A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

He shrugged his shoulders casually as he picked a random black piece of thread from his shirt.

  “I suppose I do.”

  We stood in silence for a moment; me not understanding his lack of hustle while he probably wondered why I bothered.

  “So, why aren’t you going to class?”

  “It’s my first day of school here. I don’t really give two shits about anything today. So I intend on using the ‘I got lost in the halls’ excuse for every class I have.”

  “Oh, why?”

  Once again he shrugged. “Why aren’t you going to class?”

  I nodded my head, looked to the ceiling and thought for a moment. “That’s an even better question. Have a nice day of avoiding school.”

  I only managed a few more steps when he spoke up, yet again. “Why don’t you avoid it with me?”

  I froze in my spot, wondering why on Earth someone I just met would ask me that, but I was also wondering why I would even be considering it.

  “But I have…”

  “Class,” he said with a smirk, finishing my thought. “I know. Ditch.” He made it sound so simple.

  “I can’t,” I replied.

  “You can.”

  “And do what?”

  “There’s a baseball game today; horrible seats, cheap hot dogs, and a day in the sun and not in some stuffy ass classroom.”

  I didn’t want to admit it, but that all sounded wonderful. “I can’t,” was how I responded instead.

  He leaned forward, and in a stage whisper added, “You can.”

  I shook my head and took a step back. “No, I can’t, I’m sorry.” I walked away and didn’t stop this time when he called after me.

  “I’ll be waiting out here at the end of class…if you change your mind.”

  I wanted to say I went to class and got my work done like I did every other day in every single class. The perfect student—that was me—except for today. My mind raced of thoughts of the mysteriously alluring man from the hallway. The entirety of my fifty-five minute class was spent doodling, and it wasn’t until I looked down at my notebook did I realize how truly captivated I was by him. Dozens of sketched out eyes covered the page, and that was when I had my answer.

  It was wrong. It was irresponsible. But it was overruled by the way my head swam with thoughts of him, and the way my body hummed with the anxiety and anticipation that the bell would ring in less than a minute and he wouldn’t be waiting there. What if he already left? Or what if he was only screwing around with me and had no intentions of ever talking to me again?

  I let my head fall forward and bang on the desk, but the second the bell rang I was up out of my seat. I filed into the group of students leaving the room and the second I was back in the hallway I was walking in the direction of our prior collision. I didn’t have to go far though because leaning against the wall with one foot crossed over the other and with his hands in his pockets was my mystery man. The smirk on his face grew to a full-fledged grin that made me smile back. I felt the secret between us, and the risk we were about to take had my adrenaline racing.

  “I knew you’d change your mind.” I bit back my smile as I closed the space between us. “But first, let’s put these books away—they’re a fucking hazard,” he said, taking the books from my arms. I followed him to a bank of lockers and waited as he twisted the lock back and forth before yanking it open.

  “Why this locker?” I finally managed to ask as I broke from the trance of watching his intense concentration.

  “Because if I put your books in my locker, it guarantees me that I’ll see you again.” My cheeks blushed as I cast my eyes and smile to the floor.

  “Greyson Rose?” My name coming out of his mouth shocked me; I hadn’t told him yet, and no one call me by my full name.

  The front cover of my textbook was opened, revealing the place my mother made me put my name at the beginning of every semester.

  “That’s me, but you can just call me Grey.” He shut the book, put it away and looked back my way.

  “I think I’ll call you Greyson Rose. I like that. It’s beautiful and suits you perfectly.”

  I tucked my hair behind my ear out of nerves as I glanced up into those enchanting eyes. “Well, you can’t call me anything if I don’t know your name.”

  He smiled at me and nodded. “Touché, Greyson Rose. I’m Stefan.”

  “I like that,” I admitted.

  “So, what do you say we get out of here?”

  I nodded. “But aren’t people going to recognize me, see me leaving and tell the teachers?” He bobbed his head and held up a finger; he dug around in his locker and produced a Red Sox baseball hat and placed it over my head. It was a little big, but I loved it anyway.

  “There, now you can hide under this.” He pulled the brim of the hat down a little, shielding my face. “Now this isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me and follow my instructions.”

  I nodded in understanding. What was I doing? My heart thudded against my ribcage as I waited for Stefan to give me instructions.

  “So do you trust me, Greyson Rose?” A sigh exhaled past my lips as I scanned the planes of his face, the curve of his lips and the depths of his eyes.

  “I do,” I admitted whole-heartedly.

  Those beautiful lips spread from ear to ear as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

  “Then let’s go.”

  He kept me to his side until we reached the steps, then released my shoulder and grabbed hold of my hand, lacing our fingers together without hesitation. I wasn’t sure what was causing my heart to race faster; the fear of being caught or the feeling of his hand holding tightly onto mine. We raced down the steps, through the hallway and out to the parking. We ran full speed until we reached an old Cadillac convertible with the top down.

  He opened the driver’s side door and let me slide in first, with him close behind me. I should have scooted all the way over to the far side of the cab, but I was loving every second of the rush of being near him. He slipped the keys into the ignition, revved the engine, and sped out of the parking lot as if we had just robbed a bank.

  A loud squeal escaped my lungs as I held onto the hat so I didn’t lose it in the wind. Stefan looked my way, absolutely beaming. He let out a laugh, replacing his arm around my shoulders, pulling me even closer into him.

  “I like you, Greyson Rose. I don’t remember the last time I had this much fun, and our day is just getting started.”

  Without second guessing myself I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Same here.”

  He smiled down at me. It was almost impossible to explain but there was something in that moment between us that rocked me to my core. And in that instant I felt that I was looking at my future.

  “Where’d you go, Greyson Rose?” I was snapped back to reality and away from the memory of simpler times.

  I shook my head to disregard it, but I couldn’t get the image of high school Stefan out of my head. I think I knew that day that I was in love with him.

  “Do you remember the day we met?”

  The same enchanting smile spread across his face that I saw that very first day. “Of course I do. Up until that point it was the best day of my life. Why do you ask?” I shrugged my shoulders, downing the rest of my beer in one gulp.

  “I was just thinking about it. You know, when I was waiting in class, I was afraid you weren’t going to be there.”

  His lips twitched up to the side; his hands slid across the table and lifted mine, lacing his fingers between mine. This touch, the feeling, it was something I never thought I’d feel again. Nothing about the way it affected me had changed. I felt the world around me slip away; my eyes slid shut as the air in my lungs escaped me. A gentle squeeze against my hands made me focus again on the man in front of me. I hardly registered a few tears building behind my eyes until they fell down my cheeks.

  Stefan’s ever-changing, ever-incredible blue eyes held mine as if he refused to let
go.

  “From the second you ran into me I had no choice but to go back for you.” I focused my eyes on the wall directly next to his beautiful face. There was no way I could watch him and keep hold of my self-control.

  “Look at me, Greyson Rose.” I did. I couldn’t resist him no matter how much I knew I should.

  “I will always come back for you.”

  Those words. They were ones I needed to hear many years ago, but they never came. In the moment, when I needed my husband, my best friend, he wasn’t there. He didn’t come back for me—he left me alone, and that’s why we were here in this very place. I pulled my hands from his and placed them over my eyes as the waterworks began. My chest heaved and my body shook with the onslaught of memories and of moments that once were.

  I felt the booth seat shift as he sat down next to me, and before I could react his arms were around me. I nearly stopped breathing at the wave of emotions that shook me to the bottom of my heart. I’ve had his hands on me, his arm around me, but nothing compared to the feeling of being surrounded by the only man who made me feel whole. The strength he held me with was one I could never forget. There was no warning in my head anymore—there was only Stefan. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, my face buried into his neck.

  Breathing him in, touching him, holding him. I wasn’t over it. For the first time in six years I felt like I was alive. My lungs filled with the fresh sweet scent of the man that would always have my heart.

  It didn’t matter that we were in a crowded restaurant. All that truly mattered was that he was here and I was here. I knew it was going to kill me when it was time to let go, but for now I was going to hold on as if my life depended on it. Stefan’s hand pressed against the back of my head.

  “Trust me, Greyson Rose. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  For the rest of our stay at the restaurant we remained on the same side of the booth, his arm over the back and our bodies close together. Stefan managed to get us boxes and pay the check as quickly as possible, obviously sensing that I no longer wanted to be here. We made our way back to the car and settled in as we headed back toward the car shop. There was an obvious mood shift between us. Now that we had touched and he held me while I cried, we could no longer hide behind the silence.

  My hands were folded in my lap as I stared out the window. I knew I couldn’t let my emotions get away from me again, and looking at him was the start of it all. Keeping my gaze from him was only making me hyper sensitive to his smell and the deep rumble in his chest from the sound of him humming a wordless tune. I wanted to ask him to stop and sit quietly but I couldn’t; in a strange and twisted sort of way I needed to hear him.

  The way his voice rumbled throughout his chest soothed me the same, just as if he would have been running a finger down my spine. It was chilling, sensual and comforting, making me realize there was no way to simply get him out of my head when he filled every sense I had. I just needed to get past this day and then things would go back to normal.

  Stefan suddenly stopped humming and I thought I would be in the clear. If I didn’t have to listen to him and if I didn’t have to see him, I could spend the rest of this car ride pretending these things didn’t get under my skin.

  Boy, was I wrong.

  The soft, undeniable feeling of Stefan’s hand moved beneath mine, and if that wasn’t overwhelming enough, he laced our fingers together. I couldn’t resist looking over into that face of perfection. It was then with my hand in his that I saw the truly broken man behind the cool façade. Neither of us had healed—we didn’t know how to. It was almost as if time had stopped since we had been apart. We weren’t really living just existing and definitely not feeling.

  This onslaught of emotions was solely due to the fact that Stefan was back. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I knew letting go wasn’t going to be nearly as easy as I originally expected.

  Stefan brought my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss against my thumb. I watched his lips pucker, I felt my skin tingle and I damn near sighed. I hated the way my body and reserve slipped away with the simplest touch. He smiled at me and I smiled back. With our hands twined together, I needed a moment to be closer. I reached my left hand over and cupped it into the crook of his elbow and let my head fall against his shoulder. Maybe this moment would be the last we would ever have together, but right now it was exactly what I needed.

  I shut my eyes and let everything fill me and surround me. Maybe a single moment like this was all I required to truly heal and move on. My hopes were high that after this day I would be okay to breathe and live life again.

  We returned to the dealership and received a notice that it would be less than an hour now before the car was completed. Stefan and I went back to the waiting room and sipped on good coffee that we picked up before returning. We watched court TV that played on the screen hoisted up into the corner of the room. I was lost in thought when a violent buzzing rang from my purse. My coffee almost slipped from my hands, but Stefan quickly snatched it up.

  “Thanks,” I muttered while I began digging for the source of the noise. My cell phone lit up with a picture of Richard, the same one I’ve had on my phone since our very first date.

  My heart lurched, here I was sitting next to the man of my past while the man of my present had no idea.

  “I have to take this,” I whispered to Stefan as I pressed send and walked toward the exit to take my call outside.

  “Hi honey,” I said, cringing a little as I heard the overly sweet sound in my voice. This was nothing like the way I always answered the phone, but maybe he wouldn’t notice.

  “Well, hello there, someone’s happy,” Richard responded, making my cheeks grow hot as if he knew every one of my secrets.

  “I’m just happy to hear from you.”

  “That makes me happy, darling.” I smiled as a feeling of relief washed over me. Maybe everything would be okay after all. “Where are you, sweetheart?”

  “The auto shop, why?” Panic began to bubble up, why would he ask?

  “Because you’re not here. I had a meeting today and didn’t see you when I came home. I went out shopping, got some groceries, and when I came back you were still gone.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry for not leaving a note, Richard.”

  “That’s alright, why don’t I come pick you up?”

  A symphony of “er’s” and “um’s” filled the line as I immediately realized just how bad that would be.

  “Are you okay?” he quickly asked, worry present in his voice.

  “Yes, of course I am. I just had a tickle in my throat. But you don’t have to come down, honey. The mechanic told me it won’t be much longer until the car is done. There’s no need for you to waste your time coming here just to go back home.”

  “First of all, it is no waste, nothing involving you ever is. However, I am happy to just wait here for you to come back if you’re okay.”

  “I am,” I answered a little more quickly than necessary.

  “Wonderful! Oh, do you have the credit card with you to charge this on?”

  “It’s in my wallet, Richard, but I’m not going to use it. This is my car, I’ll pay for the repairs.”

  He let out a chuckle. “Oh, my dear, do you really not get the whole, ‘what’s yours is mine’ saying? It’s your car and your repairs, true, but we’re getting married which means it is my concern too.”

  I sighed. I never understood why I refused to let Richard pay for anything of mine. This wasn’t the first time, and as logical as his suggestion was, I still felt like I would owe him and I hated being indebted to people—fiancé or not.

  “I know that, honey, but I got it just fine this time.” This of course was a lie. I had the money, but a lot of it was tied up in the salon or wedding plans.

  “Alright, darling, well call me if you need me, and if not I’ll just see you when you get home.”

  “Okay, baby.”

  “I love you, Greyson.”

 
“Love you too,” I said as lovingly as I could before clicking the phone shut.

  My eyes flickered toward the door to the shop, and I breathed in a sigh of relief that Stefan hadn’t come outside. I found that I was suddenly feeling like I had to hide each man from the other when this was purely innocent. I mean I would fix my car and move on. Sure, I would pay Stefan back, and surely he would accept a check in the mail. It wasn’t as if I was going home with Stefan—Richard was my home now. The last couple days had been nothing more than a surreal reality that felt almost dreamlike, and the one thing I learned from dreams was that sooner or later you were going to wake up.

  With a few more deep, calming breaths I slipped my phone into my pocket and went back in to meet with Stefan. A knowing, almost forced smile awaited me when I entered the waiting area. He knew very well who I was speaking to, but neither of us mentioned more about it. Instead I took the seat directly next to him and watched some more Court TV silently. Neither of us said a word but to me, it only meant we were approaching the end of our dream and everything was slowly going to fade away.

  If that was true—I wanted to enjoy just being in this moment.

  So I let myself enjoy the peace and serenity that surrounded us, because the beautiful serene feeling in my heart was one I hadn’t felt in years. My mind was clear, my lungs pulled in the fresh scent of the air around me and my body inched closer to his until finally his arm rested around my shoulders. Maybe this was wrong, but it was too mesmerizing of a feeling to back away from.

  Eventually the mechanic stopped back our way, explained all they did and how much the cost was. Before I could speak up Stefan demanded they put my work on the information for him that they kept on file. I hated owing people, but strangely enough, I let him do it. Of course I promised to pay him back.

  This only brought a smirk from him as he nodded. “If you insist, pretty girl.”

  I responded with nothing more than a smile as I watched him slip his arms back into his sports blazer. The mechanic put the keys into the palm of my hand, and almost instantly my anxieties set in. I felt my stomach twist around while the blissful feeling slowly escaped each time I exhaled the serenity from inside my soul. I could hardly look away from Stefan as we walked to my car. I watched as he opened my door, but didn’t release it. My eyes fixated on his face while he looked from the backseat, the front and everywhere else but directly into my face.