by Niles, Abby
His body heated in anticipation of getting a glimpse of the curvature of her ass molded to the material as she walked by. He should know. He’d not been able to rip his gaze away from the sight last night—she’d spent a lot of time walking away from him.
Her cream heels were high, much higher than the ones she’d worn yesterday, with a tiny strap that buckled around her delicate ankles. The entire ensemble gave off a “can’t touch this” vibe.
Eventually, he’d touch, and she’d enjoy every second of it.
She cleared her throat, her defiant chin jutting into the air as she threw her shoulders back. “Look your fill, Mr. O’Connell, because looking is all you’re ever going to do.”
He couldn’t help it. He grinned. He loved how she held nothing back. He stepped forward; the need to sample her lips, to taste her for the first time, was almost crippling. His beast licked his lips, urging him to surrender to years of instinct ingrained in them.
Take. Mine.
One kiss and he’d know for certain if the magnetic draw to this woman was the awakening of the Drall.
“I’ll look for now, Dr. Avgar, but make no mistake, I will eventually touch.”
The nervous movement of her throat belied the steely edge that stiffened her jaw. “You shifters are all the damn same. ‘Take. Mine.’ No freaking thought at all to what the woman wants.” She stepped forward until she stood mere inches from him, head tilted back as she poked him in the chest three times. “Let me make something perfectly clear. You will never have me. If it weren’t for Liam, I wouldn’t even be here.”
Her parroting back the two words he’d just thought only seconds before made it clear she was well-educated in their nature. Didn’t deter him though. If anything, the urge increased. His beast growled.
Kiss her. Now.
She shoved past him and into the cabin. “Where is he, anyway?”
Breathing deeply, he slowly closed the door. “He decided against therapy.”
“Why am I not surprised?” She looked around the room, then faced him. “Well. I guess this is good-bye, Mr. O’Connell. I’d say it was nice meeting you, but I’d be lying.”
He grinned again. The woman would do anything to draw a do-not-cross line. While she might think it put him in his place, all it did was make her more enticing. He stepped farther into the room. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I can’t imagine what we could possibly have to talk about.”
“Liam.” He threw down his ace in the hole.
“I can’t talk to you about a patient.”
“Technically he’s not a patient since he’s refused therapy.” When she opened her mouth, to protest no doubt, he added, “Listen. I really need to know how I can help him.”
That, he meant. If Liam was going to refuse Jaylin’s help, Aidan needed to know more about what he was dealing with. When her shoulders relaxed from their normal ready-for-a-fight rigidity, he knew he’d won.
“Fine.” She walked farther into the room and perched on the edge of the couch. Knees pressed tightly together, purse resting on her lap, entwined fingers on top of the purse—the image of propriety.
She was such a contradiction, wanting so badly to be considered aloof, completely professional, but he’d already seen her anger, her feistiness, and he’d continue to bring it out.
He sat on the coffee table in front of her, the heat from their knees meeting. He hoped she felt the same warmth. Other than the slightest widening of her eyes, she gave no indication his choice in seat had any effect on her—until she shifted on the couch. He bit back a smile. She wanted to scoot back, distance herself, but she wouldn’t. She was too proud.
Her chin went up. “What would you like to know, Mr. O’Connell?”
His flirtiness disappeared as the seriousness of the topic hit him. “I need to understand Dsershon better. Until Liam, I’d only heard stories about what a rejection from a mate could do to a shifter. I don’t understand how a man who was so completely in love not six months ago, so completely happy in his life, has turned into what he is today because his mate left him. Shouldn’t he be able to get over it and move on?”
“Says a man who hasn’t Fewsed himself to his mate. The sad thing is you won’t grasp what Liam is going through until you’re Fewsed as well, then you’ll understand why he can’t” —she used finger quotes—“get over it.”
“Love isn’t supposed to ruin.”
“On the contrary.” The indulgent smile she offered ground against his nerves, as though she were explaining the reality of love to a wistful teenager with stars in his eyes. “The bond our Dea gave you with your mates is not this euphoric event that’s gushed about. Eventually, shifter love does ruin, whether it’s through Dsershon or from being Wydowed. One day, the Fewshon will be traumatized, and life for the shifter is destroyed.”
“You make it sound so dark.”
“Do you see any light in what Liam is going through?”
He didn’t like how Jaylin made bonding sound so awful. “Liam was Dserted, it’s different. He wouldn’t be like this had Ava Fewsed with him. It’s Ava’s fault, not the bonding.”
Her lips pinched together in a straight line before she said, “You blame the female?”
“Why wouldn’t I? If she hadn’t left, then he wouldn’t be a zombie right now.”
“I see. Let me give you a little perspective, Mr. O’Connell. Just as you have no control over what woman awakens the Drall in you—shifter or human—the woman has no control over you bonding to her. Did Liam ask Ava before he Fewsed himself to her?”
“You know that isn’t how it works.”
“That’s my point exactly. How can you blame her when she wasn’t given the choice to refuse him?”
Aidan blinked. Forced to look at it that way, he had to see the truth in what she said. But it wasn’t that simple. The Drall only awakened after a shifter kissed his true mate. There wasn’t supposed to be any fear of rejection. The instinct was supposed to ensure that.
Who would have known that it could backfire so badly? That what Liam was going through was truly a possibility for any shifter?
“Not an easy pill to swallow, is it?”
He remained silent, not liking the superior tone she was using. It would seem Dr. Avgar wasn’t down with the ways of shifter mating. He could only assume Jaylin felt the same way. The idea made him edgy. What if she was his mate? She wasn’t a human. She’d know each step of the mating ritual. The first being his bonding to her. Would she stop him? Could he stop himself?
He shook off his thoughts. He wouldn’t wind up like Liam. Two Dserted shifters in the same town was inconceivable.
Jaylin cleared her throat. “I see the truth doesn’t sit well with you. Do I need to bring some rainbows and kittens back into the subject?”
He frowned. He could do without her patronizing him. He wasn’t a child. He’d seen the bad with Liam—with his brother. But he’d seen the good, the awing, made-it-worth-risking-the-bad, good. “I think you have a very narrow-minded view of the Fewshon.”
She arched a brow. “Oh, really? I’m sorry I’ve busted your happy little bubble, Mr. O’Connell, but I’ll throw you a bone, okay? The Drall is accurate ninety-nine percent of the time.”
“Why not a hundred percent?”
She shrugged. “With Dsershon being so rare, we’ve not been able to study it enough to find a reason for the glitch, so it’s a mystery.”
“Will Liam ever be whole again?”
“No. He won’t.” She gave a sad smile. “He needs therapy. What you saw yesterday is only the beginning of a situation that will just get worse. If he doesn’t learn to cope, there’s a chance he’ll go into a Bahrraj episode that no one can bring him back from.”
Aidan hung his head. Damn it. “How long does he have before it gets worse?”
“There isn’t a timetable for these things. Each shifter is different. How the loss manifests itself depends on the circumstances.”
�
�Have you worked on a lot of rejected cases?”
Her eyes darkened as her lips tightened. “As one of the few half shifters in the US who specializes in Dsershon and Wydowed patients, I’ve seen my fair share. No case is pretty, Mr. O’Connell.”
“Why did you quit?”
She started to stand. “I stayed to answer questions for you in regards to Liam’s condition. I did not authorize a Q-and-A session about my personal decisions. If you are finished, then I’ll take my leave.”
Aidan held up his hands. “No. I have a few more questions.”
She sighed, but settled back on the couch and raised a brow.
“Is there anything I can do when one of these episodes hits him?”
“Just try to bring him out of it as quickly as you can with the techniques I described to you over the phone.”
“Are there any warning signs I should look for?”
“Not for you. No. And really not for Liam. When it hits, it’s crippling. There’s a split second before it happens when there’s a sensation he needs to learn to identify. Learning this cue is the key to keep him from going deep into Bahrraj like he did last night. Eventually he’ll be able to get himself out of the episodes and live a relatively normal life.”
Relatively normal. That sounded awful, but he guessed it was better than the other option. “He was catatonic. His body was there.” Aidan shuddered. “But he was vacant.”
Her warm palm squeezed his fingers. His eyes shot to the small hand covering his much larger one. “I know this isn’t easy for you. Liam has changed, hasn’t he?”
He lifted his head and looked at her. Dr. Avgar had disappeared; sitting before him was Jaylin. The sympathy shining back at him made his throat constrict, and he saw a woman who was capable of warmth and understanding. “So much. He rarely smiles anymore, laughs. I don’t know this Liam. He’s so dark, so easily angered.”
She scooted closer and took his hands in hers, then cradled them in her lap. “He can get some of that back, but he’ll never be completely whole again. The longer he refuses therapy, the longer it’ll be before he can recapture a part of who he once was.”
Aidan swallowed. Worry for his friend slowly faded into the background as her warm gaze drew him in. He slipped his hands farther into hers, holding on. Not wanting to let go. Her face was directly before his, her lips a breath away from his.
Mine.
Having to taste her, he moved forward without thought. She gasped and dodged to the side. His lips met nothing but air. His beast growled, moving in agitation inside him. He had to kiss her.
Now.
He cupped her jaw and tried to bring her face back to his, but she jerked from his touch, and shot off the couch and across the room. Anger spat from her eyes. “How dare you!”
Aidan stood, raking a hand through his hair. Shit. He’d screwed up. Bad. “Jaylin. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“D-don’t call me that! It’s Dr. Avgar.”
He stepped toward her. “I can call you Dr. Avgar and you can continue to call me Mr. O’Connell, but it changes nothing, Jaylin.”
The armor flew back over her as her entire body stiffened. “Do not contact me again, Mr. O’Connell. If Liam decides he wants help, he can come to me.”
With that she stormed from the cabin. His beast snarled, pacing. Aidan worked his neck back and forth, fighting off the rising tension his beast’s agitation caused, fighting the need to follow and take the kiss he wanted. Not yet. Her words may have been final, but Jaylin was in for a rude awakening if she truly believed she’d seen the last of him.
…
Jaylin slammed the office door behind her. “Damn shifters.”
“Problems?” Pam asked as she jotted something down on a yellow notepad before burying the pencil in the bun at the back of her head and continuing to type away at the keyboard.
The typical sight of the eraser poking out of her receptionist’s brunette hair calmed her. What would she ever do without Pam? She’d worried the woman would leave her when she’d cut the client list to only humans, but Pam had insisted she wasn’t going anywhere, and so far she hadn’t, even if times had gotten hard for both of them because of Jaylin’s choice.
The money sitting in her briefcase crossed her mind. She might not have had her scheduled session with Liam, but there was no way in hell she’d give the money back since she’d taken the time out of her day to drive up there. Twice.
She dug it out and counted out five of the hundred-dollar bills and held them out. “Here.”
Pam swiveled around in her chair and her eyes widened. “What’d you do? Rob a liquor store?” She pursed her lips. “Did you happen to grab a fifth of tequila on your way out?”
She laughed. “It’s from the job I was offered yesterday. Unfortunately, it looks like this will be all of it. The shifter backed out of therapy.”
Pam rolled her eyes. “Shock.” She folded the money and tucked it in her bra. “But I thank him for this. My car payment’s overdue and the vultures have been skulking around looking for it. Lucky for me, I can walk to work and keep it locked away in my garage.”
Guilt hit Jaylin. “I should fire you.”
She shrugged. “Fire me. I’ll still come into work every day.”
“You don’t have to stay, Pam. I’ll understand.”
“Yes, I do. You took a chance on me when no one else would. I’m not going to leave you in your time of need. Besides, everyone goes through hard times. It’s just our turn.”
“It doesn’t have to be yours. You can find another job.”
Seriousness stole the usually lighthearted expression from her friend’s face. “I’m not leaving. I’m in for the long haul, so get used to it.” Then that impish expression came back. “Besides, if I lose my apartment, I’ll just move in with you.”
Jaylin sat in one of the plush waiting area chairs. She knew that Pam felt indebted to her, which had never sat well with Jaylin, more now than ever. But when Jaylin had found a sixteen-year-old half shifter eight years earlier huddled under a dirty blanket in the backseat of Jaylin’s car, instead of calling the police, she’d offered the girl a shower, food, and a job. It was the best decision she’d ever made.
She caught Pam studying her. “What?”
“You never elaborated on your ‘damn shifter’ comment. Since this kind of reaction wouldn’t be caused by a Dserted shifter, even though I’m pretty sure you want to damn his ass as well, I’m assuming another one is in the picture.”
“The roommate.”
Pam leaned forward, interest raising her brows. “Is he hot?”
“W-what?” Tight muscles and a lazy smile immediately popped into her mind. She shook her head. “That’s beside the point.”
“I think it’s very much the point.”
“He tried to kiss me.”
“What’s so shocking about that? You’re hot.”
“No. He tried to kiss me.”
Pam’s eyes widened. “Oh. Shit.”
“That about covers it.”
“You know what this means, right?”
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Jaylin Avgar, you have never been the stick-your-head-in-the-sand type. You’ll not start now.”
“He hasn’t kissed me yet. The Drall hasn’t completely awakened. Since his roommate backed out of therapy, there’s no reason for me to have any more contact with him.”
“Yeah, right. Like that’s going to stop him. He’s peaked. He’s going to be around you like a tom in heat.”
“I know!” Jaylin pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “I’m just going to have to avoid him the best I can, don’t let him corner me.”
She didn’t look at Pam. She knew the “you’re kidding” look that would be on her face, and really, she was kidding herself. Yesterday she’d gotten the feeling that Aidan had peaked. She wasn’t completely certain, but she’d known he was interested. Today, she’d tried her damnedest to be aloof, and with his l
azy smiles and unflusterable attitude, it had been easy.
Her downfall?
The true worry she’d seen on his face as he talked about Liam. She’d seen the man who truly cared for his friend, missed his friend, and her heart had melted at the vulnerability he’d shown her. When she’d met his eyes, their faces so close, her breath had caught tightly in her lungs. An iridescent blue had flashed in his green eyes right before he’d started to lean forward. Blue. His beast had revealed itself to her. The blue had been magnificent as it leached the green from his gaze.
She owed her thanks to his beast. Its appearance had given her the warning she needed: move or be kissed, and she’d gotten the hell out of there as quickly as she could, even though she would’ve loved to feel Aidan’s lips on hers. If he’d been a human with no beast, no Drall, she would’ve allowed the kiss to happen. But he wasn’t human. He was a shifter. A peaked shifter.
And kissing him would never be an option.
…
Liam stalked down the sidewalk, hands shoved in his jean pockets, head slumped forward as he watched his feet eat up the concrete. People laughed and chatted around him. He blocked them out as he continued forward. He didn’t have a destination, really had no care where he ended up, just as long as he was out of Brit’s cabin.
Not that there was anything wrong with Brit. The cabin, however, was another matter. It was small. And for two oversize shifters it was too small. No privacy. No way to escape from everything—which he longed for more and more these days. He was so damn tired, of everything, of everyone. He just wanted to be alone. Crawl in a hole and just…
An odd sensation crackled in his chest. His steps faltered. That had felt very much like… He shook the sensation off and continued walking. His connection with his beast hadn’t been the same since…no, he wouldn’t think her name. He scoffed. He could not think her name all he wanted, but she was always with him, would always be with him. Goddamn Fewshon.
Why should he suffer for falling in love with the wrong woman?
He felt like a loser. He couldn’t move past the Dsershon. He couldn’t laugh, crack a freaking smile. No, all he could do was brood and lash out—no matter how hard he tried not to. He hated who he’d become.