy a walk on the beach particularly with my favorite red head,” Troy said with an easy smile.
Here goes nothing, thought Sabrina as she took off her sandals and followed Troy down to the water.
“It’s so beautiful here, isn’t it? Troy asked.
“It’s spectacular. I can see why they wanted their wedding here.” Sabrina agreed.
“They are really lucky to have found each other. Lacey and Devon make a great match. I’m proud that we are what brought them together,” Troy reflected.
“I must admit, I thought we would have been in this position first. When I proposed, they were barely dating. I should have married you quickly while I had you,” he said half kidding.
“I’m sorry Troy,” Sabrina said quietly.
“Sabrina, I just don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand where we went wrong. I thought you were happy.”
“I thought I was too. I mean you are amazing. Anyone would be lucky to be your wife, Troy.” Sabrina said, feeling funny saying that because she actually declined being his wife.
“Then why don’t you want to be? I still don’t understand. I feel like when we are together, it is right. I feel like you are comfortable and we get along so well. I love you with everything I have and I know you love me. Is it that silly part about me loving you more than you love me? Because it if is, I’ll love you less.” This time he did laugh and so did she.
“I’m not sure that something I should say yes to on so many levels,” Sabrina said.
“Then why don’t you want to be my wife?” he asked sincerely.
“I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t tell you this but we have always been honest with each other. My clarity about my decision was much more when I first left. I knew what I felt and what didn’t feel. The further I got away, my feelings weren’t as clear. I’m not sure if that is because I was going through change in my life and you have been my constant or because I was questioning my feelings. I will also admit that last week in Saratoga, even though you did several things to piss me off because they were not appropriate, it was nice to be with you. I felt safe and comfortable. It also doesn’t help my thinking when your sister and mother are leading the propaganda campaign.” She looked at Troy with a slight smile on her face.
“No, you probably shouldn’t have told me that, Sabrina. Because before I thought it was only through sheer will that I would get you back. Now I feel that you may want it too and that opens a whole bunch of other doors.”
“That’s the thing, Troy. I am not opening any doors. I am not changing my mind. It’s just that my mind is all over the place.”
“Is there someone else?” he asked wanted the answer to be a firm No!
“There was no one else when I broke off the engagement.” She said honestly.
“Is there someone now?” He pushed.
“Troy.” She looked at him and closed her eyes and dropped her head back. There was no way she was going to discuss Zach with him. What would she say anyways? She had no idea what it was so she certainly had no clue what to say about it, particularly with Troy!
They had dropped to the sand to watch the waves come in and out. He had taken her hand earlier and was caressing it lovingly. He put it to his mouth and kissed it.
She always felt protected and safe with him. She knew he would be a wonderful husband to her. She knew he would protect her and comfort her. Is that all there was? Was she just full of crazy ideas about what a love affair of the heart should be and what a marriage should be?
“Come here,” he said as he gently pulled her over to him. She leaned back against his chest.
“We’re really lucky to be here in the beautiful place. I’m really lucky to be here with the l
ove of my life, regardless of our relationship status.” She turned her head to look at him and he descended upon her lips.
For a moment, she forgot. She forgot they were not together, forgot that they weren’t engaged. She met his kiss with passion and he met it with tenderness and loving. She broke the kiss off and wiped her mouth.
“Sabrina.” he started.
“No, Troy. I’m giving you mixed messages. We are no longer engaged. We are not together. You know I love you. But we’re not together. This is confusing for me. I’m sorry to drag you down into my confusion.”
“Sabrina, I’m happy to be in your confusion if it means there is a possibility of us. I’m trying not to pressure you. But I meant what I said at the Grand Prix. I fully intend on you being my fiancée and after that my wife. I’m patient. For now, let’s just enjoy each other while we are here.” He kissed her on the top of her forehead and stood up. He put his hands out and pulled her to her feet.
“C’mon. We’ve got a big day ahead of us with that wild wedding party. It’s our job to keep everything in line tomorrow. Those two were smart picking us knowing that you the task master and me the bad cop would take care of things,” he said trying to be serious but losing the battle.
“You the bad cop? Ha! And what did you call me…taskmaster? Are you serious? I’ll task master you…” and with that she was off, chasing him back to the hotel.
He walked her to her door and let them both in. He walked up to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“Thanks for tonight. It meant more to me than you can imagine.”
“Troy, I’m serious. I have not changed my mind. I don’t want to lead you on or make you feel badly.”
“Sabrina, every moment I am with you, I feel good. I’m just working on making that last a lifetime. I love you Sabrina. Sweet dreams. And if you have wild, horny dreams and need me to take care of those needs, I’m in through this adjoining door…”
“Get out,” she said laughing.
Chapter 11
The sun shone through her curtain and she was out of bed in a flash. She was making coffee in the small kitchen area, when Troy wandered in through the hotel room’s adjoining door.
“Mornin’ beautiful. You have some of that for me?” he asked.
She looked at him already dressed.
“Why are you up so early?” she inquired.
“The guys are going to play a round of golf this morning. Devon had nothing to do while waiting to get hitched, so we thought we could get nine holes in at least,” he said with a smile.
“Oh boy. You best not be late! Lacey will skin you all alive if you mess up her wedding,” she said with a laugh.
“I know. Believe me, I don’t want her pissed off. I won’t do anything to get her or crazy Michelle pointed in my direction. What are you up to today?”
“The usual wedding stuff. Hair, nails, gossip….” she rattled off her list.
“Ok, well have fun with that.” He planted a kiss on the top of her head before he walked out the door with fresh coffee in his hand. This is weird, she thought. It’s so domestic. It’s like they were dating again. Was she wrong to have told him about being confused last night? She didn’t know what the right thing was to do at this point.
She thought about calling Zach to check in, but decided it against it. She was in a weird place and didn’t want to pass any of that along.
The ladies primped and fussed all morning until it was time to go to the church. Lacey looked stunning. Sabrina was very attentive to her, doing all the required duties that the wedding planner had terrorized her about doing.
She walked down the aisle and had the same strange feeling as she did the day before. It was even weirder because when she looked, all she saw was Troy in a tux at the altar. He smiled at her as if she was the only person in the world. As she glanced over, she saw his family smiling on as well. Oh, brother! What a mess, she thought.
Sabrina settled into her place at the front of the church and then Lacey started down the aisle when the wedding march began to play. She went down the aisle in a brisk manner, clearly not waiting for the music. Her father had passed away a few years earlier, so Lacey had chosen no one to walk with her. She had said that it would have felt like a betrayal of him because that was his job as her dad.
When she finished marching down the aisle, literally, she went right up to Devon and kissed him on the lips. The whole church broke out in laughter as the priest cleared his throat. She didn’t care. She loved that man with everything she had and didn’t care who knew it. Troy looked over at Sabrina with a smile his eyes. He was shaking his head laughing at her crazy friend.
That’s how I need to feel, she thought? Is that anything close to what I thought I had with Troy? Would she run down the aisle to get to him if this was them and everyone else be damned because the only ones that mattered at that moment would be him and her? She was scared because she didn’t know.
Troy sensed her emotional turmoil and gave her a wink to help her settle. The priest performed the ceremony and announced the bride and groom. As the rest of the procession walked down the aisle, Troy wrapped his arm around Sabrina as they walked down the aisle.
“Feels strange, doesn’t it?” he asked.
“Very,” she agreed.
“Let’s keep talking and working through this. We’ll see where it goes…” Troy suggested.
She smiled at him. How could she not love this guy?
Chapter 12
The rest of the day was a blast. They had fun with friends and family. Sabrina didn’t want to be part of catching the bouquet but, of course, Lacey tossed it right at her.
“Damn you,” she said as she hugged Lacey.
Likewise, she wasn’t surprised when Troy caught the garter. She had to admit that it was good fun when he put the garter up her leg with the whole place going wild. Troy was such fun and made such a big production of it, that in the end, she was a little hot for him. As she was siting on the chair on the dance floor, watching him rub the garter in all sorts of places, she decided she’d had enough to drink.
He finally got it placed and scooped her up and ran out of the room with her to the delight of everyone at the wedding. He placed her down on the deck and pulled her into a kiss that made her forget where they were and who they were. She finally came up for air and started laughing
“Troy, when did you become such a wild man?” she said with tremendous glee.
“When I lost you and decided I needed to be different to get you back,” he said with a slight smile but a serious tone.
That stopped her.
“Oh, Troy,” Sabrina didn’t know what to say.
“Troy, I told you. This has everything to do with my head and whether I am screwed on straight. Don’t change a thing for me. You are amazing.” She looked at him trying to gauge where he was and what he was thinking.
“Sabrina, if it was a simple matter of changing something to make you love me like I love you, I would do it in a heart beat. I would change anything to bring us back together again. I love you with all of my being.” He kissed her again.
She fell into the kiss. She finally, gently pushed him back.
“We should get back,” she said. He smiled and took her hand and walked back into the reception.
The night ended much like the night before with a passionate kiss in their room and him heading back through the shared door between their suites.
What a night, she thought. While the wedding was a blast and the newlyweds had had the wedding of their lives, she was caught up thinking about her time with Troy. She’ll need to get things back on track tomorrow.
Chapter 13
She awoke to Troy, handing her a cup of coffee. She was in a camisole and shorts and looked stunning, in his eyes.
He, of course, was fully dressed looking as handsome as ever.
“What’s this?” she asked pushing the hair out of her face. Sabrina slept the sleep of the dead and it took great eff
orts to bring her back each day.
“This is your first love,” Troy said with a snicker.
She wanted to bitch at him for his commentary, but that would have taken time away from her precious coffee so she swallowed her retort with her first sip of coffee.
“Come on, sleepy head! We need to get going. You are going to need to shower and pack if we are going to make our flight. We’ll have just enough time to have breakfast before we head to the airport,” Troy explained.