by E. L. Todd
“It’ll take an entire army to keep me away from you.”
“I’m glad.”
“I’m just grateful nothing happened to you,” he said between kisses. “That would have been a tragedy.” He grabbed her ass and lifted her, stilling pinning her against the shower. His mouth moved from hers and down her neck.
Alexandra moved her hands through his hair and enjoyed the feel of him. “Blaise…”
He put her down then pulled her shirt off. It clung to her hair as it came off, and he tossed it on the tile beneath them. He grabbed the rim of her shorts and pulled them off, revealing her naked bottom. She didn’t fight him as he stripped her.
Blaise kissed her again then turned off the shower. The absence of falling water suddenly became apparent. She could hear his heavy breaths, loud and clear. His warm breath fell on her face, exciting her.
He grabbed her then carried her from the shower. Her heart beat a million times faster, and when she felt the bedding beneath her, she moaned. Blaise moved on top of her then separated her legs. Alexandra was ready for him, had been ready for him her entire life.
When he moved toward her entrance, she grabbed his shoulder. “Wait.”
Blaise stopped and pressed his face close to hers.
“This is wrong,” she said. “I can’t do this.”
He grabbed her face and kissed her gently. “Okay,” he whispered. “I understand.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to.”
He rubbed his nose against hers. “I know.” He moved off her then pulled his clothes on. She quickly covered herself then felt the guilt explode inside her. She hadn’t thought about Paul once since Blaise had been stabbed. It completely left her mind.
Blaise sat beside her on the bed, fully clothed. “It’s alright.” He patted her thigh.
“I—I can’t believe what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything,” he said gently. “You said no.”
“But—I kissed you—many times.”
He grabbed her hand. “Because you love me. It’s okay.”
She looked away.
“Alexandra, look at me.”
“I’m a horrible person,” she whispered.
“No, you aren’t. It’s a complicated situation. And Paul will understand that.”
“Will he?” She shook her head. “He shouldn’t.”
“So it’s okay for him to kiss other people but it’s not okay for you to kiss other people?”
“It’s not the same thing.”
He shook his head. “It’s exactly the same fucking thing. You’re too good for him, Alexandra. You shouldn’t have gone back to him to begin with.”
She pulled her hand away. “I’m really glad you’re okay, but I let my emotions cloud my actions.”
“Or they cleared them,” he said firmly.
She stood up. “You should get into bed. Let me know if I can bring you something.”
He sighed. “Okay. I’ll wait until you talk to him. I can do that.”
She turned toward the door. “Now get into bed.”
“That’s all I’ve been doing,” he said with a sigh.
“The doctor says you need rest.”
He rolled his eyes. “They should just put me in a coma, then.”
“It would make my life easier,” she said with a smile.
Blaise laughed. “Make sure you check on me, Nurse Alex.”
“I will.” She walked out then shut the door. When she was alone, she took a deep breath. Her actions were unacceptable and she felt the guilt throb like a gunshot. She walked into the living room and made soup for Blaise on the stove.
There was a loud knock on the door. “Alex!”
Alexandra stilled when she recognized Paul’s voice. Her heart hammered in her chest as she walked to the front door. When she opened it, the look on his face broke her heart.
He barged in. “Are you okay?” He scanned her body.
“I’m okay,” she said quickly.
“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days. What the hell, Alex?”
“Blaise got stabbed and I just lost track of my phone.”
His eyes widened. “Martha mentioned that. Evan is really dead?”
She nodded.
Paul pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Everyone is fine.”
“I don’t care about anyone else,” he snapped. “Just you.”
“Well, Blaise risked his life to protect me.”
“And he’s also the reason your life was threatened to begin with,” he said with a wide eyes.
Alexandra pulled away. “You didn’t need to come down here.”
“You didn’t answer your phone so I didn’t have a choice.” The anger escaped his voice.
Blaise came down the hallway, his hair still damp.
Paul looked at him then turned back to her. His eyes lingered on the strands of hair that clung to her neck. When he pieced it together, his eyes widened. “You slept with him?” The hurt in his voice seared her heart.
“No,” she said quickly. “No.”
“Then why were you showering together?”
Blaise turned to Paul. “She was helping me.”
Paul looked at him. “It looks like you have no problem walking.”
Alexandra stood between them to prevent any flying punches. “Paul, let’s go outside.”
Paul glared at Blaise again before he walked outside. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
She sighed, feeling her heart convulse. “Danielle confirmed Blaise’s story.”
Paul didn’t react for a moment. “And you believe her?”
“She has no reason to lie.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “So you’re back together with him? You weren’t going to give me the courtesy of telling me first?”
“No, we aren’t back together.”
“And you didn’t sleep with him?” he asked.
“I would never do that, Paul.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“But, I did kiss him.”
He took a deep breath. “Why?”
“It—it just happened. He was stabbed and I—I was so scared. It was instinctive.”
Paul rubbed his chin. “You kissed him once?”
She felt the guilt rise. “No…”
“How many kisses were there?”
“Too many to count…”
Paul stepped away then crossed his arms over his chest. His face was hidden. Alexandra stared at his back and saw the rise and fall of his chest.
“I’m so sorry.”
He turned back around. “So, we’re done?”
“Aren’t we?” she asked. “I—I cheated on you. I don’t deserve you, Paul.”
He shook his head. “As much as it hurts me, I understand why it happened. It times of crisis, we behave differently.”
“My behavior was unacceptable…”
“But you didn’t sleep with him. That’s what matters to me.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What are you saying?”
“I still want you.”
“What…?”
“I kissed someone and now you kissed someone. We’re even.”
“Relationships don’t work like that, Paul.”
“I know they don’t,” he said quickly. “But I don’t want to lose you.”
“I can’t believe this…”
“Well, I’m madly in love with you. I’d rather make this work than settle for someone else I’ll never love in the same way. It’s the lesser of two evils. And I know you aren’t the cheating type, Alex. I forgive you.”
“Wow…” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I wasn’t expecting this.”
“You thought I’d leave you?”
She nodded.
“I know you, Alex. This behavior isn’t normal for you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I do have one conditio
n, however.”
“What?” she asked.
“I never want you to see or talk to Blaise again.”
She looked away.
“But I have a feeling you’re going to pick him.”
Alexandra couldn’t speak. She was suffocated by the stress.
“But you shouldn’t,” he said. “Even if he was telling the truth, that relationship was just a fluke. It wasn’t real. The love we have is built on friendship and trust. We’ve done so much together and just hit a bump in the road. My family loves you. I love you. And I know your parents and sister love me. We are perfect together. You have no future with this guy. He’ll spend time with you because he likes having you around, but he’ll kick you aside when he’s bored with you. He isn’t the monogamous type.”
“You don’t even know him,” she said.
“I don’t have to know him,” he said. “I can just tell.”
She covered her face.
“Alex, I’m the perfect man for you. I’ll marry you today if that’s what you want. You have no future here. I can give you the security, the protection, and the warmth you need. If you don’t want to be a nurse, you don’t have to be one. You don’t even have to work. I’ll take care of you. What will you do here? Grow cotton? Live away from your friends and family? Be with Blaise until he gets his kicks and moves on? That’s exactly what he did with Danielle.”
“Stop it.” Her voice cracked. “I get it, Paul.”
He sighed. “I don’t mean to hurt you. I’m just being honest. I know you think you love this guy but you don’t. It’s a summer love that was blown out of proportion. You’re running from reality, but you can’t live here forever. It’s time to go back and live the life you weren’t to live.”
Alexandra concentrated on her breathing, trying to calm her rising and falling chest. The doubt came into her mind, making her confused.
“Baby, what we have is real. What will you have when he’s gone?” He stared into her eyes, begging her to return his look. “You won’t have anything. But with me, everything will be perfect. I’ll make love to you every night, making you scream my name. I’ll take care of you when you’re pregnant, carrying my child. I’ll do anything and everything for you. Blaise is just a playboy that likes the chase. The relationship has no future, not like we do.”
Alexandra stepped away. “Please stop talking.”
“I just want to make sure you understand what you’re doing.”
She nodded.
“So? Who’s it going to be? And don’t pick the wrong person.”
“Are you sure you want to be with me?” She sniffed.
His eyes softened. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind. You’re the one, Alex.”
“Okay…”
Paul stepped closer to her. “Does that mean you pick me?”
When Alexandra thought about the summer she spent with Blaise, the anxiety came to the surface. They hadn’t known each other that long or that well. Maybe it was just a summer love, something with no future. Paul had been in her life for years. As soon as she saw him in her first college class, she knew he was special. Years would pass and so would Blaise. Paul was the safe choice. “Yes.”
Paul smiled then leaned his face toward her. Before he could kiss her, Alexandra turned her face.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just can’t do that right now.”
He pulled her head to his lips and kissed her. “That’s fine, baby.”
She rested her head against his chest.
“Let’s go home,” he whispered.
“Martha…”
He sighed. “I’m sick of this Martha issue. She’s an adult.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Well, we aren’t staying here. We’ll get a hotel in the city and work it out there.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s get your things,” he said. “I don’t want you to be around him any longer.”
The idea of leaving Blaise killed her, but there was no other way. Paul walked inside and she followed him. Blaise was still in the entryway. He looked at her and studied her face. She continued to avert her gaze, unable to look at him.
Paul entered her bedroom and grabbed her belongings.
Blaise stepped toward her then touched her hand with his. “It’ll be okay. You made the right decision.”
Alexandra closed her eyes, unable to confess the truth.
Paul came back down the hallway and carried her luggage. When Blaise saw the bags, his eyes widened.
“You’re going back to him?”
Paul glared at him. “Back off.”
Blaise acted like he wasn’t there. “Alexandra, what the hell are you doing? What about everything that happened for the past three days?”
Alexandra turned to Paul. “Can you give us a minute?”
He sighed. “Only a minute.” He took the luggage outside then shut the door.
Frantic, Alexandra ran her fingers through her hair.
“What the hell are you doing?” Blaise snapped. “You were totally distraught over me. It was like Paul didn’t exist. You kissed me and told me you loved me. And now that never happened?”
“Listen to me.” She raised her hands.
“No! How can you possibly go back to him when you love me? You love me so fucking much. I see it every time you look at me.”
“But Paul and I have been together longer.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So? What the hell does that mean? If you’ve been together for so long, why did you cheat on him? Why did he cheat on you? It sounds like your relationship is pure shit.”
She sighed. “You’ll just get tired of me and move on to someone else. I’ll be just like Danielle.”
“What are you talking about?” He stepped closer to her. “Don’t let Paul manipulate you into being with him.”
“But he’s right,” she whispered.
“No, he’s not,” he said firmly. “I love you, Alexandra. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
She took a deep breath.
Blaise gripped his skull then clenched his jaw. He looked like he was about to explode. “Fine. Whatever.”
She looked at him.
“I’m tired of you going back and forth. I’m not going to let you dangle me from a pole. If you want to be with him, then fine. But I’m done, Alexandra. If you think being with him will make you happy, it won’t. You’ll realize that you made a mistake eventually. My face will be in your mind every time you make love, every time you speak about Martha.” Blaise grabbed the front door and opened it. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
Alexandra felt the tears bubble up then fall down her face.
“You know why you should have picked me?” Blaise asked.
She looked at him.
“You can give up on your dream about being a nurse with Paul. He doesn’t care about what’s best for you. If he thinks taking care of you will solve everything, it won’t. But I always push you to be better, to never give up. I care about what’s best for you, and he doesn’t. When you want to throw a pity party for yourself, I won’t allow it. And that’s real love, Alexandra. I’ll call you out on your shit and set things right, not let you walk all over me. So if I’m not the type of man you want, then you clearly aren’t the type of girl I want.” He pointed to the porch. “Now go.”
She wiped her tears away then approached the stairs.
“Alexandra.”
She turned around.
“When you leave here today, don’t ever come back.” The truth was clear in his eyes. And his voice didn’t shake. “Because I won’t be here anymore, not the man you fell in love with at least. When you drive down the road and pass the last tree, that’s it. I’ll never take you back and I’ll never give a damn about you. Just remember that as you drive away. Paul might wait around for you, but I won’t.”
Alexandra felt her hands shake.
“Now get the fuck off my property.”
Alexandra walked t
o the truck without looking back. Paul was already inside. When she sat in the passenger seat, Paul glanced at her.
“It’ll be okay,” he whispered. He cranked the engine of his car then drove down the gravel road. Alexandra didn’t look in the rear view mirror, but she knew Blaise was standing outside, watching her leave his life forever. Her heart never ached so much, felt so raw. Every nerve ending fired off like she was being shot. Her breathing became more labored. Everything hurt. She was more heartbroken than she’d ever been.
Paul turned onto the road and started to speed away. Alexandra looked at the house and saw Blaise watching them, waiting for her to disappear behind the lines of trees. When she crossed the line, there was no coming back. Alexandra felt her palms sweat. Looking at Blaise reminded her of their time together, every kiss, every whisper. Their time together was short, but they loved each other for a lifetime’s worth. She loved Paul—but it wasn’t the same. If Blaise hurt her, she would accept it. But she couldn’t live the rest of her life wondering what would have happened.
“Stop.”
Paul looked at her. “What?”
“I said stop.” She pushed his foot on the brake. The car slid to a stop in the road, stopping just before the trees. “I’m sorry…”
Paul stared at her then sighed. “Alex, please don’t…”
She covered her face and took a deep breath. “I can’t leave.”
He clenched the steering wheel then released a deep sigh. “You’re making the wrong choice. I’m the better man for you.”
“I’m sure you are,” she said quietly.
Paul released his grip on the steering wheel. “Then why?”
“Because—I just have to be with him. Maybe you’re right. Blaise may just use me then spit me out. He may kick me aside when he wants someone new. But I don’t think he will. And I’m willing to take a risk. Because I love him.”
He shook his head slightly.
“I love him in a different way…”
“So, that’s it?” He sighed. “We’re done?”
“Paul, we were done the moment you kissed someone else.”
“But you even said that was your fault.”
“It was,” she said firmly. “But you shouldn’t have let me push you away. You should have grabbed me and held me in place, forcing me to open up to you.”
“Don’t blame this on me,” he snapped.
“I’m not,” she said quickly. “I’m just explaining why I’m choosing Blaise. He never would have let me push him away. He would have gotten in my face and made me see reason. I keep running from my problems because I’m a coward. But Blaise doesn’t put up with that…he makes me be a better person.”