by Megan Noelle
This time the knock was even louder and the sweetly demanding voice of my mother accompanied the pounding.
“Greyson! Do not pretend like you’re not home. I saw your car outside and I know very well that you did not go for a walk today!”
The instantaneous eye-roll reaction reminded me so much of my teen years, living at home and praying that she wouldn’t disturb me for some ludicrous task. Lately, in addition to feeding me task after task that needed to be done in preparation for the wedding, she had started badgering me incessantly to actively start working out.
Reluctantly, I pulled myself from the couch and made my way to the door to let her in. As tempted as I was to leave her out there so I could just get some rest, I knew that wasn’t an option
Standing in the doorway with my 5’2 powerhouse of a mom was Jayden and Cara. “Um, hi guys? What are you all doing here?”
“Please, don’t tell me you forgot already, Grey.”
My eyes scanned Jay and Cara’s faces for an answer to her question but before I could get one, Leeann huffed a sigh and stomped inside.
“Honestly Greyson, you’d think this wedding was for me by how much work I’m putting into it day after day.”
“Mom, that’s not fair. I do everything you ask, I’m just exhausted, and honestly thought my day was completely free.”
“Oh no, no, my beautiful daughter. Today is a very big and special day.”
My face fell before I could even attempt a forced smile of enthusiasm. She caught my sullen expression immediately, pursued her lips and positioned her hands on her hips. This was her power stance. For as long as I could remember anytime my mother stood this way, she had been about to wage war with a salesman, or my father. But most importantly I had learned that when that look of determination struck, Leeann Desmond was about to fight in order to get her way.
“Greyson, tell me you at least know the big event I am referring to for today.”
I had already screwed up efficiently, so I shrugged my shoulders and waited for whatever was coming my way.
“Today’s the day we find you a wedding dress.”
Honestly, how I forgot was something of a mystery, since I was suddenly able to recall the multiple texts I received daily concerning this very day. Planning the wedding thus far had been exhausting, but for the most part uncomplicated. It involved more of me just choosing which one of a few different choices I preferred when mom had a question. That had been the extent of it thus far. Selecting what invitation style looked best, or what placement setting I liked were all very simple tasks. The instant we started talking about actual wedding gowns though, my mind drifted elsewhere.
It was the same reaction every time and it frustrated the living hell out of me that I could honestly not get myself to even browse dress photos. While I wondered every now and again why that was, I refused to give the topic much thought. Apparently, not giving it much thought meant that I would feel my mother’s wrath regardless of whatever mental block was keeping me from looking into it.
“Are you guys coming too?” I asked over my mother’s shoulder.
Cara opened her mouth to respond but my mother piped up first. “Of course they are, Grey. Kacie and Kari are meeting us there as well, so we can select some bridesmaids’ dresses today.”
I pointed at Jayden with my eyebrow raised, “Are you going to get a bridesmaids’ dress too?”
He rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Nope, I’d hate to be prettier than the bride on her big day.”
“Har har,” I mumbled out.
“I’m going for two reasons. Mom wants me to get fitted for my tux and my baby sister is getting married, I want to be there to support her.”
Fresh tears formed behind my eyes, I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around Jayden’s shoulder. “Thank you, Jay.”
“Anything for my sis.” He smiled and when he made eye contact with me, I completely understood. Jayden would always be there for me, but he knew this would probably be much more difficult for me than the others expected. Knowing that he would be there to have my back if things became too much to handle was a complete relief. My mother, God bless her, sometimes made me wonder if she forgot all that happened, or at least, that was the way she acted. It was nice that I didn’t need to field questions every day about my current mental state, but I also wished she would ask every once and a while.
“Okay, now get dressed, we’re running late!” Without hesitating I took off towards my room to change. “And take your hair down from that rat’s nest of a bun it’s in. Having your hair down will help us picture it on that day.”
“Yes, mother,” I didn’t hide my sigh of resignation and without surprise she caught it.
“Don’t you huff at me, young lady! All of this should have been done months ago, but between you and Richard, the two of you never have enough free time to breathe! No marriage is going to last if you don’t put the time into your relationship, you know!”
“I know.” She kept lecturing, but I just tuned her out as I pulled on some shorts, an off the shoulder blue shirt and tugged a brush through my hair.
Within ten minutes I was ready to go, which I found to be impressive, but I was still greeted with a sigh when I entered the living room again. We loaded up into my mother’s van, a vehicle she bought brand new a couple years earlier, and then proceeded to make us feel bad for not filling it up with more grandchildren. The entire drive to the bridal shop she talked about every type of dress in existence, and which styles she assumed I would look best in.
I tried to smile, engage in the conversation, and most importantly, get excited. But unfortunately, my heart was quickly losing interest.
“Oh I am so happy that my little girl is getting married! How many times do you get to help your daughter prepare for that big day?” The words were spoken aloud, but I had no idea if she meant them to.
“Two.” I replied, and Jayden snorted. Leeann whipped her head around to glare at him before turning her attention back to me.
“No Greyson, only one.”
“I’ve been married before mother, don’t you remember?”
Her lips pursed and her hand made a motion to shoo away my words.
“Of course I remember that. What kind of mother do you think I am?”
“So, what is so different from this wedding to that one?”
“Because when you married Stefan the two of you were so wrapped up in your own little love bubble you couldn’t see anything else. We were all invited, but the two of you planned it all. It was only at the court house, I know, but still. The two of you shopped together for that beautifully simple white dress you wore. Stefan used to always respect us as your parents, but I was always upset that he had never thought to include me. I knew how taken with him you were, it was like you always had your Stefan blinders on.”
“Stefan blinders?”
“Yes, Greyson, blinders that blocked the rest of the world from your vision, except him.”
My irritation faded, and no longer did I want to talk about this subject. Jayden immediately jumped in, talking about her help with his wedding. The slight change of topic was enough to take Leeann’s attention from me. I turned my head to stare out the window, yearning to keep my heart from sinking even further.
It had been an hour since we all arrived at the shop, and I could no longer count the number of dresses I had tried on. The beginning of the consultation went fine until our sweet consultant, Polly, asked if there was anything I had seen and liked. Alright, so maybe the chaos started right away, while my mother completely ran the show. I barely had a minute to say hi to Kacie and Kari before we were sent off in all directions. The consultant showed me to my changing room, and the rest were sent to find the perfect gown. Of course, everyone had a completely different idea of what ‘perfect’ was, and quite honestly, I had no clue either.
No time was wasted as I was stuffed into one after the other. Eventually I felt as if I had tried them all: long, short, frilly,
poofy, bedazzled, and even more that I couldn’t remember. With each gown the others watched from the arm chairs that were neatly arranged, insuring the bride would feel like a monkey in a zoo. Alright, maybe the other brides loved the attention, but I hated it. Lucky for me, everyone had an opinion voiced before I needed to try creating my own. There wasn’t a single gown that I loved, but I knew all the ones I didn’t and thankfully they were kicked to the curb after only a few seconds.
“Greyson, open up.” The knock on my changing room door from my mother made me cringe.
Without moving to open the door, I decided it was time to put my foot down. “This is hopeless, mother. Please don’t make me try on any more today. I can’t take this much longer, and all I’ve learned is that I will end up showing up to my wedding in sweats.”
“Don’t joke around like that, Greyson! We booked a beautiful church, it’s magnificent. And my daughter will take everyone’s breath away if it is the last thing I do! Now please don’t lose hope, I have one more for you.”
“One more, that’s it. I promise not to walk down the aisle in jammies, but you need to let me take a breath.”
“Alright, I promise you, sweetheart. Last one, and if we have to we’ll just do a little more research next time.”
As much as I didn’t want to, I caved to her wishes because not only did I love my persistent, sometimes draining mother. I truly did want to find that beautiful dress that made Richard’s heart melt. It wasn’t even a question in my mind that he would look impeccable that day. Not only was it easier for men to find a tux, but he was naturally an incredibly gorgeous man. That picture of him standing at the alter with that beaming smile, was all I needed to open the door and shimmy into one more gown.
It wasn’t the right size, but as Polly smoothed out the satin material she assured me that alterations would be taken, and it wouldn’t be an issue. I had gotten into the habit of not even bothering to examine myself in the individual mirror anymore. There was a large wall that separated the rooms from the waiting area, and that entire wall was one big mirror. The dress itself was a strapless style with a bit of jewels, giving just a bit of sparkle to the top of the gown. It was fitted at the top until reaching my hips, and then became a fuller skirt, with little sections ruched up to add more dimension.
Wearing it without actually seeing myself in it, I was still able to get a feeling about it and I knew this was by far the best of the fifty I had tried on. My fingers carefully lifted the front of the dress, making sure I didn’t trip and ruin it. The moment I turned the corner I knew this could truly be the one. All of their faces lit up. There were smiles, approving nods, and then my mother stood up, clasping her hands together.
“I knew we would find it!”
“Now wait a minute, ma. Grey looks absolutely beautiful, but she has to say which dress is thee one.” Jayden said, in my defense.
I gave him a smile as the consultant offered her hand to help me onto the raised platform.
“It’s absolutely gorgeous, Grey!” Kari squealed.
Kacie nodded, taking in the entirety of the dress. “Seriously, you look stunning.”
“You really do, honey.” My mother chimed in. “This is so perfect, I can just picture that day now. This dress not only compliments you, but it will greatly compliment Richard as well.”
“What do you think, Grey?” Jayden brought constant focus back to me, and I knew I’d need to remember to thank him later. Aside from knowing this was a beautiful dress, I wasn’t sure how it looked on me and I was already sold on getting it. Maybe because I just wanted the shopping to end, or because I honestly just didn’t know what I wanted.
“I actually haven’t looked yet.” With that I turned around, examining my reflection.
I was speechless.
The gown was absolutely stunning. Turning from one side to another I took in every angle. The fitted top accentuated my full chest, and natural curves showing just a hint of a sex appeal. Then the way the full skirt hung, showed the elegance of the look. My mother hit it on the nail, it complimented me nicely, but it was the perfect look for Richard. The man was traditional, classy, and loved beautiful sophistication. This dress was all of that wrapped into one perfect satin design. Despite the fact that it was a style I never pictured myself in, I knew it was the only one I could marry Richard in.
As I was turning around with a grin on my face to tell them I had found my dress, something caught my eye. Hanging on a rack nearby was the most breathtaking thing I had ever seen. Something about it had captured my attention, and now I couldn’t look away. When I saw the incredibly stunning lacy bodice and soft tulle skirt with little lace flowers all over. I realized for the first time, I knew what dress I wanted.
I heard the others talking, asking questions, but none of them sunk in.
“What’s that?” I asked Polly, pointing to the rack.
“What’s what?” She asked.
“That dress, is that one available?” I tore my eyes from it, looking to her. She saw which one I was motioning to, and a smile broke out across her face.
“That is one of our new arrivals, it is a Maggie Sottero gown. It is absolutely stunning, but that part you seem to already know.” Polly said with a smirk.
I nodded. “Could I try it on?”
“Of course, let me grab it for you.”
My mother jumped from her chair, placing a hand on my arm to regain my attention.
“That one is lovely, Greyson, but what about the one you’re wearing.”
I looked down at the dress I was still wearing. It was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. I could have loved it just fine, and worn it for my big day without a second thought. However, now that I had seen this other one, I couldn’t. If the lacy dress didn’t end up looking right when I slipped it on, then I would feel right about the ball gown. But I needed to try on the new dress to sincerely know which was meant for me.
“This one is great, but I have to try that one.”
An objection was on the tip of her tongue, but Polly’s excitement made her bite it back.
“It’s even in your size!”
With a smile I replied, “It was meant to be.”
Polly and I made our way back to the changing room. From the first moment the exquisite fabric slid into place, I knew this was it. This was my dress.
The bodice was a bit of a corset in the back that brought the lacy fabric against my figure. The sweetheart neckline created a little more cleavage than the last one, and for me that was a good thing. Right below the top of my hips the fitted lace bodice stopped, and the tulle skirt fell gracefully around my legs. A train extended at the back that Polly assured had a simple way of transforming it from ceremony to reception.
Polly and I stood in silence for a moment, taking in all the glory that this gown was.
“I have to say, of all you have tried on, this is my absolute favorite.”
My smile grew and unexpected tears rolled down my cheeks. “It’s perfect.”
We made our way out to show the others, and a collective gasp echoed from them all. Everyone was in agreement that this dress was astonishing. My mother even apologized for ever doubting me, and my hard ass of a brother quickly swiped his tears away.
“So, are we getting a dress today?” Polly asked with a beaming smile.
Through the tears I nodded my head. “Yes, this is the only one for me.”
Even though the dress was my size, Polly still suggested taking my measurements for alterations. The dress seemed fine, but my mother said we would absolutely make sure everything was okay for the big day. I trusted it would be alright without the alterations, but I knew my mom was probably right, so I didn’t bother arguing. While Polly took my measurements Kacie, Kari, and Cara were sent to find some possible bridesmaids’ gowns. They would all be wearing the same dress, but seeing different choices was always a good thing, since I hadn’t even thought of what to put them in yet.
Alterations were done, and
the girls were in their changing rooms. Mom sent me to go check out the accessories in hopes of finding the perfect jewelry. Any excuse to back away a little to gather my composure again was good enough for me. Selecting the perfect dress made our October wedding date seem much more real than before. That bubble of bliss, the smile on my face, it all faded as I realized I couldn’t have a happy future; if my fiancé didn’t know of the past I still held very close to my heart.
I scanned the different cases of earrings, but none of the pieces registered in my mind.
“See anything you like?” Jayden asked, waking me from my trance.
I smiled, looking to see if anyone else had followed him over. “Not really concentrating, I guess. The girls still getting their dresses on?”
Jay nodded, picking up a single shiny earring, holding it to his ear. “Yep, what do you think? Does it look good on me?”
Despite the current mood funk I was in, I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s beautiful. Don’t let mom catch you looking at jewelry though, or she’ll start looking for a dress to put you in.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t I know it? So, how are you doing with all of this today?”
My shoulders shrugged, focusing my attention anywhere, but at his sympathetic face. “I’m fine, I just refuse to try on anything else for at least the next month.” I forced out an awkward laugh to lighten the mood. Jayden was no fool, he knew better than to trust that my sour mood was because I was tired of changing outfits.
“Grey, it is okay to feel this way.”
“What way?”
He moved a strand of hair from my shoulder. “Upset, nervous, scared, whatever’s going through your mind.” I nodded but didn’t clarify what was going on. “I was wrong the other day when I yelled at you.”
“What do you mean?” My eyes darted his way.