by Laura Lam
Are you going to go see Doctor Pozzi? Anisa asked me as we made our way home again.
Looks like I don’t have much of a choice.
“Come on, Micah,” Drystan urged. “We’re almost there. I’ll take care of you. You’ll be fine.”
I opened my mouth to answer, but my eyes rolled up into my head and I fell into his arms. I had just enough time to be annoyed before I fainted yet again.
31
THE DREAM, THE NIGHTMARE
“A fever may burn a man alive. Some of the old wise men who called themselves seers would bring on a fever. They said the fever dreams showed them their fate, and the fate of those who followed them.”
“Mystics and Seers” from A History of Ellada and its Colonies, Professor Caed Cedar, Royal Snakewood University.
Part of me knew it was a fever dream. That didn’t make it any less frightening.
I was not me. Anisa was flying, or falling, through skies on fire. All was red, orange, black and gold. I reached out my hands and they burned to nothing. There was no pain. I closed my eyes.
I woke up and I was no longer myself. My body was human, my skin the peach and cream of a newborn. No swirling silver markings of my family. No dragonfly wings rose from my back. I was clipped. Earthbound. I skulked through the streets of this strange new city of Imachara, keeping to the shadows. I came to the market square before the palace, with a large stage set up in the middle, but no audience. Storm clouds rumbled overhead.
The phantoms, the parts in this play to come, walked across the stage. The woman in the red dress whose son was eaten from the inside. My new charge knew who she was now, and what she had done. Things might still fall into place the way I thought – hoped – they would. The way the world whispers to me that it might.
The doctor with the clockwork hand appeared onstage, smiling that self-satisfied grin, though he was as ignorant as all the rest. He did not even know what he wore against the stump of his arm. The ones who side with him float around him, waiting in the wings. The young girl with the lie around her neck. The one who was Matla, young Cyan, her powers just beginning to unfurl. The boy Drystan, who despite his lack of power could destroy everything. And my little Kedi, my newest charge, the one called Micah, or Gene, or Sam – my last and greatest hope.
The stage lights extinguished, leaving me in the night. My lungs burned with the memory of smoke and soot. I was alone in the darkness. No one called me forth.
A door in the darkness opened, and the boy Ahti came toward me. But as I reached my arms to him, he fell, his shriveled legs unable to support him, his skin gray and green. He wailed, covering his eyes with his hands. He wasn’t my Ahti. A flash of bright blue light. A dull roar. A young girl, screaming. Micah Grey, the one meant to help, to save everything, crying out. A flash of blinding blue.
They were all dead and gone, and the world dead and gone with them.
Darkness fell.
I knew what I needed to do to stop it, but how could I commit that evil, too?
I knew where they were, those two little discs that held the loves of my life. My Relean. My little Kedi, Dev. They had survived the years, just as I have, even if Ahti was gone.
I would do anything to be with them again.
Anything. Even what was to come.
“Micah.”
I turned my head away from the noise.
“Micah.” A cool cloth rested on my forehead.
I opened my eyes, but the brightness hurt. I closed them again.
A brush of lips against my cheek. “Wake up, Micah.” A whisper in my ear.
Drystan. I opened my eyes, meeting his blue ones.
“Are you feeling any better?” he asked, his brow furrowed in worry.
I tried to sit up, but a swirl of nausea drove me back. “No, I don’t think I am.”
“What’s happening?”
“I didn’t tell you, but Pozzi warned me… that if I grow sick…” I trailed off, my body racked with coughs. I hurt. Everything hurt.
“Then what?” Panic entered his voice.
“Then I could be dying.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No. You can’t be. It’s just a fever. It’ll pass.”
“If I die…” I started.
“Shut up. Don’t speak like that. We’ll get you sorted.”
“Listen, you numbskull.” I managed a weak smile. “I’m trying to tell you something important. If I do die, I’d regret not telling you…”
“Telling me what?”
I closed my eyes again, not brave enough to tell him with my eyes open. “That I love you.”
A sharp intake of breath. Silence. Horrible silence. A tear slid down my cheek. Say something, Drystan, I wanted to say. Say something while I’m still conscious. The dreams, the nightmares, hovered in the corner of my mind. Crouching. Waiting. My mouth was dry with fever and fear. I had never felt so vulnerable.
Drystan leaned close, pressed his palms against my warm cheeks. “I love you, Micah Grey. More than the sun loves the moon,” he whispered, quoting the magic show.
I gave a half-laugh, half-sob. Drystan pressed his lips to mine.
I began to shiver, my body jerking beneath the sweat-soaked sheets. The visions of the world ending came closer, pressing close, their whispers filling my ears. I felt even warmer, as though I were a bit of tinder about to explode into flame.
“And now,” he said. “I’m going to save you.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: SHADOWPLAY
It’s scary, writing these. I’m always afraid I’m going to miss listing someone, because there are so many people who help make a book far better than it would be if I’d been laboring on my own vacuum. So thank you to my earliest readers and some of my closest friends: Shawn DeMille & Erica Bretall, for giving me feedback on what was a decidedly shaky draft. Thank you to my literary BFF Wesley Chu being there every step of the way, including dealing with my anxious rambles with the patience of a champ.
To my many other betas who have each provided such valuable critique: Mike Kalar, Rob Haines, Molly Rabbitt, Vonny McKay, Megan Walker, Mike Stewart, Stephen Aryan, Anne Lyle, Amy McCulloch, Colin Sinclair, Joseph Morton, and my Tuesday writing buddies Lorna McKay and Hannah Beresford. Thank you to my writing groups the Inkbots and The Cabal. To Emma Maree Urquhart for the name “Alvis Tyndall.” An especially huge thank you to Corinne Duyvis and Erica for not only reading an earlier draft but also being invaluable at the 11th hour.
Many thanks to the publishing people who helped me with my second book baby: my leopard-print-clad, lindy-hopping, honey badger of an agent, Juliet Mushens, and of course to my editor, Amanda Rutter, and to all the people who have given Pantomime & Shadowplay a lovely home in Strange Chemistry/Angry Robot.
Lastly but definitely not least: to Sally Baxter, to whom the book is dedicated, for being my number one fan and the best mother. Thanks to my family and friends. And my everlasting gratitude and love to my husband Craig, for listening to my endless plot ideas, for the many cups of tea and cooked dinners, and for forcing me to turn off the laptop occasionally.
And thank you to the readers who followed Micah Grey from the circus to the magician’s stage.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Laura Lam was raised near San Francisco, California by two former Haight-Ashbury hippies.
She relocated to Scotland in 2009 to be with her husband, whom she met on the internet when he instant messaged her and insulted her taste in books. She almost blocked him but is glad she didn’t.
At times she misses the sunshine.
http://staticsplit.wordpress.com/
twitter.com/LR_Lam
“Pantomime is a touching, amazing story of someone who simply wants to find their place in the world.”
So So Gay Magazine
“A completely eye-opening, enthralling debut.”
Once Upon A Bookcase
“Pantomime is a wonderfully written book, with a fantastic main character
and I truly enjoyed reading it.”
The Book Smugglers
“Well-written and intelligent fantasy with characters I loved and a wonderful protagonist, in a fascinating world.”
Fantasy Faction
“A wonderful YA fantasy that address issues of sexuality in ways that I haven’t seen before. It’s a magical tale of accepting who you are, overcoming bullies and finding a place where you fit in.”
Book Chick City
“This is a well-crafted tale of secrets and dreams, written with a satisfyingly rhythmic prose that lends itself perfectly to the slow beauty and tragedy of the story, and is certainly the most in-depth character based fantasy to have been seen in a long while.”
British Fantasy Society
“Pantomime is one of the strangest, most fascinating, and daring YA debuts that I’ve read in a while and I mean that in the best possible way.”
Jess Hearts Books
“It’s a brave, thoroughly fascinating novel that deserves a lot more attention outside of its genre because it’s very quietly delivering one of the most complex and fascinating protagonists I’ve ever read.”
Did You Ever Stop To Think?
“In all honestly, I think everyone should be reading this. I’m a firm believer the best fiction is that which is thought provoking without even appearing to try. Laura Lam has not only achieved this most difficult of tasks, she has managed to make it look effortless.”
The Eloquent Page
“Pantomime is an amazing book, with a mysterious setting, absolutely perfect and magical writing and a sensitive topic that is so worth reading about.”
Challenging Reads
“Pantomime is a remarkable debut novel, one of the best debut novels I have read, and one that I hope leaves its mark on the fantasy genre as a whole.”
Fantasy Book Review
“Pantomime was truly enchanting and its vivid, poignant portrayal of belonging and equality is a testament to Laura Lam’s brilliant storyline as she delivers a powerful debut.”
Lost in Thought
“Pantomime is quite possibly one of the best fantasies of its type I have read this year and I can’t wait for more.”
Readaraptor
“I appreciated Pantomime for its originality and Laura Lam for choosing to write a book that deals with complicated and sensitive issues regarding gender identity.”
Recovering Potter Addict