by Rosie Harris
‘She was crazy about you!’
‘As far as I was concerned she was just another Judy who was free and easy with her favours.’
‘How dare you! She wasn’t like that!’ defended Megan angrily. ‘Properly brought up was our Lynn. We both were!’
‘Which only proves how little you knew your sister, then,’ Miles said disparagingly. ‘She was the opposite to you, a little raver, in fact. That’s why, when I realised you were sisters, I could never understand why you were so prudish.’
Megan was so angry she found it impossible to reply. A panorama of events that had happened since she’d first met Miles flashed through her mind. She felt sickened by her own gullibility. Their secretive meetings; his evasive manner when he didn’t turn up; his insistence after their first couple of meetings that they musn’t be seen together in case his father found out and sacked her.
She had thought that was the reason he’d avoided taking her to the Stork Club or the Copper Kettle. Instead, it was because he didn’t want Lynn to see them together!
Some of the things Lynn had said about Flash skimmed through her mind. If only she’d listened. Had she done so it would have been obvious that Flash and Miles were one and the same.
But would it? It was so easy to draw conclusions when you knew the answer, she reflected miserably. She had long suspected that Miles might have another girlfriend, but it would never have dawned on her that it could be her own sister.
Hearing Lynn described so scathingly as a ‘raver’ and a ‘free and easy Judy’ was devastating. Lynn hadn’t been like that at all. She had the chameleon-like ability to adapt to her surroundings and could charm the birds off the trees if the occasion demanded. And Miles had taken advantage of the fact that she was just a precocious youngster.
‘How did you come to be with her that day … on your motorbike … You’d only just left me?’
‘I’d gone to the Stork Club after that stupid row with you. Lynn was there. We hadn’t seen each other for ages. She teased me about having a secret lover hidden away somewhere. I almost told her about the row I’d just had with you … I didn’t, though. We were laughing and joking when all of a sudden she started panicking about being late getting back to work so I gave her a lift.’
‘And you were showing off!’
‘No. We were going pretty fast … The roads were wet … We skidded. You know the rest. It was an accident, a dreadful accident, but it wasn’t my fault.’
The note of impatience in his voice made her uneasy.
‘In that case, why have you been avoiding me ever since you came back to work?’
‘I would have thought that was obvious! With everyone holding me responsible for what happened I thought you probably did as well.’
‘I’ve never accused you. I’ve never had the chance,’ she said bitterly. ‘You’ve avoided me ever since you came out of hospital. Have you never wondered how I felt? Didn’t you think you owed me some sort of explanation?’
He placed a hand placatingly on her arm. ‘Don’t forget I was injured too, Megan!’
She felt herself weakening as memories of him lying unconscious in the hospital bed attached to tubes and drips came flooding back. She struggled against the overpowering feeling of surrender that threatened to engulf her, determined to be strong and find out exactly what his intentions towards her were.
‘Leave me alone, Miles.’ Determinedly she pushed his hand away, refusing to be fobbed off by his persuasive charm. ‘I must settle things between us. I can’t go on living with this uncertainty …’
‘Uncertainty! That’s no way to describe my feelings for you,’ he exclaimed. ‘You know how I feel about you! I thought I was being considerate by keeping away from you. I knew how much you must be grieving about your sister and I didn’t want to do anything that might make things worse for you.’
There was no guile at all in the blue eyes that looked deeply into hers and Megan felt ashamed that she should have so misunderstood his intentions.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘It’s just that I love you so much, Miles.’
‘I know.’ Tenderly, he gathered her into his arms. ‘And you know how I feel …’ His words faded as his mouth covered hers in a long, lingering kiss.
‘I’m going to let you into a family secret,’ he murmured as he released her. ‘My father has promised to make me a director of the company. Until that’s settled I daren’t risk doing anything that might make him change his mind!’
‘Surely that doesn’t mean you can’t be seen speaking to me? Or is that why you’ve been so … so … off-hand!’
His mouth captured hers, silencing her questions, stirring her emotions, proving beyond doubt that his feelings for her burned like a raging fire, stronger than it had ever been.
‘Come on, I don’t have to spell it out for you,’ Miles whispered huskily. ‘Play it my way. I know what I’m doing.’ He kissed her again, an eager, hungry kiss that set her pulses racing, her whole body aflame.
‘You will remember that what I’ve just told you must remain a secret?’ he whispered as he lifted his mouth from hers. His face hovered so tantalisingly close that she found herself reaching up to pull his head down until their lips met again.
‘Now, if I’m to keep that appointment I must fly. Not a word to anyone,’ he warned. ‘For the moment, if I sometimes seem “off-hand” as you put it, play along with me. Remember it’s only a precautionary measure until I’m made a director.’
Chapter Twenty-two
IT WAS LIKE taking a step back in time, Megan reflected as she recalled her excitement a year earlier when she’d first planned to go on holiday to Beddgelert. Then, the prospect of driving to Wales alone had delighted her. Now, the fact that she was not telling her parents the complete truth about where she would be staying perturbed her. She wasn’t given to lying and the subterfuge worried her.
‘I ought to tell them, they’re worried as it is about me going on my own,’ she had argued with Miles. ‘They won’t tell anyone else.’
‘No!’ Miles remained adamant. He still refused to let her tell her parents, or anyone else, about their unofficial engagement and he certainly didn’t want it leaked that they were planning on spending a weekend together in Mostyn.
Megan was also faced with the problem of explaining to Jennie why she would be leaving Beddgelert first thing on Thursday morning. She had told her she would be staying for a week so Jennie was bound to think it odd that she wanted to go home early, even if she made the excuse that she was worried about leaving her mother on her own for too long.
She brought her car round to the front door and as her father stowed her suitcase into it she felt guilty that she was going off enjoying herself when her mother still looked so pale and washed out.
‘It’s you and Mam who should be going on holiday, not me,’ she told him.
‘I know that as well as you do, girl,’ said Watkin with a sigh. ‘Your mam doesn’t want to leave the house. She still hasn’t got over Lynn’s death. I sometimes wonder if she ever will. She seems afraid to face the world.’
Megan was well aware that her mother spent several hours each day dusting and tidying the room that had been Lynn’s while the rest of the house was neglected. No one else was allowed in Lynn’s room.
Megan had taken over the housekeeping while Lynn had been in hospital, and had carried on doing so afterwards, but she now felt it was time her mother took charge again. Even though she was going to be away for a week, she’d not stocked up with groceries hoping that forcing her mother to go shopping would help her to re-adjust. As far as the housework was concerned, it wouldn’t matter if that was left for a week. Her father would tidy round each day and she could give the place a thorough clean when she got back.
As she crossed the bridge at Queen’s Ferry that took her over the border into Wales, she felt a sense of freedom. It was a crystal clear spring day with the sun bathing the hillsides in a rich golden light. Her spirits rose
at the sight of the towering mountains. She had missed them so much. As she neared her destination, it seemed that the air was sweeter and the colours more pronounced.
She stopped at Betws-y-coed and went in search of a café. The holiday season had barely started so very few of them were open. She remembered the last time she had been there was with Lynn and her mother. She could almost sense their presence as she recalled how the three of them had strolled along the main street without a care in the world.
Snowdon was outlined majestically against the blue sky as she drove towards Capel Curig, its topmost peak wreathed in feathery, scudding clouds. Then she was on the last stretch of her journey, down into Beddgelert.
Snowdon was forgotten as Moel Hebog came into view. It was her first glimpse of it for three years and there was a sudden tightness in her throat. In a state of euphoria, she drove over the stone bridge that would take her up the hill and right past the cottage where she had lived as a child.
It felt like coming home.
Jennie greeted her with hugs and kisses. She seemed to Megan’s eyes to be bigger than ever, taller as well as plumper. She’d had her gingerish-brown hair shingled and it was now a fuzz that emphasised her round face.
‘There’s posh you look, Megan! And your own car! Duw I thought that was just a story to make me feel jealous. Not that I was, mind you, since I can’t drive anyway.’
They laughed together, bubbling over with snippets of news, as Jennie carried Megan’s suitcase up to the bedroom under the cottage eaves where she was to sleep.
‘There’s an old owl comes onto the sill each night. I hope its noisy hooting won’t frighten you, cariad,’ Jennie warned her. ‘My da talks about shooting it, but Mam says leave it be because it’s lucky. You know what she’s like! Nearly as superstitious as Gwyneth.’
‘How is Gwyneth?’
‘She’s fine, ever so pleased about you coming. I think she’s a bit put out, mind, at you staying here with me. She said we ought to split your visit so that you spent three nights at my place and three nights with her.’
‘Look, Jennie, I may as well tell you right away, I … I won’t be staying the whole week,’ Megan said awkwardly.
‘No? And why is that, then?’
‘I … I promised to look in on someone on the way back. I said I’d be there sometime Thursday afternoon. I hope that’s not putting you out …’
Jennie’s plump face clouded. ‘No, no of course not. I had counted on you being here all week, though. Got something special planned for Friday night, see.’
‘Oh!’ Megan flinched from her friend’s gaze. ‘I’m sorry about that.’
‘Perhaps we can change things round a bit.’ Jennie smiled generously. ‘Come on, we’d better get downstairs. Mam has made a batch of bake-stones. She said you’ve probably not had any since you’ve been in England.’
‘You make it sound like a foreign country,’ laughed Megan.
‘Well, that’s because it is, in a way. I expect you’ll find it quiet here after Liverpool. Not much happens. Except to Gwyneth, of course.’
‘Oh?’
‘Well, now, don’t think I’m trying to steal her thunder,’ Jennie said, her soft dark eyes full of concern, ‘but I must warn you that Gwyneth is engaged.’
‘Terrific. Anyone I know?’
‘Well, yes … that’s why I’m telling you.’ Jennie bit her lower lip, avoiding Megan’s eyes. ‘She’s engaged to Ifan Jenkins. We didn’t want you to get a shock, like, seeing as how you were once sweet on him.’
‘That was a long time ago,’ Megan said softly. ‘Thank you for telling me, though.’
It was the first of many indications of the way they had grown apart. She quickly found that many of the things Jennie and Gwyneth had planned to do, and which she would have found exciting at one time, now seemed tame and no longer of any interest to her.
I’ve changed, she thought, remembering the countless times since she’d moved to Liverpool when she had longed for the tranquillity of Beddgelert. Now, after her initial delight at seeing familiar faces and places, she found it much too quiet.
Stepping back in time made her restless. At least that was what she told herself, but deep inside she knew it was because she couldn’t wait for the second part of her holiday to begin.
Jennie and Gwyneth were a good audience. They listened wide eyed to Megan’s account of her new life. They sympathised about the awful place in Liverpool and seemed delighted by her account of the pleasant house they’d moved to in Wallasey. They sighed with envy when she told them about the wonderful shops in Liverpool and the delights of living so near to New Brighton and being able to go dancing at the famous Tower Ballroom.
She had written to let them know about the accident, but at first they seemed almost afraid to mention Lynn’s name. Once Megan began to talk about her, however, they were avid for every detail, especially about the Stork Club, and they envied Lynn’s job at the Copper Kettle.
They talked of nothing else until Megan thought she would scream. By Tuesday night she was so restless that she found herself counting the hours to when it would be time to leave.
On Thursday morning she was dressed, packed and ready to get on the road when Jennie went off to work. She was not due to meet Miles until early evening so she drove to all the places around Beddgelert that she had known as a child. It felt like a pilgrimage; almost as if she wouldn’t be coming back.
The sun was shining and, against the light blue sky, Moel Hebog had never looked more impressive. She climbed the rough track that had been her favourite walk with her father. Breathless, she sat down. The thin white scudding clouds that had floated around the peak began to darken; a cutting cold wind brought mist and rain. Shivering, she abandoned her walk and hurried back to her car.
The barren mountains on her left were almost obscured by the low cloud and heavy drizzle as she drove along the winding road towards Capel Curig. She had forgotten how desolate the area could be when the clouds loomed up from the west bringing driving rain in their wake, and how eerie it felt when low mists obscured Snowdon from view.
The need to get away, to put it all behind her, was so great that she didn’t stop until she reached Prestatyn. Then, realising that she was far too early, she parked near the prom and sorted out her suitcase, leaving in it only the things she would need over the next couple of days, bundling up the rest and stowing them in the boot.
As she handled the tissue-wrapped, filmy nightdress and silky lingerie she had bought especially for the occasion she felt like a bride going on honeymoon.
It was still only mid-afternoon so to pass the time she went into a café. She was too nervous to eat, but she drank two cups of coffee and then decided to walk along the shore.
The tide was so far out that it was just a grey strip on the horizon. The thin cutting wind was not confined to the mountains, it was here as well, robbing the sun of its heat.
She trudged along, studying her footprints in the damp sand, keeping her mind a blank, refusing to acknowledge that what she was about to do was wrong for so many reasons.
She had come to terms with the moral issue. She’d convinced herself that if Miles hadn’t insisted their engagement must be kept secret until his father had signed the papers confirming his directorship, they could have announced it long before now.
What still worried her, though, was what her parents were going to think about it all. Her mother still held Miles responsible for Lynn’s death and became enraged whenever his name was mentioned. No matter how hard she tried to explain to her how the accident had happened, her mother refused to listen.
In the end she’d given up trying, but she hadn’t stopped seeing Miles. It was as if his life was fused with hers. Sometimes she felt so mortified by his treatment that she hated him. When he ignored her, she felt as hurt as if he had stabbed her with a knife.
She was so immersed in her thoughts that it wasn’t until the sun began to dip that she became aware of how far
she had walked. In a panic, she began to retrace her steps. The sun, now a fiery ball of red, was almost swallowed up by the blue-grey sea, and the skyline was a great smudge of reds and purples.
She drove recklessly from Prestatyn towards Mostyn, following the directions Miles had given her. She knew she was going to be late and was worried in case Miles might think she had changed her mind. What on earth would she do if he had given up waiting and gone back to Wallasey? she wondered.
She reached Mostyn and still hadn’t seen a signpost to Tynmorfa, the road leading to the Walkers’ house. Panic stricken she turned and drove more slowly back along the road to Prestatyn.
When she finally spotted it she couldn’t believe that the narrow sandy lane on the outskirts of the town could possibly be the right one. There was no one around she could ask so she decided the only thing to do was take a chance and see where it led.
With the sea on her right and high sandbanks on the other side she crawled along. The light was fading, and she had almost given up hope when the bungalow belonging to Rhys and Sybil Jones, the couple who looked after the Walkers’ place, loomed up out of the dusk.
Her heart raced as she accelerated past it and drove towards the Walkers’ house which she could now see in the distance. As her wheels scrunched on the gravel drive, the porch light went on and she could see Miles waiting on the doorstep. When she braked to a stop he came towards her, a black Doberman frantically barking at his side.
‘Where the hell did you get to?’ he snapped as she wound down the window.
‘I’m sorry if I’m late, but I spent too long in Prestatyn. I went for a walk on the shore. I’ve absolutely crawled all the way from the main road because I couldn’t believe that this really was the right place,’ she gabbled nervously.
‘I did warn you that it was along an unmade lane. Never mind, you’re here now. Park a bit closer to the house and come on in. Don’t take any notice of Jason,’ he added, pulling the dog to one side as she stepped from the car. ‘He isn’t nearly as savage as he sounds.’