by Niles, Abby
He shoved the feelings away and held himself erect from her, his palms and lips the only body parts touching hers. The moan that crept up her throat made another surge crash over him. He clenched his eyes closed, concentrating on the action of just kissing her. Lips on hers, tongue teasing here, a nip there, and left all emotions out. No tenderness, none of the love he felt, nowhere near the way he wished to kiss her. Just mechanical. Distant. Impersonal.
He hated every second of it.
She whimpered, shifting closer. “Aidan, please,” she whispered against his lips.
Fingers dug in to his biceps and clung. She was asking him to let go. He doubted she was even aware she’d done it. How badly he wanted to take her in his arms and lose himself in her. Right now, she would accept it, but when reality set in, she’d use his moment of weakness as proof that she was right. That he wasn’t in control. Just as she had before.
Instead of giving in to her pleas, he released her and forced himself to walk away, as if the kiss had been nothing, as if she were any woman and not his mate. His beast snapped its teeth inside, enraged at his ability to do so.
But Aidan knew the reality as he left her standing in the middle of the room. If he looked at her, if he stopped, she’d see the truth in his eyes. See the shaking of his hands. See how badly he had wanted to claim her.
If he did that, there’d be no going back.
…
Jaylin watched him leave. His casual steps a mocking reminder of the travesty that had just transpired. She touched her lips with her fingers, recoiling from the memory of the wooden way he’d kissed her. Her Aidan, the one who made her knees go weak, whose lips were so soft against hers, who held her so tenderly in his arms, hadn’t been anywhere in that kiss. This man was a stranger.
And she’d hated it and wanted her Aidan back.
She hurried after him. She didn’t understand why. Stupidity maybe?
But she felt sick inside. Empty. She detested the bleakness and wanted to feel the emotions her Aidan brought to life inside her—if only for a moment. God, she was stupid, but she couldn’t force herself to stop her search.
She found him in the living room pouring two fingers of whiskey into a tumbler. The stiffening of his shoulders right before they relaxed gave away that he’d smelled her entrance. He turned toward her and lifted the glass. “Drink?”
She shook her head. Now that she was in front of him, she had no idea what to do. She’d never felt so out of sorts with him. They were either right in each other’s faces bickering away, or locked in each other’s arms. This new distance was confusing.
Why had he even brought her here, if he didn’t mean to have his way with her?
With his glass, he motioned to the leather couch. “I’ll have Rafael make that up for you. You should be comfortable enough.”
Pain twisted her heart. He was so cold. When his dead eyes made contact with hers, the pain tightened, and a shocking burn singed the back of her eyes. There was no sign of the Aidan she knew. Was he even real?
“Thank you,” she forced out.
When she didn’t move, he lifted one condescending eyebrow. “Did you need something else?”
You.
She almost gasped at the realization, but it was true. She needed him. Not the Aidan who stood before her, that one she could go a lifetime without seeing again, but the Aidan who had such a lazy amusement about him it infuriated her. She moved closer, and his eyes narrowed.
“What do you want, Jaylin?”
She didn’t know. All she knew was that she couldn’t spend the next few days with this stranger. Before she could change her mind, she moved to him and threw herself at him, locking her mouth to his…needing to somehow break through that ironclad control of his.
For a brief second, his body relaxed into hers, his lips softened as his tongue sailed past hers, and his arms wrapped tight around her. Then she felt the change. The distance. His hands found her upper arms and he pushed space between their bodies. His lips turned hard. Remote. Even the feel of his tongue, which had ever so briefly caressed hers in that tender way Aidan did, became only a tongue in her mouth, robotically moving against hers but nothing more.
He ripped his mouth away and tried to shove past her, but she grabbed his arms and tugged him back against her. Blue flashed in his eyes before she cinched her mouth to his again. A growl came from his chest, and she reveled in the sound as he once again softened into her.
This was her Aidan. Hers!
Then his mouth stilled. Ceased to move. Frozen, and she froze along with it. He stood ramrod straight—his body as hard as stone. She pulled back, and looked up at him. Nothing but green irises stared back at her. No desire, no tenderness, not even coldness.
No emotion whatsoever.
Swallowing back a rush of humiliation, she stepped away from him, their gazes locked.
“What did you wish to prove with that, Dr. Avgar?”
The use of her last name was like a slap to the face and she gasped, taking another step away from him. A muscle ticking in his jaw was his only reaction before he turned and stormed from the room.
She blinked back tears.
Why did it hurt so bad that it felt like she’d completely lost him? Why did she want more than anything to say to hell with the consequences and beg for Aidan to come back to her? Why did she feel all of this, while knowing they had no future?
…
An hour later, Aidan walked out of the bedroom, buttoning a crisp white shirt. Not wearing one had been a mistake. The feel of Jaylin pressed against his skin had been pure torture—just being around her was pure torture. Damn she was right, as much as he wanted her to be wrong.
He hadn’t seen a glimpse of her since their encounter in the living room, which had been fine with him. He’d needed the time to regroup. Not that it’d helped. They hadn’t been on this island five hours and his plan to keep his distance until she willingly came to him was all but imploding around him. And not the way she’d just thrown herself at him—out to prove him wrong, show that he was helpless to his instinct. That she was right.
It wouldn’t happen.
He hoped.
He didn’t know how much longer he could keep the charade up. He felt beat down, by his beast, by the Drall, by Jaylin. His head pounded, his muscles ached, and he was exhausted, all from fighting the instinct.
This trip wasn’t turning out as he’d planned. So far, he’d only succeeded in pushing her further away. He regretted lashing out, wanting to take back his words as soon as they came out of his mouth, regretting even more the flash of hurt he’d seen in her eyes. He had to admit that his actions were driven by a fear that if he let his guard down, he would grow frustrated of her pushing him away.
Man, how had they gotten here?
She kept her barriers in place, and he couldn’t afford to lower his.
He rubbed his tired eyes.
Now she was hiding again, not that he could blame her after the way he’d acted. As he stepped into the kitchen, he found Rafael standing in front of the stove. “Have you seen Jaylin?”
Rafael looked up from stirring a creamy sauce. “She took a walk on the beach.”
What he wouldn’t give to be with her, walking beside her, holding her hand as they listened to the crash of the waves. He didn’t have that luxury. Maybe he never would. He shook away his thoughts. “How much longer before dinner is served?”
“Few minutes. I’ve set up a table outside where you can dine.” He pointed to the left with a wooden spoon.
Sure enough, a small round table had been covered with a white cloth. Two tapered candles stood between an elegant display of china plates and silverware. More candles—votives this time—lined the edge of the deck that overlooked the beach, casting a golden glow to diminishing sunlight.
“Impressive.” Now if only he could salvage the rest of the night.
“I’ll make myself scarce once I have the food served. I’m staying at the servant’s co
ttage up on the cliff, so you and the missus will have complete privacy. If you need me for anything, there is an intercom system between the two houses, just call and I’ll come.”
“You don’t need to wait on us hand and foot. I just didn’t want to have to worry about things like cooking and laundry, so if you could help out with that, I’ll handle the rest.”
Rafael nodded. “In that case, I’ll collect the dirty laundry early each morning, and make a breakfast and lunch spread, then leave. I’ll return to make dinner. Does that work?”
“Yes. Thank you, Rafael.”
“I’m an old shifter. Don’t think I don’t know a pup trying to woo his mate.”
“That obvious, huh?”
“She’s giving you a run for your money?”
He snorted. “And driving me mad in the process.”
“My Willa made me wait, too. Thought I’d go crazy before our wedding night.”
He saw no reason to tell Rafael that waiting wasn’t the issue. Jaylin was the issue. “You didn’t Fewse to her before you married?”
“It was a different time, my friend. Many women refused to sleep with a man before they married, and my Willa was no different.”
“How did you keep the Drall back?”
“Lots of runs to wear out the beast and many, many cold showers.”
Yeah, he’d done both. Not that it’d helped any. As soon as Jaylin popped back in to his mind, he was a tangled mess of need, frustration, and anger.
“How long have you been together?” Aidan asked.
“We had thirty glorious years together. Five kids and four grandbabies.” A special smile tilted his lips and his face took on a faraway look. “I lost her to cancer three years ago. She was human.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Death is the only guarantee life gives us. It’s how you live the time you have that matters.”
Death was the issue between him and Jaylin right now. Opposing sides to the one guarantee in life. It was going to be very difficult changing her mind with everything she’d witnessed.
The click of the back door and Jaylin’s scent hit him at once, alerting him to her presence. Aidan straightened. Immediately, he wanted her in his arms, his mouth on hers, her body pressed against his. Why was he so weak? Why did he go through this every time she entered a room? Shouldn’t he build some freaking immunity?
“Did you enjoy your walk, miss?” Rafael asked.
“Yes. I did. Thank you.” Aidan could feel her gaze on him, but he refused to make eye contact. Instead he turned his back on her and busied himself with getting out two wineglasses.
“Can I get you something?” he asked over his shoulder.
“Wine would be nice, thank you.”
The tension in the room increased. Rafael cleared his throat and said, “Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable out on the deck. Dinner will be finished momentarily and I’ll serve you when it’s done.”
Alone with Jaylin? That was exactly what he’d wanted when he’d planned this trip, but now the idea soured his stomach. Another bout of fighting his instinct, of being distant, of being the ass she was starting to hate. How could he change that and still be around her when she refused to allow him to touch her to relieve some of the pressure of the Drall?
He poured them both a glass of white wine and handed one to her. Without a word, he went outside, cursing himself for his actions, but walking away was so much easier than fighting his need while she was near him.
A few seconds passed before the pad of her bare feet on the wood followed. A part of him was relieved, the other part tensed, ready to do what he had to do to get through this.
He sat down on one of the lounge chairs and crossed his ankles, staring at the orange spreading across the sky as the sun set on the horizon, trying to pretend she wasn’t even there, even as her presence beat on him with unrelenting persistence.
When she sat down across the deck from him and remained silent, he took the moment to admire the way the fading sun brought out the auburn highlights in her dark hair. She was absolutely breathtaking to just watch, and he wanted desperately to have her sit beside him, twine her fingers with his, and watch the lowering sun together as a couple. All he got was deafening silence and a tension so thick he could choke on it.
Rafael walked out of the house with a round tray. He quickly set both plates on the table. “Dinner is served. If that will be all, Mr. O’Connell, I’d like to retire for the night.”
“Yes. Thank you, Rafael.”
He bowed slightly, then left. And then it was just the two of them. Aidan, the ass, and Jaylin, the defensive. Another wonderful moment together.
They might as well eat, though the thought of food really wasn’t appealing right now. “Hungry?”
She sighed. “Since Rafael scared me earlier and I threw the roast beef I’d planned to make into a sandwich at him, I’m starved.”
The fact that she tried to make a joke surprised him. Maybe the night could be salvaged after all. He pulled out her chair, then rounded the table to sit on the other side. Instead of digging in as he expected her to do, she picked at her pasta with her fork, her eyes completely focused on the plate before her. He swore he heard a muffled sob come from her.
“Jaylin?”
When she lifted her head, he was stunned to see a single tear slide down her cheek. Without thought, he shot to his feet and rushed around the table to squat before her. “Baby, what’s the matter?”
Another tear followed the first one as she cupped his cheek, her hand trembling against his skin. “This is the Aidan I want here.”
His breath caught tight in his chest. “What are you saying?”
“I hated our kiss from earlier.”
He grabbed one of her hands and kissed the inside of her palm. “Me too,” he whispered against her skin, lulled by simply having the permission to touch her without her pulling away.
“I don’t like the man who brought me to this island.” She gave a sarcastic laugh. “God knows I should, because that man would be so easy to deny. His kisses would be easy to ignore. The way he looks through me would ensure nothing would happen between us. But for the life of me, Aidan, I don’t want that.”
“Me neither.”
“I don’t want that Aidan anywhere near me. If that’s the only way you can get through this, then please let’s just go home now.”
“We’re not going home, Jaylin, but I don’t want that Aidan here either. However, his presence depends on you. Are you going to willingly participate in our time here or are you constantly going to push me away?”
She drew back. “W-what are you asking?”
“I want you to completely surrender to me. No hesitation. If I want to kiss you, touch you, I want to know I can. I want to hold you…make love to you. I need to know you will no longer fight me. When you push me away, it makes the instinct worse. If you surrender to me, the Drall will calm.”
“Aidan…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. You have no idea how dangerous that is. I want you. I’m not going to deny that any longer, but nothing has changed. I won’t bond to you. If we…if we make love we’re tempting disaster. Your control could snap.”
He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear before trailing the back of his fingers down her cheek. She didn’t stiffen, just let him caress her, and his beast purred. He needed this. “At this point, I don’t want to take it. I want to bond to you because you want me to, not because my instinct tells me I have to.”
She pulled his hand away from her face and clutched it in her lap with both of hers. “I believe that you believe you can fight it, but your instinct isn’t going to give you that choice. I don’t want eternity. I never have. If you bond to me, I won’t return the bonding.”
“I know,” he whispered around the tightness in his throat. “You’ve never made that a secret.”
“Can’t you see how that possible outcome terrifies me for you, makes me push you away? I cou
ldn’t live with myself if I did that to you.”
“Jaylin, you have to trust that I can take care of myself. Have some faith in the human side of me.” He gripped her hands. “I swear to you I am stronger than my instinct. Give me the chance to prove it. Give me these few days.”
She bit her lip, and he saw the residual doubt lingering on her face. The hesitation he didn’t want. “When we get home, I promise to deal with the Drall—and let you go,” he added.
He’d never told a bigger lie.
“Aidan—”
He felt the sting of rejection coming, and blurted, “I brought condoms, Jaylin.”
That snapped her mouth shut as the admission hung in the air between them, as the meaning sank in.
“You’re serious,” she whispered.
“As much as you don’t want to Dsert me, I don’t want to be Dserted, but I want you, Jaylin, I need you.”
The condom was protection from both. With one on, it was impossible to Fewse to her.
“I’m already awakened, Jaylin. I know you don’t want an eternity with me. I’m willing to ensure that it won’t happen. So what’s the worst thing that could occur? You have time in paradise with a man who wants you in every position he can imagine.”
Her lust scented the air, and she swallowed. Finally she breathed out. “I’m giving you my trust, Aidan.”
“With no hesitation?”
“No hesitation. For the time we are here, I am yours. Please don’t make me regret it.”
Air burst from his lungs. He’d done it. Jaylin was his for the next few days. He’d spend that time convincing her that she was going to be his for eternity, because he couldn’t accept the alternative: losing her forever.
Chapter Seven
Groaning, Jaylin dropped her fork on the empty plate with a clatter. “Rafael must add a secret ingredient to his food to make a person want to eat every single bite. I can’t remember the last time I had something so delicious.”
“I can think of one thing that tastes even better,” Aidan said as he stood and started clearing away the dishes.
Even though he hadn’t added any suggestive eyebrow waggling or even made eye contact with her as he spoke, she knew he meant her, and her stomach quivered. She’d expected Aidan to pounce on her the moment she’d given in to him. But he hadn’t. Instead he kissed her sweetly, promised she wouldn’t regret her decision, then returned to his chair and proceeded to spend the next hour sexually frustrating her.