by K. M. Hill
“Did you talk to Lillie?” she asked suspiciously.
“You are supposed to not say anything, remember, control freak?” he said with a smile.
“The reason I was upset was I finally and fully realized it was not going to happen for us. Shush… let me speak. I know you thought we might get back together, but you were right in calling off the engagement. I know you love me. I love you with every fiber of my being. But you don’t have the sparkle in your eye that you do when you’re with Zach. Stop… I said let me finish. That’s been hard to absorb. I want to blame him, but the reality is you figured this out before he even came into the picture. How you are when you are around him makes it very clear.”
“I hate being a grown up and “doing the right thing”, but I need to let you go. I love you too much. I wish it were different, but it’s not and I realized all of that Sunday morning. So that means we are friends. I will figure out how to have a relationship with you, but for now it’s hard. I can’t thank you enough for breathing life back into me, but I’m back. I need to do the rest..”
“I also need to tell you that I understand you are conflicted about your relationship with Zach. Above all else, I need you to be happy. If he does that, then that’s where you should be,” he choked out with a lot of emotion.
She was lying with her head against his chest sobbing. She felt deep love for him, relief and sadness all wrapped up in one.
“I don’t want you to say anything. This is hard enough. I need you to kiss me and then go home. I need you to go.”
She looked at him through her tears. She took a deep breath, leaned down and kissed him.
“Thank you Troy,’ she said with deep affection.
And she left.
Chapter 48
Sabrina slept the sleep of the dead that night. She felt refreshed and ready to go at fixing things with Zach. She had tried to call him a few times, but still no answer. She decided she would head to the stables.
Sabrina drove into the stables and went through the barn to see her boys. It had been too long since she had seen them and she felt better spending a few moments with them.
She looked around for Zach but didn’t see him anywhere. Actually, she didn’t see many people anywhere, including a bunch of the grooms and some of Zach’s horses. She went into the tack room and she saw an envelope sitting on her tack box with her name on it.
This didn’t feel good.
She walked over and picked it up, hesitated, and then ripped it open. Her stomach fell as she read the note.
Dear Sabrina,
I am sorry to do this in a letter, but based on circumstances, it is necessary. I’ve left for Europe for the World Cup Qualifier as you knew were my plans. I am writing you this to express to you that I can’t see our relationship continuing. You know how I feel about you, but when you left the house on Sunday morning with your assertion that you should still be engaged and with Troy, that was a defining moment for me.
I can’t have a relationship with you. I told you in the airport that I can’t and don’t intend to have someone else in our relationship. I can honestly tell you that you are the love of my life, but the heartache that came with your admission as you left the house was too much. I cannot have a lifetime of that or even another month of that. This is complicated by the fact that Troy still loves you and intends on you being together.
I’m not criticizing you in this, I’m just saying I can’t do this. I am pulling out. It should make things easier for you. And for me.
In that same spirit of making things easier, I can’t teach you any more. It just won’t work. I think it would be hard to see you each day only because I do love you so much. Due to this, I am asking that you make plans to bring your horses to another facility and find a different trainer by the time I get back from Europe.
I wish you a lifetime of happiness.
Love,
Zach
By the time she finished the letter, she was horrified. She was stunned. She assumed they had some work to do because of how poorly she handled this situation, but she had no idea. But then again, she was ready to end it with Zach to be with Troy due to her profound guilt.
She looked up as a golf cart pulled up to the barn. It was a straight shot out the door to see him and he made eye contact with her. Zach’s partner, Lewis, patted the seat next to him on the golf cart and she went out and sat with him.
Neither said anything for a minute.
“He discussed this with you?” she asked Lewis.
“Sabrina, Zach was so distraught over this. I haven’t seen him in such a place since his parents died,” Lewis explained.
That made the tears come faster.
“I had no idea he left. I forgot he was going to Europe so soon. I was so consumed with the situation. And so consumed with feeling like I was the cause,” she confessed.
“I know,” he said simply.
“But I agree with Zach, I have to tell you. No relationship can be healthy when there are three people in it. You showed him that your allegiance is to Troy,” Lewis stated.
“It was misguided, Lewis. Troy is on his way to recovery. Thank God. But we spoke a great deal. Troy had a huge reaction to the article about Zach and I because he knew it was over between us in finality. Troy told me he understands that it will not happen for us and that he does not want it now because it would be out of guilt on my part. He said he sees how I am with Zach and that’s where I need to be,” she retold.
“I feel freer than I have since I left him. I feel ready to give myself fully to Zach. He’s everything to me,” she admitted.
“But now he’s gone. How resolute was Zach in his decision?” she asked.
“In his mind, it was final,” he replied.
“But things have changed!” Sabrina said pleadingly.
“I know Sabrina and maybe that would make a difference, but you have to understand that with the loss of his parents, he hasn’t put himself out there before you came along. That makes this all the more difficult to navigate,” he said.
“Lewis, you’ve known him for a long time. If you were me, how would you handle this?” she asked.
“Sabrina, I can’t tell you how to handle it. You’ve got to figure that out for yourself. I will say that the big question I would have is how much of yourself are you willing to put out there and risk rejection in an effort to get him back. For someone who is as controlling, forgive me but you are, as controlling as you are, that’s not a bet I would take. I’m just being honest with you,” he said truthfully.
Lewis’ words hit hard, but she knew them to be true.
“I would also say, the longer Zach has this in his mind, the more resolute he becomes about things. So if you think you want to try to do something about this, if I were you, the sooner the better,” he advised.
She looked at Lewis and that made her decision.
“Looks like I am heading to London,” she decided.
She gave him a hug and jumped off the golf cart.
“Thank you Lewis.”
“Sabrina. I love that guy more than a brother. It killed me to see him like this. Knowing you were the cause makes me pissed about it still and pissed at you. Don’t hurt him again or you will have me to deal with,” he warned.
His threat was taken in the spirit it was intended.
“If my goal is achieved, Lewis, you will be very happy in the end at the love and devotion your “brother” experiences from me,” she promised.
“Ok, go find a flight. And good luck. You’ll need it,” he said wisely.
So, I guess I am going to London, she thought. I’m fighting for my life. One I pray that I am capable of winning.
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