by K. M. Hill
“Troy has been in an accident. They don’t know if he’s going to make it,” she said with much concern.
“Holy shit! Ok, let me throw on some clothes and I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He began to get out of bed.
“NO!” she all but shouted.
“No?” he asked confused.
“I mean, no, there is no need. I will take myself.”
He stopped short. Something was off.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I can and I don’t need you to drive me,” she said firmly.
“What’s going on Brine?” he asked, knowing something was up.
“Zach, I don’t know what you’re asking, but I need to get out of here.”
“Brine, what else did Lillie say?” he asked more gently.
She stopped. Her eyes were filled to the brim with the unshed tears she was trying to contain.
“Tell me,” Zach said.
“She said Troy saw the newspapers and called her. She said that he was completely distraught over them. He got in his car and took off and apparently wrapped his car around a tree because he was driving so fast and lost control. She said they don’t know if he will make it. She said he is asking for me,” Sabrina said in a rush.
So now it made sense why she didn’t want him to drive her.
“You know you aren’t responsible, right?” he asked her.
She didn’t say anything.
“You know you aren’t responsible, right?” he asked again.
She whirled on him. “I AM A 1000% RESPONSIBLE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT IS BECAUSE OF ME HE MAY DIE!” she shouted at him.
“Sabrina, you broke it off. You aren’t his fiancée any more,” he said gently.
She was silent.
“Sabrina?”
“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have broken it off,” she said coldly.
With that she walked out of the bedroom and out of the house.
Zach couldn’t believe she’d just said that. It’s got to be a reaction from this shocking news. It has to be the guilt speaking.
But she just left. She didn’t kiss him. Didn’t say she would see him later. She just left. Zach was at a loss.
Chapter 39
Sabrina drove quickly to the hospital. She hit the ER and asked where he was. She was directed to the ICU. She found Lillie sitting outside his room. The room had a large glass wall and she could see him full of tubes and machines.
“Lillie, fill me in,” she said in rushed breath.
At the sight of her, her friend launched herself into Sabrina’s arms.
“Oh, Sabrina! I can’t believe this has happened! Look at him! He doesn’t even look like himself,” she said in between sobs.
“I know Lillie. It’s awful,” Sabrina said trying to hold back the tears.
“He had been over for dinner last night. He talked about Hawaii and how you were still resisting his ideas of getting together, but that he was more determined than ever to get you back. He said he couldn’t figure out how he lost you, but he would do whatever he needed to do to get you back.
“This morning he called early. He had gone out to get a coffee. He’s always up so early, as you know. He bought the newspaper and pictures of you and Zach were plastered all over it. He said they were saying you were with Zach now. Referenced a jilted Troy in the article. He was devastated. He didn’t know if he could get you back now. He didn’t know what to do. I’ve never heard my brother so distraught.”
“All of a sudden, he says ‘I have to go’. I tried calling him back, but he switched the phone off. I sat up holding the phone for the next half hour hoping he would call. The phone did ring, but it was the police telling me about his accident. The police officer said that he kept repeating the name Sabrina at the accident site and was calling for you.”
“They said they don’t know if he’ll make it. They said bring this Sabrina person to see if there is any hope of him knowing she is here and give him some will to live. They said he wouldn’t respond to their questions and didn’t seem to have any interest in helping them help himself,” she said clearly distraught.
“Can I go in to see him?” Sabrina asked.
“Yes. I spoke with the doctor and he gave permission that when you arrived you could go in,” Lillie informed her.
“Where are you parents Lillie?” Sabrina asked.
“They are on a cruise in Alaska. I can’t reach them for at least another three days,” Lillie said with obvious distress.
She reached out to hug her friend. Lillie and Troy were as close as siblings could be. This was inconceivable to her.
She opened the door slowly. The sound of the machine beeping scared her. The room felt like trauma was present in the room. It felt tense.
She walked over to his bed and picked up his hand. She caressed it with her thumb. Why did she leave him? He was such a good man. He was so good to her. Her leaving had been incredibly selfish. She left so she could chase some dream of what a marriage was supposed to feel like?
She did find that, though, didn’t she? She found it in Zach. And Troy paid the price. She can’t think about Zach now. Troy needed all of her energy and focus.
“Troy? Troy?” she spoke softly.
She felt him stir.
“Troy, I know you can hear me. When have you not been a fighter? I can’t believe you are here and they tell me you aren’t helping. Troy, you need to fight. You need to come back. Do you hear me?” she said sternly.
He didn’t respond. She knew he’d heard her.
“Troy, you’ve got to come back. I can’t live if I am the reason for this. I won’t be able to keep living with this burden and with the loss of you. Don’t leave me, Troy. I’ll stay with you until you come back. Is that a deal?” she asked him pleadingly.
He gave her hand a slight squeeze. She let out the breath she had been holding.
“Ok, Troy. I’m here. Rest and then start your way back to us,” she said lovingly.
Chapter 40
She sat by the side of his bed all night. Lillie was in and out. She slept on the couch in the lounge. Sabrina put her head on this bed and held his hand all night. She knew he wanted her strength. And she would give it to him.
Lillie brought her in some clothes and coffee around noon.
“Sabrina – you need to change into something else. I ran home and got some clothes for you and me. I also got you a coffee. I don’t think you have eaten anything so I’m going to go get something now,” Lillie said authoritatively.
She didn’t want to change and didn’t want to eat. She wanted Troy to speak. She wanted him to be back to what he was. She was consumed with guilt. If it hadn’t been for her pictures… If it hadn’t been for her breaking up with him…. Zach was wrong. It WAS her fault. Well she wouldn’t fail Troy twice.
She just nodded her head at Lillie.
“Come on, stand up and stretch. Step out of the room with me for a minute,” Lillie asked.
Sabrina followed her out.
“Sabrina, I never should have told you about my call with Troy. He was frustrated by the pictures and article in the paper but you aren’t responsible for his actions. No…don’t say anything! I know by the look in your eyes you don’t agree but seriously, you aren’t! I love my brother and he’s just amazing. But he should have accepted when you said you had moved on. Shit, I should have accepted it!”
“I just thought that the two of you were perfect together! I know how much he loves you. I know you care about him so much. Selfishly, having you as my sister is an idea that I just love. There are so many great reasons for this relationship to work, but it has to be what you want,” she confessed.
“Lillie, I wasn’t fair to him in Hawaii. He kissed me several times and I let him. I told him that we weren’t together, but the whole weekend was bizarre. It was like we were back into our old relationship and it felt comfortable. It really made me question my decision,” she said.
Lillie regarded Sabrin
a for a moment. She knew from Troy that he was so hopeful coming off of that weekend.
“How did you end the weekend?” Lillie asked.
“I told him at the airport that while it was a wonderful weekend, I wasn’t changing my mind and that we weren’t getting back together,” Sabrina told her.
“How did he respond?” Lillie continued.
“He ignored me. He hugged me and told me that quote… we were and will be together again. He got a little stiff as he was leaving. I thought it was in response to my comment, but I know realize it is because he spotted Zach waiting for me at the airport,” Sabrina explained.
“Do you feel like you led Troy on?”
“Yes,” Sabrina said with obvious guilt.
“Do you think that most people in that situation with the history you had, the strength of the feelings, the environment, his insistence… might have had a tough time that weekend?” Lillie asked pragmatically.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not most people. I should have been clearer.”
“How could you have been clearer when you were confused? I saw you that weekend. You were so happy to be with your friends and Troy. I don’t know what you are looking for, but I know you do love him and enjoy being with him. So, I understand how you could be confused. Can you?” Lillie said with understanding.
Chapter 41
She was quiet for a minute. Lillie had been her close friend for so many reasons and this was one of them. She saw right through Sabrina and always, above all, loved her.
“Lillie, I was so confused,” she said with a sob.
Lillie put her arms around Sabrina and held her while she cried. The tears were of the stress of confusion and the guilt of the situation Troy was in now. When she stopped crying, Lillie approached the subject that had been sitting in the middle of the room but not yet broached.
“What’s going on with Zach?” Lillie asked tentatively.
Wiping her eyes, Sabrina asked, “What do you mean?”
“What is your relationship with Zach?”
Sabrina was quiet. She just looked down at the ground. She flashed back to how she walked out of the house this morning. She must have hurt him very much. Apparently that is what she did. Like a black widow spider…
Lillie interrupted her downward, negative spiral in her head with the same question, “What is your relationship with Zach?”
“I don’t know,” Sabrina finally said.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
“If I asked that question Saturday night as you went to that Gala, what would you have said?” Lillie continued to push.
Sabrina was quiet and just looked her in the eyes.
“Tell me. It’s ok, Sabrina,” Lillie said encouraging her friend.
Sabrina’s eyes filled with tears again. “I would have told you that I loved him. He makes me feel like no one else ever has. I know it is crazy to think I could love someone so quickly after Troy but… that’s how I felt.”
“Sabrina, you can love more than one person at a time and you and Troy broke up nearly four months ago. How do you feel about Zach now?” she asked.
“I was so awful to him when I got the call from you. I feel so responsible. And I truly loved Troy. Troy told me that he loved me and would take me with any love I would give him. I felt that what I had with Troy was comfortable but…” Sabrina broke off.
“But what?” Lillie pushed.
“It’s stupid and I probably just caused the end of his life with it.”
“Sabrina. THAT’S stupid. What, what were you going to say?”
“I love Troy and we always enjoyed each other, but I wasn’t sure that was enough. I was worried that it wasn’t the type of connection that would get me through a lifetime. I thought, in all honesty, over time, it wouldn’t be enough for him. Lillie, I thought when I was with the person I was going to be with the rest of my life, I would see fireworks. It’s so stupid and look at…”
“Sabrina, you are right,” Lillie said firmly.
“How can you say that? Especially now with your brother lying in there?” she asked incredulously.
“Because one has nothing to do with the other. I was wrong to be on the bandwagon of you two getting back together. I was wrong to not help Troy get his head around this separation. I never really asked you why you broke up. It didn’t seem really anything significant so I thought it would blow over. I did it because I thought that was best for the two of you and selfishly, I had no intention of you not being my sister,” Lillie confessed.
Lillie’s admission came with tears of her own.
“That had to be so hard for you to do. The last thing in the world you want to do is hurt someone, I know. It had to take courage while you were doubting yourself the whole time,” Lillie said with remorse.
That brought out such a strong reaction from Sabrina. A big sob coupled with her doubling over. Lillie guided her over to the chair that was outside Troy’s room.
“Sabrina, I agree with you. There needs to be something amazing that holds two people together for a lifetime. Call it what you will, but if the fireworks come with a deep love, that’s where I would place my bet. So many people divorce that start out strong because what they had was wonderful, but just not enough. You probably saved you both. I’m sure Troy can’t see it that way and it will take a long time for him to. He may never. But that doesn’t mean you give up your chance to have the ideal relationship you are looking for,” Lillie said with great clarity.
“I didn’t know if it existed. I didn’t know if I was just being selfish and on a ghost chase,” she said with almost a whisper.
“Until Zach,” Lillie said knowingly.
Sabrina looked at Lillie and Lillie knew she wasn’t ready to admit that in light of Troy’s current circumstances.
“What do you plan on doing now?” Lillie asked.
Chapter 42
“I plan on staying here,” Sabrina said.
“Until when?” Lillie pushed.
“Are you looking for a time?”
“No, until what point are you staying here?” Lillie pushed again.
“I’m staying until he wakes up? Until I see what shape he is in?” Sabrina said not knowing what her friend was looking for.
“And…”
“And what?” Sabrina asked getting frustrated.
“There’s more in your eyes. And…” Lillie said leading her friend to disclose her thinking.
Lillie was right. Sabrina had a lot of time to think over the last day and she decided that what she had with Troy was wonderful and he didn’t deserve her destroying his life like this. What she had with Zach was amazing, but would it last? It was so new. It was everything she hoped for but she felt strongly she didn’t deserve it, especially now.
Lillie saw her warring emotions across her face.
“Sabrina, do you plan on going back to Troy now?” thinking a different question might help.
She didn’t say anything, but Lillie saw the answer in her eyes.
“Well, you can’t,” Lillie said firmly.
“What do you mean I can’t?”
“You can’t. Let me ask you this: If nothing had happened and I hadn’t called on Sunday morning, would you be planning on going back to Troy now?” Lillie asked.
“Of course not, but things are different,” Sabrina said.
“’Of course not.’ That’s pretty resolute, my friend.”
Sabrina caught herself. It was true. The strength of her conviction about Zach was so different if you take this situation out of the picture.
“But things are different now,” Sabrina insisted.
“No, they aren’t. In his deepest love for you, Troy would not want this. He may say he does at a moment in time but he doesn’t. You cannot give up the life you want, to be with him because you feel guilty. That will destroy both of you,” Lillie said softly.
As worried as she was for her brot
her, Lillie was so sad for her friend. Her face was so pale. Her eyes were so full of conflict and worry. She was so clearly exhausted.
“I don’t know what to do,” Sabrina whispered.
Lillie sat in the chair next to her and put her arm around her.
“You don’t need to do anything this moment. We will get him back on his feet. He will survive this and he will accept that you and he are not going to be together,”