by S. R. Watson
“Were you serious about what you just said—about losing your virginity?” Peyton prods once they’re out the door.
“Absolutely,” I reply. I head to the kitchen to brew a cup of tea. Peyton follows me.
“Why now?” She asks suspiciously. This would be a great time to confess my prior history with Thor. I take a deep breath before telling her Thor slash Landon is the boy I told her about when I first shared my sordid past. I also share with her how he initially treated me when I first arrived, his miraculous one eighty, and then the shit he told me last night.
Her mouth gapes open in disbelief. “Holy shit Nevaeh! Oh, and last night. I can only imagine how you felt listening to that—that fuck fest. I knew something was up with you, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.”
“In a sick, twisted sort of way, I needed to hear that,” I sigh. “I need to forget about our past and move on. I need to get a hold of these emotions he evokes in me and just maybe a nice dose of reality will do that.”
“Damn. You know I would never say anything, but Giselle is going to lose her shit when she finds out. Our past always has a way of catching up with us.”
“Don’t I know it,” I reply. “After all, I never expected to run into Landon here.”
“You don’t have to give your virginity away Nevaeh,” she says sadly.
“It’s a start,” I insist. “Don’t you see? It’s the unspoken tie that binds us. Landon was my first love. He was meant to be my first in every way. He didn’t wait for me and he has moved on. Losing my virginity is the first step towards breaking this unrealistic connection I have to him. We can then just be two people who used to love each other.”
“Except, you’re still in love with him. This is not going to work. It has disaster written all over it.” She walks over and tries to hug me, but I hold my hand up.
“No Peyton. I shared that because I didn’t want to keep you in the dark, but I have to handle this my way.” I walk back to my room and grab my phone to text Gavin. He’s an ass, but he’ll work for what I’m trying to accomplish.
Me: Hey. Thanks for looking out for me last night. His response is immediate.
Gavin: Not a problem doll. How are you feeling today?
Me: Slightly hung over, but I’ll live.
Gavin: Do you have any plans for tonight? And he takes the bait.
Me: Nope.
Gavin: Great. Now you do. Be ready for 7. Dress casual.
Me: I didn’t say I would go out with you. I can’t make it too easy.
Gavin: Will you? If I say please?
Me: Shut up. I’ll see you at 7
Gavin: 7 it is.
I look towards my doorway to see Peyton standing there with her hand on her hip. “What did you just do?” She asks, shaking her head.
“I have a date tonight with Gavin.” I turn away from her and start to make my bed to avoid the pity in her eyes.
“You’re not going through with this tonight are you? Give yourself some time to think about this.”
“I don’t want to discuss this Peyton. I don’t know what will happen tonight. I’m just going to let the chips fall where they may.” I walk past her back into the living room—letting her know that the discussion is over. “Do you want to order a pizza? I’m starving?”
I turn on the television to see what’s on. Peyton brings turkey sandwiches from the kitchen that I overlooked in my haste to avoid her sympathy. She sets the plate down on the coffee table in front of us and takes one for herself before handing me the other.
“Thanks,” I smile. “What are your plans for tonight? I know its Sunday, but do you have anything planned?”
“Not really, but since you’re going out, I’ll probably contact some of my sorority sisters to see if they have anything going on.”
“Oh, okay.” I flip through the channels until I come across a showing of Sex in the City. Peyton and I are immersed in the drama until the front door slams and a visibly pissed Thor is standing three feet away from us.
Gavin must have told him about our date. He looks at Peyton and then at me. He doesn’t know that she has already been enlightened about our past. He is unsure how to approach the topic with her here.
“Nevaeh, can I speak to you for a moment?” His stare is unnerving, but I square my shoulders and meet his eyes straight on.
“Sure Thor. What’s up?” My tone is dripping with sarcasm.
“Alone please.” I don’t make any attempt to get up. Awkwardly, Peyton gets up instead.
“I’m going to grab a few things from the corner store. You two need anything?” This is her excuse to give us the alone time Thor is asking for.
“No,” we both reply. Neither one of us looking away. As soon as she is out the door, Thor goes in on me.
“You’re fucking going out on a date with my best friend.” It’s not posed as a question.
“It’s none of your business, but yes I am Thor.” I emphasize his nickname to show I’m done with the fantasy of us.
“So, that’s how it is now. I’m back to being Thor?” His voice is losing some of its edge. “Are you planning on fucking him?”
“That last question is really none of your business and as far as me calling you Thor, I recall just a few short days ago that was how you wanted it. After basically calling me fat last night, you get your wish. I don’t know this version of you and I’m not interested in getting to know him either. From this point forward, I’m strictly your roommate. Nothing more.” I didn’t expect that last statement to have that much impact to my own heart. I swallow the lump in my throat and look away. This has to be my reality. It’s the cards we were dealt. I want to escape to my room, but I will not run. I will face this train wreck so I can move on.
Thor clenches and unclenches his fist as he fights to control his anger. He takes a cleansing breath and then looks at me once more. The coldness that I see is kind of scary.
“There will be no turning back Nevaeh if you fuck my best friend. I will take that personally. If you open that can of worms, you better fucking be ready to deal with all that comes with it.”
Did he really just give me an ultimatum? “What the hell does that even mean? I’m not yours Thor, and neither is my body. Who I choose to fuck is not your concern.” I fold my arms across my chest. He is being ridiculous. “You have a girlfriend,” I add.
He walks away from me and out of the front door without as much as a response. Asshole. I won’t let him deter my plans. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. Am I just supposed to stay single and virginal while I watch him be happy with Giselle? What a hypocrite. I’ll show him.
Peyton comes back just in time to help me prepare for my date with Gavin. She doesn’t agree with my decision to go out with him, but she has always had my back from the first day we met. She sensed that I wasn’t ready to talk about my discussion, if you can call it that, with Thor, so she doesn’t mention it. I love her for that. She has always read me well. Instead, she brings a few dress choices and pumps from her room for me to choose from. Other than my humongous ass, we are both about a size six. I choose the yellow, long sleeved body con dress. It has a deep V-neck line and is covered with lace. I pair it with her nude pumps, since they match the lining of the dress. Peyton grins and gives me the thumbs up.
“You look smoking hot babe,” she whistles. “Now that my work here is done. I have to go. I’m picking up my friend Morgan for an early dinner before meeting up with some more friends to watch a movie.” She throws me a brown leather jacket to take on my date in case it gets cool later. She kisses me on the cheek and then she is gone.
At a quarter to seven, the doorbell rings. Before I can get to the door, Thor is already letting Gavin in. They give each other an elbow bump and Thor is all smiles. Why isn’t he giving Gavin a hard time like he gave me? Because I’m his dirty little secret, that’s why—figuratively speaking. As I watch their camaraderie, I’m able to get a good look at Gavin. He is dressed in jeans, a button down shi
rt, and blazer. I can’t deny he looks sexy as hell so why do my eyes keep wandering over to Thor in his fitted football t-shirt, sweats and bare feet? As if sensing my presence in the room at that moment, Thor looks my way and smirks.
“Wow. Look at you,” Gavin says noticing me for the first time. “That dress is . . . yeah. You look great.” He is smiling from ear to ear.
“Well, thank you Gavin. You didn’t tell me where we were going so I hope I’m dressed appropriately.”
“Oh now you worry about dressing appropriately,” Thor mumbles.
“Are you kidding me? You look amazing,” Gavin assures. He either didn’t hear Thor or he is ignoring him like I am. “Shall we?” He takes the jacket I have in my hands and help me put it on.
“You kids have fun,” Thor jokes before heading into the kitchen. He does an excellent job of withholding his true thoughts about this date from Gavin, unless he’s had a change of heart. I can’t worry about that. I have a gorgeous single man waiting to take me out. Key word being single.
Gavin places his hand on my lower back and leads me out of the door. I can feel the heat from his hand, yet it’s like a gentle caress. When we finally make it downstairs to his vehicle, I’m staring at a huge, lifted Ford truck. How in the hell am I supposed to get in this thing—let alone in this dress? I turn to look at him and he is smiling his ass off.
“Here. Let me help you doll.” Before I can process what is happening, he swoops me up in his arms and opens the door. He gently places me in my seat. If he is working to redeem himself for that accusation he made the other day, he is well on his way.
“Thank you,” I say. He pats my knee before closing the door and going around to the other side to get in. He turns on the radio and Aaron Lewis’ “Tangled Up in You” begins to play. He looks over at me and gives me his dimpled smile once again and I can’t help but smile back. This romantic vibe sets the tone for tonight. Gavin takes me to a nice Italian restaurant and as the night progresses, I’m able to relax and unwind. That is until our next stop. We pull up to valet at Hotel Duval and I look at him shocked. I didn’t tell him that I was considering giving him my virginity.
“It’s not what you think Virgin Mary,” he jokes. “We’re going to the Level 8 lounge.”
“Oh, okay.” I let his ‘Virgin Mary’ joke slide. The valet guy opens my door, but I wait until Gavin comes around and helps me down.
“I think you like me picking you up,” he teases.
“Shut up,” I say slapping his shoulder. He puts me down so that we can go inside. His hand naturally finds my lower back again as he escorts me in. We find a place to sit on the terrace overlooking the city before ordering wine. We spend the remainder of the night getting to know one another. Of course I feel like the biggest fraud, because I can’t truly share my past with him, so I keep things generic—no mentions of my history with Thor or my stripper chronicles. We discuss life and where we want to be in five years. Of course he hopes to make it to the NFL, but he doesn’t dominate the conversation. Spending time with him is easy, but I know it’s not a romantic connection. Try as I may, I can’t just force myself to have sex with him. I seriously question whether it is because Thor has more of a hold on me than I originally thought. Maybe Gavin was right when he said someone else had my attention. I can’t see past Thor and I desperately want to. I will never admit this to him.
My head is now on Gavin’s shoulder. He really is a sweet guy. The fact that I can’t give myself a chance with him is a true testament to how fucked up this whole roommate thing with Thor is. I can’t have him, yet I’m destined to play out this self-imposed torture of watching him with someone else on a daily basis.
GAVIN RUNS HIS THICK fingers through my hair. “I hope you had a good time doll.” I lift my head off his shoulder and look him in the eyes. I pull my jacket closed. The temperature has definitely dropped some.
“I did. Thank you for showing me a good time.”
“And I was on my best behavior,” he says wagging his eyebrows.
“Ummm Hmmm. I wonder what it looks like when you’re not.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re a mistake. I don’t want to insinuate that I want this date to escalate into more or that there will be a second date. My face must tell it all.
“Relax Nevaeh. I enjoyed my time with you tonight, but I know that you’re not ready for more.” He lifts and kisses the back of my hand. “Let’s get you home.”
“Okay.” On the ride back, we listen to Angus and Julia Stone’s version of “Stay with Me.” I wish there was a spark between us, but you can’t force chemistry. Either it’s there or it’s not. When we arrive back at the apartment, Gavin cuts the engine off. He pulls me over closer to him. He leans in slowly for a kiss—allowing me a chance to push him away. I meet him the remainder of the way. The kiss is tender and sweet, but it is missing the toe curling passion. There are no fireworks. I didn’t refuse his kiss because this was our last chance to see if he could stir up something within, but there was nothing. He pulls back first and gives me a small wink.
“Stay put,” he says. I can’t help but giggle at the insane request.
“Yeah sure. After a night of wine, delicious food, and tired feet, I think I’ll be more capable of getting out of this huge ass truck than before the night started.” Gavin throws his head back in laughter and gets out of the truck. He comes around to my side and what he does next, surprises me. He opens my door and pulls my pumps off my feet. He hands them to me and then lifts me out of the truck. He carries me up all three flights of stairs. He holds me close enough to the door for me to unlock it.
It’s close to midnight so I’m surprised to see Thor sprawled out on the sofa watching some cooking show. He sees Gavin carrying me in and diverts his attention back to the television. Gavin carries me all the way to my bedroom before putting me down.
“Rest doll. Talk to you later,” he says as he kisses my forehead. When he leaves my room, I hear him and Thor exchange a few words, but I can’t make out what. It doesn’t sound heated though. I want to see if Peyton is in her room, but I don’t want to face Thor right now. Let him think whatever. Rude fucker. I know I just drew a line in the sand—threw down the gauntlet if you will—by agreeing to this date. Even though I couldn’t make myself sleep with someone just for the sake of getting it over with, doesn’t mean he can control me.
I am my own woman. I make my own rules. Heart be damned. I’m just about to take my dress off when my door swings open.
“What the hell Thor? I could’ve been naked in here.” My voice rises about two octaves, as he continues his intrusion into my room.
“Oh so now you’re concerned with modesty? How convenient?” He is inches from me now and I can feel the anger radiate off him in waves. “So was it everything you thought it would be? Did spreading your fucking legs for my best friend satisfy your need to stab me yet again?” His glacial stare leaves me frozen in place. He runs his hands through his hair and I watch his taut muscles flex. He belts out a sarcastic laugh before he continues his accusations. “Only difference is this time, it was in the chest since I saw it coming. I can promise you one thing. You’ll never get a third chance. Game on sweetheart. The gloves are off and there are no rules!”
“Thor . . .” I start when I finally find my voice, but he is already halfway out the door. I’ll be damned if he gets to verbally attack me with all of that and then leave without hearing me out. I grab his arm to halt his exit, but he spins around on me so fast it causes me to jump.
“Don’t you fucking touch me. You’re dead to me. Dead. There’s nothing left to discuss.” He is fuming. I know he would never lay a hand on me in anger, but his words hurt just as much.
He is not even giving me a chance to explain, although I don’t owe him shit. He is assuming that I went through with my plan to have sex with Gavin. On one hand, why wouldn’t he? It did look pretty suspect with him carrying me in like we were some married couple. Regardless, his behavior is a
little extreme for someone who is in a relationship with someone else. This same someone else, he fucked just last night while I was forced to listen to it.
“Fuck you Thor!” I scream my frustration.
“You wish. No thank you, I’ll pass. I don’t make it a habit of sharing my friend’s sloppy seconds.” I will not let this asshole make me cry.
“Goodnight Thor. Get your jealous ass out of my room.” This earns me a full out laugh from him.
“Hardly sweetheart. Have you seen my girlfriend?” He rebuts.
“The relationship you said was ‘hanging on by a thread’?”
“Yeah. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thanks to you, that is no longer the case. I thought our past would present a problem to my relationship with Giselle, but instead you’ve helped to remind me why I was so much better off without you in my life. You have no loyalty. Why the hell am I even trying to explain anything to you?” He walks out of my room and slams the door behind him.
I’m so stunned. There is so much hatred left behind in this room.
He has never really truly gotten over me hurting him in high school. His belief that I had sex with his best friend tonight has added salt to those old wounds that have yet to scar. I tried to hold back my tears, but now that he is gone, I let them go. I need to look into getting my own place. This is never going to work. I take off Peyton’s dress and fold it before placing it on top of my dresser. I slide on a t-shirt and get into bed. If she is home, she has to be asleep already. Surely she would have heard Thor’s temper tantrum. My new chapter isn’t looking all that appealing right now. I cover my head and cry about the unfairness of it all.
I wake to Peyton crawling in bed next to me. It’s still dark in the room so I have no idea what time it is. I know it’s her because I can just make out her frame in the shadows. I’m not ready to hash out the details from tonight’s events so I simply turn over. Peyton rubs my arm and then turns away from me as well. I must admit that I find comfort in just having her in here with me. It doesn’t take long for me to fall back to sleep.