by Anna Antonia
It never went away.
Sometimes Victoria wondered if this fixation on a man she’d only known for less than a year was healthy. Then all she had to do was remember the happiness she’d had with Adrian. A million memories couldn’t be overshadowed by the way they ended.
Besides, how could she be blamed for missing a man who’d taught her how to love and had given her the greatest gift in the world?
It was worth it. Even though I lost him at the end, it was still all worth it.
Victoria’s heart fluttered knowing he was somewhere in the city. Temptation urged her to take a walk past his building, but while she was nostalgic, she wasn’t insane.
The chances of seeing Adrian in a city of millions was slim, but not impossible if she strode in front of his workplace. Or his penthouse.
No. Don’t even think about it.
Victoria barely had time to deny herself when she saw a small group of sharply dressed people surrounding a towering figure swathed from head to toe in black. He turned his head and looked straight at her. The small smile on her face froze.
Time shattered. Everything came to a stop.
Victoria whispered his name, the only name that had the power to make every nerve ending come alive and tremble.
“Adrian.”
***
Adrian froze.
People swirled about, insignificant to the moment taking place right before him. Victoria stood only a few feet away. Her intense gaze sucked him in as they always had before. Attired in a wool coat that did nothing to hide her curves, Victoria managed to become even more beautiful than he remembered.
It was too much to hope she was a figment of his overworked imagination. Adrian’s mouth dried and his heart beat in staccato rhythm against his chest. Everything he thought he’d ever do when faced with her again left his mind.
His small retinue paused in confusion as Adrian remained by the limo door, unmoving and transfixed by the slip of a girl who had managed to wreck his entire world completely.
No, not a girl anymore. A woman. A woman all the more dangerous with age and time.
Victoria had brought him to his knees and she’d only been an inexperienced virgin with a sweet smile and a sweeter voice. He could only imagine what kind of power she’d wield over him now with experience and confidence.
How many lovers has she had since me? Is she married?
He’d stopped all information on her the moment he’d seen her last on a similar sidewalk. The last bit had been that Victoria had closed the bank account he’d set up in her name only a few months after that night. He hadn’t wanted to think to the whys before, but they pumped into his brain now.
She needed the money to pay for a new life with another man?
Adrian’s jaw tightened and his flinty gaze seemed to cause Victoria to step back in nervousness. He couldn’t deny the vicious thrill he felt at her response. He could still affect her even though this wasn’t the kind of reaction he’d ever wanted from Victoria before.
Adrian frowned, feeling saddened by yet another piece of proof that this woman was never to be his again. He imagined she looked as shocked as he felt. The ice surrounding his heart had thawed and then refroze thicker.
He’d made his decision four years ago that he’d never let anyone close again. Even Victoria. He couldn’t allow her to simply undo all the walls he’d built up since then.
She’s right there. I can go to her now and find a way to talk to her again without losing my head or being a love-struck fool. Surely I can do that.
No.
It was best to pretend that he’d never seen her this evening. Even he couldn’t be that much of a masochist to go back to the source of his greatest pain.
Adrian turned his head away from the woman he still wanted more than anything else in the world and entered the limousine. His staff entered right behind him. Adrian kept his gaze trained straight ahead, but he was completely aware of the sidewalk and every single person who walked past.
The limo entered traffic right when she entered his field of vision. Adrian watched her from behind the safety of tinted glass. He closed his eyes briefly when he couldn’t see her anymore.
Even after she was long behind him, Adrian could picture the way her dark hair curled softly at the shoulders. Her rosebud mouth remained just as luscious as he remembered. Victoria’s eyes…God, her eyes. Dark, gleaming like ebony and just as mysterious.
What had she seen these past years? Was it her past? Was it him?
He didn’t dare allow himself to think that she was affected at seeing him like he was her, but Adrian hoped.
He hoped and in that hope, he feared he hadn’t really changed at all. Victoria could still bring him low and if she did, how would he ever find a way to get back up again?
***
Victoria wrapped her arms around her waist. Her smile was long gone. She’d seen Adrian and he had seen her. Yet, unlike her, Adrian hadn’t been affected by the encounter. He’d simply looked at Victoria as if she had been just another stranger on the street.
That hurt. That hurt more than Victoria could ever adequately put in words.
What did you think he’d do if you ever ran into him? Be your friend? Invite you out to dinner? Just because he was on friendly terms with his exes doesn’t mean he thinks of you the same way.
Victoria was the one who’d turned down his first marriage proposal and left. She’d broken up with him when all he wanted was to make her and her family happy.
And how did I repay him? I had his baby and never even gave him a chance to decide if he wanted to be in our daughter’s life.
She eventually made it to the art supply store but all the happiness she thought she’d have disappeared.
I deserve this. All of it.
***
Adrian and his retinue were seated for dinner within fifteen minutes of sighting Victoria. Drinks were ordered. Appetizers served. Conversation flowed, bouncing between work and weekend plans. It was normal and sane.
The direction of his thoughts were anything but.
Adrian discreetly touched his forehead. If he didn’t know better he’d think he was running a low-grade fever. He wanted out of the restaurant and he wanted to go back in time to when he saw her.
Could he have imagined the glimmer of pleasure and hope in her eyes? Did he put it there himself to justify the suffocating urge to go to her?
It’s done. Over.
“Excuse me.” Adrian stood up and the table’s conversation came to a halt. His C-Level employees looked unsure. Adrian wondered if he hadn’t managed to hide the ferocious determination pounding through his veins. By the collective looks on their faces, he had not.
He summoned a casual nod. “I have to make a call.”
Adrian left the table and found an alcove by the restrooms. He waited until he was in relative privacy before pulling out his phone. His finger hovered over the highlighted contact.
You need this like you need a hole in the head.
Adrian clenched his jaw. It was already too late. It was too late four years before when Victoria charmed him with her sweet voice and blushes.
Dark excitement rushed through his veins. Adrian felt alive again knowing she was so close.
The line rang once before his head of security answered.
“Drop everything you’re doing and find out what hotel Victoria Montford is staying at and for how long. Call me back within a half hour.”
SEVENTEEN
Victoria walked through the lobby, gaze trained on skirting any possible attention from conference attendees and getting to the relative peace of the elevator. She’d spent more than she should have on the origami sheets. Victoria had no doubt as to why she’d done it.
It was undoubtedly a way to make up for the fact that Adriana didn’t have a father and never would because her mother was a damned, selfish coward.
As if colorful bits of paper could ever make up for that.
Victoria really h
oped that if she was selected to go to next year’s conference, it’d be held somewhere far from here. Florida would be good. Alaska even better. Surely, her fate wouldn’t be that cruel to have her run into Adrian in the wilderness, would it?
She made it to the elevator and punched the button with more force than necessary. What did he think when he saw her standing there? Did he think she was waiting for him? Did he think her beautiful?
Stop it. He’s not thinking about you at all.
“Victoria.”
Shocked out of her melancholic thoughts, Victoria jumped a step back. Two large hands settled on her shoulders and squeezed.
Please.
More than a little ashamed at the pitiful excitement stirring within, Victoria looked over her shoulder. Adrian stood right behind her. His proximity, the feel of his hands, all of it brought back memories of their first encounter.
“Adrian.”
He smiled and let go of her. Victoria missed his touch keenly. She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the blush steadily growing on her face. It was like nothing had changed. She was still a girl when it came to Adrian Hawthorne.
Except I’m not. Not really because I’m a mother. The mother of his child.
She licked lips gone dry. “What are you doing here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
Victoria shook her head. Her half-smile mirrored his.
Adrian leaned a tiny bit closer. “I’m here to see you.”
“Oh. I wasn’t sure.” When he merely stared at her, pleasant but distant expression in place, Victoria’s girlish hope went into a death-spiral. “I mean, I know you saw me earlier. At least, I’m pretty sure you saw me.”
“I did.”
Victoria swallowed. Face-to-face with Adrian, she seemed to revert back into a clumsy young girl who didn’t know what to do other than blush and mumble.
The elevator opened behind her. Adrian raised his brow but didn’t say another word. Victoria knew she could take the elevator and he wouldn’t follow. It could end all over again. Right here. Right now.
Deliberately, she took one step closer to Adrian.
“I don’t have to go up right now.”
His gaze seemed to brighten with satisfaction, but he still didn’t say anything else. The silence between them unnerved her.
Victoria licked her lips again. “Would you like to get a drink with me? My treat.” She waited, stretched thin as he seemed to consider her request.
“I probably shouldn’t.”
Her pride took a kick to the gut. She couldn’t blame him for the rebuff, especially because how things ended between them. Victoria somehow managed to say, “Okay. I understand,” without blasted tears swarming in her eyes.
That will come later in the elevator.
“I don’t think you do.” Adrian swept one arm out. “After you, Ms. Montford.”
Victoria’s tummy flipped. Relief poured over her. Adrian guided her away from the bar and towards the front entrance. “You don’t want to get one here?”
“No, I do not.”
She didn’t have anything to say to that. Silently, she walked with him to his limo. She entered it as she’d done a thousand times before. The memories of those exciting days washed over her. Victoria closed her eyes briefly and thought back to the girl she’d been by his side.
To think that fate had given her another chance to sit by him again…
“I wasn’t going to see you tonight.”
His words brought Victoria out of her past and into their barren present.
“Why did you then?”
Adrian shrugged. “Curiosity. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Me too.” She ached to trace her finger down his firm jaw. The Adrian she remembered smiled at her often. She missed that man even though she didn’t have a right to complain about where they ended. Especially because of Adriana.
Maybe now is the time to tell him.
Victoria tightened her hands around the bag’s handle. It wasn’t even close to being the right time to tell him. Maybe it never would be.
“Is something wrong?”
She flashed him a quick smile. “No, it just feels strange. Being here again with you.”
Adrian nodded. “I feel the same.”
Neither of them said another word until they arrived at their destination. The driver opened up the door and Adrian exited. Victoria slid across the seat, sure that it would be the driver’s hand reaching for her. Instead, Adrian held his strong hand out.
She hesitated slightly before slipping her hand in his. Just as it had always been between them, a jolt sparked through Victoria. Desire unfurled and excitement brought color to her cheeks.
Victoria was almost too affected to see if she was alone in feeling this way. Her gaze met Adrian’s and she faltered. Raw hunger darkened his eyes, making them gleam emerald. It was the same shade she’d stare into as he held himself above her, making love to her with tender thoroughness.
She wanted to go back to that time more than ever before.
Adrian didn’t let go of her hand. She didn’t try to let go of him. They walked into a darkened bar without saying a word. Even when they were seated at a booth, they kept their silence. It wasn’t until they placed their drink orders and received them a short minute later, did Adrian finally break it.
***
“How have you been, Victoria?”
“Well—”
Adrian couldn’t contain himself one second longer. “Why did you break up with me, Victoria? I mean really.”
She froze, infinite sadness washing over her beautiful face. Adrian almost regretted asking the question. Almost.
Victoria smoothed her small hand over the table. “Short answer? Because I was afraid you’d resent me for proposing.”
“And that was all?”
She looked up. Her lips tightened with suppressed emotion. “Isn’t that enough?”
“No. It wasn’t.”
Victoria fiddled with her glass. Her words, when they finally came, were halting. “You pulled away from me the month before. I didn’t think you loved me anymore.”
Adrian kept his expression smooth but his insides boiled with misery and frustration. “Not love you anymore? I wanted to marry you, Victoria. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
He cursed softly. “I know my own feelings, Victoria.”
“Maybe, but that wasn’t what drove you. I know why you really did it, Adrian. I know Grandma McKinnon pressured you into it and for that I’m very sorry.”
Adrian stared at her, hating the sadness that clung to her. “I still asked you because I wanted to marry you.”
“But did you really? No, listen. Maybe you don’t remember your proposal, but I do. You talked about marrying me as if I was holding a gun to your head. It was humiliating, but more than that—it was hurtful.”
Adrian replayed those fateful minutes. He tried to see her point of view, but all he could focus on was the immense rejection she’d dealt him when she not only turned him down, but ended their relationship.
“Maybe it wasn’t cinema-worthy, but it came from my heart, Victoria. Do you believe me or do you think I’m lying?”
Victoria considered him for a bit and then shook her head. “No, I believe you.” She chanced touching his hand. “I’m sorry that I rejected you that way.”
“As opposed to what?” Adrian hated letting his bitterness show, but it was too late.
“As opposed to not stopping to figure out why you asked me. If I had known it was because of one of my family members, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”
“It’s true that your grandmother’s words pushed me in a direction I wouldn’t have considered before, but nothing could’ve forced me to ask you if I didn’t love you, Victoria. You were the first woman I had ever loved.”
Shock painted her face. “I couldn’t have been!”
“Why does th
at surprise you?” Adrian took a careful sip of his bourbon. The alcohol slid down his throat, but whatever warmth he would’ve normally felt paled into comparison to the fire growing steadily in his heart.
Adrian still wanted Victoria. Time hadn’t been strong enough to change it. He wanted to howl with frustration. How could this one slip of a girl have the power to keep him in her chains? She wasn’t the most beautiful woman he’d been with nor the most adventurous.
So why her?
Because she’s perfect for me. She’s perfect in a way I didn’t even know I needed until I met her.
Despair crept through Adrian’s façade of careful control. What would Victoria do if she knew that he ached for her every day and night since her departure? What would she do if she knew that no matter how many women he’d had since she left, none of them had been able to fill the void her absence had left?
Would she see him as devoted or pitiful?
“You’re so easy to love, Adrian. I can’t imagine you haven’t had hundreds of women who’ve loved you.”
Adrian didn’t allow himself the luxury of avoiding her overly-bright gaze. “But I haven’t loved a single one until you.”
Victoria closed her eyes. Her right hand trembled slightly as it lifted her drink. He waited in agony as she took a sip before setting the glass down.
“Adrian, I have something to tell you. Something really important actually. I know it’s the best setting for it but, well, you need to know.”
Seeing the strain on her lovely features, Adrian sensed danger. He didn’t want to hear her obvious confession.
“Can you wait?” She bit her lip and looked at him in the throes of fierce indecision. Adrian pounced. “We haven’t seen each other in four years. Let’s enjoy our time together and save the confessions for later. What do you say?”
Adrian schooled his features, but beneath the charming mask his nerves splintered. He didn’t want to end their night just yet. He wanted to keep this precious time together, to pretend that they were the greatest of friends having a drink together instead of ex-lovers ignoring that this wasn’t awkward and painful.