On wobbly legs, Ava stepped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind her “I hate you!” Ava reminded him as Matthew moved around the car.
“I know. Come on anyway. You don’t want to keep your adoring fans waiting,” he taunted as he nudged her, knocking her off balance.
“You suck.”
As they hurried down the street, Ava’s emotions mixed together in an unrecognizable tangle. Guilt, frustration, and downright paralyzing fear. Reaching the office, Matthew held the door open and Ava stumbled through, unable to stop herself from flashing an annoyed grimace at him.
When they stepped onto the ugly blue carpeted reception area, what was left of Ava’s self-control fled. Her face paled and her stomach groaned. Loudly.
“You’ll be fine, Ava. Just take a deep breath.”
“Wh-what am I supposed to be talking about?”
Matthew’s mouth fell open but he didn’t get a chance to respond before the clacking of heels coming down the corridor stole their attention.
“Matthew! Ava! Right on time. They’re just about ready for you. Do you need anything? Water? Bathroom? Somewhere to lie down?” the bubbly blonde chirped. “Ready, Ava?”
“For what?” Ava choked out as she struggled for breath.
Over the years Ava had suffered from panic attacks but they were few and far between. Right now Ava wasn’t one hundred percent sure it would stay that way. She felt like she was standing on the edge of the cliff with one foot dangling over the edge. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and feel her heart pounding beneath her breast. Black spots danced in her vision, and with each breath she took, it felt like it was being torn unwillingly from her body.
“Let’s just get it over with!” Ava huffed as she wished the negativity and fear away.
Three hours later Ava emerged feeling more than a little drained. Speaking in front of a room full of people was not her idea of fun. It was even worse when she knew every single set of eyes were locked on her. Thankfully she’d only been required to speak for forty-five minutes at the beginning before she could slip into her seat and observe. By the time she’d slunk into her chair she was beyond exhausted, barely able to summon the energy to participate in the heated debates that followed.
When she sunk into the passenger seat of Matthew’s car she knew she was absolutely wasted. No one would be getting anything from her for the rest of the day. Well, at least nothing of any substance.
“I’m going to take off for the day,” Ava told Matthew as they pulled back into the car park.
Matthew remained silent. There was nothing for him to say.
Ava dug through her bag and grabbed her keys. “See you Monday.”
Nodding, Matthew watched her wobble her way towards her car. Ava and high heels had never been a good combination and today was no exception. “Hey Ava! Did you forget that Monday’s a public holiday?”
Throwing her handbag carelessly onto the floor, Ava spun back a little too quickly, tipping her off balance. Her ankle went out from under her. With her arms flailing above her head, Ava fell back against her car with a thunk. “Shit!”
“You okay?” Matthew asked, unable to stifle his laughter.
“Fine,” Ava lied through gritted teeth. “See you next Tuesday then.”
With one final wave, Ava fell into her car and tore out of the car park like her underwear was on fire. “What a shitty day!”
Arriving home, Ava changed into her warmest, most comfortable pyjamas and snuggled down under the covers. She didn’t have the motivation to write and she was too exhausted to read. Today had been hard. Too hard. Ava wasn’t entirely sure she could handle another like it.
Craving sleep desperately, Ava forced herself to punch out a text to Tyler before she turned off her phone.
Ava: Had a crappy day. I’m going home to sleep. See you tomorrow?
Chapter 3
Tyler
Somehow Tyler had slept straight through. He’d missed the afternoon. He’d slept through dinner. By the time he woke on Saturday morning the sun had already assumed its position high in the sky. Finding his feet, Tyler stretched his long arms up high above his head and heard the bones croak and groan with each movement. Even his king size bed wasn’t big enough for him to stretch out like he wanted to.
After a shower and a banana protein shake, Tyler found himself on a treadmill racking up the kilometres. He didn’t know how long he’d been at it but when the sweat trickled down his forehead and blurred his vision, he knew it was time to stop. Last night as he’d slept the dream had turned over and over in his head. Tyler knew in his heart the conversation he needed to have. He knew the words that needed to be said. But knowing them and saying them couldn’t be any further apart.
On wobbly legs Tyler stepped from the treadmill and wiped it down robotically before heading back upstairs. Thankful it was his day off. Tyler showered quickly and fixed himself breakfast. A double helping of bacon, eggs, and grilled mushrooms all washed down with a glass of pineapple juice helped clear his foggy mind, but did nothing for his scratchy sore throat. Wincing as the juice went down, all he could do was hope he wasn’t getting sick. He didn’t have time for that.
Turning on his phone again, it lit up with all his missed messages. Luke inviting him for a weights session. Sam inviting him for dinner. His mother checking in. Katie taunting him. And Ava. Of course Ava. Reading her message, Tyler didn’t know if he should be pissed at himself for missing her message when she needed him or glad she knew what it felt like to have to face things on her own. He meant to message her back straight away, but he couldn’t find the right words. Instead he read and reread the message a hundred times and still came up blank.
On Monday he went back to training. It might have been a public holiday for the rest of the country, but for Tyler, his rigid training schedule didn’t allow for public holidays. He’d meant to reply, he really had but then he’d found an excuse not to. Not a reason, an excuse. And it was feeble at best. It had been three days now since he’d heard from her. The longest they’d not spoken since they’d officially become a couple. What made it worse and drove him crazy was knowing the longer he left it, the harder it got. They’d both been tired and cranky and frustrated. They’d both said things they didn’t mean—things they couldn’t take back, but the vastness of the gap between them was widening with every breath.
By the time he’d made it home after training he was wiped out. Every breath he took burned and his chest ached. All he could think about was a hot shower, some food, and a long sleep. But that wasn’t about to happen. Stepping through his front door, Tyler realized his apartment, his sanctuary had been violated by angry chick music and really bad singing.
“’Bout time you got home.”
“Katie.” Tyler sighed heavily as he dropped his bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes. “I’d say I’m happy to see you but you know Mum doesn’t like liars.”
“Oooh. What’s crawled up your bum?”
“Nothing!”
“Or should I say who?”
“Fuck off, Katie! Why are you here?”
With a teaspoon hanging from her mouth and a jar of Nutella in her hand, Katie shrugged. “Can’t a sister just miss her little brother?”
“Probably. But you couldn’t.”
“You really are a sour shithead today. Where’s Ava? I thought for sure she’d be here.”
At the mention of Ava’s name, Tyler physically recoiled. It was if at the mention of her name, Tyler was forced to remember that he hadn’t made an effort. It didn’t really matter that she hadn’t made an attempt to contact him either; Tyler was forced to swallow down the ball of guilt that had found a home in his throat.
“At her place, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sure there’s a story there, but I’m starving, and this jar is nearly empty. Why don’t you get changed and take your favourite sister out for dinner? I’m feeling dumpli
ngs.”
With a huff, Tyler shuffled down the hallway and pulled on a pair of jeans and a button down shirt. He had no interest in going out for dinner or out in general, and he had even less desire to discuss his problems with his nosy, meddling sister, but she was here and Tyler knew he had no choice. At least if they were out in public she couldn’t smack him up the side of the head.
“Come on then,” he mumbled as he grabbed his keys and wallet and shooed her out the door.
Not bothering to get a car out, it was just too much hassle to try to find a car park, they walked side by side in silence. Tyler found his eyes scouring the landscape around him. In the park a father and son kicked a ball back and forth completely unperturbed by the dark and menacing storm clouds rolling in over head.
When they reached the door of the busy restaurant, Katie stepped in front of Tyler and spoke to the waiter. It was barely a minute before they were shepherded to a table tucked away in the corner. Tyler didn’t have to say anything. Katie knew. If they wanted to eat in public undisturbed, then they needed the most private table they could get. Otherwise it would be a parade of people stopping by to say hi and request a selfie or autograph.
Without looking at the menu, they placed their orders. To an outsider watching it must have looked like a synchronised dance. Rehearsed. Discussed. To Tyler it was nothing. Dinner with his sister. The one person who knew him better than anyone. The one person who could read him without a word.
“Okay, enough with the silence. What’d you do this time?”
“Why do I have to be the one to have done something wrong?”
“Seriously, Tyler?”
“Seriously.”
“It’s always the guy’s fault.”
“Says the woman.”
Katie poked her tongue out at him and they chuckled at their own joke. Tyler wouldn’t admit it but it was exactly what he needed. A break from the heavy. A break from the thoughts and regrets that were circling around his head, taunting him.
“I said something I probably shouldn’t have,” he admitted, his tone laced with defeat.
“Probably?”
“Fine! I said something I know I shouldn’t have.”
“So apologize.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. Say you’re sorry. Mean it. And if that doesn’t work, grovel.”
Tyler stuffed a dumpling into his mouth and it burnt his tongue. Grabbing his glass of water, he downed half before rolling his neck on his shoulders, trying to alleviate the stress that had gathered. “What if I’m not sorry?”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“Because…I meant it.”
“Tyler, what did you say? Exactly.”
For the next twenty minutes Tyler spilt his guts. Katie ummed and ahhed but kept her mouth firmly shut. The more Tyler tried to explain, tried to justify his actions, the worse he felt.
“So dumbass, what are you going to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t seriously be this thick, Tyler. Come on! What are you going to do to fix it?”
“I don’t know,” Tyler confessed, his chest aching as he said the words aloud.
“Yes you do. You’re just too damn stubborn to admit it.”
“Fuck you, Katie.”
Tyler wanted to be pissed. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to be frustrated but he couldn’t summon the emotions. Mostly he was just empty. Blah. Although he was full of remorse.
Chapter 4
Ava
Ava’s fingers ached. They’d ballooned to twice their normal size. She’d been typing feverishly since she’d woken up on Saturday morning. After a restless night, Ava had woken up inspired. She didn’t know if it was the panic attack, the argument or non-argument with Tyler, or the fact that she’d tossed and turned all night, but for some reason the creative juices were flowing. Not just trickling, either. It was a Niagara Falls sized waterfall.
Pushing back from her desk, Ava stretched her arms high above her head and groaned loudly. Brushing the crumbs from her stained sweat pants, Ava shuffled into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Her vision was blurry and her whole body ached from sitting in the same position for way too many hours. When she looked in the mirror she barely recognized the person staring back at her. Her hair, even though tied back in a ponytail, was nothing more than an oily mess, while her face was red and blotchy.
“I need a shower,” Ava declared as she peeled off her clothes, realizing she’d spent the entire weekend walking around with mismatched socks. Thankfully she was alone in her apartment with no one there to judge her.
Under the scalding water, Ava tried to wash it all away. She scrubbed the grease and the grime from her body and watched as it circled the drain before disappearing. As she lathered up her hair, Ava let her thoughts scatter. For three days she’d been immersed in a world of make believe. Instead of spending her weekend in the real world, Ava had holed up in her shoebox apartment and spent the weekend talking to her fictional friends. The most frustrating part though was her fictional characters, James and Anna, weren’t co-operating. She’d written draft after draft before deleting it all. After three days of nonstop typing, missed meals, and showers, all that had survived was three measly paragraphs.
It wasn’t just James and Anna who weren’t talking to her. She could also put Tyler in that bucket. She hadn’t heard from him since Friday morning. It was now Monday night. She’d had three days off work and not a peep. Maybe this time she’d pushed him away for good. Ava knew it was all her fault. She’d let her insecurities and fears control her. She hadn’t let him in and now she was paying the price. Ava knew she could have called but for some reason she found herself holding back.
She climbed into bed, sinking back against the pile of pillows. Ava was obsessed with pillows. Or maybe it was she needed them to fill the empty spaces beside her. Grabbing her phone, Ava logged into Facebook and caught up on the world. More pregnancy announcements, family photos of trips to the beach, more than a dozen shots of people’s meals from across the weekend, but then there was one that caught her attention. One she couldn’t ignore, no matter what the niggling in her stomach tried to tell her.
‘Spotted–Tyler Andrews dining with an anonymous blonde.’
One line.
One simple headline.
One suggestive picture of Tyler and the back of a head.
A blonde head.
Trying not to let her emotions run away with her, Ava logged out and switched off the lights. She had to get up in the morning, make herself look presentable and face the world. Face people. Not a pleasant thought at all. Right now she needed to forget about everything and sleep through the night. The whole night. Tomorrow was a new day and she’d face that when she had to.
“Morning,” Amanda cooed as Ava stumbled into the office her eyes barely slits.
“Mmm.”
“Coffee’s already on your desk and you have back to back meetings all morning.” Amanda twirled an errant curl around her finger as she nibbled on the corner of her toast.
“Thanks.”
Dragging her feet, Ava slumped into her office and waited while her computer struggled to life, a bit like she did this morning. Some days everything just seemed like a struggle and today was no different.
Three hours later Ava stumbled out of her meeting bleary eyed and brain dead. Meetings seemed pointless most of the time. All they ever achieved was to sap her energy and fill her inbox. For every minute she spent stuck in a yet another never ending meeting, Ava would have sworn two emails popped into her account.
As she started punching out furious replies and deleting nonsense that someone else should deal with, Ava let her mind wander. It wasn’t so much as she let it wander; more like it took off on a stroll on its own. She couldn’t focus. The characters from her latest book, James and Anna, the same two characters who spent the whole weekend ignoring her were now screaming at her. Very loudly
. She couldn’t silence them. They just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
“Not now!” she growled under her breath as she tried to scribble down the thoughts that were coming faster than she could write while still answering phone calls.
Fighting through the never ending stream of bullshit, Ava stumbled across Amanda’s email.
Amanda: You okay? Who’s the blonde?
Ava knew what she was referring to but didn’t want to acknowledge it. If she didn’t, then it wouldn’t be real. It wouldn’t be an issue.
Ava: :( No idea…I’m fine.
Ava lied through her teeth. Or through her email.
It wasn’t the first time today Ava wondered who she was or why she was with Tyler, but she was too stubborn to ask. Or maybe she was too scared. Even though a part of her wanted to know, the bigger part, the more dominant part didn’t dare to know. She was too afraid the answer would shatter her already fragile heart.
For Ava, the day passed quickly and for that she was extremely thankful. As she made her way down to the car park for the first time she noticed it was pouring rain. Fat, heavy drops pelted the pavement and from the puddle gathering on the uneven concrete it looked like it had been raining for some time. Ava’s stomach turned. She hated driving in the wet. It made her nervous.
Digging through her bag, Ava found her keys and ran for her car. She slipped behind the wheel and started the engine. When it wheezed to life, she turned on the lights, buckled her seatbelt, and eased off the park brake. With her heart beating out of control and her breathing shallow and rapid, Ava edged out of the car park.
As soon as she did she regretted it. It seemed like every idiot was out and about tonight. Traffic crawled. Ava’s windscreen wipers were going so fast and making so much noise that she wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d flown off. The sky was black with menacing thunder clouds rolling about. When the lightning made its appearance, the whole sky lit up like the Fourth of July.
On Dry Land (Swimming Upstream #3) Page 2