The Weaver Fish

by Robert Edeson

  Latin Aleatorics: Translations with Commentary, 1

  Latin cube, 1

  Latin half (Semis), 1

  Latin Quarter, 1

  Latin quarter, 1

  Latin question, 1, 2

  Latin Square, 1, 2

  Latin square, 1, 2

  Least Silliness test, 1

  Lecémot, Napoléon, 1

  lèse-majesté, 1

  Letterby, Abbess Magdalena, 1

  lex Vaticani, 1

  likelihood, 1, 2

  Lindenblüten Society, 1, 2

  litmus, 1

  locust inequality, proof of, 1

  London Tribune, 1, 2

  Loom, Penelope, 1, 2

  loopstrap, 1, 2

  Lorca, Miguel, 1, 2

  Lypton, James, 1

  M

  MacAkerman, Thomas, 1, 2

  Machiavelli, N, 1

  Madregalo, 1, 2

  Magnacart, Sir Richard, 1

  maladie sans serif, la, 1

  Manhattan Transfers, 1

  many give confused stories, 1, 2

  Margaret River, 1, 2

  Markov, A A, 1, 2

  matryoshki, 1

  memento mori, 1

  menarche, 1

  Mesmerides, Bishop, 1, 2

  metaphysics, 1, 2

  mind and number, 1

  Mingle Common, 1, 2

  Mingle Lane, 1, 2

  Miserere, 1

  Misgivingston, Emily (Millie), 1, 2

  Misgivingston, Nicholas, 1, 2

  Misgivingston, Sir Richard, 1

  missing shade of blue, 1, 2

  modular arithmetic, 1

  moment of inertia, 1, 2

  Montague-Tiese, Lucy, 1, 2

  Moral Discriminators in a Policed Society, 1

  Moral Hazard, 1

  Mordax, 1, 2

  Mount Sycamore School of Business, 1

  Moustache? Mais non!, 1

  murder of Orsifals, 1

  N

  Namok, Crown Princess, 1

  Nazarene College, Cambridge, 1, 2

  necessity and sufficiency, 1, 2

  Nefari, Prince, 1, 2

  negating pairs, 1, 2

  Nepotisti, King, 1

  news collective?, 1

  Newton, 1, 2

  Nordic Silence, 1, 2

  not even half bright here?, 1, 2

  Noyes, Milton, 1, 2

  nuclear trigger code, 1

  nucleotide sequence, 1, 2

  numeration, Roman, 1

  O

  Omega, 1, 2

  once once rondo, twice twice pi, 1

  once ridden, twice ordinary, 1

  Order of Mercifuls, 1

  order statistic (credule), 1, 2

  Oriel Gardens, 1, 2

  Oxford, 1, 2

  oxidation states of gold, 1, 2

  oxygen, 1, 2

  P

  Palace L’Orphania, 1, 2

  Palazzo di Guerra, 1

  parabolic man (in parable), 1

  parabolic man (in parabola), 1, 2

  Paris Métro, 1, 2

  parity (number), 1, 2

  parity (obstetric), 1, 2

  Parsa, 1

  Parsan gap, 1, 2

  parser, 1

  Parsifals, 1

  Partial Evidence, 1

  partitioning (interiors), 1, 2

  Pascal’s triangle, 1

  paschal trinity, 1

  passable tracks, 1

  Passible Tracts, 1

  past erotic tense, 1, 2

  Pastaveleno, Roberto, 1

  Peepshow program, 1, 2

  Peril River, 1, 2

  Periphereia, Princess, 1

  Perth, 1, 2

  Petrarch, F, 1

  pH, 1

  phase transition, 1, 2

  Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica, 1

  phrase transition, 1

  Phulex coalescens condorformis, 1, 2

  Phulex irritans, 1

  physiology of blushing, 1

  pi, 1, 2

  Pilcrow, Alison, 1

  pilgrimage, 1, 2

  Pioniv, Wallis, 1

  point three recurring, 1

  Pontage, Grant, 1, 2

  Pope Ignorius, 1

  Postlepilty, 1, 2

  Postlepilty Symposia, 1, 2

  post-subtlety, 1, 2

  Prayer Prepostery, A, 1

  Prescott, Howard, 1, 2

  Prince, The, 1

  Probabilistic Reasoning, 1

  proctalgia, 1

  Promise of the One True God, The, 1

  Prophet of the One False God, The, 1

  Prophetess of Parsa, 1

  Providence Portfolio, 1, 2

  Prussica gunsight, 1, 2

  psychosis, 1, 2

  psychotropic ligands, 1, 2

  Q

  queue theory, 1, 2

  quincunx, 1

  Quintics, 1

  R

  rap, 1, 2

  raven, 1

  Reckles Texan hat, 1, 2

  Reckles, Walter, 1, 2

  Reckleson, Martin, 1

  recognizing Can’t, 1

  recognizing cant, 1, 2

  Recognizing Kant, 1

  Rede Professorship in Logic, 1

  reductio, 1

  refraction, 1, 2

  regress and self-reference, 1, 2

  Rep’husela, Queen, 1, 2

  research funding, 1, 2

  ringtone, 1, 2

  rinlin, 1, 2

  Roman conquest, 1, 2

  Ropey, Millicent, 1, 2

  Royal Ornithological Society, 1, 2

  royalties, immodest, 1, 2

  royalties, modest, 1

  Rubicon crossing, 1

  Runic Alphabetology, 1

  S

  Sallumer, Marguerite, 1

  salt, 1, 2

  sample space, 1

  Satroit, Erico, 1, 2

  Scintillini, Signora, 1, 2

  scramjet, 1

  Scrutable History of China, A, 1, 2

  Second Coming, 1, 2

  Second Law (of Motion), 1

  Second Law (of Thermodynamics), 1

  seki fruit, 1, 2

  sekitriptyline, 1

  self-similarity, 1

  septicaemia, 1, 2

  set theory, 1, 2

  Shannon, C E, 1, 2

  Shin Wah, Frances, 1, 2

  Signals Directorate, 1

  silence (Tøssentern), 1, 2

  simultaneous equations, 1

  simultaneous orgasms, 1

  Sistine Chapel, 1

  Smudge, 1, 2

  sonata form, 1

  South China Sea, 1, 2

  SpeakEasy, 1, 2

  Spoiling, Victor, 1, 2

  Spoiling’s Lemma, 1

  Spoken Silence: Etymologies and Guide to Diction, 1

  Spoker, Sidney, 1

  St Alonzo’s, 1, 2

  St Ignorius, 1

  stability of flight, 1, 2

  steady state, 1

  Stochastic Signatures of the Parsan Gap, 1, 2

  Stronk, 1, 2

  Studies in Cowardice I: The Suicide Murderer, 1, 2

  succinctness: algebra versus poetry, 1

  ‘Suitor’s Reverie, A’, 1

  summer draws angler east, 1, 2

  summer draws angler west, 1, 2

  swint, 1

  Syllabine Campaign, 1

  Syllabine Task, 1, 2

  Syllabines, Syllabine Women, 1, 2

  syllogism, 1, 2

  T

  Ta’Salmoud, Josef, 1, 2

  Tealady, Sir Roger, 1

  Tenebrae, 1

  Terrence, Major, 1

  Tersley, Philip, 1, 2

  tessella, 1

  tessera, 1

  Thornton, 1, 2

  Thortelmann equivalence, 1, 2

  thricing of swints, 1, 2

  Thurdleigh, Tertia, 1

  Thwistle, Rodney, 1, 2

  Tiese, Pierre, 1

/>   tinctoria, 1

  titration, 1, 2

  Tøssentern transform, 1

  Tøssentern, Edvard, 1, 2

  Tøssentern, Henrietta, 1, 2

  Tøssentern, Henrik, 1, 2

  Totengraber, 1, 2

  trace humaine, 1, 2

  transitivity, 1, 2

  tread and turn, 1, 2

  trigonometry, 1

  Tristan chord, 1

  Tunica Christi, 1

  Tyrian purple, 1, 2

  U

  UITA Press, 1, 2

  unit-belief, 1, 2

  Unsteady State: Power, Protest and the Polis, 1

  V

  Vanishing Act, 1

  vector, 1, 2

  Verita’s Wines, 1, 2

  Vestry, Simon, 1, 2

  Vex, 1, 2

  Vissy Mofo (Captain Hate), 1, 2

  Vlamingho’s, 1

  W

  Wagon des Philosophes, 1, 2

  Wasabi, Hiro, 1, 2

  weaver fish, 1, 2

  Wingsters, 1, 2

  Wordless, 1

  Worse, Richard, 1, 2

  X

  xanthocyte, 1

  Y

  Yiscosh, Marshal, 1, 2

  Z

  Zheng, 1, 2

  Z-Invectivus, 1, 2

  zothecula, 1, 2

  z-words in Latin, 1, 2

  NOTES AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  I thank the Office of the Trustees in Perpetuity Reliquiae di Boccardo in Florence, for permission to use materials in approved translation (by Lord Enright, with permission, and this author), including the unattributed epigram pair in Chapter 28. Negotiations were conducted through the London Trustee, Dr Barbara Bokardo, to whom I am greatly indebted.

  I am grateful to the Libraire Satroit in Istanbul for allowing quotations from ‘The Guardianship of the Holy Land’ and ‘The Betrothal’. Permission to reproduce ‘A Suitor’s Reverie’ was not sought as the Institute formally renounces this work, though the authorship is beyond question. The translation given is by the present author.

  I thank Dr Edvard Tøssentern, the President of the Lindenblüten Society and the Syndics of Nazarene College, Cambridge, for permission to edit and publish the material of Chapter 1. The examination question (Chapter 31) was provided by the office of the Rede Professor of Logic in Nazarene College, and is reproduced also with approval of the College Syndics.

  The content of Chapters 3 and 4 is reproduced with the permission of Aviation Reviews and Dr Anna Camenes (Chapter 3). I am grateful to Dr Camenes for sharing her ideas, both proven and speculative, on seki fruit. I likewise thank Dr Camenes and Dr Sigrid Blitt for assisting my understanding of credule theory and sekitriptyline pharmacology.

  The anonymous Obituary of Chapter 5, the postscript by Professor Pioniv, the Review content of Chapter 10, the editorial Letter and Reply of Chapter 11, and the Editor’s Note in Chapter 12 are reproduced with the permission of the publisher of the London Tribune. I am pleased to report that, following an unexplained absence, Simon Vestry has returned to the review pages of that august newspaper. Readers who have tired of weaver fish reportings and the documentary genre in general might enjoy his re-inaugural critical essay, entitled ‘In a regime of impossible truths, fiction is stranger than fiction’.

  The email of Chapter 6 is reproduced by courtesy of Dr Linda Feckles, with the caveat that certain engineering concepts contained therein are protected by patent.

  Discoveries concerning the Asiatic condor are presented without material input from the stated principal investigators. The author has ascertained facts as accurately as circumstances allow, and is confident of committing no serious error; the test of this must await peer-reviewed publication of the scientific data.

  My attempts to correspond with Rev Barnabas Bending have been unsuccessful, despite repeated assurances from his curate that this would be welcomed. I am informed that the Postlepilty Symposia have been discontinued.

  Readers interested in knowing more about swint ethology or physiology should note that the species designation transmuta in place of tinctoria appears commonly in the North American academic literature. An entertaining place to start is T Thurdleigh’s ‘Prime factorization of avian flock counts’ in J. Numerical Ornith., and the references therein.

  I regret to inform the reader that certain perfectly benign comments made by Dr Rodney Thwistle (recounted in Chapter 13) were overheard and misunderstood by a humourless drinks waiter, and a fatuous complaint lodged. Nazarene College is currently deeply divided between accusers and defenders, with a passion of enmities not seen since the Interregnum of the 1870s. The antagonists believe they differ on nothing less than what constitutes civilization; but in essence the central argument is whether irony is a human right. Thwistle is holidaying in Margaret River.

  I am grateful to Dr Penelope Loom and Vissy Mofo (Captain Hate) for sharing their personal recollections of the dinner party in Chaucer Road (Chapter 15), and for permission to reproduce his letter and the poem ‘Z-words in Latin’, as well as the soliloquy of the Cycladic figurine (about which he advises some technical reservations).

  I thank Dr Penelope Hyffen-Dascher, who also contributed her version of conversations reproduced in Chapter 15. Any inaccuracies in the account of that event remain the responsibility of this author. I am further grateful to Dr Hyffen-Dascher for providing an introduction to UITA Press.

  I have been unable to contact Professor Lecémot or his agent, despite all reasonable efforts including a personal survey of the Paris Métro. His letter is deemed crucial in elucidating other matters and is reproduced here without permission, in good faith, and without prejudice.

  I am indebted to Sir Peter Magnacart, who generously shared the private family feud story with this outsider, and provided access to archival material, including a priceless Codex with commentaries on the Pontage chronicle commissioned by the Magnacart family in the sixteenth century. The earliest history of Mingle Common (Notes to Chapter 23) was sourced partly from this document.

  The description, address and occupation of the unnamed philatelist in La Ferste have been fictionalized for that person’s safety. Likewise, identifying details of certain other individuals have been altered in the interests of privacy, security, or protection from criminal proceedings. No imputation relating to any other person, or any other business or property (similar or otherwise) should be made from the facts stated concerning Humboldt Bank, Verita’s Wines, or their related entities as here described, or the premises and activities of the place and business named as Grosvenor Apartments.

  I thank Inspector Victor Spoiling for explaining aspects of forensic chemistry and police procedures, and for some informal and most ethical conversations regarding the person identified in this work as Richard Worse.

  I am instructed to make clear that Dr Sigrid Blitt and Dr Emily Misgivingston provided no information regarding the identity or character of Richard Worse. Nevertheless I remain grateful, as what was not forthcoming proved most enlightening. My one question to him, kindly forwarded by Dr Blitt, as to whether he tracked Prince Nefari’s satellite phone to a point in the Bergamot Sea, has not been answered.