Liberty for Paul

by Rose Gordon

  “Hold it right there, madam,” he bellowed. “First and foremost, Sam is still alive. His wife died in the accident, not him. However, yes as his heir, I am now next in line and will inherit upon his death due to his current and future lack of male issue. As for those fourteen children I support, they are all his. Some men are addicted to cards or alcohol or horse races, but Sam is addicted to pleasures of the flesh. I pay their support for the same reason you tutor the illiterate illegitimates, or whatever it is you call them, in a little room above the tavern each week. Because we both know they can’t help the circumstances of their birth.”

  “That may be true,” she acknowledged softly. How did he figure her out so well? “However, that does not prove you’re not the father.”

  “Doesn’t it?” he said, rocking back on his heels.

  “No,” she exclaimed. “I admit even I have a hard time believing you capable of the time and energy to produce that many children. And I’ll even accept that a few truly aren’t yours, but I doubt they’re all his. Take Billy, for example, I was there when he called you ‘Pa’, if that’s not proof, I don’t know what is.”

  Paul closed his eyes and shook his head. “Did it occur to you that perhaps at only eighteen months old, Billy cannot say ‘Paul’? And calling me ‘Pa’ is as close as he can get? Goodness, Liberty, give me a little more credit than that. No man who has illegitimate children allows them to call him by a fatherly sort of name.”

  “Then why were they even there?” she countered, trying to deflect the valid point he’d made about the little boy calling him ‘Pa’.

  “I don’t know,” he said with an annoyed shrug. “Ludwig told me they were waiting and I knew I couldn’t ignore them in hopes of them leaving. When I walked in the room there was no way I could ignore the little boy. He doesn’t deserve that. I only played with him to be friendly, not because he’s mine. And certainly not because I entertain any sort of romantic notions for Evelyn.”

  “Fine,” she allowed. He’d made convincing arguments that even she couldn’t doubt where Billy was concerned. She also still believed Lucy’s claim about Seth. “That clears you of two. What of the others?”

  “There not mine, either,” he said, his voice hard and cold. “If you need more proof I’ll take you to see all fourteen of their mothers and you can ask them who they went to bed with. But it would be far easier if you just took my word for it.”

  “Your word,” she mocked, casting him a dubious look. “Your word means nothing to me. You lied and tricked me.” She couldn’t control the sob that rose up in her throat.

  “I acknowledge I deceived you,” he said quietly. Then his eyes lit with anger and his voice grew hard. “But I’ve given you no other cause to doubt my word.”

  “Does that matter?” she burst out. “Why did you set out to do this? Did you want to have your fun at my expense is that what it was?” She could feel the tears building behind her eyes as she remembered just how much she’d exposed to him. It hadn’t been so bad to tell him those things when she thought him a stranger, but now to realize the person she was talking about was the person she was talking to made everything seem all the more mortifying.

  “No, I didn’t,” he said softly, scuffing his boot on the floor. “Actually, I didn’t go to that ball that night knowing you’d be there. Your father sent me a note asking me to come to London. When I came, he begged, pleaded and nearly twisted my arm,” he paused to flash her a smile at his use of her own words, “to get me to go to the ball to help his niece, Allison Ellis. He claimed she was just in from New York and he wanted me to help her get acquainted with the ballroom. I grumbled about it and eventually gave in because he promised it would be the last time he’d asked for a favor.” He ran his hand through his hair. “However, unlike you, I didn’t get that promise in writing,” he added ruefully.

  “You’ll learn,” she said automatically. Then her eyes went wide when she realized she’d just given him a false glimmer of hope that things would work out. “I mean, in the future, when dealing with people. You’ll learn to get a written agreement…” she trailed off and shook her head. If about nothing else, she knew he was telling the truth about being tricked into meeting her at the ball. Her family—specifically Brooke—had a knack for involving herself in other people’s business.

  He grinned and nodded slowly. “I see,” he drawled.

  “No, you don’t,” she snapped. “There is no chance at a future for us.”

  “Why?” he snapped back. “Because all of your false assumptions about me?

  “No. I now have plenty of true ones to add to the list, too,” she said pertly. “To start with, you should have told me your identity as soon as you figured out mine.”

  “I was about to,” he admitted sharply, “and then a second later you accused me of adultery.”

  “Well, if the boot fits,” she said sarcastically.

  “Well, the boot doesn’t fit,” he retorted angrily through clenched teeth. “I’ve kept my marriage vows. Unlike you, who seemed nearly willing to cuckold me with a stranger.”

  “Oh, congratulations. You’ve managed to keep your pants up for two months,” she yelled sarcastically with a huff, ignoring his unflattering remark.

  “Back to that, are we? I’ll have you know, I’ve had just as much bed play as you have,” he said, his face turning red.

  Liberty laughed in his face. “If you think I’ll believe that, you’re cracked,” she said sardonically. “You seemed awfully skilled at the sport a few nights ago.” She swallowed a lump in her throat and felt the heat of embarrassment flood her cheeks.

  “I’m glad you think so, darling,” he drawled tauntingly. “However, your body is the only one I’ve ever touched. As for my reaction, it was based solely on desire and instinct, not some practiced skill learned in a brothel.”

  She gasped and reached up to slap him, but he caught her wrist. “Let go of me, you vile, despicable man.” She tried to pull her hand away, but his grasp was too firm.

  “No. Now you listen here. You stand here and accuse me of infidelity, and yet, you’re the one who sneaks off to dark places with strangers and let them kiss and caress you.” His voice was sharp, but his eyes were sharper.

  A wave of shame washed over her. “As it turns out, you weren’t a stranger after all, were you?” she shot back.. “And you were just as involved in everything as I was.”

  “Yes, I was,” he admitted coldly. “But you didn’t know who I was. At least I knew who I was kissing and caressing in the dark.”

  Another wave of shame came over her. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t know him then and I don’t know him now.” She took a ragged breath. “I thought I did, but as it turns out, I didn’t. More fool I, I suppose.”

  “You’re not a fool, Liberty. Naïve, perhaps. But not a fool,” he said gently.

  “Yes, I am. I didn’t even recognize my own husband at a ball,” she said lamely, feeling deflated.

  “I didn’t recognize you right away, either,” he allowed. “People typically believe what they’re told they see. You only tipped me off with your overdone accent. I know ‘Ellis’ is one of your mother’s family names. Which would mean, like your mother, anyone from her side of the family, would have a southern accent, not one from New York. Then you confirmed it when you mentioned Madison’s daydreaming and how critical you were about it.”

  She fought to keep from grunting in dismay. Of course he’d pick up on that. He’d once eavesdropped on her most condemning conversation with Madison about that habit. “That was a good ten minutes before I said I suspected you of infidelity, why didn’t you say something then?”

  He smiled. “I wanted to dance with you.”

  “You already had,” she retorted.

  He shook his head. “That may be true, but I didn’t get to enjoy it. I was dancing with who I thought to be my wife’s cousin and my body was reacting in a way that should be reserved for my wife. That’s why I was counting. I needed a distract
ion. After I figured out who you were, I wanted you in my arms again.”

  “But you waltzed me into a dark corner. Why? Why not reveal your identity to me and take me to the ballroom?” she asked, confused.

  He dropped his gaze to his boots. “I suspected you already knew who I was and I wanted to teach you a lesson so you wouldn’t pull a trick like that again. But then I realized you’d been duped like I had. I would have told you then, except you openly accused me of being unfaithful to you.”

  “All right, so after I explained that why did you continue to lie to me?” she asked sharply, crossing her arms.

  He exhaled a pent up breath. “I don’t know. I should have told you, but I couldn’t force myself to. I liked talking to you and holding you. And even if you were painting the real me in a very unfavorable light, I wanted to be with you.”

  “You mean you liked touching me inappropriately and discussing bawdy topics?” she asked with a smile.

  He laughed. “Of course.”

  Her smile dimmed. “Wait a minute. Earlier you practically admitted to being a virgin, but that night you rattled off a whole list of words you said you used for your privates in mixed company.” She cast him a sharp look that relayed an unspoken message of: “I don’t know what to believe of you.”

  “That’s simple,” he said easily. “You’re the only company, mixed or otherwise, I’ve ever talked that way in front of. For some reason, you embolden me.” He shrugged and cast her a simple smile. “When I’m around you I do and say things I’d never imagine saying in front of others. In a way, Brooke had it right when she claimed I was shy. I am. But not with you. As you already know, I’ve made an idiot of myself more times than not in your presence.”

  Her smile returned. “But why did you let it go so far?”

  “You mean why did I kiss and touch you?” he asked.

  She nodded weakly.

  “You’re my wife, Liberty. It’s no secret I desire you that way. I wanted to kiss and touch you. And, as selfish as it sounds, when you kissed me, all thoughts of telling the truth fled because I wanted whatever you were offering. Even if it was meant for another man.” His voice cracked on the last sentence and Liberty felt her heart crack.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, truly meaning it. She’d always been the model of all that was prim and proper, and in a moment of weakness, she’d given into lust and allowed liberties to a man she didn’t know. “I didn’t do that with the intention of hurting you,” she whispered.

  “I know,” he whispered back, taking a seat on her bed.

  She ached to join him, wrap him in her arms and feel his strong arms come around her and pull her close. Instead, she settled for sitting next to him. “Can we talk honestly? No lies, no barriers?” she asked quietly.

  “I’d like that,” he said softly, grabbing her hand.

  “Why did you stop?” she asked quietly. “It’s no secret I enjoyed your touches. Why didn’t you take my virtue?”

  “It wouldn’t have been fair to either of the two, or should I say three,” he winked at her, “of us. You would have thought you’d given your innocence to a stranger and I wouldn’t be able to correct your assumption. Not to mention that I, as your husband and Mr. Daltry, would have found myself in an awkward situation of trying to shoot myself from both ends of a dueling field.” He sent her a grin. “Truly, Liberty, I wanted you. But I knew if I couldn’t have you as my true self, then I’d rather not have you at all.”

  “Why didn’t you reveal yourself when we went to my room?” she asked, biting her lip.

  “Are you cracked?” he teased. “There was a rapier in there. I’ve no doubt you would have gladly finished the job Sam started.”

  She laughed. “I noticed you didn’t bring it up today.”

  “No. But not for fear you’d use it on me,” he replied, giving her hand a light squeeze.

  She gave a mock gasp. “And you say I’m bloodthirsty. All right. Why did you come today?”

  “I didn’t want to,” he confided, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. “I came because I figured I’d have better luck talking sense into you as your trusted, mysterious confidant than as your dull, skirt-chasing husband.”

  She swallowed a lump in her throat. “All right. I understand. All is forgiven about the masquerade. However, I’d like some other explanations.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Ask away.”

  The sensations his body was creating in hers made it hard for her to think. All the questions she wanted to ask faded and she couldn’t think of anything she’d previously wanted to ask. Finally, she asked, “Why are you a vicar?”

  He laughed. “You mean why do I stay on even though everyone thinks I’m Seth’s father? At first I panicked and tried to stem the gossip. But I soon realized that short of having Lucy announce the truth in front of everyone, the problem wasn’t going to go away. I knew that would hurt her more than it would help, so when she offered, I told her no. Then I tried to get transferred, but there were no openings. So I stayed on and watched my congregation fall apart. A few months later I met your father, he suggested I should go visit the families that had left and let them get to know my character.”

  “That’s why they’ve been coming back?” she asked, then “Oh, no, they’ll all leave when they find out what I’ve been doing.”

  “You mean with your illegitimate illiterates?” he asked with a lazy smile and a shrug. “Who cares? If someone has a problem, I’ll quit.”

  “But you can’t,” she protested.

  He intertwined his fingers with hers. “Money isn’t a concern any longer,” he said with a shrug. “My grandfather, the duke that gave me the watch, left all his money and investments for me in a trust. On my next birthday all the money is mine.”

  “Oh,” she said simply. “And when is your birthday.”

  “Soon.”

  “It better not be tomorrow,” she said only half-jokingly.

  “It’s not,” he assured her. “It’s the day after.”

  She looked at him horrified. “You’re having me on,” she said laughingly after a minute. “That silly grin of yours only comes out when you’re teasing.”

  “So I am,” he acknowledged. “My birthday is at the beginning of next month. I’ll be five and twenty on the first of April.”

  She looked at him skeptically. “You’re serious aren’t you?”

  “Unfortunately, yes,” he said solemnly. “However, I’ll be the one with the last laugh this year when I receive more than a hundred fifty thousand pounds worth of investments.”

  “So you really didn’t need my dowry?” she said dumbly.

  “No.” He shook his head and smiled at her. “Last January I started getting the monthly dividends on my grandfather’s investments. That money alone is enough money to support us.” He gave her a tight squeeze. “Speaking of which,” he said abruptly, his voice turning rather serious. “I never intended for you to have to work.”

  “That’s all right. I like being Elizabeth’s companion. I don’t think of it as work,” she said with a smile.

  “Nonetheless, I intended for you to have an allowance. Apparently I forgot to sign something. Anyway, the money is in Bath, waiting to be spent.”

  “Thank you,” she said as he let go of her hand and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “One last thing. If Sam’s not dead, why did the doctor or whoever that was, say there was good news and you’re cousins say I’m as good as viscountess. Can’t he just remarry?”

  “Yes, he can,” Paul said, nodding. “But that’s not the good news the solicitor was speaking of.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, furrowing her brow.

  “Sam won’t be having any more children,” he said simply. “The solicitor knows I support Sam’s brood. The good news was that there wouldn’t be anymore. Sam can’t have anymore,” he further explained after he caught sight of her blank stare.

  “Why not?” she asked innocently.<
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  He pulled her onto his lap. “All his parts aren’t in operating condition anymore,” he told her with a grimace.

  “Oh,” she said, turning pink.

  “So now, Mrs. Grimes, it depends on us to continue the family line,” he said with an exaggerated sigh.

  She swatted him on the arm. “So you do want a broodmare,” she teased in mock indignation.

  “No,” he said quietly. “I want you.”

  “Oh, Paul, I’m so sorry,” she said, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you all this time.”

  “I don’t want to talk about the past. I forgive you for everything, including the bit with ‘Mr. Daltry’,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

  “I didn’t intend to hurt you,” she said, her voice cracking and lips quivering. “I j-just wanted to b-be wanted.”

  “I do want you,” he said raggedly, pulling her closer to him. “I do want you.”

  “Did you mean everything you said when you were ‘Mr. Daltry’?” she asked uneasily.

  “You mean the parts about wanting you for you and marrying you without a dowry?” he asked as if he’d read her mind.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Absolutely,” he said without hesitation. “Your father may think he tricked and bribed me, but he didn’t. I wouldn’t have married you if I hadn’t wanted to. I just didn’t know at the time that I wanted to.”

  She shook her head and ran her fingers in mindless patterns on his chest. “What did you write on my chest that night,” she asked, stilling her fingers and looking up at him with wide, curious eyes.