by Niles, Abby
“So what you’re saying is had Ava not rejected me, I wouldn’t be so clogged up inside. She’d be taking on her fair share of the feelings too.”
“Yes, exactly. Unfortunately, rejected shifters have only opened up one part of the Fewshon. This is not a circle, but a line with no outlet. A rejected shifter takes on both the female’s emotions and his own. Since the male has no way to get rid of the excess—no female to share the burden—the emotions back up with nowhere to go and eventually the victim is pushed over the edge, which is when a Bahrraj episode takes place.”
“Does it happen only when she has a spike in emotions? Is that why it comes out of nowhere?”
“From the shifters I’ve studied, it does seem to correlate to a spike in the mate’s emotions. It could be something simple like her watching a movie that makes her laugh or cry. However, I have found the more intense the emotion, the more the shifter is bombarded by it. You, however, are especially in-tune with your mate. More so than any other patient I’ve dealt with before.”
“Why did it take so long for me have my first Bahrraj episode? Over the last few months, I noticed I was feeling her more, but I’d never blacked out.”
“How long has it been since Ava rejected you?”
“Six months.” He looked away. “To the day.”
“She’s human?”
“Yes.”
Aidan knew that was one definite factor to her freak-out. Even though shifters lived among humans, they only revealed themselves to their human mates after marking them. While the bonding gave the gift of eternal love to a shifter and his mate, it also protected the shifter’s existence. Once marked, a shifter’s mate was incapable of verbalizing her knowledge of the shifter’s world. Perhaps Ava just wasn’t ready to learn the entire truth about the marks.
“When did you actually bond to her?” Jaylin asked.
“A week after we met. The night we kissed for the first time—our first official date.” A small smile played at his lips. “I’ll never forget the moment our lips touched. How perfect it felt, how I just knew.”
Jaylin’s gaze strayed to Aidan’s before sadness stole across her features and she shook her head. “How long ago was that?”
“A year. We were inseparable after our first date. So fucking in love. Then she was gone. I—I never imagined this would be the outcome.”
“So you were bonded to her for six months before you told her about the shifter part of you? She never questioned the small circular bruises on her thighs?”
Liam shook his head. “I tended to bite her there a lot. She thought they were hickeys. She even joked about it, saying at least she didn’t have to wear a turtleneck to cover them up. I let her believe that. You know how a shifter can worry about exposing our world to a human. For most, it’s an unfounded worry, but in my case, I guess it was a premonition. The night I planned to propose, I told her everything. She freaked out when I explained the marks and Anavrin and refused to have anything more to do with me.”
Aidan clenched his teeth against rising anger. Liam shouldn’t have had this happen to him. A shifter was supposed to be secure in knowing that his human mate wouldn’t reject him. It was the entire purpose of the instinct—to find the one made for him, the one who would accept him and his world without reservations. And what had Liam been blessed with? The fucking one percent kink with the gift? It was bullshit.
Yeah, he understood that it had to be hard to accept something that had only been reserved for fiction. Add in the Dea, Anavrin, and the eternal love bits and the human’s mind was completely blown. But still. The instinct was supposed to be accurate.
“I don’t understand something, though,” Liam said, his brows furrowing. “I was Fewsed to her for six months and never had this overload of emotions. Why isn’t it still like that?”
“Because her presence in your life kept you anchored. Talking to her, holding her, was a type of outlet. Once she was cut completely from your life, there was no way to relieve the pressure.”
Aidan sat up straighter. Was she saying what he thought she was?
Liam tilted his head. “Are you saying I could be a rejected shifter, but feel normal, if Ava was still in my life?”
Aidan leaned forward, his complete attention on her. Not that Jaylin refusing to complete the bonding was ideal, but, for now, he could compromise. She glanced at him again, as though she knew his train of thought.
She didn’t look back at Liam, but directed the words straight at Aidan. “When a shifter bonds himself to a female and she sticks around but refuses to reciprocate the bonding, yes, he can be happy…while she’s alive. If the bonding is not completed, when the mate dies, the ramifications hit tenfold.”
Liam shot to his feet. “What the hell do you mean?”
She grimaced at his outburst, and peered up at him. “I’m sorry, Liam, but when Ava dies, the connection you feel will be different from what a fully Fewsed shifter does.”
“H-how different?”
“Bonded shifters retain the connection with their mates after death, it changes, but the connection is not severed. Unbonded or rejected shifters are…empty.”
Liam’s eyes widened and he swallowed as he slowly sat back down. “Empty?”
“The Fewshon is a tether that brings you together in Anavrin. Without it, she’s lost to you.”
“I—I had no idea.”
“Since it is such a rare occurrence, most shifters are unaware of the full consequences of our bonding.”
Aidan shifted in his seat, unsettled by what he’d heard. “Does that include half shifters like yourself? You’re already part of our race. You’ll automatically go to Anavrin.”
“Do you know how many shifters are there?” she asked.
“All of those who’ve died.”
“Since the beginning of time, Mr. O’Connell. Without the bond, there is no guarantee a shifter will be with his unbonded mate.”
He noticed she didn’t say that he wouldn’t be with her. Kept it clinical, distant, letting him know his place. He sat forward. “What happens to a shifter who has found his mate, but never Fewses himself to her?”
If she wanted to keep things detached, he could too, but he really wanted to know what would happen to him if he never marked her.
“There is a possibility he can find someone else to care for.”
“Care for, but not love?”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He shot to his feet. “You’re sorry? You’re my mate. I’m as certain of that as I am that I stand before a woman who is scared shitless to accept me as her mate.”
She stood, crossing her arms over her chest. “Scared isn’t even a factor here, Aidan. I’ve worked with the dark side of the shifter’s bond for years. I’ve already told you I want no part of it. None. If that means I refuse to allow you to bond to me, to keep you from living a dark and disillusioned life, then so be it. You can find someone else.”
“To care for! How could I ever care for another woman after knowing you are my mate? How could I ask another woman to be with me and not offer her the eternity I’m capable of giving?”
“I’ve seen it happen and the shifter lead a content life.”
“Content? I don’t want fucking content.”
“It’s better than living your life struggling to stay sane. You should be thanking me. I’m keeping you from living hell on earth. I’m keeping you from becoming a walking carcass if I die.”
Liam jerked to his feet. Aidan blinked, having completely forgotten his friend in the room. “Liam. Man. I’m sorry.”
Jaylin gasped and spun around. “Oh God, Liam, I’m so sorry.”
His friend shook his head, waving his hand. “Stop. Just…stop.” Then he left the room, a door slamming a few seconds later.
Jaylin spun on him, her teeth bared. “You never should’ve been in here!” She snatched her briefcase off the floor.
He stepped toward her. “Jaylin—
“No!” She poin
ted at him. “I let you stay because Liam wanted you to, and he needs the support right now, not you. I should’ve known you’d somehow make this about you.”
It was all his fault? Fuck that.
“You come in here with your ‘rather be married to a human instead of bonding with me’ spiel and I’m not supposed to react when you tell my friend it’s possible for him to be happy with his unbonded mate. I’m not supposed to question it? I’m not a fucking saint, Jaylin. You’re my mate. We’re supposed to be together.”
She was shaking her head before he’d even finished speaking. “We are not meant for each other.”
He scoffed. “You called me a fool earlier, but I only see one fool standing in this room, and it’s not me.” He closed the distance between them. “You want to hear the reality of the situation, Jaylin? The real horror? If I die, you can still marry someone else, have his babies. I can’t take that from you. But you know what you’ve taken from me?”
“N-nothing,” she said, stepping back. “I-I’ve taken nothing.”
“Yes, you have. I’m ruined for anyone else. How the hell is that fair?”
She choked on a sob, tears filling her eyes. “I tried my best to stop it! I didn’t want this!”
“Do you think I do? But I don’t have a choice.” Fury made him spit out the words.
She backed up a step, tears spilling onto her cheeks. She brushed them away, her body stiffening with that determination he was beginning to hate. “You have a choice, Aidan. You just don’t see it. I do. You can think of me as selfish, I’ll accept that, but one day you’ll see that all I’m thinking about is you.” She rushed to the door. “Tell Liam to call my office and speak with Pam. I’ll refer him to a more objective therapist.”
Aidan clenched his fists at his side as she closed the door behind her. If she wanted to believe she was the martyr in all this, sacrificing everything to save him, she was in for a rude awakening. He wouldn’t allow her to rule him or his future. If or when he bonded to her would be his decision.
The way he dealt with Jaylin was about to change.
He’d no longer pursue her, begging for scraps, a chance, like some lovesick puppy. No, it was his turn to have control in this power play.
And he knew exactly how to do it.
But, first he needed to check on Liam. He walked down the hall and knocked on the door. When he didn’t hear a response, Aidan tried the knob. Thankful that it turned, he poked his head inside. “Liam?”
His friend didn’t turn at his name. Just continued to stare out the window. Was he having another episode?
Aidan stepped inside the room. “Liam—”
“She’s right, you know. The bonding isn’t the magnificent place our families told us about. I used to watch my parents as a kid. The way they almost moved in sync with each other, listened to the story of how they’d met, saw the worship in my father’s eyes as he looked at my mother, and I was fool enough to want it.” He turned from the window. “I took it when it was offered to me, just like I know you want to take it. But look at me, Aidan, do I look happy?”
A rhetorical question best left unanswered.
Liam stepped toward him. “She’s your mate.”
Aidan nodded.
“Then run. She’s made it perfectly clear she’ll never accept you. Don’t end up like me. I’m begging you.”
“I can’t. She’s my mate. I can no more give up on her than I can myself. Make no mistake, I intend to fight and win.”
If that meant bringing back Aidan O’Connell, feared tycoon, then she’d be his next corporate takeover.
…
Liam tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he stared at the modest house with white siding, searching for any sign that she was home.
Her presence in your life kept you anchored.
Those simple words, followed by the dark ugly warning of living life empty upon Ava’s death, had taken root in his mind and refused to leave.
Everyone died. And one day Ava would.
He cringed at the thought, an ache forming in his chest. He’d given up too easily, should’ve pushed harder. Not that he hadn’t tried to win her back. She’d just refused to have anything to do with him after he’d confided to her about what he was, which he’d royally screwed up in explaining. Pretty much told the woman he loved that he owned her and those marks meant she was his.
In hindsight, he couldn’t blame her complete freak-out afterward. But as he’d laid his heart open, wanting to ask her to share her life with him, he’d felt her rejection. His beast had felt it too, and its possessiveness had roared through and messed it all up.
Now he had to get her to see the truth of the Fewshon, a truth he hadn’t been aware of until she was gone.
He didn’t own her. She wasn’t his. He was hers.
He opened the car door and slid out. Streetlights illuminated the deserted street in an orangey fluorescent glow. A wave of sadness suddenly hit him, and he tensed.
Not now. Please, not now.
No odd taste entered his mouth, and he relaxed, but he stood, staring at her house. She was inside crying. Over what?
Over who?
As he crossed the road and stepped onto the curb, a car flew around the corner. Headlights blinded him for a moment before the car screeched to a halt in front of her house.
A tall man with dark hair shot out of the car and hurried up the walkway. Halfway there, her door crashed opened and she sprinted down the stairs. The grief increased as she threw herself in the arms of another man, her sobs like punches to his gut, knocking the wind from him.
The guy shushed her, holding her close. When he kissed the top of her head in such an affectionate, loving way, Liam felt as if his world had been turned on its axis and he stumbled back.
This man loved her, and from the warmth that filled his veins—she loved him too.
“No,” he whispered.
The idea of Ava loving anyone but him felt impossible, especially when he’d always love her and only her.
He started to turn away just as the couple drew apart. Ava glanced at him, her eyes widening. Shock zapped his blood. She stepped forward. Then stopped. They stared at each other. He soaked in her beauty, the way her strawberry-blond hair hung free around her shoulders, a strand lightly flipping into the air as a breeze blew by. The way she still wore her favorite pajamas: an oversized T-shirt with a pair of men’s boxers.
Most of all he soaked in the way she looked at him, with awe, and could he believe it? Happiness? It was there in his blood too. Slightly. Just a tingle.
She took another step closer. Never saying a word, eyes locked on him. He stood frozen, willing her to choose him. To run to him and throw herself in his arms.
Let him be the one to comfort her, the way it should be.
The guy placed a hand on her forearm. Ava jumped, her gaze tearing from Liam’s to stare at the fingers on her arm. Slowly she lifted her head.
Liam’s breath caught, waiting for her answer.
His blood ran cold from her decision even before she turned away and walked arm-in-arm back into the house with the other man.
As the door closed behind them, Liam wished he was completely connected to his beast, could set the seething animal free, yet all he felt was numb. She’d rejected him. Again. But instead of running off into the night and refusing to see him, this time she’d stared him straight in the eye, turned her back on him, and willingly walked away with another man.
It was official.
He was doomed to hell on earth. All he could pray for now was that the afterlife might bring him peace.
Chapter Five
Jaylin tapped the end of her pen on the oversize calendar on the top of her desk, staring at the many empty appointments she’d yet to fill. If things didn’t take a drastic turn, she’d be forced to seriously consider closing the practice.
God, she didn’t want that. She’d opened the practice just weeks after graduating from college and had been here e
ver since with a thriving clientele—of shifters.
Could she have made a mistake by changing focus?
She didn’t want to think so. She could still remember her relief when she’d finally made the decision to go strictly human after months of back-and-forth.
Unfortunately, time had proven that shifters were where the money was and she’d pretty much cut herself off at the knees when she’d weeded them from her client list. Money was necessary. Without it, she was screwed. Left with nothing to live off. With it, she was still screwed. Stuck working in an area of therapy she no longer wanted to be a part of.
The question was, which was worse?
Flicking her pen on the calendar, she leaned back in her chair and groaned. Why did life have to be so damn hard? Everything had been going fine until she’d decided to take her practice in a different direction. Then boom. Humans had no need for her counsel. Shifters were still coming out of the woodwork for therapy. And Aidan O’Connell was working her last nerve.
Why?
Because she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man since Monday.
Whatever his plan was—it was working. His absence caused him to be in her thoughts more than when he’d been constantly around, which was saying a lot.
Even then, she’d always been thinking of him.
Instead, he’d done a Houdini act and disappeared, which had left her jumpy and moody, expecting to find him suddenly just there. The Drall should be pushing him to seek her out, but he’d surprised her by fighting an instinct that most shifters immediately caved to.
How?
She didn’t get it.
If things had gone as she’d expected, Aidan would’ve chased after her when she’d left his house. A few more nasty words would’ve been exchanged before she’d escaped. But no, she’d made it to her car, cranked it, and driven away without one sign of him following her.
Shock number one.
Then she’d expected him to pop up here to start the second round of denying Aidan. Never showed.
Shock number two.
And the surprises kept mounting. No calls. No unexpected visits. No flowers or chocolates. Not a damn peep. In three days.